Author Notes: I'm getting there, slowly! Finally finished another chapter. I have been so lazy lately. I'm trying my best to keep persevering with chapters, even though my motivation is extremely low. Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting on the previous chapter, it really does help to know you're still all here by my side, waiting for more.
Buses sat side by side like children waiting in line for lunch. People milled around, drinking coffee from paper cups, checking their watches for the sixteenth time, and playing on their cell phones. Jane ran through the terminal, her heart racing as she searched every face.
"Excuse me," she said, tapping a man in a bus terminal uniform on the shoulder. "I'm looking for my…a kid. He's fifteen, blonde hair, he bought a ticket a half hour ago."
"Where to?"
She closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know. I just know he bought a ticket."
"I can't help if I don't know where he's goin'."
"I don't know where he's going," Jane said, her fist clenched. The man folded his arms and stared at her, expectant. She stared back, wishing she could wave a magic wand and get the help she needed. She choked her words out. "Can you find out where he's going?"
"How'd ya expect me to do that?"
"I'm a cop." She held out her badge. "Please. He's missing, we have to find him before he gets on a bus."
He shrugged. "Alright, I'll ask if the ladies in the office know. But it's unlikely they'll remember. We get a lotta folks through 'ere."
"Thank you," she said, walking behind him toward the office. She continued watching the crowd, checking the men, the boys, looking into the faces of every person she came across.
The man disappeared through a door marked 'private', which closed behind him. Jane waited. Despite her position, she didn't want to intrude. He popped his head back out a minute later.
"Sorry, Ma'am, no one knows."
"No one knows anything?"
He shook his head. She sighed and turned, running down through the terminal to the far end. He had to be somewhere. She started again at the end, re-searching faces.
She gripped the shoulder of one boy, spinning him round. "Luke? Oh. Sorry. I thought you were…"
She kept pacing back and forth, rushing about the space. It was hopeless. The terminal was too big and she had little man-power. She regretted, instantly, not asking Frankie and Korsak, or a uniformed patrol, to meet her. At least then they could search together and she wouldn't feel so utterly alone and helpless.
"Excuse me," someone shouted. She moved so quickly that her neck froze up. A moment of regret. She rubbed at the aching muscle. The man from earlier ran toward her. "Ma'am."
Eyes danced back and forth from his face to the crowd and back again. "Yeah?"
"Calista came off a break, she saw the boy."
"Which bus?" Her heart beat faster. She gripped his shoulders. His eyes wide with confusion and fear. She let go, trying to stay calm long enough to locate the correct stand.
He glanced down, then made eye contact. "Bangor, Maine; it left ten minutes ago."
Her heart sunk. Her stomach felt heavy. Jane opened her mouth, then closed it again. She was so sure that if she got to the terminal quickly enough, she could find Luke, and stop him. In a movie, it would be the exact moment he'd come out of the restroom and say that he changed his mind, he didn't want to get on the bus after all.
But life wasn't a movie.
Jane thanked the man and ran back down to the terminal entrance and out onto the street. She sprinted to her car, competing with a bus she didn't know she could catch. It had a ten-minute head start, that had to count for something.
She debated in her mind whether to call Maura. She deserved to know what was happening. But Jane couldn't focus on much else right now. Finding the bus, and Luke, was her sole aim.
On her way out of the city, Jane scrolled through her phone book on the screen in the car and pressed the connect button. It rang out a couple times before Nina's voice filled the vehicle.
"He's on his way to Bangor, Maine," Jane said, without so much more than a greeting. "Any updates?"
"Phone's still off, no further charges."
"Can you contact the bus company and get them to pull over?"
"I can try," Nina paused. "Would it not be easier to catch him on the other side?"
"Go all the way to Maine?"
"There's a reason he got the bus, maybe he wouldn't be happy if you tried to take him off it in the middle of the journey."
"Contact the company," Jane said, pressing her fingers to her temple. All of the stress was not doing her any good. She chided herself for not stopping to pick up a bottle of water. "Call me when you've got news."
"Alright," Nina said. She went silent.
Jane waited a moment. "What is it?"
"Korsak's not happy. The Mayor's pressuring us to close his son's case."
Sighing, Jane gripped the wheel. "I don't have time to deal with that."
"I know, but," Nina tried.
Jane cut her off. "Tell Korsak I'll do all the paperwork."
"All of it?"
"Yes." Jane gritted her teeth. She knew she'd come to regret it eventually, but she had taken off in the middle of a high-profile case. "Catch you later."
