Chapter 5

Dean wasn't really upset Castiel had left. It sucked, of course. Maybe something had come up, and really, it wasn't like the other man wasn't interested. He'd been practically following Dean around the whole day, and standing too close... and... well pretty much just staring at him. Then again, Dean had just stared back like it was a normal thing to do. Like they were conversing with just their eyes. He didn't think he'd ever felt that before. To anybody watching them, it might have seemed uncomfortable, but to Dean, it felt... Well, it felt right.

After finally making it back home, Dean walked up the path to the front door, a spring in his step.

Lisa had her feet kicked up on the couch, Dean's dog Rumsfeld zonked out with his head on her chest. "Where have you been?" she asked.

She wouldn't have minded if he said he was on a date, they weren't exactly going steady, but Dean held back. Instead, what came out was, "Oh, shit. I forgot dinner."

He went to put the produce from earlier in the refrigerator, Lisa followed him into the kitchen.

"Dinner?" she asked. "With who?"

Dean went for nonchalance. "A guy I met. I bumped into him and we got something to eat. Did you pack my backpack?" he asked, pointing at it on the kitchen floor.

"What else?" she insisted, not harshly. But like she knew he was hiding something.

"We talked... and then I got beeped and he disappeared. Why did you pack my backpack?"

Rumsfeld came running when he heard the cabinet close and Lisa knelt down to catch him before he thought he was getting fed. She rubbed his ears. "Hey, what are you doing?" she asked Rumsfeld, and then turned her attention back to Dean. "I thought we'd fly up to Tahoe, use your uncle Bobby's cabin. Maybe do a little hiking." She looked back down at the dog, with a 'huh', feeling around on his head.

Dean turned around. "What?" he asked. Lisa continued trying to get a look in Rumsfeld's fur. "Oh, god. Is it?"

She rolled her eyes at his revulsion. "Dean, it's just a tick. Get a match."

"We're not going to burn him, Lisa."

"It'll have to back out. Can't leave the head in."

"We can't just be burning tick heads." That may have sounded slightly hysterical to his ears.

"Then get some alcohol," she said.

"Okay," he went to leave, but stopped. "No, I don't have any."

"You don't have any alcohol?"

"I don't operate here."

She sighed. "How about some olive oil?"

"Okay," he went to the cabinet. "Which kind? Jalapeno or rosemary?"

Lisa looked up at him like he was losing his mind. "Rosemary," she chuckled. She dripped some oil on the dog's neck and handed it back. "So what did you and your friend... What did you say his name was?"

"Castiel."

"What did you two talk about?"

Uh, awkward. "Dying."

She raised an eyebrow at him, still trying to work out the tick.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Come on, we deal with life and death every day. Why can't we talk about it?"

"I just hope you won't become one of those surgeons who prays in the O.R."

Dean didn't know why, but he felt indignant at the comment. Maybe it was all of Castiel's God mumbo jumbo. But then Lisa finally succeeded in getting the tick out and stood to wash it down the sink. Dean stepped up to the kitchen island, putting his palms flat on the top. "He-hey. Can we just talk for a minute?"

She continued washing her hands. "We can talk while we're camping."

"Lisa, I can't go camping now."

She turned around and regarded him seriously. "We need to spend some time together."

"Okay. Alright." He leaned his hips against the island, setting himself so as not to be moved. "Alright, let's see if we can just spend five minutes. Let's see if we can just stand still for five minutes and be together."

"Doing what?"

"Just being here."

She squinted at him like he was having hysterics, and then smiled patronizingly. "I'll get the trail map."

And she started toward the living room, but Dean stood in front of her, taking her arm and halting her in her tracks. "No, no no. No. No, I mean it. Nothing but us."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, just look at me for starters."

Lisa seemed to be warring within herself as to whether to oblige, and thankfully came to the conclusion that Dean wasn't about to let this go. She leaned forward slightly, while Dean stood still in front of her, the look on her face as serious as when she operated. Dean knew he wasn't being put on, that she really was trying, so intent and focused that Dean couldn't help it. He cracked up. He laughed even though he knew this was his idea.

"You can't do it," she said, not losing her serious face.

Dean continued laughing, pointing at her face.

"You can't do it," she repeated, shaking her head. Then she poked him in the side, unfairly getting his ticklish spot. "You flinched. You lose!"

"You cheat!" Dean shouted, running away toward the living room, but she caught up to him and jumped on his back, kissing his neck from behind. Unwilling to be bested, Dean pried her arms off and turned around, pinning her against the wall and ripping open her shirt, buttons flying everywhere.

Lisa looked at him like a damn tiger viewing it's prey and grabbed his face on either side, pulling him into a rough, but no less sensual kiss.

