We're sat in the food hall around the head table for lunch, me, Cristina, Zeke, Shaunna, Lynn, Tori, Marlene, Uriah, Will and Tobias. I am squashed between Tobias and Cristina, eating my food is hard as my elbows are pushed to my side restricting movement, I have to duck my head to bring my food to my mouth. Neither Tobias or I have said a word since we left the training room, I have offended him somehow and I'm not sure how. I briefly wonder if it is about Zac, but in my gut I know it's not.
Cristina and Will waste no time in telling the others about my victory. Zeke is glowing with pride.
"I didn't think it would work," he grins, "obviously Four is far better than me, he came first in our initiation, to be honest I thought he would just kick her ass and be done with it."
"So, it was a premeditated fight?" Tobias asks Zeke.
"No." Zeke laughs, "I just thought if it came down to it, she wouldn't last a minute. Chill out, Four, we're not plotting against you."
"Yeah, it doesn't feel like that all." Four snaps, Zeke rolls his eyes - their playful banter is unnerving. Sometimes, I find it hard to see Tobias as anything other than my big scary boyfriend that makes everyone run in the other direction.
"It was amazing." Will gushes, "Tris became the initiates' Four. Big, scary and powerful."
"That wasn't the idea." I say.
"Sure it wasn't." Tori says.
I clamp back my retort, I wasn't trying to be big and scary, I was trying to inspire hope, give them a reason to keep fighting. If I can do it, so can they. It's the Divergent in me, I know, because the Dauntless don't think like that.
"So," Lynn starts, "how did the initiates take the news they would be Factionless if they failed?"
"They didn't really respond." I say, " we bombarded them with information, I'm not sure it had sunk in for them. I know it's just a scare tactic to get them to fight harder and prove themselves, but it seems cruel."
"It has to be done." Tobias says. "Obviously we will never force anyone out, but it's a good way to see if they will stand up and help each other, the fear of being Factionless shows their character."
"Why can't we just threaten them with terrible jobs?" I ask.
"Because that's not as scary." Uriah says. "It's not as if they really will be Factionless, that cruelty was for us."
I have to admit, it's a fair point. I fought so hard because being Factionless wasn't an option for me.
"Look at this happy family." Peter walks over to the table, it's been weeks since I've seen him, I haven't missed him. He has been on night shifts at The Fence, as requested by him and granted by Tobias and I, any excuse to get him away from me, I was taking. Peter pushes Lynn slight so she has to shift upwards and make space for him. He sits, looking annoyingly happy.
"What are you doing, Peter?" I demand.
He takes a bite of bread and through a mouthful he smiles at me, "what? I can't sit here? Why not? I thought we were all in to holding hands and hugging now? You know, since two Stiff's are in charge."
"Careful." Tobias warns, we're all glaring at Peter.
"Alright, alright, alright." Peter stands, turning away slightly, he looks back over his shoulder at us. "I thought you all would like to know what I know... You know, about Abnegations secret? But I can see I'm not welcome." He begins to walk away.
"Peter!" Tobias roars. "Sit. Down."
Peter sits, he grins at everyone and takes his time to get comfortable, wiggling around on his seat, slowly picking at his bread. I feel Tobias tense next to me, preparing to attack.
"Unless you want a table of Dauntless' best, kicking the shit out of you," Uriah says, "I suggest you start speaking."
Peter swallows his bread, every second feels like a minute and every minute feels like an hour. Finally, he looks directly at me. "Abnegation are releasing some video next week, a message from our ancestors. It's what Janine was trying to stop." He points a finger at me, "your stupid little faction is going to destroy us."
My heart speeds up, my palms sweat. "How do you know this?" I demand.
Peter shrugs and looks at Tobias, a satisfied smirk on his face. "I hear things."
"Peter," Tobias speaks like he has tasted somethings foul. "I will not hesitate to request truth serum from Candor, I suggest you answer her question."
