Author Note: This chapter! ARGH! It's taken me about four or five edits. This is my third full chapter, as in I started it, scrapped it and pulled it apart, started it again and copy/pasted some bits, scrapped it, pulled it apart. I'm so sick of looking at this chapter, and trying to make it perfect. It's done. I'm done with it. It might suck, but at least now I can move on with the rest of the chapter.

I've had a bit of a busy week, which is the other reason this chapter has taken so long. I went for a job interview, and they said they'd let me know by the end of the week (which I took to mean Friday) and I haven't heard anything. I don't know whether to assume I didn't get it, or what. But I don't have the money to not be getting a job right now.

So I'm done. This chapter is done. I'm sick of caring if this chapter is good enough anymore. Onwards to the next one... (except I'm working for the next two days, so naturally I'm going to be busy and not be able to write)

Jane opened her apartment door, then stepped back. She abandoned it in favour of returning to the bottle of beer she had sitting on the table, and the football game playing on the television. She slouched onto the couch and crossed her legs on the glass top table.

"What do you want, Maura?" she asked, barely glancing back as Maura crossed the threshold into the apartment.

"You left abruptly, when I went to find you, Korsak said you'd gone home."

She shrugged. "Yeah."

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

"Eric Friedan had the same glass in his lungs as Albert Smithson."

"That's what you came here to talk to me about?" Jane asked. She picked up her beer and ran a finger around the rim of the bottle, sipping it, before returning to the soothing action. "That's all you wanted to say?"

"Yes. That's all I wanted to say."

"Oh."

Maura's voice cracked. "No. I don't know."

"You don't know?" She returned her beer to the table.

"No. I'm sorry," Maura said, walking around the couch and perching next to Jane. "We didn't leave things in a good place."

"Surprised you even noticed," Jane said, sipping her beer.

"Why wouldn't I have noticed?"

"You seem to have some sort of blinkers on."

"What do you mean?"

She turned off the television and turned to Maura. "It doesn't matter what I do, I'm never going to be what you want."

"Excuse me?" Maura stared at her, her mouth open.

"I don't know what you want from me anymore. You want to be together, but you don't want me to be part of the decisions you have to make about life."

"They're not your decisions to make," Maura said, she reached for Jane's hand.

Jane stared at their fingers, tangled up, then pulled her hand back. "Then why are we claiming to be in a relationship if you think so little of my opinion?"

"I don't!" Maura frowned, leaning forward. "Where is this coming from?"

"Doesn't matter," Jane said, turning the television back on. "Forget I said anything."

"I can't forget."

"Then pretend I don't matter, just like you always do."

"Jane!"

"You've made your feelings clear," Jane said, her attention focused on the game. "I'll see you at work."

A moment later, the door clicked shut and Jane let out the breath she'd been holding longer than was safe. The weight on her shoulders shift a little. It felt heavier, more cumbersome. Breathing slowly, methodically, she refocused her attention on the game, anything to distract herself from the woes of the world.

x

"Got it!" Frankie shouted, thrusting a piece of paper in front of Jane.

She leaned back and picked up the paper. "Got what?"

"Eric Friedan's financial record," he said, pointing at a couple of highlighted sections. "Nina's been working on it all morning and we've finally got it."

Jane sighed. She'd barely slept all night and her patience was wearing thin. "What am I looking at, Francesco?"

"Whoa," he said, stepping back. "What's with using my proper name?"

"Hurry up and answer my question before I hit you in the ba…"

"No violence in the bullpen," Korsak said, cutting her short. He approached her desk.

She glared at Frankie until he responded. "Friedan had several transactions made to him prior to Smithson's death. Once a week, going back a few months."

"Any idea who's been sending him money?" Korsak asked.

"That's what Nina was working on," he said. "The money was transferred through a company called AS Holdings, that same company owns the business where Albert Smithson worked."

"AS Holdings?" Jane frowned and reached for the case file, she shifted papers from the file to her desk, skimming every page. "I recognise that name. Here!"

She pushed a document across the desk. Korsak picked it up and read through it, before handing it over to Frankie.

"I figured it was probably a dormant company when we found out Albert was working at the factory, now I'm not so sure. Albert Smithson is the registered owner." Jane closed the file. "Frankie, get Nina to find out everything she can on AS Holdings."

