Before I left, I quickly came up with something to keep my mind busy, so Alice wouldn't find me out. Then, I tried pulling myself together.
I knew I couldn't act for anything, and I was a horrible liar, but I would have to put my entire being into what I was about to do. I had to do this to save Edward. I had to do this to save my angel.
I took off, running as fast as I could to the Cullen's house.
When I got there, I kept saying in my head that I was going to lie in the backyard and watch the stars. It was the best I could come up with. Edward met me at the door with a worried look on his face.
"Bella? Where have you been?" He said, putting his hands on either side of my face. "I was worried about you, and Alice couldn't see where you were. Are you ok? You look a little different." He looked into my eyes for a moment. I hadn't hunted in a while, so maybe the red color would help back up the lie that I had to make him believe.
"Um...I was on the reservation. I lost track of time. I had alot to think about." I was looking down. He tipped my chin up.
"Bella, something's wrong." He said, staring into my eyes, trying to find an answer. I kept my gaze away so I could keep myself together.
He appraised me again, then continued. "What happened? Why are you avoiding looking me in the eye?"
"Because, Edward," I said, pushing away from him. It took alot of strength to stare him in the eyes with the most serious look I could pull off. "Something did happen. You were right." I crossed my arms.
Edward waited, his facial expression too complex to read. I felt so horrible.
I took a breath. "I was running, and then I stopped when I heard lots of people again. I smelled something really good, so I went closer." I paused. Edward's expression was still unreadable. I kept going, trying to keep my voice cool.
"When I got there, I realised that it was a bonfire. There were so many people there. I just...I was talking to one of them and asked them to come with me into the woods for something. I told him that I had dropped a shoe in the woods. When we got there, I couldn't stop myself. I just...couldn't." I ended it there so he could take in my story. I was surprised and horrified that I came up with it.
Edward just stared at me in silence. Then, he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He looked angry, but it was hard to tell. He just stood quiet. I realized that I had stopped breathing.
I had to break the silence. "Where's Jasper?"
He replied in a flat tone, not moving from his pose. "He and Alice are hunting." I was relieved at that.
I was losing my mind at the silence. How long had it been? I had to say something to him.
"Edward-?"
"You killed him? Are you sure?" He interrupted. His head jerked back and his eyes snapped back open. They were fierce. A different kind of fierce. It was scaring me.
"Yes, Edward, I did. I feel awful about it, because I knew you wouldn't be happy. But you know what? Honestly? I don't feel bad. I really kind of don't." I let out a nervous chuckle.
Emotions flew across his face. It stopped at anger and concern. "What? What do you mean, Bella?" He took a step closer to me.
"Well, tasting human blood for the first time really felt unbelievable. I thought it was amazing. I couldn't get over the feeling I got with it." I kept my look serious.
"Well, Bella, thats ok." His face softened. "It's been hard. I mean, look at what you are. You are a vampire now. I mean, one slip up will not stop the world from spinning." His tone was forgiving, but his face said otherwise.
He hugged me tight against his chest. "Bella, I know that you liked it, and you want to do it again, but you can't. I know it's hard, and I'll help you, but we can't let this happen again. I'll be here, though. Don't worry." He tightened his grip. How could he be so forgiving? Why did he have to make this so hard for me?
"Edward," I said, pushing myself away from him. "I'm sorry, but I can't let that happen. I refuse to let that happen. This was the best experience I've ever had, compared to hunting animals all the time."
Edward gave me another horrified glance. "What are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying I'm going away." There. Now to wrap it up. "I don't want to hurt the people I know and care about, and I want to be able to hunt without being attacked by wolves. I want to keep your family safe."
"But Bella-"
"No Edward, I've already made up my mind. I'm going to Italy. I'm going to live with the Volturi. They will provide food for me, the food I want, and they will make me stronger. They will train me, and help me with any abilities I acquire. That is what I want. I'm sorry, Edward but that's how it has to be."
"No, Bella!" He shouted. "It doesn't have to be that way! Don't do this, Bella. We can fix everything. I promise you! I promise to you that I will be there, and I won't ever leave you alone like I did before." The hurt and pain was practically pouring from his features. I would have to end this soon, or I wouldn't be able to make it.
I scrounged up the most fierce glare I could muster, and spoke my final words. "Edward, I'm leaving tonight, and nothing you say will stop me. I'm sorry, but it's over." I turned to walk away.
Edward put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "Bella, this isn't like you." He spoke quietly now. "What has gotten into you? Please, Bella," he pleaded.
I whispered back. "I'm sorry."
I started to walk, but I was worried that he wouldn't let me go. I was sad to feel his hand slowly drop from my shoulder in defeat. I almost cracked right there, so before I could think of anything else, I ran as fast as I could as far as I could get.