"Some factionless guy told me." Peter says quickly, blushing. His voice is nervous, as if this isn't going to be good enough of an explanation. "Normally, I wouldn't believe them, you know, they're factionless, they must be crazy. But they've changed, the Factionless are organised, they can fight, they stole a train. I barely scraped by getting off it, loaded with them it was, they pinned me down, they were going to kill me. Once they realised I was Dauntless they let me go. Said their leader had ordered no killings of Dauntless. Her name is-"
"Enough." Tobias snaps. "This is a lie. You're lying." Something about the way Tobias is holding himself, too tight, too serious, makes me feel like he knows something about this. His lips are pressed together, he's avoiding my gaze.
"If I was lying," Peter says, "I would have come up with a better story. They told me they're going to stop the video being released, that the leader of the Factionless wants to set a meeting with Four, they said Four knows how to get to them."
"He's untrustworthy." Will says, "it's Peter." Everyone nods in agreement, except me. In my gut I know it's true, it makes sense. The reason Janine wanted to start a war, why Marcus was avoiding meeting us, Tobias' reaction to Peter spilling this news.
"We'll look into it." Tobias says, but he says it in a way that I know he means he will deal with it alone. I frown at him. "You can leave now, Peter." Tobias dismisses him.
"What?" Peter asks, outraged. "That's it? That's the thanks I get?"
"You shouldn't bring information to your leaders to get a thanks." Tori says, "you should do it because it's expected."
"Unbelievable!" Peter shouts, "great, this is just great." He throws us a dirty look and storms off.
We all lapse into silence, everyone looks to Tobias, their faces' expectant. He doesn't say a word, suddenly, his face blistering with anger, he stands and leaves, he doesn't look at me, so I don't get up.
They all turn to me.
"What?" I ask.
"Don't you want to follow him?" Tori asks.
So he can lie to me? "No." I say.
"Well, someone needs to talk to him, find out what the hell that was about." Cristina says.
"Be my guest." I say. "He'll just tell you that Peter is a liar, we have a meeting with Abnegation in four days and he'll find out what's going on then." Is it in four days? I can't remember exactly, and I'm not sure what he would say.
"Peter said Four knows how to get in contact with the Factionless leader." Will says.
"I doubt it." I shrug, but do I?
"Yeah?" Lynn says, "then why does he look like we've just found out something we shouldn't have? And why do you look furious?"
I shrug, trying to control my face. "I don't know."
"You don't want to find out?" Uriah asks.
I set my jaw. "No."
"Any reason you're being so testy?" Cristina asks.
I glare at her, "we don't tell each other everything, and he looks like he needs space."
"Or he wanted to speak to you alone." She says.
"Fine." I snap, stalking off to find him. I can feel their eyes on my back, watching my retreating figure. I know he will be in our condo, I don't know how or why, I just do. I storm towards it, a scowl on my face. I kick open our door, and he is sat on our bed, his head in his hands. He looks up at me, eyes wary.
"Want to tell me what's going on?" I keep my distance, my arms folded across my chest "Why do I have the feeling you just lied to all of us?"
"It's complicated." He says.
"So un-complicate it." I say hotly.
"I can't tell you, I can only show you." He sighs, "tonight, I'll show you tonight, when everyone else is asleep."
"You're not making any sense!" I shout.
"If I tell you, you won't believe me."
"Because I often don't believe you and doubt you?" My words have an infliction, it's an insult, I know, but I am angry. He looks away from me, up to the ceiling.
He is keeping things from me, but doesn't trust me with Zac? He just lied to the leaders and our friends, and he wants me to sit back for now, and trust him with the excuse I won't believe him otherwise? Does he not know how feeble he sounds?
"Tonight," He says softly, "it will make sense then."
"Tobias," I implore, "what is going on?"
He shakes his head sadly, "Tris, I will show you tonight."
I glare at him, he doesn't look at me. A chill sets in around me, I know he isn't going to answer, I turn on my heel and march to the training room. There's no point in heading back to the food hall, I don't have an answer for the questions that will be asked.
I take my anger out on a boxing bag. I'm not in there for long, my knuckles have only just started to hurt, when Zac and Jane walk in, they falter when they see me. I am not in the mood to mommy coddle initiates just now. I am not feeling kind.
"Hi" Jane says softly.
"There is another forty minutes before you are due in here." I tell them, my voice is harsh.
