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It Began with a Goodbye
by Riley Berg
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Chapter Two
It's so strange. I feel like I am shaking, but I'm not. There is this turmoil, this unknown something. I feel it hovering about me, and yet inside I feel calm, peaceful, centered. But I don't want to feel peaceful. With all the causalities, all the destruction, and Mother gone, how can I feel peaceful?!
"Um, Sophy?"
I look up at an unfamiliar woman.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Palmer. Stephen said you're here to identify his… friend's… body. I'll take you there."
I glance around in search of Strange. I may have known him only minutes longer than I have known Dr. Palmer, but he is one of my own.
As if reading my thoughts, Dr. Palmer adds, "Stephen will still come with."
I nod silently. I spent the majority of my time among exceptional people. I am unaccustomed to the way the "real" world works, but Strange said he would help me.
Strange takes the folder from me as we follow Dr. Palmer down a long corridor. I grow more nervous the farther we walk, but I cannot place the source of the nervousness beginning to gnaw at the sorrow pooled in my stomach.
I don't know how long it took to get here, or what corridors, stairs, or elevators we used, but I find myself standing in front of an open door with Dr. Palmer gently gesturing me inside. But I am frozen, with my hand braced against the doorframe as if that will keep me from having to walk in. Somehow, crossing that threshold feels so final.
That strange feeling of movement hovering about me suddenly solidifies into a recognizable form.
Time.
Walking through that door will eliminate some possible paths of my future, but open the gates to others that are now closed. A turning-point.
I glance behind me without really seeing.
An almost imperceptible touch at the small of my back and "Lady Sophia?" whispered in my ear bring me back to center.
I turn my head and look up through unfocused eyes to find Strange looking at me expectantly. I look ahead again, my decision made.
"Sorry," I smile lamely at Dr. Palmer, "it's just more… difficult than I expected."
A tear slips down my cheek for the third time today as I stare at the face of my mother, the Ancient One. She could be sleeping if not for the absence of the gentle sound of her breathing. I nod my head to affirm my identification of her because I do not know what to say, or if I can say anything.
I feel the weight of time on my shoulders as I understand that I cannot leave her until I have sent her to the resting realm, and that somehow that goodbye will only be the beginning of this new web of paths.
The one who taught me, who believed in me, who loved me even while I rejected her. The one who provided for me and was patient with me despite all that. The papers may be forged, but the Ancient One is—was my mother. And now am I without her.
"Sophy brought this with her. She wasn't sure what was needed to establish identity and claim the body."
It is said a little awkwardly, and I wonder why until Strange's arm brushes against me in handing the folder to Dr. Palmer. In my grief, I shed more than one tear. And turned to Strange despite not knowing him.
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My cheeks now dry of tears and my mind determinedly set to forget the emotion-induced boldness I displayed at Metro-General, I stand beside Wong in the foyer of the New York Sanctum, staring sadly at Mother's lifeless body. I am still not quite able to believe that she is gone.
"What now?" Strange asks as he returns to us, now wearing the Cloak of Levitation.
"Now, we take her home," I answer without looking at either of my companions.
Without the crudity of a gesture, I lift her body with my sorcery and set it levitating at waist height, straight as a board though there is nothing beneath her.
"In silence," I add before gently moving her forward, toward the expansive set of doors that hide the permanent portal to Kamar-Taj.
Wong and Strange follow in silence as instructed and those at Kamar-Taj that survived the aftermath of Kaecilius's search for immortality instinctively mirror their silence as we pass. I bring her to rest in the middle of the courtyard and with my sorcery form a wooden platform beneath her where she can rest until the ceremony.
I meet Wong's eyes and indicate my mother with a gesture, trying to communicate that he should guard her. Apparently, he understands my silent communication because he straightens his stance into a guard pose. Satisfied, I leave the courtyard the mundane way (by walking) and make my way to my mother's old apartments.
I have seen the ceremony several times, but I do not know how it is done. Hopefully, among Mother's books and journals lies the answer.
After hours of searching, I find my answers and spend another hour studying to make sure I understand. By the time I return to the courtyard, a silent gathering of students and Masters surrounds the Ancient One under the darkening sky. The crowd is depressingly small.
Strange notices me first and nudges Wong, who motions to the crowd to part for me, though it is not so thick that I could not easily pass through without much disturbance.
As I approach, I cause the wooden platform to disappear and Mother's body to lower almost to the ground as I kneel at her head. I take a deep breath, still uncertain whether or not I can do this. Until recently, I had abandoned the use of my powers. I have not yet reacquired my confidence in their use. And this… this is advanced.
But I have to do it. I have to do it for her.
Abandoning the elegance of commanding my sorcery with only thoughts for the greater control that the use of hands afford, I raise my arms, fingers patterned in a creation symbol. Slowly I form an alabaster coffin around her body, sweat beading on my neck from the exertion of a careful and intricate creation. I inscribe it in ancient tongue with her name, now known to none but me, her title as a Sorceress Supreme of Earth, and the many accomplishments of her centuries, ignoring the questionable means she sometimes used to achieve them. Finally, I sign the foot of the sarcophagus with my own prayer: May She who has kept many from Darkness and saved One from its grasp find rest among the Stars.
I close my eyes and focus all my attention on everything I know about the resting realm. Carefully forming by sense rather than sight a small portal between myself and Mother's coffin, I pull in a shaky breath before pushing the portal slowly away from me with equally shaky hands. I open my eyes to see the last trace of the sarcophagus disappear through the portal.
My arms drop, tired and sore, and the portal closes.
My eyes on the ground, I sense more than see everyone's departure. A hand on my shoulder causes me to look up. Wong has an unusually concerned expression on his face. I wave him away, pretending my exhaustion is born of sorrow, not overexertion.
With him out of sight, I cannot restrain the tears. She really is gone. The last person who truly understood, who knew everything. She was patient with me, tried to guide me even when I would not listen. And then, too soon after I decided to accept her guidance, she is gone. She wasn't done teaching me yet. What am I going to do now? Who will tell me who I am supposed to be?
Goodbye never gets easier.