"Already done," Nina said, entering the room. She handed an iPad to Jane. "AS Holdings has only been running for a few months. The factory was the first major transaction."

"Fully funded by Smithson?"

"Yes. AS Holdings is the sole owner. Eric Friedman is on the employee list."

"This doesn't make any sense," Jane said, scanning the iPad document again. "Smithson was paying Friedan money through his company, despite already paying him a salary for working at the factory. Albert Smithson has no connection to Eric Friedan and has no reason to be the owner of a glass factory."

"That's where's things are less certain," Nina said. "I cannot trace the connection between Albert and Eric. But what I have found is a connection between Sarah and the company."

"Sure," Frankie said, sitting back. "Brother finds out the girl he's met is his sister, and that she has a child. Knows his dad isn't gonna do a thing to help them, even though they live in the worst apartment building in Boston. So he wants to help her out."

"As well as transactions to Friedsan, AS Holdings paid out thousands of dollars to Sarah. The only problem is, I can't find out what the money is for."

Pulling up a chair, Korsak sat beside Jane. "What do you mean?"

"Sarah is still living in that apartment, despite the fact she's had nearly forty thousand dollars put into her bank account. What is the money going and why isn't she using it for somewhere better to live?"

"Let's ask her," Jane said, standing up.

x

Maura opened the pint of ice cream as she sat down in front of the television. She sipped on a glass of wine, her heart felt heavy. So heavy. When she thought about her life, which was growing harder to avoid after she'd poured her third drink after dinner, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of regret.

In her experience, dwelling on the past was counterproductive, but it was still difficult to avoid the doubt that crept into her mind.

What if things had been different?

If she'd gone into emergency medicine, would her life had fallen apart earlier? If it had fallen apart earlier, would she have attempted to become a medical examiner? And if she wasn't a medical examiner, would she have returned to Boston? If she didn't return to Boston, would she have ever rebuilt her life?

Or met Jane.

There was no doubt in her mind, even with a fourth glass of wine and half a pint of ice cream in her system, that meeting Jane was the best thing that ever happened to her. In some ways she expected it was even better than having Luke, but only because of the route her life had taken.

She felt guilty for even considering someone more important than her son. But she knew that without Jane, she wouldn't have felt able to rebuilt her life. Without Jane, well, she couldn't predict how low she might have got.

And yet she'd ruined it.

Once again her life was falling apart and she didn't quite know how she was going to pull it back together again.

Sometimes she longed for her best friend. Forming a relationship complicated things exponentially.

Reaching for her phone, Maura stared at the lock screen photo of Jane, her arm draped around Luke's neck. For the briefest time, they'd been a family.

Why had she never told Luke just what Jane meant to her? Why had she never told Jane? She swiped at her cheek. Stray tears caught on her fingers. She unlocked the phone, her finger poised over the call button.

Her head was fuzzy. She knew she was too far gone to really make much sense, but she pressed the button, then selected Jane's name from the list, anyway. She listened to the incessant ringing, until Jane's voice clicked on the other end.

"I can't take your call right now, please leave a message."

It beeped.

"Do you know what you mean to me, Jane? Well, I'll tell you…you mean a lot. Greater than a lot. If you multiple a lot by Jane, that's how much you mean to me. I just wanted to tell you that."

She pressed the end call button. Her face grew pale. What had she done? She groaned and lowered her head into her hands. After a momentary pause, she dialled Jane's number again. It rang a couple of times, then Jane's voice piped up.

"Hi, Maura."

She panicked and pressed the end call button. Another wave of regret overwhelmed her. Before she could begin to think of how to respond, her phone lit up. Jane smiled ridiculously across the screen.

"Hello," she said, answering after a couple more rings.

"Why did you ring and hang up?"

"Did I?" she asked, forcing herself to speak clearly, despite the increased fuzziness in her brain. "Must have been an accident."

"Right." Jane sighed. "We spoke to Sarah tonight; Eric Friedan is her son's father. Albert's been giving her money, which she's saving up ready to flee the country to get away from her ex. I thought you might wanna know."

"I…" Maura began. The tone in Jane's voice was sadder than she'd expected. "Thank you, Detective."

"Detective?" Silence descended between them. Eventually Jane spoke again. "I'll see you around."

