Chapter 6

The next time Dean saw Castiel was at the park. It was a warm day, only a few clouds in the sky, though he'd heard there was a chance of rain later on. Dean threw the ball for Rumsfeld, and there he was. Just standing there, the same trenchcoat and blue tie rustling in the breeze. Rumsfeld forewent the ball to go and attempt to lick the other man's face.

"Cas!" Dean called to him in surprise. "Here you are again. Can I call you Cas?"

He shrugged. Dean took that as a yes.

"We're releasing your friend Messenger tomorrow," Dean said, as he stopped in front of Cas.

"That's good."

Dean bit his lip nervously. "His family's having a – a kind of welcome home party. Will you be going?"

"Will you be going?" Cas asked, and Dean blushed. Looking down, for anything to distract the other man, Dean gestured at his dog. "This is Rumsfeld."

"He told me."

Dean smiled. "What else did he tell you?"

Cas looked to the dog as if he were listening intently, and then back up to Dean. "He worries that you never sleep. And he loves to see you smile."

Fair enough, Dean thought with a laugh. The dark circles must have been a dead give-away. "Sometimes I think Rumsfeld's the only one who understands me."

"What about your girlfriend? Do you love her?" Dean thought for a moment that he wasn't sure he'd mentioned anything about Lisa, but figured there was no other way Cas could have known about her.

"Love? I don't know." He shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. What does that mean?"

Castiel tilted his head, eyes soft. "I was hoping you could tell me."

"Well, it's a word," he began, "that describes a chemical react—" He sighed. "It's just crap. I'm full of crap." He stepped closer to Cas, less than a foot of space in between them, and said, "I – I wait all day, just hoping for one more minute with you... and I don't even know you." He studied Cas' face, those eyes, up close, were like daybreak after a night of nothing but rain. He could spend forever looking at them.

The eyes blinked. "What to you want to know?"

"Why do you wear the same clothes all the time? Why won't you give me your phone number?" Dean took a step back. "Are you married?"

"No."

"Are you homeless?"

Cas shook his head.

"Are you a drummer?"

Cas whispered out a laugh, and Dean grinned as well, but it faded quickly. "Why don't you ever touch me?"

The man's eyes took on a sorrowful look. "I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"You won't hurt me." And to prove it, Dean stepped forward again, closing the distance fully this time. He could hardly believe what he was doing, but when his lips touched Castiel's, he didn't care. His whole body tingled in excitement. Something like a spark tickled his lips and Dean retracted his head in surprise. "Did you feel that?" he asked. Dean looked at Cas, and was met with only a look of sadness.

"If I could make you understand..."

An awful trickle of disappointment dripped into Dean's gut. "I understand," he said. He turned to leave, picking up Rumsfeld's leash, and tugging him along. "I'll see you around.'

o0o

Dean went to Sam's. It was the second time in a week that one of them had showed up unannounced at the other's house. His brother answered the door, surprise on his face, which faded to concern when Dean held up a six pack.

They sat on the couch, and Sam turned on some football game that Dean pretended to watch for a few minutes while trying to think of what to say.

When he turned to Sam, his brother was looking at him intently. "What's up, Dean? Is this about Castiel?"

Dean sighed, ran a hand down his face. "How'd you know?"

"You've got that same stupid lovestruck look on your face as last time. Did something happen?"

Dean shrugged, "I don't know. I mean... it's stupid. Except it's really not. I just don't know a damn thing about him, but he's all I can think about. He's being secretive about something, I can tell. Any idiot could tell. And he keeps kind of showing up, like, really randomly. He showed up today at the park like he knew I'd be there, and I... well... I kissed him."

Sam's eyes went wide. "Really? How'd that go?"

"Not good. He didn't really respond. And then..."

"And then?"

"And then, I may have yelled at him and ran away."

Sam just nodded. "Yup, that sounds like you."

"Shut up, Sam."

"So what are you gonna do?"