"We wanted to practice in the ring, on each other." Zac says, he is staring me down, challenging me. I smirk at him.
"Get to it then." I say, pointing at the ring. I get back to hitting the bag. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch them. They are sloppy, slow. Jane is better than Zac, she has taken mine and Tobias' advice, she keeps her distance, and runs at him occasionally, using her elbows and knees to attack. Zac isn't prepared at any time she charges, it shocks him, and he always reacts too late. Without even knowing I get sucked into their fight and watch with interest. When they break apart, I give them both advice. They both heed it, and by the time the forty minutes are up, they are on equal playing grounds. It lifts my spirits considerably.
"Step out." I tell them, "before the other initiates arrive." They do so quickly.
Cristina and Will walk in, shocked to see me there, they begin to ask me what I am doing, but they spot Zac and Jane and keep their mouths shut. Tobias arrives not long after with a group of initiates behind him, it's the first time I feel he's looked his age, young and lost, the weight of the world on his shoulders. My heart constricts so I avoid looking at him, but I feel his eyes on me.
It's not lost on me that I am standing close to Zac, our shoulders almost touching, but Jane is also close to me. With the way he's acting, I doubt that will register to Tobias.
When everyone is here, Cristina stands in the ring. I stay with Zac and Jane, I can't help but glance at Tobias, he is frowning at me.
"This afternoon," Cristina shouts, silencing the room. "Is an assault course, outside. You will do it for six hours, over and over again. By the end of it, you shouldn't be able to walk. If someone falls, if someone stumbles, if someone fails, you are not to help them."
The last part is a lie, we want there to be teamwork, we want them to help each other. They will get bravery points for defying us and helping their other faction members. This is stage three already, and they don't even know it. I smirk at Will, he grins back. I wouldn't have made it through my initiation without the help of him and Cristina, or Tobias.
Tobias leads the way to the assault course, it's huge, and just outside of the dauntless compound, underneath the train track which is feet above us. It took us an entire month to construct it, it was Uriah's idea. I loved it, I pushed Tobias until he reluctantly agreed.
It starts with a ladder to climb to the top of a tree, there is a rope that dangles from the train track, for you to swing to another tree, then you have to scale down and crawl under a net flat on your stomach. On the other side of the net, you are met with a pool of mud, it drags you down and is incredibly hard to wade through, tugging at every muscle, and leaving you exhausted by the time you clamber out. Once you are free of that, you have to climb up a thirty foot wall and scale down the other side. Then you come to a makeshift river, it gives the effect of harsh waters, there is an under current that drags you down. It is impossible to drown in it, every ten seconds a pulse pushes you back to the surface, but it stimulates the fear of drowning. Once you have made it through that, you have to jump from a pod to pod, if you fall off, you have to start again. Finally, there is a raft in a lake. You need teamwork for this, there is no way to get across without two people, but we have given strict instructions not to work together. I look at the course in all its glory and feel like a proud mother.
The quickest so far was Tobias and Zeke, they took eleven minutes to do the whole thing. Tobias and I took twenty minutes, Cristina and I took twenty five minutes, Cristina and Will the same time. By the time you get through the mud your body is screaming in pain and you still have several obstacles to face, but when you're doing it with someone, it's fun.
We make them pair off, and line behind each other. It's not a surprise to me that Zac and Jane chose each other. I smile encouragingly at them.
Tobias, Will, Cristina and I stand on a platform above them, looking down.
"You are in pairs and will go in the order you have been place, there is to be a ten second gap between each pair," I shout down at them, "but remember, under no circumstances do you work together, help each other, or even speak."
