Chapter 7

Dean woke the next morning to the sound of a lawnmower next door. The bright morning sun drifting carefully across his bedspread. He glanced over at his big alarm clock and saw that it said Saturday.

"Oh, yes!" he exclaimed. "Thank you."

Finally a day off, one where he didn't have to worry about anything, not even Cas. He could just sleep and sleep and—

He sat up abruptly. Why didn't he think of that before.

He practically flew out of bed and dragged on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, ran downstairs and took his bike straight to the hospital. Sam was on duty today. He knew that because Sam told him last week that he was taking the weekend shift for a friend.

Dean sprinted up the stairs instead of waiting on the elevator and burst onto the maternity floor. He found Sam in the nursery, going over a chart.

"Dean?" he asked, bewildered.

"Hey," Dean says, out of breath. "The baby can't sleep!" Sam just stares. "Has anyone ever seen the baby sleep?"

They both look down at the abandoned baby, who was still crying.

Sam pulled his stethoscope from around his neck. "I don't know. Let's check him out." Sam bent down and listened to the baby's nostrils, closing off on nostril at a time. "Choanal atresia," he said, disbelieving. "There's hardly any air getting through." He took the stethoscope out of his ears. "How did you know."

Dean shrugged, hardly able to believe it himself. "I just... knew!" He grinned happily.

The baby was quickly taken into surgery, and Dean scrubbed in to watch his brother in action. It was a rare deformity, and it was a damn miracle if Dean had ever seen one, him figuring it out. Which made Dean think.

Later, he was sitting in the men's locker room, by himself. Sam and the rest of the male staff having left already.

He was thinking about it still, staring up at the sky through the window, about the baby and about Cas and about God, when Lisa nudged the door open without looking in. "Dean?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Are you alone?"

"Yes."

She opened the door the rest of the way with her hip, smirking down at him. "Pretty intuitive call on the baby."

"Think so?" Dean asked.

She nodded proudly. "I couldn't have done it better."

"Well, that's a compliment."

Lisa sat down, serious, and stared Dean in the eyes.

Dean smiles uncomfortably. "What are you doing?"

"I'm spending time with you," she said. Then, without warning, "Will you marry me?"

Dean stared back, speechless.

Undeterred, she continued. "We can finally get up to Tahoe. Get married on the Nevada side, honeymoon and be back before we miss a case." When Dean still didn't answer, she placed a hand on his face, eyes soft, she said, "What do you want me to do? Get down on my knees? What do you want me to say? We belong together. We're the same species." If she only knew. "I'm not... you know I'm not very good at matters of the heart. I mean... the proverbial heart. Please be my husband."

Dean opened his mouth to say... something. At this point he didn't really know what.

Lisa shook her head. "Just think about it." Then she stood up, and left.

Not knowing who else to turn to, and hoping against hope that maybe Gabriel already knew about Cas, the way he was covering for him, that's where he went.

He and Gabriel sat outside his house, at the same table from the party.

"I know," Dean said, and Gabriel bowed his head. He knew too.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked, looking down at the healing scar on Gabriel's chest, visible through his open shirt.

"Good." He nodded.

"You should let me check you out. Just to be safe."

Gabriel nodded, and stood up. Dean followed suit, taking his ever-present stethoscope from his pocket. He placed it on Gabriel's chest. "Breathe in." He took a deep breath. "Breathe in," Dean said again, changing position.

Gabriel, smiling, took Dean's hand, and placed it flat against his chest. "I'm good." He then inclined his head towards Dean, indicating it was his turn.

Dean opened his mouth, faltered for a moment, and then before admitting defeat, "I don't understand a God who would let us meet, if there's no way we could ever be together."

Gabriel's mouth flat-lined. "He didn't tell you."

"Tell me what?"

He shook his head. "Maybe you should ask Castiel."

"No. I'm asking you." Dean gave him a hard look, demanding.

Resigned, Gabriel said, "Castiel knows no fear. No pain. No hunger. He hears music in the sunrise." He stared Dean straight in the eye. "But he'd give it all up. He loves you that much."

"I don't understand."

He paused, shrugged. "He can fall. He can give up his existence, and he knows it. He can give up eternity and become one of us. It's up to you."

Panic, fear, joy, anger, and just about every other emotion he could think of jolted Dean's heart, running through his veins at the thought. "How do you know this?"

