I was slowly progressing in controlling my thirst. I still didn't go into public, especially after that incident with Emily. Every time I thought of that time, I cringed and felt horrible for a while. So I avoided it all together.
I hadn't spoken to Jacob either, and that made me sad. Edward could see it, and I felt horrible for making him see it.
I tried everything to clear my head, having Edward hold me was a big help, but he was the scource of all my guilt. I knew that wouldn't work. I tried sitting in the backyard of the Cullen house, but I could tell that everyone was watching me, and I could hear all their mumbling in the background.
Finally, I decided to take a little run in the woods. I thought of getting some hunting over with, which I hated because of what I became when I did hunt. My stomach wouldn't listen to me, so off I went.
I told Edward where I was going, and he followed that with a confused expression, but let me go. I promised I wouldn't try anything funny, and Alice confirmed that.
As I was running, I was thinking about my situation: Jacob hates me because of what I am now, and I have insulted the pack, which will certainly ruin any relationship I have with them. I wasn't allowed to see Charlie, and that made me sad. Also, I had to stay locked up because of my thirst problem, and I couldn't trust myself anymore.
Going through all of this in my head kind of put everything in perspective, and that made it easier to focus on what to do next.
I finally got the courage to get a deer and quench the awful feeling that I was trying to push down. When I was finished, I just walked for a bit until I found a little patch of grass in the middle of the trees. I sat down an leaned against one of the trees.
I sighed. "What to do," I whispered to myself. The first thing I thought about was the Jacob issue.
Jake was always going to have a problem with me, and as much as I didn't want that to happen, I couldn't stop it. I don't think he would ever forgive me for what I did. I wasn't helping the situation by showing my hurt feelings in front of Edward. I promised myself that I would never show those feelings in front of Edward. I had to force myself not to.
The first step was to detach myself from Jake. I had to stop thinking about him. I loved Edward, and having him around was hard on everyone. I was being selfish about keepign him, adn it wasn't healthy to either of us. So that was that.
Time will only tell about my thirst, and how I will handle it, but I knew that someday, not seeing my family would push me over the edge. My only question was how long it would take for it to happen.
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I realized that alot of time had passed, and stretching, I got up and walked a bit further. I knew Edward would me looking for me, so I decided to head back.
It was getting dark, and I could see everything almost as clear as if there were light, but somehow, I managed to get myself lost. I surprised myself because I thought I would be able to know my way back, but I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, and I couldn't smell anything to lead me back to the house.
I wandered around the woods, getting a little worried. Not worried about me, but worried about Edward. I knew he would probably come out out to look for me eventually. Then I just dismissed the thought because I knew Alice would see me and then Edward would come to get me. I could just hear Emmett's booming laughter now.
I kept walking, eventually hititng the edge of the woods. Good, then I could figure out where I am. To my horror, however, I stepped out to find myself smelling a horrific smell. A smell that made me crinkle my nose in disgust. Wolves.
The Alice-seeing-me-and-Edward-getting-me theory went out the window at that point. Oh boy.
I realized that the pack would smell me and come running, and I didn't want that at all, so I ran. I ran back into the woods and far away.
I came to another edge, but this time, I wasn't in the middle of nowhere. To my horror, I heard people, and lots of them. I looked around, and saw buildings in not too far away. An alley way led out to bright lights and cars. I gasped and froze where I stood, realizing where I was. I managed to get myself all the way to Port Angeles.
I considered running back through the woods, but I knew there would be a phone somewhere, to at least a cab to get me back to Forks. I was tense and crazy to do it, but I didn't want to wander around the woods anymore.
I started to walk down the empty street I was on to the nearest restaurant to find a phone.
When I tured the corner, I had to take a step back. The wave of smells that flooded my head made me dizzy, and I had to recoil. There were people everywhere, walking on the sidewalk, going in and out of stores, and talking to each other on the street. I pulled myself together.
Ok, just hold your breath. I told myself. You can do this. I held my breath and took a step out.
I walked as fast as I could without looking strange, to the nearest building. A restaurant. I could do that. I walked in, and right away I wanted to die right there. Sitting right in front of me, at the bar, was Angela and Ben with a few of his friends. I gasped. Bad mistake. The smells of everyone in the room almost knocked me right over.
I didn't know what to do. I could run, and find a different place to clear my head and find a phone. I decided to go with that plan. to my horror, however, Angela spotted me just as I was going to turn around.
I heard her yell over the mass of chatter in the room.
"Bella? Bella Swan? Is that really you?" I almost ran anyway, but it was too late. I turned around.
"Angela?" I said, trying to keep my voice cool.
"Oh my god! Bella! I thought you were away to college across the country!" She ran over and gave me a tight hug. I held my breath again.
"Well, I'm back visiting. I thought I would come to Port Angeles for a while," I said, straining myself to keep my breath held.
"Oh I'm so glad to see you! But you look different! Did you do something to yourself?" Her voice was high in excitement.
"Not really," I said over the crowd. "It must be the time I've been away. I also just got over a cold."
"Well you look beautiful," she said with a perky tone.
I couldn't hold my breath anymore. The discomfort was killing me to no end. I let it out, and regretted it right away. I felt my stomach jolt in thirst, which caught me by surprise because I had just hunted a few hours ago. I doubled over in pain.
"Bella! Bella, whats wrong? Are you still sick?" She panicked and bent down to help me up.
"Um...yea...I guess so. It was a pretty bad flu." I groaned when she got closer. "Just back up a second, I wouldn't want to get you sick." It was getting hard to speak. I had to get out of there. I stood up to leave.
"Bella! Your eyes!" she yelled. "What's wrong with them? They're practically glowing red!"
"I'm trying... new contacts. They change color ...when my body temperature ...changes," I lied. I couldn't speak anymore. My body was trembling and shaking all over, and my stomach was on fire. I could feel my body losing control.
"Bella I'll call you a cab. You need to get home now, you look like you're going to be sick."
"No, I'll go call a cab. I gotta go. I'll call-" Another jolt in my stomach as I took in a breath. That was my limit. I just about lunged at her when all of a sudden, stone hands grabbed my shoulders and knocked me off my feet. I looked up to see Edward with a panicked look on his face.
"Edward! Oh it's so nice to see you! Listen I think Bella is sick-"
"Yes, she is. I'm so sorry to have to leave you, but i should get her out of here. It was nice seeing you," Edward politely interrupted. I was cradled in his arms trying to hold my breath again. I kept my eyes closed and buried my face in Edward's chest. Anything to get rid of the smell.
"O...k," she trailed off at the end because Edward was already out the door and running towards the woods, me in his arms.
I was studdering. "E-Edward...I...I almost-"
"I know, Bella. Hang on," he said softly as we bounded through the woods.