Author Note: Surprise! I had a bit of time at work before things kicked off, and there wasn't really anything else to do, so I wrote part of this chapter. Which meant when I got home I had time to finish it completely! Thank you *so* much for yet more amazing responses. I totally understand some people are mad at Maura, and some even mad at Jane. It's such a difficult situation for them both, I just hope that once everything does come out, it'll be worth the wait.

Maura put on her white lab coat and pinned her hair back, securing it with a hair net. She laid a couple of books down on the coffee table, along with a packet of seeds and nuts, and a ten-dollar note.

"It'll take about an hour for me to complete the preliminary tests on the Smithson case," she said. "There's water in the refrigerator, if you wish to purchase a coke, or orange juice, you may go upstairs. I want you to read at least the first chapter of one of the books, it's your choice which."

"Okay," Luke said, kicking off his shoes and putting his feet up on the couch.

"Afterwards we can have a go at using some of the equipment."

He picked up one of the books and flipped to the first page. "Great."

Maura watched him for a moment. His tongue moved to the side of his mouth again. She walked around the table and pushed his feet off the couch, sitting down beside him. He curled his legs up in the space he had left.

She rested a hand on his knee, pulling his attention away from the novel. "I'm sorry...about last night."

He frowned, shrugged and glanced back at the page.

"I shouldn't have been upset in front of you," she said. "It was out of line and it won't happen again."

"I don't mind," he said, barely glancing up.

"Well, I do." Maura reached out and closed the book around her finger, saving his place. He shrugged again and stared at her. "I'm the adult, you're the child. You're not here to look after me when I get emotional."

"I think I get it."

"You do?"

"It's weird. I've not seen you since I was really young but you feel really familiar," he said.

"Yes," Maura said. "It's been twelve years, but it's the same for me. I don't really know you, you're your own person now. Before you didn't really know what you wanted in the world, you'd look to me for guidance. Now you're growing into your own person. I know that's without any of my input, but it's still the reality."

"Why didn't you tell Jane about me?"

Maura breathed out slowly. "That's a difficult question to answer."

"But she's your friend, right? You guys at least work together."

"Yes, we're friends and colleagues first." Maura pressed her lips together. To discuss Jane was to confront what she'd done. She rubbed the back of her hands on her lap. "I know that I should tell her. Jane and I have become closer recently. I trust her enough to tell her, I just don't know how I feel about having to discuss this with her."

"About why you left me?"

"Yes."

Not telling her worked fine for many years. Now they were confronted with everything she'd kept to herself, Maura could feel it spiral out of control. She couldn't stand to remember the expression on Jane's face when she told her, no matter how briefly she saw it. She pushed down the desire to cry. She wasn't a self-destructive person, yet all she'd done since Luke arrived was push away the one person she should have trusted most in the world.

"Will you tell me?"

She closed her eyes and turned away. "I don't know how I feel about that either. There's a lot that you don't know, and things I don't think you should know. I want to be honest with you, I owe you that. Perhaps we should wait until your father gets back."

"I suppose that'd be okay."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know how to do this, to be your mother, and right now I don't think I know how to be Jane's friend, either."

"You're doing okay, at being a mother."

"Thank you."

"Can I have the book back now?"

She creased her brow and held it toward him, not letting go. "What do you say?"

Rolling his eyes, he said "Thank you, Mother."

The sarcastic tone should have been something that Maura scolded him for, but his delivery of words left her pressing her lips together to disguise the smirk that followed. She let go of the book and stood up.

"I'll be in the lab if you need anything."

"Yeah," he said, turning the page in the book.

"We can have lunch together, too."

"Okay."

"Okay," she said, slipping out the door. She walked along the corridor towards the entrance to the lab.

x

Jane tapped her foot against the floor and her pen against the desk, over and over again. The case file in front of her lay unread, despite the pressing nature of the case. The Mayor was waiting on them to complete their initial investigation, to make progress in finding out who killed his son. Instead, Jane opted to stared into space.

"Stop that," Korsak said. She paused, then continued tapping again. "Jane, stop."

"What's gotten into you?" Frankie asked.

She glared at Frankie. "Nothing."

"Like hell it's nothing," Korsak said. "Sort yourself out. The Mayor needs us to be on top of our game, not sulking like a school kid."

She clenched her fists then loosened them again. "Don't."

"Don't what? Be your superior? Too late."

She slapped her palms down on her desk and stood up. She stared across at Korsak, then Frankie. She fled the room. Korsak and Frankie shared a moment of concern in her wake. She pressed the elevator button repeatedly until the doors finally opened. When the elevator reached Maura's floor, she strode out into the corridor and straight through to Maura's office.

"Oh." She stared at Luke. "Sorry, I thought…"

"Hey," he said, closing his book and placing it on the table. "Can I hold your gun yet?"

"Not until you're eighteen," she said, looking past him. "I was looking for your…Maura."

"My Maura?"

"You know what I mean." She looked into his eyes, then away again, searching the rest of the office. "Where is she?"

