Author Note: It seems this one is inspiring me above all else, so you get more. It's taken a couple of days to get this chapter written. I'm not quite better, though I'm getting there. Going to the theatre tonight, so that'll be nice. I go away in one week! Eek! In fact, in 7 days time I'll be on a plane. Thank you so much to everyone who has shown an interest in the last chapter, it's great to hear what you think about what I've written.

"I can't imagine what it felt like," Jane said.

Maura reached across the space and interlinked their fingers. "What what felt like?"

"Getting home to find your son had gone."

"Yeah." She glanced away. Her emotions hadn't found stability. She welled up, fighting against it until the tears were pushed back down.

"You can talk to me, you know."

She rested her head against Jane's shoulder and leaned in close. Every movement of her arms beneath her cheek followed every breath. She tucked her other hand around the back of Jane's.

"I know."

The room was dark. Maura couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had happened. She'd been distracted, her attention pulled far from the day and into the darkening night. Jane's fingers squeezed around her palm.

"I've never felt so scared," she whispered

"When you found out he was gone?"

"That too." Maura sighed. "But no. I've read about panic attacks. I've seen people have them. I don't think anything prepares you for how frightening it is to feel that level of panic."

"Yeah?"

"It would have been worse if you weren't here." She squeezed her hand back. "Thank you for being here."

"Always."

Jane stroked her hand across the side of her head, brushing her hair away from her face. She lowered her lips until they touched her head. A stray tear skirted down Maura's cheek. She'd never felt so loved before.

"I'm glad you're still here now."

"Would you like me to stay over?" Jane asked. "I can sleep in the spare room."

"Why would you stay in there?"

"I dunno." Jane shrugged. "I've only stayed a handful of times."

"When we've had sex."

"Yeah."

Maura hesitated. "You can stay."

"Does that mean we can have sex?" Jane asked, pulling away.

Maura sat back. "Jane."

"I'm joking," she said, wrapping her arms tighter around Maura's body. She kissed her head again. "I don't want you to be alone."

Another tear strolled along her cheek, stopping only as it collided with the edge of her mouth. "I've been alone a lot."

"You never have to feel like you're alone again," Jane said, squeezing her tightly.

She sighed. "I wish I could believe that."

"I'm here." Jane cupped her cheek with one hand and leaned down. "I'm not going anywhere."

Maura averted her gaze. "You can't promise that."

"I can. Now you're mine, I'm not leaving."

She pushed back, finding her way quickly outside of Jane's arms. She edged across the bed. A fire burned in the pit of her stomach, her throat ached. Her chest heaved with every difficult breath. "I'm not yours."

Jane sat upright, her eyebrows tugged together. "You don't have to get so angry about it."

"We're together." Maura wrapped her hands around her arms, cradling herself. "I'm not yours. You're not mine. Neither of us owns the other one."

"I didn't mean I own you," Jane said, dropping her legs over the edge of the bed, her voice raised louder and harder than she planned.

Maura watched her put all of her wait onto her feet and stand up, moving away. "No."

She turned to look at her. Her eyes glistened under the growing intensity of the streetlamps outside. "I'm here. That's all I'm saying."

"I'm hungry," Maura said, climbing off the bed.

She slipped her nightgown around her shoulders and headed for the door. She didn't want an argument. She didn't anticipate the conversation taking such a negative tone. She'd forgotten about food, now it was her only source of distraction.

x

Jane found Maura in the kitchen. She'd gathered her emotions, tried to put aside any anger she still housed inside. She didn't want to keep pushing, but she couldn't handle Maura pushing back either. Now they didn't have Luke to distract them from the obvious cracks in their relationship, Jane couldn't bear the thought of it falling apart.

"I should go."

"I thought you were staying," Maura said.

"I was."

"There's enough for you."

Jane opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. She refilled Maura's wineglass and perched on a stool at the counter. She watched Maura cook. The scents emanating around the room filled her with warmth. After a while, Maura placed a plate on the counter and sat down beside her.

"You don't know what's going to happen," Maura said, picking up her fork. "Your job dictates that. Life does."

She frowned. They'd barely said a word to each other since she'd joined her downstairs. Now it was like they'd returned to the exact same conversation.

"We have some control," she said.

"Yes." Maura chewed and swallowed a mouthful. "Not enough."

"You believe in science, not fate."

"I do believe in science." Maura sighed, pushing her plate across the counter. She turned on the stool to face Jane. "But I also know that some things are outside of our control. People walk into schools with loaded assault rifles. Some men hit their wives and children. Life events can cause catastrophic results. Eighty five per cent of eight hundred and ninety eight ten to eighteen year olds in pretrial detention in Illinois reported at least one loss in their childhood. One in three had lost three people. Do you think they have any control over that?"

A crease formed between her eyebrows. "Well, no, but…"

"I tried to be the mother Luke needed." Jane sat back in her seat and continued eating, listening to every word that Maura spoke in earnest. "I sang him to sleep; I breastfed him for as long as possible. I avoided dairy, I ate healthily. Everything I could control, I did. None of that stopped me from losing my son."

"Maura," Jane said, dropping her fork onto her plate.