The city made way for highway. She passed bus after bus, not quite sure whether it was the one she wanted or not. Without more information from Nina, she had no other option but to keep driving in the hope that she would at least beat them to the other end.
x
Maura woke with a start, her heart racing and her mouth dry. She sat up, barely aware of her surroundings until Angela thrust a glass of water into her hands and she came back into the room.
"I, thank you," she said, her throat ached. She emptied the glass in several large gulps and placed it on the table. "What are you doing here, Angela? Where's Jane?"
"She had to go out," Angela said, sitting in the chair beside her.
"Where?"
"Out." She glanced around, anywhere but into Maura's eyes.
"Angela." She rubbed her temple, a headache seeped into her conscious. "Where is Jane?"
"She thinks she might have found out where your son is."
She gasped and jumped to her feet. Scurrying around in search of what she would need to leave the house. She got as far as her jacket and her keys before remembering that she was still wearing her pyjamas. Her chest heaved with every harried breath.
"Maura," Angela said, gripping her shoulder.
She stood by the front door, not quite sure what to do. She wanted to leave, to get to Jane, to Luke, but she wasn't one for going out in her nightwear. The mournful expression in Angela's eyes pushed her over the edge and she crumbled into her arms.
"I can't lose him."
"You're not gonna." Angela rubbed Maura's back, a soothing action that distracted her momentarily. "Janie's gonna bring him home. I just know it."
"I need," she said, pulling away and turning to the stairs. "I can't stay here and wait."
"What if he comes back all by himself?"
She shook her head, throwing her jacket onto the floor and her keys on top. "I can't sit here and do nothing."
She made it up the stairs, and quickly changed. Waking up to a nearly empty house did nothing to ease her fragile emotions. The longer she went post-wake up, the harder it was. She ran down the stairs and took her cell from her desk. Her hand ached from how tightly she held it.
"Jane, where are you?" she asked once the call connected.
Jane cleared her throat. "Driving."
"Where to?"
She didn't say anything for a moment, and Maura was about ready to scream. "I'm going to bring Luke home, I promise."
"Where are you, Jane?" she shouted, her knuckles paled. "Tell me where you are."
"I'm on the way to Maine."
"Maine?"
Jane didn't say anything. Maura closed her eyes and tried to hold onto her emotions, but tears filled her eyes, her hands shook.
"Why didn't you wake me?"
"Please don't be upset," Jane said, her voice slow and methodical. "I didn't do this to hurt you."
"You should have woken me."
"I know, but you were tired and I wanted to let you get some rest." Jane paused. "I didn't think you should come."
She reached out to the desk to steady herself and perched on her chair. "Why not?"
Her mind moved quickly through all the possibilities. Luke didn't come to her home, so maybe he was angry with her, too. It made sense. Gregory said himself that he told him she didn't want to see him anymore. Whether true or not, it would hurt. Or maybe the reason Jane had gone without her was because they'd found a body. She rested her elbow on the desk and supported her head, tears coating her cheeks.
"If he's angry at you, it might make him run further."
"That's it?" She asked, gasping for breath as relief settled in the pit of her stomach. "You think he's angry, there's no body?"
"Why," Jane's voice broke. "You thought I didn't wake you because there was a body?"
"I didn't know what to think," she said, her shoulders hunched, as she sobbed against her hand. "He's okay?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to think that," Jane said. "I don't know anything. I just know he got on a bus to Maine. If I can get there before the bus then I can at least talk to him, find out what's going on."
"Okay." Maura's breathing slowed, and her heartrate dropped. "Thank you, for doing this."
"I'd do anything for you."
Maura gripped the phone against her ear and swiped her hand across her damp cheek. "I love you so much."
"I love you too. Let Ma make you some lunch and I'll call you as soon as I know anything."
"Okay, bye Jane."
x
The bus arrived in Bangor, Maine around two thirty in the afternoon. Jane stood at the side, watching as each passenger disembarked, collected luggage and went on their way. In amongst the crowd, Luke collected a backpack, slung it over his shoulder and walked toward the ticket desk. Jane tossed an empty coffee cup into a nearby trash can and followed him.
"Can you tell me how to get to Glenburn?" he asked.
The woman at the desk barely glanced up from her newspaper. "Cabs out front."
"But I don't have," he said, his eyebrows tugged together.
"Next!" the woman shouted, and a man pushed Luke to one side.