Dean ran his tongue over his teeth, giving himself a second to think. "Well, you know that patient, the one that Cas supposedly knows? He invited me to a get-together for his family, and I think Cas is going. I might..."

"Go?"

"Yeah?"

o0o

Dean drove to Gabriel's house, a nice, airy place by the ocean. He sat in his car for moment, debating whether he wanted to go through with it, and see Cas again. Eventually though, he got out, thinking that he was being stupid and remembering Sam's ridiculous concerned face, and wondering just when exactly he'd turned into such a teenager.

Gabriel spotted him from a distance, spoiling Dean's chances of turning around and escaping before he could be dragged in and made to socialize. "Hey, Doc!" he said, and came over to meet him at the edge of the yard.

Dean held out his hand for a shake, but Gabriel bypassed it and went for a hug. "No, give me the whole package. Come here."

"Hi," Dean said, awkwardly patting Gabriel on the back.

"Thanks for coming."

"You look great," Dean said, and he meant it. The man looked healthy and happy. He was practically floating.

He turned and opened his arms, showcasing the whole scene. Table's set up with food, adults and children alike smiling, running around and having a good time. The house sat on a small cliff, allowing it the most spectacular view of the ocean. It's perfect. "Is this heaven?" Gabriel asked.

Dean grinned. It was.

"Huh? Look at this." He looked at Dean. "Come on, let's meet some people. You got an appetite?"

Cas was there. Dean sat opposite him, drink in hand, but stayed silent, embarrassed at his outburst from before. Kali was more than happy to make small talk.

"Have a beer, Castiel," she placed a cold one into his palm. He smiled shyly. "Where are you from?"

"Up."

"North," Gabriel filled in. "Uh, Canada."

Dean started to ask from where, but was interrupted by a young girl, probably Gabriel's granddaughter plopping herself into Cas's lap. "Listen, can you hear?" she said. "I'm growing."

"Smile, Hannah," Kali said, lifting an old-fashioned camera to her face, the ones that spit out a Polaroid immediately after capture, and pressed a button. A photograph came out of the front.

Cas seemed preoccupied, so Dean switched tactics. "How long have you known Cas?" he asked Gabriel.

"Not very long. But I feel like I've known him forever." Dean got the same feeling.

"Honey, that hurts," said Kali. Hannah was pulling on Cas's nose. Cas didn't seem to care.

"You're just like Grandpa," the girl said.

Attempting to distract her granddaughter, Kali said, "Come on. Let's see if the cookies are done."

"Come on, Castiel!"

"Can I help?" Cas asked, polite as ever.

"Yeah, great."

Dean turned back to Gabriel. "How did you two meet?"

"He works with me over at the construction site."

"I thought he was a messenger?"

"Yeah, uh, he's one of those..." he looked off to the side, uncomfortable, "hyphenates."

Dean nodded, the back of his neck growing hot. "I'll be right back." He stood to go and get another drink, and to maybe ask Castiel some of these questions. He was getting a little tired of these half-truths.

Walking towards the cooler, Dean spots a Polaroid on a table picks it up. It is the picture that Kali just took of Castiel and her granddaughter, but where Cas should be is just whited out, as if beams of light were shooting out of where the man should be. What the hell?

Dean looks up to see Hannah run up and hug Castiel around the middle. "Castiel! Castiel!" she exclaims.

"Hey!" he smiles down at her, and then looks up at Dean.

Something strange was going on here. Castiel was keeping something from him. He was unclear about where he was from, never gave a last name. He knew that book from the library by heart, he was deathly afraid of blood and needles, he always just showed up randomly throughout Dean's day. And now the photo, which should have been a normal photo, but wasn't somehow because Cas was in it. It was just too weird.

o0o

So, 'in typical Dean fashion' (as Sam would say) he brought Cas back to his house after the party. He was going to figure this out, and the best way was to get Cas alone in a place that he couldn't easily excuse himself.