Dean's hands wandered down to settle on her waist, and he pulled her forward, plastering their bodies together. Lisa growled, and jumped up into his arms. He carried her off to the bedroom, barely able to see anything with her all over him, having to feel his way around with his free hand.

Later, as they lay in the dark, Lisa having already fallen asleep, Dean couldn't relax. Lisa was a warm, and comforting presence beside him – as comforting as she was capable of being anyway – but Dean couldn't stop thinking of Castiel. Wondering why he'd left. Had Dean been gone too long?

And Lisa had been here, waiting for him. Dean couldn't help but feel guilty about it. Exclusive or not, they'd had plans, and Dean had completely blown her off to hang out with some guy he'd only known for less than a week. But he hadn't wanted the night to end. If the incident with Mr. Messenger hadn't gotten in the way, he might have let it go on and on.

Because Dean felt comfortable with Castiel. More comfortable than anybody he'd ever known, except maybe Sam. The closest comparison Dean could come up with for Castiel was his first serious girlfriend, Cassie in undergrad. If he hadn't had to move away for med school, they might have gotten married. And that realization struck Dean hard. He barely knew the man, just an acquaintance of a patient; he didn't even know if he and Mr. Messenger were related.

He didn't even know Castiel's last name. Not to mention that he just kept showing up out of the blue like some frikin' Harry Potter wizard, just popping into existence.

Dean rolled his eyes at the absurdity.

Okay, first of all, he thought to himself, apparition makes a loud crack like a whip. And second of all, wizards don't exist.

Dean rubbed a hand over his face. He knew he should sleep, he felt damn exhausted, but every time he closed his eyes, all Dean saw were those too-blue eyes, the sex hair, the smile when he listened to Dean yammer on trying to describe a pear.

Unable to deal, Dean disentangled himself and got up to go watch TV on the couch.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Castiel remained with Gabriel Messenger. The human knew he was there, he'd spoken to him even though he couldn't see him. How had he known for sure what angels were tasked with, ferrying souls to the afterlife?

Gabriel was sitting up in bed, flipping through the channels on the television. A man was playing a piano and singing " ...that old black magic called, old black magic called, old black magic called... loooove. " The station changed to the audience of Jerry Springer cheering as the host said, "Thank you, thank you very much. Welcome back. We've been talking to mothers who are members of the KKK ." The audience booed.

"You wanna watch anything?" Gabriel asked the room at large. "Me neither," he said, and flipped the tv off, settling back into his pillow, and closing his eyes.

"How do you know I'm here?" Castiel finally asked, allowing himself to be seen.

Gabriel looked up, saw Castiel and smiled. Barely audible, he whispered, "I know," with a nod. He looked Castiel over, "Jeez, you look good. I forgot how good everybody looked." He shook his head in disbelief, "Thirty years of silence. You got guts, kid, showing yourself like that. I appreciate that. I do. It's gonna make it easier... I got to tell you, though, I feel fine. You might wanna check your orders or something, because I sure as hell don't feel like I'm dying."

Castiel wondered again how this Gabriel knew about angels. "You're not dying."

He scoffed. "Oh, right. Then how come you're hanging around my room all the time? I'm the only guy with his ass handing out of his dress. Unless..." He raised an eyebrow at Castiel, and a big grin grew on his features. "Could it be... the doctor?"

Castiel's eyes grew wide.

"Oh, ah. Sure," he laughed. "The doctor. Oh, he's pretty. Bit of a dick, but he is pretty."

"Who are you?"

Gabriel laughed again, pointing at Castiel. "This is good. This is what they call... 'serendipitous.' Look that up in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of you and me. Thank you," he said to no one in particular, wiping at his eyes. He then sat up and took off the oxygen cannula from his face. "You ready to deal? Because I can answer all your questions friend."

Gabriel swindled him into taking him out of the hospital to get something to eat. So there they sat, angel and human, still in his hospital gown, ordering an impressively hearty breakfast for one in the middle of the night. The waiter brought out three plates, one with pancakes and strawberry syrup, the second with steak and a salad, and the last containing french fries and ranch dressing.

Gabriel was overjoyed, and asked the waiter, "How's the french toast this evening?"

"Fabulous," the waiter deadpanned.

Gabriel only smiled. "Well, set me up."

He hungrily speared a strawberry with his fork and put it in his mouth, groaning in pleasure. He then looked up at Castiel. Castiel realized he had been staring, though it didn't seem to phase the human. "Guess I should introduce myself," he said, holding out a hand.

Castiel continued to stare.

"Come on, give me your hand. Put it in mine, there you go." Castiel complied. "A little tighter. Tighter. There you go, yeah." Castiel grasped tighter and Gabriel flinched. "No, no. that's too much." He loosened his hand, and Gabriel smiled. "There you go. Good grip. Gabriel Messenger," he said. "Glutton, hedonist, former celestial body, recent addition to the human race."

