Chapter 2 - Confessions
It was in the early hours of the following morning when Harry finally woke. It was quiet and the sun just beginning to rise over the castle. Ginny was still sleeping, still within his embrace. However, he realised that they were now tucked up in his old bed in his former dormitory, with no recollection of how they had got there. He realised though that it didn't matter, all that mattered was that Ginny was still there with him. Harry breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at the thought that it was all over, that he now had a future of his own choosing and that the woman he loved was there in his arms, both having declared their love for each other before falling asleep. Looking at her sleeping peacefully in his arms, all he could think about was just how beautiful she was, just how much he had missed her this past year and how grateful he was that she had survived the battle.
Not wanting to wake Ginny up, Harry carefully reached out for his glasses, put them on and took a look around the dormitory and noticed just how many people had taken refuge in the Gryffindor tower for the night. He quickly checked the time; it was still early but he knew that it also wouldn't be too long until people begun to wake up. He knew then he would be needed to speak with those who were grieving, with those still celebrating and he would need to speak to those few he felt were owed the truth about the past few days, the past year and perhaps even the past few years. And while he felt he was ready to deal with the aftermath of the battle and with the consequences of the war ending, he felt that there was only one person to whom he owed the truth about everything that had happened and that was the red haired beauty asleep in his arms.
Ginny was the most important person in his life now, much more important than anyone else had ever been. Harry felt and knew that she deserved an explanation and even though he knew he had more time than he could ever possibly imagined now, talking to Ginny was something which could not wait. It had to be sooner rather than later. He knew for certain in his heart that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her; he had known this for months. Now that he would be able to do that, he knew it meant that could be no more secrets, there had to be complete honesty between them, no matter how much the truth may hurt them. He needed to be honest with her; he needed her to understand why he had caused her so much pain this year. He wanted to share every little detail of his life, even the parts no one knew about. He needed her to know that she was an important part of his journey in his fight against Voldemort, though he knew it might shock her in a way she could not imagine. Most important of all, he wanted to reveal to her his final secret, one which he did not plan to reveal to anyone but her, not even his best friends, as proof of his love for her.
Harry felt Ginny stir, so he kissed the top of her head softly, tucked her hair behind her ear and whispered;
"Ginny."
He watched as she slowly opened her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that always made him melt when he looked at them.
"Let's get up and go for a walk before everyone else wakes up" he continued. "I want time for just us before everyone else realises I'm awake."
After they had both had a quick shower and changed into clean clothes that Kreacher had left for them Harry and Ginny walked down hand in hand, towards their favourite spot near the Black Lake, where they had spent many happy days together barely a year before. Harry sat down with his back against their favourite tree, as Ginny settled down next to him, still holding his hand firmly in hers. Harry turned to look at her, taking in just how much he had missed her beautiful face, while realising that despite what he needed to explain to her, it would not be as difficult as it had been the night he had to tell Dumbledore and Sirius about what had happened in the graveyard the night Voldemort had returned. For once, there was no confusion for he understood everything; it had been him who had figured the final piece of the puzzle he needed to defeat the dark wizard once and for all. Everything he had learnt in the past few days had finally helped him make sense of the past seven years and why it had always been him that could truly end it. As he looked into her brown eyes, he saw her love for him, he saw the patience she was willing to give him and he knew she would understand why he had made the decisions he had during the past year.
"I want to tell you everything, and I mean everything. I don't want any more secrets between us. I love you too much to do that to you again," he began.
"Harry, I love you too," Ginny replied, making Harry feel more confident about what he needed to share with her.
"There is so much to tell you, but today I want to tell you about the past year. I owe the truth to you about that as I know I have hurt you for which I am truly sorry," he continued, as he looked at her, pleading with his eyes for her forgiveness.
"There's nothing to forgive you for, Harry. I know you had your reasons and I have accepted that," Ginny replied softly.