Jane stood back and watched him. He looked down, confused and unsure. She smiled, relieved to see him, despite his less than sunny disposition. Stepping forward, she reached out to his arm.
"Luke."
He glanced up. His eyes grew wide and even more confused. The frown on his face grew deeper, then it softened into a smile. He threw his arms around her, forcing Jane to step back slightly to steady herself. She rested a hand on his back.
"I take it you're happy to see me," she said.
"Why are you here?" he asked, stepping back. He dropped his bag on the floor and looked around. "Where's Mom?"
"She's not here."
The smile on his face faded again. Luke lifted his hands up in front of him, his fists balled as his face contorted. He shook his head, picked up his bag and marched off.
"Luke," Jane shouted, rushing after him. "Where are you going?"
He walked faster toward the exit. "To get a cab."
"Wait, can't we go somewhere and talk first?"
"Why?" He shrugged. "There's nothing to say."
"There's heaps to say."
He stepped out onto the street and continued across the forecourt toward a line of waiting cabs. Jane stood in the doorway and watched, waited, hopeful that he would change his mind. Stepping up to a cab, Luke talked to the driver, then shook his head and stepped back. After a woman climbed into the cab, another one moved forward and the same thing happened.
After the sixth cab drove away with someone other than Luke, Jane stepped forward and squeezed his shoulder. "Come on, kid, let's find somewhere to get a drink."
He stared at his feet, rocking back and forth from heel to toe. "I'm not going home."
"Never said I was taking you." Jane ran her hand across the top of his head. "It's cold out, let's go somewhere warm, have a drink, and I'll help you figure out how to get where you want to go."
x
"So, where are you headed?" Jane asked, wrapping her cold fingers around a hot mug. She leaned down and blew on the coffee then lifted it up to sip.
He shrugged, placing his hot chocolate down. "Nowhere."
"You travelled from Vermont to Boston then from Boston to Bangor, Maine because you are going nowhere." Jane raised an eyebrow. "You're lying, kid. Either to me or yourself. Talk to me."
"Nothing to say."
"Why did you leave home?" Ignoring her question, Luke stirred his drink and took another sip. "Did your dad say or do something to upset you?"
"No."
"Then why?"
"I don't wanna talk about it," he said, slouching in his seat. "Not with you."
"Would you talk to Maura?" He rolled his eyes and looked away, anywhere but at Jane. "Something's happened, hasn't it? That's why when you left Vermont you didn't go to see Maura."
"She doesn't want me," he said, shaking his head. "She never did. She left me when I was a kid, and then she left me again, said we'd see each other but we won't. She lied to me. She's a fucking liar."
"Lucas!" Jane said, her mouth agape.
"You're not my parent." He stood up, pushing his chair backward so quickly that it fell to the floor with a loud bang. The other people in the diner glanced over. "You don't get to tell me not to do something."
"I don't." Jane stood. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to say that. Your mom loves you, she wants you in her life."
"No, she doesn't," he said, his voice cracked under the pressure.
"She does. What your dad told you, he wasn't telling you the full truth."
"What would you know?"
"I know a lot more than you think."
Frowning, Luke stared at the people still watching him. He picked up his chair and sat back down, putting his whole attention into drinking his chocolate. "If she loves me, and wants me, then why isn't she here?"
"Because she was so worried about you," Jane said, perching opposite. "She didn't sleep last night so when I found out where you were headed I went without her."
"Why?"
"Your dad told us what he told you, about your mom." Jane pulled her chair forward and resumed wrapping her fingers around her drink.
"I was trying to find the place we used to live."
"The place you and your dad moved to?"
"It was near here."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Why not?"
"What then?"
"I dunno."
"Do you have any money?"
"Some."
Jane leaned forward. "Do you have enough to live off of? Do you have anywhere to stay? Any way of paying for food?"
"I…" Luke drifted off and stared into his half empty mug. He slouched forward. "No."
"I know you wanted to get away." Jane rubbed the back of his hand. "We've all wanted to, at some point. But you need to think smart. I know you can do that, you're smarter than me."
He looked up, his eyes filled with tears as he tucked his hands under the table. "Nobody wants me."
"That's not true," Jane said, standing up. She walked around the table and motioned for him to stand up. "Come here."
Standing, he stared into her eyes. She scooped him up into her arms and held him close. "Maura loves you, and she wants to know that you're safe."
"But she doesn't want me to live with her," Luke said, stepping out of their embrace.