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "I don't believe you."

"You want proof? You hang out in a library. You can speak every language. You travel with the speed of thought." And you're reading my mind right now.

Castiel couldn't believe it. "Stop that."

"You're doing it."

"It's impossible."

"'Some things are true whether you believe them or not.'" He winked at him.

"How?"

"You choose."

"Choose?"

"To fall. To Earth." Gabriel made a falling motion with his hand. "You take the plunge, the tumble, the dive. You jump off a bridge. You leap out of a window. You just make up your mind to do it and you do it." He laughed, a wistful look in his eye. "You wake up all smelly, and aching from head to toe... and hungrier than you've ever been, only you have no idea what hunger is or any of that stuff... So it's—it's all real confusing and painful, but very, very good," he finished with a smile.

"Human," Castiel said, in wonder.

Gabriel hummed an affirmative. "Listen, kid. He gave these bozos the greatest gift in the universe. You think he didn't give it to us too?"

"Which gift?"

"Free will, brother. Free will."

Castiel was fascinated. If Castiel fell... if he fell, he could be with Dean. He could be with Dean like Dean deserved.

After Gabriel finished his gluttonous feast, he had Castiel take him to his construction site. They sat up, far above the city on a railing where one of the newest skyscrapers was being built. Gabriel gazed around blissfully, but Castiel found it hard to focus on anything that wasn't a way to be with Dean.

"What did you do when you fell?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Couldn't get a job. No past, no training. No I.D. Then one day, I was walking past a building site." He gestured around them, and then lit a cigarette. "A skyscraper. And I thought, 'I could to that.' You see, these people down here, a lot of 'em are afraid of heights, you know what I'm saying. That makes me uniquely qualified. And besides," he canted his head to the side, "it feels like a little bit of home up here. And I like what I do. I'm good at it."

Castiel reached for the cigarette, but Gabriel smacked his hand away. "Ah. These things'll kill you," but then he winked.

"Are there others?" Castiel asked.

"Others?"

"Others like you?"

He nodded, looking back out into the city. "Yeah, they're out there. You see them, but most of the time you just walk on by. Nobody likes to think of the old life. You know, what they gave up."

"Then why did you do it?"

Gabriel grinned, and pointed at him as if to say, 'wait there,' and took his wallet from the pocket of his hospital gown. He opened it up, and pointed at the pictures inside. "My daughter, Ruth, her stupid husband, Frank. And my grandkids, Petie's four, Hannah's six." Then he flipped the plastic frame over and pointed at a dark skinned beauty with the biggest, most beautiful smile on her face. "And this is my wife Kali."

He said all this with pride, and love. Deeper love than Castiel had ever felt in his entire life. He wanted that. He wanted that with Dean. "Did you..." Castiel began. "Did you tell her who you were?"

And Gabriel's smile drooped a bit. He licked his bottom lip. "I started to try once or twice. Then I thought, 'Why do that to her?'"

"Do what?"

Gabriel sighed, and shrugged again. "It's too much for them. People don't believe in us anymore." He took another drag of his cigarette, then put it out on the rail and tossed it down to the Earth.

Castiel watched it go.

Gabriel spoke again, gaining Castiel's attention once more. He sounded...sad. "Do they still gather together at sunrise."

"And sunset, yes."

And with a desperate kind of longing in his eyes, he asked, "Take me there?"

Castiel nodded and touched two fingers to Gabriel's forehead. They reappeared, standing on the beach, surrounded by a thousand angels, all watching the sun peak over the horizon. They walked up to stand near the lifeguard outpost. Gabriel obviously couldn't see the other angels, but they saw him. Most looked in confusion to Castiel, for they did not know what Gabriel was, but others just smiled, glad for someone to share the wonder of creation with them, whether Gabriel could hear it or not. Some even made themselves visible to the fallen angel.

Castiel looked over to Gabriel and was surprised to see tears rolling down his face. He asked, "Can you hear it?"

Gabriel sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, straining for something, but after a moment, he gave up and opened his eyes eyes again. "No."

Castiel smiled sadly at him, but then closed his own eyes, feeling the song of the host reverberating through his grace. It was each new day a miracle, and a wonder, and Castiel basked in it. Only when it was over, and the other angels were leaving, did Castiel open his eyes... only to find Gabriel gone.

He looked around and was understandably shocked to see Gabriel throwing off his gown and underwear, and running as fast as his healing body could into the ocean. A few of the other remaining angels laughed.

"I can't hear that," Gabriel was saying, "but you can't feel this!"