"She's working."

She walked across the room and glanced through the window into the examination room. "She's not there."

"She's in the lab."

"Right."

"Can I ride in a patrol car?"

"No," she said, heading out the door and down the corridor towards the lab.

She stood in the doorway, her eyes fixed on Maura. She stood behind a microscope, staring into the eyepieces. A strand of hair had escaped the net and was hanging loose around her ear. An ache settled in the centre of her chest. She chewed on her lips to stop the threat of tears.

"Jane!" Kent said, placing a couple of slides on the table. "We don't have any more information than was in the document we gave to Korsak this morning."

"I didn't," she said, not taking her eyes off Maura, who stared back.

He followed her line of sight, his brow creased as he looked from Maura and back to Jane. She stared into hazel eyes, eyes that until a few minutes earlier, she hadn't realised also belonged to Luke.

"If you'll give us another fifteen minutes, we'll be done," Kent said. "Isn't that right, Maura?"

"Yes," she said.

"Fifteen, gotcha."

She retreated. Out in the corridor, and away from the lab windows, Jane leaned against the wall. She didn't know how to begin, what to say. She didn't know how to discuss this. There was too much there, too many questions, and she wasn't sure she would like any of the answers.

She returned to Maura's office and waited by the door. She stared in through the glass at Luke. At Maura's son. She couldn't get her head around it, no matter how hard she tried. Somehow it might have been easier if he'd been a baby, or a full grown adult. Instead he was in between, too old to be new, too young to be someone Maura gave up when she herself was too young to have him.

"Jane?" She turned. Maura walked toward her.

"You got the results?" she asked. She nodded and handed her a piece of paper. Jane turned back to the window. Luke glanced up and waved, his lips curved at the edges. She forged a smile and waved back. "We need to talk."

She still wasn't sure what she wanted to say, or how best to say it, but she didn't want to not try, either. For the first time, in a long time, she felt Maura at a distance.

"I promised Luke I'd teach him how to use the microscope."

"Doesn't have to take long."

"Now isn't a good time."

"When?"

"I don't know."

Never. She wished for the clock to return to a couple of days before, to a time when Maura's secret was still hidden. It hurt too much to consider the reality, to know the truth.

"Please," she said, gripping the leg of her pants. "We need to talk."

"Not in front of Luke," Maura said. The calmness in her voice barely echoed the frantic feelings bouncing around inside her chest. "Later."

"When is later?"

"I don't know."

She backed away, nodding her head as she walked across to the elevator. The doors closed around her, returning her shattered nerves to a state of calm. Relief set in. She needed to talk to Maura, yet not doing so felt better somehow.

x

At lunchtime, she wandered back down to Maura's office but it was empty. By midafternoon, she'd done so little work that she couldn't sit at her desk any longer.

"This is getting ridiculous, Jane," Korsak said, perching on the corner of her desk. "Do you need to take some personal time?"

"I'm fine."

"Has something happened with Maura?"

She frowned, the crease between her eyebrows deepened. "Why would you think that?"

"'Was just a question."

"I'm fine."

"Okay."

"I need a breather," she said, picking up her jacket and heading toward the staircase. She rushed down them, one at a time, until she reached the basement. She pushed open the door to the corridor and marched into Maura's office, ready to confront the issue.

"It's later," she said.

"I'm about to conduct an autopsy," Maura said.

"Autopsy can wait."

Maura sighed. "No, it can't. I'm sorry, Jane."

"Are you ready for a game of checkers?" Kent asked, entering the room with a box.

"I thought you were doing an autopsy," Jane said.

"Maura's going to do the autopsy alone," Kent said. "I'm going to keep our wee man occupied."

"He's fourteen."

"Never too young to learn how to play checkers."

"He's fourteen," she said again, rolling her eyes.

"You're excited, aren't you, boy?"

"Luke. His name is Luke."

Kent narrowed his eyes. "I know."

"Then call him Luke."

"It's fine, Jane," Maura said.

"No, it's not."

She stared him down, not blinking until Kent turned away and placed the box on the coffee table. "Maybe I'll come back."

"You don't have to go anywhere, Kent. Jane is leaving."

"Yeah." She gritted her teeth and turned tail. "I am."

She took the elevator up to the BPD gym and changed into her sweats. On the treadmill, she set off running, one foot in front of the other. The faster she ran, the harder it was to breath. Each struggled breath made her chest burn. She slowed her pace, then cooled down. Moving to the punch bag, she pummelled it repeatedly until she had nothing left.

Standing under a cool shower, tears fell. She banged her fists against the tiles. She screamed out into the water, tears merging with the stream, swallowing a mouthful of water, before coughing and spluttering it back up.

x

"We need to talk, right now," Jane said, slamming the office door and approaching Maura's desk. She sat back, her hands clasped together across her stomach. "Is now a good time or are you going to get Kent to come in and pull you away? Or maybe Luke's gonna come back and need your help with something."

