It all comes back, piece after piece. The memories are rather faint and vague.

*Flashback*

This wine tastes dreadful, but I wouldn't spend any more livres here. All that had mattered to me at that moment was to find a way out of my thoughts. Finding myself alone in that room made me think and that is never a good thing. For she has -and always will- haunted my thoughts every single day. I had to drink, I had to stop thinking.

I lift myself from the chair and draw my feet towards the room, across the hallways that seem bigger now more than ever. The whole world around me is all a blur with a mellow glow, softening at the edges. My room is across Rosette's. Could she be sleeping? Bloody hell, I forgot to bring her food. Maybe I should-

My legs betray me and before I even realize it, I'm on the floor and sitting right outside her door. My efforts to rise again are vain so I simply remain there. This is not a first time, it will pass like it always does. Suddenly, the door opens behind me and I almost fall but she - she's there to catch me. She pulls me in and my feet drag on the ground as I throw myself down, loosening my collar a little. I blink my eyes to focus on her. She's in her nightgown. Shite, she must have heard his heavy footsteps against the creaky floor. She shouldn't be one to see him like that, in this state of decay.

Obviously concerned about my state, she struggles to pull me upwards on her bed. No wonder why, she's well a foot shorter than me. Despite my doubting her, Rosette somehow manages and next thing I know I'm lying on her bed, hopeless and lost as I am. She hurries up the bed to my side, taking a good look at me and panicking.

"What happened? Did you drink?" she asks hurriedly, taking off my coat and bringing my head up to have some water. I utter no words - simply growling in response.

I feel useless and helpless as she does everything to handle my state, making sure that I'm comfortable on her bed. But I just lie there, a million thoughts crossing my mind every minute.

I open my mouth to speak, making incoherent sounds in the process and failing for once more as she silences me with her softly spoken words.

"We can talk tomorrow. Now you must sleep." she commands me but in that smooth, caring manner of hers.

And sleep I did.

*End Flashback*

She must have noticed I was off for she's looking at me suspiciously with those huge, dazing eyes bursting with compassion. She must have questions but I highly doubt I shall be able to answer them.

"I can see you have reverted back to your old habits." she speaks softly yet I can barely look at her. Her eyes are still gentle but it feels like they're judging me. And God knows for once I prayed it could have been Porthos or hell anyone else helping me. But not her; anyone but her. Rosette has always had the ability to make me feel sorry for "squandering my life" as she would say. Bloody hell! She has not said a thing yet and I am already feeling in the wrong.

"I am sorry you had to endure my state last night. I cannot thank you enough." I rise from the comfortable bed -not looking in her eyes once- and make my way to other side of the room where a bucket lies filled with water. I splash cold water all over my face and let it take action as she watches me carefully, silently.

"Do you wish to discuss this?" she asks and my heart aches at her concern.

"There is nothing to discuss. I was engaged in a company of drinking and things became rowdy rather unexpectedly."

"How often is it exactly that you find yourself engaged in these rowdy situations as you say?" she too rises, her eyes seeking mine.

"We should leave soon. It won't be long before the others set out to meet to us." I avoid her question uncannily and fix my clothing to leave but Rosette simply refuses to let go of the matter.

"You talk in your sleep, you know." I freeze and turn slowly at her words. "Although I am not quite sure whether it is the norm for you or if it is just the effect of the wine." she takes a couple of steps towards me, placing a gentle palm on my chest. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

"Rosette, please..."

"How is this any good for you? How can you allow yourself to decay in this manner?"

"Everyone has to face the price of their mistakes. This is my punishment for any errors of the past."

"You cannot continue like this, Olivier!"

My face begins to burn. "Do not call me that. I have not been that man for a long time now." I reply harshly, unconsciously raising my voice and turn around to leave the room.

"You will always be the same man to me. It matters not if you change your name. It matters not if you deny your title. Nothing has changed. She's still hurting you today as much as she did so many years ago." she cries and causes me to stop in my tracks.

"We must-" I attempt to reply but she interrupts me.

"No man has ever benefited from sorrow. We have all been hurt, we all have been broken. But here we stand; never alone." she finishes softly with a small whimper.

I cannot stand to listen a second longer as I can already feel tears beginning to gather in my eyes and so continue my way, leaving her alone in the room and not looking back. I know I shouldn't have done it, I know she does not deserve this treatment. I know her intentions are pure and caring. But I can't withstand any confrontation, not yet.