"I wasn't strict this time." She sighed and stayed silent. Maura continued. "I let him eat junk food and play video games that were inappropriate for his age. I went against the things that felt right to me. I still lost him. Again. Nothing I did, or will do, will ever be good enough."

"That's not true." She reached across the space and gripped her fingers. "It's not your fault your ex came and took him. He's a real asshole."

Maura frowned. "You don't know him."

"You're defending him?" Jane leaned forward.

"You don't know anything about this," Maura said.

"I don't need to. I met him." Jane pushed her plate away. "I've seen you with Luke, I've seen him with Luke. He's a real charmer, but he's smarmy and a he throws his weight around. He's the definition of asshole."

"He's not a bad person."

"He takes your kid off you. Twice. Yet you still say he's not a bad person."

"You don't know him like I do. I loved him, once."

"So?" Jane slipped off the stool and stood up. She ran her hand through her hair, anything to distract her from the uncontrollable feelings coursing through her veins.

"I still remember what that felt like. He tried his best with me but I couldn't be the wife he needed me to be."

Stepping back, Jane's mouth dropped open. She shook her head. "Well isn't he the gift that keeps on giving."

"What do you mean?" Maura turned on her stool.

"You were married to him."

"We got married shortly after we found out we were expecting Luke."

Dropping back onto the stool, Jane rested her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes. "A marriage of convenience?"

"No. We were engaged long before Luke was even a possibility."

She shook her head and stared across at Maura. "Why didn't you tell me you married him?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I'm telling you now."

"I should have guessed, really, it's what people do, isn't it? They get married, they have kids."

"I'm not exactly what you would consider most people."

"No." She closed her eyes. "I can't believe you married him."

"We got divorced after he took Luke."

Opening her eyes again, she rested a hand on Maura's thigh. "I don't understand how you could love someone like that."

"He's not who you think he is. You don't know him."

"Did you?"

"Of course I did." Maura sat backward, her eyebrows knitted together.

Jane stared at her. Some moments she felt like they were closer than ever, and others, she felt like there was a gaping void. Right then, she didn't know which of the two she felt. All she knew was that she wanted to get back to her.

"Is Luke like him?" she asked.

"No. Not really." Maura rested her hand over the back of Jane's. "They share a few mannerisms, and pronunciation quirks, but that is all."

"Would you say he's like you?"

"No. I wasn't there long enough to have any real influence."

"He's clever like you." Jane turned her hand over and gave Maura's a squeeze. "I bet he's a genius."

"It's possible. He grew up with a multi-millionaire as a father. He probably went to a private pre-school. I doubt he's ever been to a school outside of the private system. He got into one of the most prestigious boarding schools on the East Coast."

"He didn't have to love to learn," Jane said.

"No. I guess not. But Gregory is intelligent. He built a business from the ground up and sold it when he was twenty-five."

"So he's a rich kid who did something with all his money to make more money?"

"Yes. He had a trust fund but he risked it all to make his fortune."

"Doesn't make him anymore likeable."

"You said yourself he's charming." Maura let go of Jane's hand and stepped off the stool. She walked around the counter and cleaned up the plates. "I don't know how you noticed that when he was taking Luke."

"I met him before."

"When?" Maura froze. A plate in each hand. She stared at Jane, her eyes bugged. "I thought he came for Luke and that was all."

"He came looking for you at BPD. I didn't expect him to turn up at the house." Jane closed her eyes, breathed slowly, then opened them again. She cautiously glanced at Maura. "I, err, flirted with him a little."

"He's got a way about him," she said, carrying the plates across the kitchen toward the dishwasher.

"You're not mad?" Jane joined her by the sink.

She placed them on the counter above it and turned around. "Why would I be angry?"

"Because I flirted with someone who wasn't you."

The space between them had shrunk. Maura stared up into her eyes. Jane looked back. She knew it wasn't the right time to even consider being intimate, but that didn't stop her body from arguing against her brain.

"Flirting is playful, by definition it doesn't require serious intentions." Maura leaned a little closer, her eyes fixed on Jane's. "People flirt, it's a way we connect with others. Sometimes we take it forwards and forge romantic links, other times we enjoy it and move on."

Jane found her voice, small and weak. "Why do you have to make it sound so normal?"

"Because it is." Maura glanced away. "Though flirting isn't something I've ever been particularly good at."

"I wouldn't have thought so the way you act when you want me," Jane said, tucking a strand of hair back across her cheek. Jane chewed on her bottom lip. "I'd be able to handle myself a lot better if you weren't around."

Trailing a finger down the middle of Jane's lips, Maura inched closer. "I consider that more foreplay than flirting."

"Still." Jane circled her lips around the tip of Maura's finger and kissed it. "You've got some moves Doctor Isles."

"We weren't supposed to have sex tonight," Maura said, her lips almost touching her finger, still resting on Jane's mouth.

"We don't have to."

"I don't want it to be the go-to fix."

"Isn't it better than feeling like we're miles apart?"