The moment the call ended, Maura wished she'd spoken, said something more. Done something to stop their call from ending on such a low note. She was helpless, too inebriated to think straight; a slave to her own stupidity.

x

"Did you know she was being abused?" Jane asked, the second she'd walked in the mayor's office. Korsak reached for her arm, but she shrugged it off and marched forward. "Did you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Detective," he said. "Who was being abused?"

"I'm sorry about this, Mayor Smithson," Korsak said, wrapping his hand around Jane's wrist.

"Let go," she muttered. She unhooked herself and leaned against the desk. "Who do you think?"

Mayor Smithson stood up, his eyes squared with Jane's. "There are several women in my life, Detective, but since it's you asking, I take it you mean my illegitimate daughter."

"Her name," Jane said, through gritted teeth. "Is Sarah. Do you even know that bit of information or don't you care about that fact? You probably don't care about your grandson, either."

He narrowed his eyes and walked around the desk, stopping when he reached Jane. He stood a little taller, stared deep into her eyes. "You know nothing about my relationship with Sarah, Detective, now if you don't mind, I have a meeting to get to."

"No!" She reached out to his arm, gripping his bicep before Korsak pulled her away. "You can run away, Mayor, but you can't hide from the truth. You want respect? Start giving it to the people you claim deserve it. Family man? You're nothing but a liar!"

"This conversation is over," Korsak shouted, tugging at her arms until she stumbled backward towards the exit.

Out in the corridor, Jane marched onward until they were outside and heading back toward the car. Korsak spoke but she didn't hear him over the sound of her beating heart. When she reached the car, she slammed her balled fist down on the hood and screamed.

"Better?" Korsak asked, staring at her.

"No," she said, running a hand through the back of her hair.

"What is going on with you, Jane?" he asked. "You've been up and down like a yo yo for weeks, and now you're behaving like a spoiled child in front of the mayor. He has power, Jane. He knows the right people who could take your badge. Do you want that?"

She leaned against the hood, breathing deeply. "No."

"Well?"

"Nothing. There's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Talk to me."

"I don't know what to say."

"Has something happened with Maura?"

She stood up again and grasped at her hair, pacing back and forth. "Aside from her having a teenage kid I knew nothing about then letting me pretty much end our relationship without even fighting me on it."

"You two'll sort it out."

"How do you know?"

"You're not about to let a good thing go," he said, squeezing her shoulder.

"No?" Jane scoffed. "Look at Casey, look at Agent Dean. I give up good things. It's what I do."

"Not like this."

"You can't go shouting your mouth off with the Mayor, it doesn't matter what sort of crappy day you've been having."

"I know."

"I'm gonna go back to the station, I'll see you there tomorrow."

"No, Korsak," Jane said. He climbed into the driver's seat. "I need to work."

"You need to sort your shit out before you get us both in trouble," he said, starting the engine. "You're walking. It'll do you good to have some time to think."

"Seriously?" She held her arms up at her side and stared at him. She expected him to open the passenger door and invite her back into the car. When he reversed out of the parking spot, her shoulders sunk. She chased after the car for a moment, her heart raced against her rib cage. "Fine! Fuck you too!"

x

Jane stood on the doorstep, soaked to the bone, the wind battering the house and Jane's body with every gush. Maura hesitated. She couldn't leave her out there all night, least not because they predicted the weather would get even worse by the early hours. Eventually she stepped aside, barely a word between them, and Jane entered the house.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Figured I should come see you," Jane muttered, shrugging.

"Look at you." Maura walked into the living room and took a blanket from the back of the chair. She wrapped it around Jane's shoulders. "Get out of your wet things."

"Nah, I'm good."

Frowning, Maura glared. "You are not good, Jane. If you stay like that you'll end up with hyperthermia and no matter how tense our relationship is, I will never forgive myself if I allow that to happen."

Jane followed her direction. Her clothes pooled on the floor, the blanket abandoned beside it until she was down to her underwear. She stared at Maura, and though she'd seen it all before, Maura turned away. Once she'd turned back, Jane's underwear was on top of the pile and she was wrapped in the blanket.

"I'll put these in the dryer."