"Before I start though, I need you to understand how much it broke my heart to break up with you last year. I only did it to protect you, not that you were safe here as I had hoped. But I know now that I also did it, because I love you and needed to know that you would here if I came out of all of this alive," Harry said, willing her again with his eyes to understand him.
"I know. And as much as it broke my heart, I let you walk away, rather than fight for you because of how much I love you. But you are here now with me and that is all that matters," she replied as she cupped his face with her hand.
So Harry began to talk about everything, starting with the prophecy and finishing with the moment he had defeated Tom Riddle. He explained to Ginny how it all fit together, him, the prophecy, the horcruxes, the hallows and how in the end it had all come back to that one fateful night in Godric's Hollow. He could only think how it was a testament to Ginny's strength that she had not reacted in a negative way when he had told her the truth behind Riddle's diary.
"The first horcrux I destroyed by accident in my second year. It was the diary. I think it is how Dumbledore figured it out, though it was not confirmed until we got Slughorn's memory. It was never a memory that possessed you, it was actually a part of Voldemort's soul that did."
Harry could only watch as Ginny processed this information but was relieved when she squeezed his hand and nodded for him to continue. So he did and as he spoke, he could see her examining his face, while she listened intently to the words he spoke, but never once did she interrupt him. He too examined her face, watching her expressions and reactions to what he told her, whether she understood, but her face remained calm, taking in everything he was saying, giving him the strength to continue even when he thought he might stumble.
With everything said, there was now only one part to the story that Harry needed to tell her now, a part of which he would never reveal to anyone else, not even the two people who had been on this journey with him over the past year. He was determined to keep this as their secret, as a reminder and as proof of his love for Ginny. He pulled her closer to him, allowing her to place her head on his shoulder, while holding her in his arms, so that when he told her what he needed to say, she would understand that this would be their secret forever more.
He took a deep breath, despite knowing that for him, this was the easiest part to tell her, despite never having been good at expressing his own feelings.
"Ginny, the last part I want to tell you is for only you to know and you alone. I have no intentions of telling anyone else. I will say it again though that anything that I have done in this past year that may have hurt you, I did so to protect you. I love you too much to allow anything to happen to you. It was the reason I broke up with you, the reason I wanted you to remain safe in the Room of Requirement. And even though I broke up with you, I never really left you. You still had my heart; I would watch your dot on the Marauder's Map, hoping you were safe, wishing you could hear me somehow. You are what kept me going all those months on the run."
He took another deep breath; he needed the words he said next to come out right, so she would know just how important she was to him, so she would know just how much he loved her.
"I walked past you when you were helping that girl and I didn't stop, I couldn't stop, but I really wanted to. And I know I didn't say goodbye when I walked into the forest to face my own death, but I don't think, no, I know I would not have been able to continue had I stopped, had I spoken to you. I would have let you talk me out of going, I would have just wanted to run and hide with you. And hearing your screams when I pretended to be dead nearly broke me. I wanted to call out to you, so you knew I was alive but I couldn't if I was going to be able to finish Riddle once and for all. I nearly didn't go after him when I saw that killing curse miss you. I wanted to kill Bellatrix instead, but obviously your mum got there first."
Harry felt Ginny move in closer to him and he felt her grip tighten on him, as he tightened his grip on her.
"When I faced Riddle in the forest, as I stood there unwilling to defend myself, allowing him to kill me, my last thoughts, they were of you and only you. And when I came back, the choice to do so was not just so I could finish Riddle, but so I could finally be with you."
He said everything; he had managed to reveal what would be their secret, showing her just how much he loved her. He looked down at her and saw her face gazing up at him, with the broadest smile on her face, her eyes gleaming with tears. He softly kissed her forehead and smiled back at her, knowing she had accepted and understood everything he had told her. Most importantly, she now knew and understood just how much she meant to him, how she was the most important person in the world to him and that he was never going to leave her again.