"Gabriel!" Castiel ran after him, following him into the water. Gabriel was already nearly fifty yards out, and swimming for all he was worth, which wasn't much for a fifty year old man. Castiel caught up to him easily. "You have to go back!" he shouted over the crash of waves.

Gabriel shook his head, smiling like a lunatic. "Not until I catch the big wave."

Castiel followed his gaze out to sea, and saw the one Gabriel was waiting for, nearly ten feet tall and heading right for them.

"Wait," Gabriel said, turning toward shore, but still looking back. "Wait."

"Wait for what?"

"Swim!" And he began paddling away from the wave. Castiel could do naught by follow. The wave caught up to them and picked them up, carrying them forward at a fast pace before it turned into a small tunnel and they crashed back into the water, Gabriel laughing all the way.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Sammy!" Dean shouted as he opened his front door to the sight of his brother.

"I bring pizza and beer," Sam announced, holding up the offerings. "To make up for our missed lunch last week."

Dean beamed, "Well, how can I turn that down. Come on in." Dean held the door open wide and followed Sam to the living room. Lisa had already left for work, but Dean didn't have any cases that needed his immediate attention, so he'd taken the day off. Mr. Messenger, Dean was glad to mention, was well on his way to recovery.

"How's Lisa:" Sam asked, tossing his jacket over the back of the couch and sitting while Dean grabbed some plates from the kitchen.

"Oh..." Dean shut the cabinet door. "She's, uh... she's fine."

When he made it back to the living room, Sam was giving him a quizzical eyebrow. Dean liked to the call it the eyebrow of doom, because it never boded well for Dean. "What?" he said, placing his burden on the table next to the pizza boxes (Sam knew to bring two, because they both knew Sam could eat an entire pizza like an anaconda ate it's prey, by unhinging his jaw and swallowing it whole).

"Fine, huh? What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," Dean refused to look at his brother, instead grabbing a slice of ham and pineapple and stuffing it in his mouth.

Dean felt Sam's sigh rather than heard it. "Look, Dean, if this is about that patient you lost-"

"It's not," Dean said, and he meant it.

"Well, then what?" He grabbed his own slice. "I know your evasive face."

Dean shrugged. "It's nothing. I – just... I met someone."

Both eyebrows shot up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay. And does this someone have a name?"

Dean cleared his throat. He didn't know why he was uncomfortable telling Sam about this, but he figured if there was anyone he could talk to, it would be his brother. "His name's Castiel."

"Castiel? What the hell kind of name is Castiel?"

Dean jutted out the hand not currently holding food, as if to say, 'that's what I thought'. "But yeah," he continued, "he's cool. He's a buddy of one of my patient's."

Sam nodded. "And?"

"And what?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay. I get it, you met him. What happened? If we're talking about him, then there's something going on." Sam popped the lid off a beer and handed it to Dean. "Did you sleep with him?"

It took all of Dean's control not to do a spit take all over his coffee table. He glared at Sam, who's face sported a mischievous little brother grin.

Dean swallowed his beer and, coughing a little, stated firmly, "No, I didn't sleep with him."

"But you want to."

"Dude, I just met him, like, four days ago. We had dinner at the farmer's market, and then I took him to the pathology lab—"

"The pathology lab?" Sam asked in horrified confusion, but Dean ignored him, finishing his sentence.

"—and then I got beeped and he disappeared before I got back."

Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Something probably came up. That happens. I'm the one that got beeped right in the middle of our date."

Dean only realized what he'd said after it was too late and Sam's eyes had lit up. "So it was a date?"

"Shut up."

Sam grinned like a petulant child. "So, you're going to see him again, then? Any plans?"

Dean shrugged. "Well, I don't really have a way of getting a hold of him. I just bumped into him at the library."

"You go to the library?"

"Shut up."

"Uh huh. And how does Lisa feel about this?"

"What do you mean? She doesn't care."

"Did you tell her?"

"Of course I told her. She didn't... care."

Sam was quiet for a moment, but then he slapped Dean on the back, grabbed the remote and said, "Well, I'm happy for you, Dean. Just don't fuck it up."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, thanks, man."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"And then you just..." Balthazar asked, playfully swinging his legs over the edge of the shopping mall roof.

"Fall," Castiel replied.

"Fall?"

"Dive." Castiel grinned, the concept was mesmerizing. "You make up your mind to do it... and you do it."

"And when you wake up, you're...?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes."

"To smell the air."

"Taste water."

"Read a newspaper."

"To lie," Castiel said, filled with wonder.

"Through your teeth," Balthazar responded with a gleaming smile. And then he thought of another. "To feed the dog."

"Touch his face," Castiel almost whispered.

Balthazar studied him for a moment. "What are you waiting for?"

He sighed. "There is so much beauty up here."

"Yes."

o0o