She picked up her office phone and dialled the number for the lab. "Kent, please don't disturb me, I'm in a meeting. Can you keep an eye on Luke? If he gets bored give him a book to read."

Jane perched on the couch, her hands pressed together like in prayer, her forehead rested against them. She looked down at the table. Maura closed her eyes as Kent confirmed. She stood up, straightened out her dress and joined Jane.

"What would you like to talk about?" she asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Jane shook her head, her eyes burned with rage. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I know it's a shock."

"I'm not shocked about your son, well, course I'm shocked about your son," she said, sighing. "I'm talking about you. You're acting like you didn't just drop the biggest thing on my lap in between 'here's your coffee' and 'I'll see you at work'."

"I will admit that I handled that inappropriately."

"Inappropriately?" Jane scoffed. "I gave you multiple opportunities, Maura. I asked you over and over again and you just closed up."

Pursing her lips, Maura clutched the fabric of her dress. "All I can say is, I'm sorry."

"That's all you can say? Really?"

She closed her eyes, pushing fresh tears over the edge and down her cheeks. "I know I made a mistake. I've made a lot of mistakes."

"What, like giving up your kid?"

"Jane."

"No!" Jane stood up, gritting her teeth. "You fucking lied to me, after everything we talked about. You wanted honesty, you made it very clear from the beginning that you needed me to share more. I guess that only applies to me."

"You know it doesn't," Maura said. "But there are some things harder to say than others. I know you understand that, that's why it's taken so long for us to form a relationship."

"Don't you dare bring this back to me and my difficulty committing to you," Jane said, pacing back and forth across the room. She turned around, pointing her finger out in front of her. "You know I was scared. I told you I was scared."

"I'm scared too."

"I was honest with you from the start like you asked. I told you the truth, no matter how scary it was. Now I find out you've been lying to me for ten years."

"I can see you're angry," Maura said, standing up beside the chair.

"Angry?" Jane laughed, and turned around, her hands outstretched at her sides as she spoke. "Damn right I'm fucking angry, I'm more than angry. I'm confused, I'm hurt, I don't even know what to say."

"You seem to be doing okay."

"Don't fucking say shit like that," she said, shaking her head. "Don't fucking tell me that I'm doing okay."

"I didn't mean it like that, can you please stop cursing at me," Maura said, rubbing the tears from her cheeks. "I need you to understand that I didn't keep this from you to hurt you."

"No? Does Kent know?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Why would I tell Kent without telling you?"

"Never mind."

She slouched back down onto the couch. Maura hovered opposite, unsure whether to take her seat again, or remain standing. Jane leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. She cupped her hands around her mouth.

Her voice softened, breaking up with every word. "How could you give up a child? I've never given birth, I don't know what it feels like to hold your kid in your arms and fall in love with them. But I've been pregnant, I know how intense it is knowing that life is growing inside of you. Seeing TJ grow up, thinking about how he was as a toddler. How could you just leave Luke?"

"It's," she said, returning to the chair.

"Complicated, I know." Jane rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I thought I knew you. I thought we mattered more than anything."

"You know me better than anybody ever has, and you matter more than anyone ever will."

"Even your son?"

"Well," Maura sighed, clasping her hands together over her knee. "No. But he's different. Aside from my child, you are the only person who has ever mattered this much."

"Then why can't I understand why you could leave him?"

"I've not exactly made it easy for you to understand," she said.

"Then help me out here. The first time we met, nearly ten years ago, you'd barely just left him."

"Perhaps now you'll understand, in part, why I was so cold."

"You weren't cold." Their eyes locked. Maura's heart broke at the sight of pain in Jane's eyes. "You were never cold. You were just...distant, I suppose. Hard to reach."

"I was grieving."

"But you didn't need to! That's what I don't get, Maura. You left him but you've not talked about him since. It's like you put him in a little box and never opened it again. Why didn't you go back?"

"I wish I could have."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I wasn't allowed."

"Because of his father?" She paused. "He's not Ian, is he?"

"No, Jane, Luke's father isn't Ian. It was because of me."

"You're gonna need to start filling in more blanks," Jane said. "Why because of you? You're the best person I've ever known. You care about people others are repulsed by, you treat every victim like they matter as much in death as they ever did in life. How can someone like that do this? It doesn't fit the kind of person you are. You don't abandon the people you love."

"Maybe you were right," Maura said. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought."

"No," Jane said, sliding along the couch and gripping her hand. "I don't believe that for a second."

"The facts speak for themselves, Jane." Maura tugged her hand away and pushed it between her thigh and the chair. "I gave up my son."

"Except you're not giving me all the facts. I refuse to believe it's as simple as that."

"It was a very dark time in my life," she said, breathing slowly, methodically. Her eyes filled with tears again.

"Even so, how could you just give him up?"

"I didn't want to." She wiped her eyes, stared through the tears at Jane. "I had to."

"No, you didn't," Jane said. "There's a choice, there's always a choice."

"No, there's not. Not when I lost custody."