Dropping her hand down beside her, Maura replaced it with her mouth, biting and nibbling at Jane's lips with her own. Jane wrapped her arms tightly around Maura's shoulders and deepened the kiss. Her cold fingers pushed aside her nightgown and lifted the fabric out of the way. Maura succumbed to her. Giving in to every touch, every brush of skin against skin. Until she lay Maura down on the floor. She gripped the carpet, her breath hitched in her throat, as Jane teased her over the edge.

x

"Feel any better?" Jane asked.

"Actually, yes," Maura said. "Endorphins are released during orgasm, making it a natural mood booster and stress reliever."

"No wonder people get so obsessed with it." Jane trailed her fingers across her arm.

"Did you mean what you said before?" Maura asked.

Sitting up, Jane picked up her shirt. "Which part?"

"That you won't leave."

"I don't have any place to go."

Maura sighed. She reached for her nightgown. The room was colder than she anticipated, and the chill reached her skin quickly. "Every relationship I've had has ended with the other person leaving me."

"I thought you left Sir Garrett Fairfield."

"I said no when he proposed. He decided the relationship could no longer continue as a result."

"None of those guys knew how great they had it," Jane said, buttoning up her shirt. She slipped her panties over her legs and tugged them up around her hips.

"I don't care about them." Maura stepped toward her, her nightgown wrapped around her shoulders. She leaned in close and brushed her lips against Jane's. "I care about you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She took her panties and nightdress from the floor and dropped them into the laundry basket through the kitchen.

"Don't you want to put them back on?" Jane asked, raising an eyebrow.

Maura pursed her lips and tightened the belt around her middle. "Not particularly."

"Planning on some more?"

"I don't expect to plan anything," Maura said, smirking. "But since you're staying over, I assume you'd like more."

Jane breathed in and breathed out quickly. She rested a hand on Maura's hip and ground her pelvis against Maura's side. "I'd like it. I don't have to have it. Right now I'd take anything, even if that's just bed and a movie."

"You probably don't want to get dressed then," Maura said, pushing the waistband of Jane's slacks down around her thighs. "In case bed and a movie turns into something else."

"I guess not."

Kicking off her pants, Jane leaned against Maura's side, pushing her towards the staircase. Maura walked off, her fingers interlinked with Jane's as they rushed up the stairs toward the bedroom. Maura unfastened the belt and tossed the nightgown aside, accidentally knocking her cell phone onto the floor.

"Wait," she said, glancing down at the screen. "I've got three missed calls from an unknown number. From a few minutes ago."

"Who is it?" Jane asked, climbing across the bed and kneeling up beside her.

"I don't know." Maura's heart leapt about in her chest. "It's ringing again."

"Answer it."

"Hello?"

"Mom. It's me."

"Luke?"

Jane's face lit up. She sat back against the bedhead. Maura perched on the side of the bed, her shoulders hunched forward.

"He won't let me see you."

"But he let you call?"

"No. He went to get pizza. He'll be back soon. I didn't want to go. Jane told you I didn't want to go, didn't she?"

Maura sat back and smiled at Jane. "She did."

"I want to come back."

"I'd like that to." She picked up her nightgown and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Make him let me."

Tears filled her eyes. She slipped an arm into the nightgown. "I…I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm not allowed."

"Is that because of the custody thing? I'm fourteen. I can make the decision myself."

Tugging the fabric around her breasts, she fastened the belt again. "It doesn't quite work that way, not for a while at least."

"But you can fight him. My opinion must count for something."

"I don't know."

"Don't you want me?"

"Of course I want you. Lucas, I love you."

"You haven't called me Lucas before."

She sat back against the bedhead. Jane trailed her fingers across her thigh, drawing pictures on her skin. "It's your name, isn't it?"

"Dad only calls me Lucas when I've done something he doesn't like."

"Would you prefer I call you Luke?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On whether you chose my name."

"I did." Fresh tears slipped from her eyelids. She brushed Jane's hand aside and pulled the gown tighter around her thighs. "It comes from the word lux meaning light. I originally wished to call you Lucius, but your father didn't like it. So we compromised with Lucas. The meaning is the same. Besides, whilst I wished to name you after a scientist, so you would have someone to aspire towards, I much preferred the idea of you having a name that isn't shared by any famous scientists. That way you can aspire to be the most famous."

"Who says I want to do anything to do with science?"

"Nobody." She rubbed at her eyes. "You can be whomever you want to be. I was merely explaining my train of thought."

"I'm not sure I could be as good at science as you."

"Luke."

"Lucas."

"Lucas, I need you to understand that I love you."

"I know."

"Do you? Because we haven't spent a lot of time together, I haven't had the opportunity to show you what you mean to me."

"I don't need you to show me. You're my mom, and I know that everything you've done is because you love me."

"Everything?"

"Letting me play video games even though you don't like them." His voice drifted off. The tears on her cheeks increased. Maura's heart ached. "I've gotta go, I think he's back."

"Wait, when can I speak to you again?" she asked, wiping her eyes.

"I love you, Mom."

"I lo…" The phone line cut out. Maura leaned forward, her shoulders shook. "I love you too."

Author Note: I wasn't actually planning on Maura and Jane being more intimate, but that is what they wanted to happen, so happen it did. It kinda breaks my heart to write some of this.