Back in the living room, Jane sat down on the couch. Maura boiled the kettle and handed her a mug of hot coffee, curling up beside her with her own. She pinched the bridge of her nose, warding off the tears that threatened to fall with every additional thought that flowed.

An uncomfortable silence had descended. Maura hated the feel of that moment. Even before they got together, silences between them were not awkward.

"You matter," Maura said.

Jane gritted her teeth. She glanced at Maura, then glanced away again.

"Jane, please."

She shook her head.

"Please," Maura whispered, and with the lightest touch, covered her hand. "You came to me. That must mean you want to do this. You want to talk."

Turning to face her, Jane cheeks glistened with tears. She swiped her palm across her face. Her voice broke under the stain. "All you've done for months is push me away, Maura."

"That's not true."

"Yes. It is. Why can't you see that I'm trying to help you?"

"It's not," Maura began, then drifted off. She moved her shaking hand across her face. "I'm trying to keep my head above water."

"Then let me in," Jane whispered. "You're not alone. You don't have to do any of this alone. Stop acting like you do."

She lowered her gaze. "You don't understand."

"Damn right, I don't understand," Jane shouted. She abandoned her coffee on the table and stood up, her arms flailing at her sides. Her confidence crept back up over her emotions. "We're supposed to be a team. You're supposed to need me as much as I need you."

"I do need you." Maura stood opposite her. "I need you to help me get through this."

"Why?"

"Pardon?"

"Why do you need me to help you get through this?" Jane asked. "You haven't asked for my help; you haven't needed my help. You've gone ahead and made decisions about Luke without even considering how I feel. Even today, I'm the one who had to come to you."

"I was giving you time. Luke is my son, they're my decisions to make."

"And I love him like he's mine."

"You do?" Maura's eyes grew wide, her eyebrows tugged together.

Jane shook her head, her eyes fixed on a spot on the carpet. "I know he wasn't here for long, but those few weeks were amazing, Maura. I didn't, I didn't realise what it would be like to be a mother. I know he's not mine, but for a moment I wondered what it would be like if he was."

"Oh."

"One second you want to fight to see your son," Jane said, gripping a handful of the blanket. Her fists grew white. "The next, you're ready to give up. I don't want you to give up."

"I'm trying to do what's best for Luke."

"You either want him in your life, or you don't."

"Of course I want him in my life."

"Then fight for him!"

"It's better for him that I don't."

"Why?"

"Because I've seen the effect this is having on him."

"What exactly happened?"

"He got angry, really angry, and threw Gregory's phone across the kitchen. I asked Gregory about it and he said he's never seen him behave that way."

"He threw Greg's phone?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Sighing, Maura wrapped her arms tightly across her front. "What exactly are you trying to get at, Jane?"

"Why was Luke so angry?"

"Because he's unsettled."

"How do you know?"

"He's not acted like this before, the common denominator is me."

"Says who?"

"Gregory. We talked and I realised that he was right, being there was causing more problems than it was solving."

"And you don't have a problem with that?"

"No."

"Fine." She marched towards the exit, then turned back. "You know what, maybe Luke is better off without you. He needs someone strong, someone who's willing to fight for him. He needs a mother he can trust, not a woman who says one thing and does something else entirely. Maybe you're right, give up now, Luke will be better off without you in his life."

"Excuse me?"

"What?" Jane asked. "Isn't that what you think? Isn't that what you believe? Who am I to step in your way?"

"I…"

"You tell me you're only making it worse, that you're giving up, for Luke."

"Yes."

"That is exactly what I repeated back to you, exactly what you said to me."

"I…" Maura shook her head. "Why are you being so cruel?"

Jane closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're still not getting it."

"Getting what, Jane?"

"It doesn't matter," she shouted. "None of it matters anymore, Maura. I've tried. I've been fighting for so long. I'm sick and tired of fighting you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" she shrugged and pulled the door open. "I'm saying I'm going home."

"But there's a storm coming," Maura said. "And you don't have any clothes on."

"I don't care."

"At least wait and let me call you a cab."

"No." Jane dropped the blanket on the floor and took one of Maura's rain jackets off the hanger by the door. She wrapped it around her body and buckled it up. "Call me when you're ready to listen to me, or something."

Author Note: At least in the previous two versions of this chapter, Jane wasn't naked...so there is that bonus to this one?!