"Because I did it."

o0o

Dean went to the library. He knew Cas would be there. He had to be. He had to talk to him.

He made his way through the library. "Cas?" he said, looking into the isle they'd met in before. Nothing. He continued through the shelves, calling out quietly. "Cas, I need to talk to you." Still nothing. "Cas please. Please be here."

Dean understood. He wouldn't want to talk to him either. Leaning his head against one of the bookshelves, he whispered, "Oh God, help me through this."

Then right in front of him, Castiel appeared, completely out of thin air, and Dean couldn't find it in him to be shocked. Instead he smiled. "You are so beautiful. You'll always be that way." Cas stood still, quiet. "Lisa asked me to go away with her. And get married."

The heartbreak on Castiel's face nearly cowed him, but he was determined to get through this. He had to. Had to make Cas see.

"She knows me. She knows the demands of my work."

There was almost anger in Cas's eyes. Finally, a real human emotion. "You don't love her."

"She and I are the same. And I want that." Tears spilled out of his eyes without preamble. "And I want somebody who can feel my hand when I touch him."

"But you can feel me," Cas said forcefully. "You felt me."

"I want to say goodbye. I don't want to see you again." Please, God, let this be the right thing to do. Dean turned and left the library into the approaching twilight.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Castiel watched Dean leave, saw all the other angels watching him as well, from every corner of the building.

Almost immediately, he made his decision. He couldn't lose Dean, even if it mean losing everything he ever knew.

Without a thought, Castiel was standing on top of a skyscraper, the one he had taken Gabriel to before. It felt right. This, where he first knew, without a doubt, that he would do anything for Dean. He walked slowly up to the ledge and looked down, frightened for the first time in his existence. It was human. It was real, and he wanted more.

He raised his arms and closed his eyes, thinking that for the first time that it shouldn't always be that he was led in the right direction, but that he make the choice that is right for himself.

He jumped.

o0o

Flashes of light and sound bombarded Castiel's senses. Sun rays, jackhammer, police lights, men shouting. Castiel opened his eyes to see it was daytime and he was laying on his stomach on top of a rebar tier, looking down at three construction workers in hard hats and yellow vests, who are staring up at him with grins on their faces. He looked to the side and had to reach a hand out in front of him to block the harsh light. There was blood on his hand. He touched it, and found himself shocked by how much it hurt.

It hurt.

Someone whistled, a sharp sound that sent lightening strikes through his head. He heard multiple voices making a 'whoohoo' sing-song like sound from somewhere above him.

Castiel flipped over and dragged himself to his feet, laughing like a lunatic. He was human. He couldn't believe it!

A man a floor above him, looking down with his buddies, said, "Hey, buddy. You can't be in here."

Castiel looked up at him, and the man looked right back. "Do you see me?" The man's eyebrows rose. "Can you see me?" he asked everyone.

One of them replied. "We can see you alright."

Another said, "Yeah, your invisible drug wore off."

He looked at his hand again. "Is this blood? This is blood!"

"Is it red?" Someone asked.

"Red?" Cas studied it harder. "Is it red? Color," he said, showing it to the men, smiling wide.

"What color were the drugs you took?"

The first man who spoke to him, the one who seemed to be in charge, said, "Better get your butt out of here. You got somewhere to go?"

Yes, he does. He nodded at the man. "Dean."

He looks down and around, not sure where he wants to go, but he knows who he wants to find.

He left the construction sight and started walking. Just headed in a direction and hoped.

He was alive. Really truly alive, and he had never been happier. He jumped up, spun, ran down the road, passing by two more construction workers setting up orange cones.

" Down and down and down I go ," he sang without a tune. " Round and round and round I go. Round and spin ," he jumped and twirled. " Loving the spin I'm in. Loving that old black magic called love !"

"Hi!" he said to two Chinese women, passing under a bridge, clutching their shopping bags. "Hello. I was wondering if you could tell me how to get to the county hospital."

They held tighter to their bags, and said something in Chinese. Castiel was taken aback. He couldn't understand her. Disappointed, he continued down the street, looking around for a familiar sight. Something that would take him where he needed to go.

He perked up. There, he heard something. A siren. He looked around and saw an ambulance crossing the bridge, and he took off after it. Where else would it be going but to a hospital.