Ginny had sat and listened to Harry talk about everything that had happened to him over the past year and now they were sat cuddled up in silence, lost in their own thoughts. The ease at which had spoken about his year had shocked her and yet had somehow eased her nerves about listening to what he had to say. But even so, it also told her that now the final battle had been fought and now that the war had been won, a sense of relief had washed over him, making it easier for him to open up to her, confide in her and to be honest with her. However, it still broke her heart that he had been through so much more in his lifetime than most people ever would.
She had been most shocked by the similarities between their experiences with Tom Riddle, both having had him in their heads at some point. He had been the horcrux that Riddle had never intended to make, while she had been possessed by one of those horcruxes, the diary, during her first year at school. She had nearly died as a result and yet he had died, removing Riddle's soul from him in the process. This knowledge had shocked her to the core, and yet it made the most sense to her and was the reason she had not reacted to the revelation negatively. It made her feel like she was strong enough to handle anything that came her way, especially with Harry by her side.
It was his final words that had touched her heart the most, which had made her fall in love with him even more than she already was. She had been the last person; the only person he had thought about before he faced what he thought would be his death. And she was one of the reasons he came back, he had come back so they could have a future together. She knew now that she was the most important person in his life; he had proved that with what he had shared, proven that he was in love with her. She could feel it too through their closeness. She felt so safe in his arms as he held her close that she knew she had the strength to be honest with him about what had happened to her in the past year. She shook herself from her thoughts and looked back at him.
"I am so proud of you, Harry, of everything you have done and accomplished. Thank you for telling me, for being honest with me," Ginny began. "I love you so much and I think I should be honest with you about the year as well. Like you said no more secrets."
"However, I need you to promise me that you won't get angry or upset at what I am about to tell you. I need you to understand that none of what happened is your fault. The decision you made was made when we all thought it would still be safe. There is no way you could have known what would happen here," she continued as she ran her fingers through Harry's messy hair.
"Ok, I'll try, but I just feel bad that I couldn't be there for you or protect you."
So she spoke of her year, the aftermath of the wedding, Hogwarts, Snape, the Carrows, the punishments, the torture she had endured, the DA, of everything that had happened. As she spoke, she could see the anger and the upset her year was causing him, but she could also see the pride at her actions and at her strength to stand up and against the regime. But as she approached what she knew had been the hardest part of her year, she felt herself stumble, not thinking she would be able to say what she needed him to hear, she looked back into his eyes and sought the love and comfort she needed and found it there.
"It hurt me so much when you broke up with me, it hurt even more when you disappeared at the wedding and it hurt not knowing where you were and what you were doing all those months you were gone. But none of that compares to the unbearable pain I felt when I saw Hagrid carrying your body, when I thought you were dead. It felt like someone had ripped out my heart, had torn my soul in two, like I had died too. The idea of you not being a part of my life, a part of my future was something I did not want to consider, something I did not want to think about. If you were not in my life, then my life would have been over, because it would not have been worth living if you were not there with me. Living without you was not an option for me and it has not been for a very long time. And that is because my heart belongs to you, Harry."
With that, she felt the tears start to come and she knew there would be no stopping them. She buried her head into Harry's chest, not wanting him to see her like this. She wanted to be strong for him.
"It's ok, I am here now. I promise you that you will not have to live without me anymore. MY heart belongs to you too, Ginny," she heard him whisper into her ear as he held her close, running his fingers through her hair. This made her feel safe, like no one could ever hurt them again. She could speak no more now, she had said all she could say and neither could he. They had said all they could, all they had needed and it was enough.
They stayed down by the lake for another hour. Harry sat against the tree, while Ginny sat between his legs, leaning against his chest. They sat, enjoying being in each other's presence, holding each other, feeling safe within each other's arms. They felt no need to speak; just being together was enough for them. Harry knew that her family, his adopted family, would come looking for them soon, they reluctantly chose to head back to the castle, despite their strong desire to be left in their own little world. Before they left, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her for the first time in nearly a year, both of them putting every ounce of emotion they were feeling into that kiss, both knowing that this would be the first of many more kisses to come.