Christina blows a staring horn, and two dauntless born initiates start off together, ten seconds pass and Zac and Jane take off. They don't speak, they don't even look at each other, but subtly they are working together. Zac swings from tree-to-tree first, and he pretends to throw the rope away from him, but really he's throwing it hard enough that a little jump from Jane will get her across with ease. He clambers down the tree and she watches on, he maps off what is easier for her and she follows, but make sure she never catches his eye. If I wasn't looking out for it, I wouldn't even notice the small help they give. Zac pauses at the net, logically Jane is smaller and will be able to manoeuvre it faster, he pretends to analyse it while Jane dives, making way for him to get through it faster. They get into the mud together, and once submerged they move closer together, I know they have linked arms and are using each other's weight to push each other through. They climb out, and he sprints to the wall, the way to climb up it is through the dents in the wall but we have placed a net over them so they're invisible, the net looks like it would be easy to climb, it is not. Zac figures this out pretty fast, Jane is slowly walking towards him as he starts up the wall, but I know he is mapping the way for her. When he reaches the top he waits for her to catch up, pretending to be annoyed at her slow pace. He and Jane overtake the dauntless born in front of them. I try not to grin. They scale down the other side together, at the same pace, mimicking each other.
Jane looks terrified at the river, she shaking her head and it becomes clear she can't swim. Zac whips his face around to me, pleading with me to help her, making gestures that demand he is given permission, I keep my face stony and say nothing. He shrugs and gets in backwards, he pulls her down, his arm wrapped around her body as he pulls her to the other side. I glance to Tobias, he is watching Zac and Jane with acute interest, it is like seeing what it would have been like if he and I were in initiation together. I try not to laugh. They hold hands as they jump from pod to pod, it looks like they're just sticking together, they're not. It's easier if you use your combined weight to jump across as the pods are bouncy. They get to the raft, not a word leaves either of their mouths but they both push off together. Jane clambers on, picking up the paddle, and Zac uses his leg as the propellers, they come back around to the beginning. I am trying very hard not to beam at them.
"Thirty-four minutes" Cristina mutters, amazed, looking at the stop watch she's holding. "How?" She asks.
Zac and Jane are gasping for breath, standing at the beginning, no one else is even close to catching up. The Erudite pair are bickering at the raft, unable to figure it out.
"Don't just stand there." I scream to Zac and Jane. "Do it again."
"Watch them." Tobias says to Christina and Will, so the four of us forget about all other initiates and our eyes are on the boy from Amity and girl from Abnegation who have far too much cunning between the pair of them. I feel inexplicably happy.
It takes about four hours around the course before the other initiates figure out they need to help each other, by this point they're exhausted, wet and cold. Zac and Jane are still in the lead, but they have slowed considerably, my legs hurt just from watching them.
"Should we call it time?" I ask.
"It has been four hours, we did say six." Cristina says.
"I think we should call it time, we're meant to have more mercy, they can barely walk, if they go any slower they'll come to a complete stop." Will says/
"Initiates, this is your last go around, once you have finished you can stop." Tobias calls.
Zac and Jane have just made it off the raft, they collapse on the floor. Janes head on Zacs chest as they both breathe heavily, they're laughing freely, proud of themselves. I feel like a proud big sister.
We wait for the two dauntless born who are at the end to finish and we come down off our ledge, the initiates are all on the floor, unable to stand any longer.
"Congratulations, Zac and Jane." Tobias says, "you are the winners. You decided that helping each other was more important then listening to each us. Teamwork is important in this faction. It is how loyalty is formed. You were just awarded points for stage three. Be proud."
They're all too tired and out of breath to speak or protest. We give them ten minutes before we demand they get up and jog back to the compound. Zac gives me a grin and wink as he jogs past, I laugh and hear Tobias' deep chuckle behind me too. I turn to face him, he smiling broadly at me. Momentarily this afternoons argument is forgotten and I fall into step with him.
"They're what I imagine we would be like if we were in initiation together." I tell him, nodding towards a disappearing Zac and Jane. "Able to read each other without actually speaking, subtly helping each other without others knowing..."
He places a hand on my arm stopping me from walking and we face each other, the initiates go inside with Cristina and Will. As soon as we're alone he kisses me, it's deep and passionate, the moment his lips touch mine I am gone for. I raise my hands to his hair, crushing his face to mine and kiss him with fervour. It feels like too much time and not enough has past when we break apart. I stare up at him, him down at me. I can feel my love oozing out of my body and wrapping itself around him.
"Let's go." He says me when the moment has passed and the air fizzles back to normal. I nod, afraid of what my voice will sound like. We head inside, hands entwined. I don't try and hide my smile.