He couldn't keep up with the vehicle, but he could hear where it disappeared to and kept running in the direction. It was just up above, he knew it. He recognized the buildings now. He ran faster, and finally, the hospital came into view. He made it right up to the front doors but stopped when he saw himself in the reflection of the glass doors. He looked awful. Not only was his hand still covered in blood, but there was a cut above his eyebrow, still leaking sluggishly.

He shook himself. He was being dumb. Dean was a doctor, he could fix it. He pushed through the doors, and went looking for someone he could ask. It wasn't until he saw the sign for the Maternity Ward that he found someone who might be able to help.

Her name tag said M. Masters, R.N. "Can I help you, Sir?" He remembered her.

Castiel bent over at the waist. "Let me just take a moment to catch my breath. Breath!" he exclaimed, and she scooted back just a bit. "Dean Winchester?" he asked. "Where can I find him?"

"Are you a patient?" she asked professionally.

"No. I just need to find him, please."

She shook her head, reaching for the ringing phone, but not picking it up. "You'll have to call his office. Someone there can help you."

"Do you know where he is?"

"No, Sir. I do not know where he is."

Castiel looked around the desk. "Well, you have this computer, and all this technology. Can't you just look him up? Sam!" he shouted, seeing the man come around the corner and into the nurses' station. "Where's Dean?"

"Do I—are you okay?" Sam asked, stepping closer and inspecting Castiel's forehead. He glanced down at the nurse. "I'll get him cleaned up."

She nodded, placing the receiver to her ear, still looking at him with confusion.

Sam took him to an exam room and closed the door. Castiel knew that Sam would take him to Dean eventually, and that perhaps he should have his wounds taken care of. They were constantly aching, throbbing like he'd never known before.

He was sat down in a chair and Sam took the stool in front of him, grabbing some supplies from a drawer. "So you're a friend of Dean's? Wait, you're Castiel aren't you?"

Castiel nodded.

"What happened to you?" he asked, swiping an alcohol swab across Castiel's forehead. Castiel jumped, the chair making a loud squeaking noise. "Oh, sorry," Sam said. "It's okay," he reassured him, "I'm trying to help."

"I fell," Castiel answered.

Sam chuckled. "Off a train?"

"I fell in love."

Sam's mouth fell open. He looked a lot like Dean.

"Please help me find him," he begged. "Please."

After a moment, Sam came back to himself, and took mercy on Castiel. "He went to Lake Tahoe. Our uncle," Bobby Singer, Castiel remember, having gleaned the information from Dean once before, "has a cabin on the Nevada side. Wait!" he called out as Castiel took off out the door. He had to get to him before... he couldn't even fathom what would happen if he was too late. He had to show Dean that he was human. That he did it for him.

Outside of the hospital he saw a bus, and went to get on, but then he noticed how everybody held either a card or money in their hands, of which he had neither. He watched in despair as all the patrons got on the bus and it drove away.

He could hitchhike. Surely someone would take pity on him. He began walking, looking for someone to ask. Hours later, Castiel found himself standing next to a strip club set up next to a truck stop. Nudes! Nudes! Nudes! it proclaimed. He stood in front of a bus stop bench and held out his thumb like he'd seen people do before, swaying on his feet. He'd never felt so hopeless.

"Balthazar?" he asked, wishing for his companion's presence right now. "Are you there?"

A car pulled up on the curb honked it's horn. Castiel approached the window and said, "Hello," and immediately was punched in the face. The four guys in the car jumped out and knocked him down, search his pockets for money. Upon finding none, they pulled off his shoes, and the car screeched away.

Hours later, he was still standing there with his thumb out, barefoot now, and in pouring rain. He swayed and almost fell. Catching himself, Castiel sat down on the bench.

Just as he began to lose hope, a large semi truck stopped in the street in front of him. The window rolled down and an old beagle stuck his head out. Castiel stood.

A voice called out from the drivers side. "Where you headed?"

"Tahoe!"

A man leaned over and pushed the dog out of the way. He had a big smile and a kind face. "Reno," he says.

"Tahoe!" Castiel said again, thinking the man misunderstood him.

"I'm going to Reno."

"I'm going to Tahoe."

The man smiled wider. "Hop in. We'll figure it out when we get there."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Balthazar sat on the bench where Castiel had just been, and grinned softly. The truck driver hadn't taken much convincing.

o0o