"That's not true." Cupping his face, Jane leaned close. "You listen to me, kid. Your mom wants to fight for custody, it's just complicated. Okay? She doesn't think she'll win because she hasn't been around much. But that doesn't mean she doesn't want you to live with her. It means she's scared. You understand, right?"
He nodded and swiped the back of his hand across his cheeks. "Yeah."
Jane lowered her hands to her sides. "Now unless you really want me to drive you to some small town miles from anywhere, shall we go home?"
"To Vermont?"
Jane sighed. "Really I should take you straight there."
"I don't want to go back there," Luke said, his voice broke and his eyes filled with tears. "Please."
"Okay." Jane stood upright. "Let's go back to Boston, we can sort everything else out from there."
x
When the front door opened, Maura ran forward, scooping Luke into her arms and holding him tightly. Tears slipped down her cheeks onto his back. She clung to him, sobbing against his shoulder for a moment, before she finally stepped back and wiped her eyes.
"I am so happy to see you," she said, running her damp hands across her clothing. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," he said, wiping his own cheeks.
She guided him into the living room. Angela disappeared into the kitchen with Jane, only leaving to hand them a glass of juice each.
"Jane's going to call your father," Maura said, handing him his drink. "He'll be here in no time."
He took the glass, shaking his head as he placed it on the coffee table. "Don't make me go back."
"Luke, he's your father," Maura said, swallowing a mouthful of juice. It broke her heart to see him looking so sad. She felt so powerless. "The custody arrangement is very clear."
"Please," he begged, his eyes filled with tears. "He doesn't care about me."
"He does."
They sat silently for a few minutes. Maura looked to Jane, watching on from a distance, desperate for something to say, some way to start up a conversation. Eventually, she found the words.
"Why did you run away? If it's because of what your father told you about me, I can promise you, he wasn't being completely honest."
He shrugged. "That was only part of it."
"What else made you go?"
"Him."
"What happened?"
"He doesn't listen to me. He never has. He doesn't care what I want. He made me play sports I don't care about, then got mad when I wanted to quit. He made me change schools, and make new friends, but I didn't make any new friends. Nobody likes the smart kid. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him what I want. He doesn't let me make decisions. I'm old enough to decide now. I'm not a kid anymore."
"No, you're not," Maura said, gripping his hand. "But you're not an adult either. Your father does care about you, even if he doesn't show it."
"No." He snatched his hand away. "Now you're not listening to me. He's never listened to me. All he wants is to succeed and to win. I'm like a trophy that he shows off to his friends. The kid he had to look after because his mother was too broken to do it. I make him look like a hero, I make him sound like the perfect person who sacrificed his life to raise me. I didn't ask to be his kid. He doesn't want me around. He left the country to get away from me. He just wants to beat you. He's never been there for me; he's never even tried to get to know me like you did."
"I," Maura sighed. The weight of his world landed on her shoulders. An insurmountable amount of guilt settled uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. She closed her eyes and flashed back to her own childhood, to the neglect she felt from the people who chose to bring her into their family. She opened her eyes and looked into Luke's, desperate to find some way of changing the life he had. "Your father loves you."
"He doesn't." Luke leaned forward, his shoulders hunched. "I don't remember him ever telling me that he loves me. I thought him having custody meant he wanted me, but he just didn't want you to have me."
"Why are you saying that?"
"Because it's true! That's why he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't care what I do as long as I'm not with you. Please don't make me go back."
"Luke," Maura said, covering her mouth. She looked at Jane again. She didn't know what to say, or do. Every feeling she ever had as a child came rushing back. The need to protect Luke overwhelmed her, and yet, she was completely helpless. She stood up. "I, I, I'm sorry."
"Mom," he said, jumping to his feet. "Please."
She turned around and stared at Jane, desperation in her heart and voice, then looked him in the eye. "I, I can't…I don't, I don't know what to do."
"Then I'll run away again," he said, picking up his bag and resting it on his shoulder. His jaw clenched. "I can't go back there. If you won't do something, then I'll run away and you'll never see me again."
"Lucas," Maura said. She closed the gap, cupping his cheek with her hand. She rested her forehead against his, tears streamed down her face. "I love you, and I want to protect you, but I don't know how I can do that when he has all of the power."
Tears rolled down Luke's cheeks. "He doesn't."
"I wish he didn't."
He dropped his bag on the floor and unzipped it, wiping at his cheeks. Luke pulled a file out of his bag and stood up. "No, he doesn't. He got physical custody of me but you got joint legal custody and he lied to you about it."