Dean passed him a head of lettuce from the fridge. "Here, can you cut this up?" He was being deliberately obtuse, and he knew it.

Dean grabbed a knife out of the knife block, and Cas uncertainly did the same.

"So, what province is it in Canada where you were born?"

Cas cut the lettuce in half. "I wasn't born in Canada."

Dean felt his ears grow hot. "What are your parents names?"

Cas accidentally sliced through the lettuce and cut into his own hand. Dean gaped, expecting blood, but nothing happened. It was as if it hadn't happened at all. But Dean knew better. "No parents," Cas said.

"You have very delicate hands for a construction worker." He was angry now. Cas looked up at him, eyes wide with apprehension.

"I'm not a construction worker."

"Very pale hands. Let me see." Dean grabbed Cas's hand and sliced his own knife through the fleshy part of his palm. Cas jerked his hand away and hid it behind his back.

"Why did you do that?"

"Let me see your hand."

"No." Cas grabbed a towel from the rack and covered his hand with it, hiding it from view.

"What's your last name?"

"You know my last name."

"I don't."

Cas looked around, panicked, and saw Dean's stove. "Novack."

It was a Novack oven. "Castiel Novack?" Dean roughly grabbed the towel and threw it to the floor. He knew what he would see, but still wasn't prepared for it. "I cut you." he stepped back in shock. "I cut you. I – I cut you with that... with that... knife. I felt it go in. You felt it."

"Not the way you do." Castiel looked abashed.

"The way I do? What does that mean?" He was still reeling. "You mean the way a doctor does? What?"

"The way," Cas said, something changing in his eyes, and Dean knew he was going to be honest now, "a human does."

Dean slapped Castiel across the face. This is insane.

"I have no sense of touch."

Dean slapped him again. "You feel that?" He was acting crazy, he knew, but this was crazy. It wasn't right. It wasn't real. He tried to hit him again, but Cas grabbed at his arms.

"You don't have to be frightened."

Dean jumped back, flailing his arms to get Castiel to back off. "You freak! You liar! What... who... what are you?" He felt tears forming in the back of his eyes.

Castiel stayed where he was. "I came to take Mr. Balford."

Dean stopped and stared in horror. What? Is that what this was all about. The patient he couldn't save?

He continued, hands wide, calming. "And I saw you. I couldn't take my eyes off you. How you fought for him. And," he paused, "and you looked right at me like I was a man."

"To take Mr. Balford?"

"I was there. We're always there in every room."

Dean stamped his foot like a child. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm an Angel of the Lord. I was there in the stairwell, when you cried for your patient. And I touched you. Remember?" the look in his eyes was desperate.

Tears finally spilling over, Dean demanded, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm in love with you."

"I don't believe you. Do you feel that?"

"You don't want to believe me."

"I cannot conceive of it!"

Cas stepped forward, pleading. "Dean–"

"Just get out!" He turned around, away from that... that... "Get out!"

No reply, just silence. Dean turned back, to find the kitchen empty. He was gone. Dean fell into a chair and stared around him in disbelief, trying to work out just where he'd gone wrong.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Cas sat still, despondent.

He was in a busy hanger, on the wing of an airplane. Balthazar sat next him, a silent companion. He knew. Of course he knew. Castiel was radiating pain. Balthazar could feel it in the very core of his being, yet, he knew that Castiel's pain was his own. This was something he could not fix. So he did what he could. He placed a hand on his shoulder, and waited.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Dean didn't know what to do. He'd messed up so badly. He'd begged and demanded and shouted for Cas to tell him the truth, and then he did.

But what the hell? An angel. That was ridiculous. Like sure, it... it made sense, and that was what disturbed Dean the most. That it was true. He had the proof. It was just too much.

He sat at the farmer's market, where he and Cas had had their first... date. Could you date an Angel of the Lord? It didn't seem plausible.

If Dean could have laughed, he would. But instead, all that came out was a sob.

o0o