Tanith Panic, Alicia's scene was supposed to be a sort of dream she has while she's unconscious - I'm sorry that wasn't clear. It would be better for her to fall in love with Ethan as Cal isn't interested, but I might just kill her off and save Lofty after all. Babbling babies are adorable! I wanted to give Max more of a role partly so we could have Zax moments and partly because he is actually very good in a crisis. Thank you for your review.
Bonnie Sveen Fan, thank you for your review. I wish Lily and Robyn could be friends on the show as I think Lily is lacking in confidence and Robyn could be a big support and help her a lot if she realised the true situation. But Lily hides her real feelings so well (and Robyn has other things on her mind now). Thank you for your review.
X-Sammii-X, Iain is a great paramedic - he was always good at his job (if not so much with dealing with authority), but he's become even better since Dixie left. Even if I do make him quit, I imagine it would be temporary. Cal's putting Ethan first for once, but it isn't easy! Cal and Tilly will definitely meet. Thank you for your review.
20BlueRoses, thank you for your review. Cal is in a horrible position as he really doesn't want to do is hurt Ethan - but Ethan is giving him no choice! I was going to kill Alicia because I don't really like her, but I adore her when she's vulnerable as I think that's the real Alicia. And she's vulnerable in this story... Although terrible things have happened, I do want positive endings for some characters. I think it can make a story sadder if good things happen but you can't be completely happy.
InfinityAndOne, that's the danger with what Cal is doing. He wants to make Ethan happy, but he's not likely to be able to go along with a fake relationship forever: he'd be ignoring his own feelings and technically playing with Alicia's. Iain might need a break, especially if he's injured, but he's an incredible paramedic and it's such an important part of who he is, so I agree that giving it up could be really harmful. Thank you for your review.
Guest, thank you for your review. I'm afraid there can't be much Zax at the moment as Zoe is trying to save Lofty's life, but I've put in some lingering glances across Lofty's unconscious body and some inner thoughts to keep it all ticking over!
Thank you to Smith111 for the follow and favourite.
Rita looked down at Iain and thought again how young and fragile he looked. Jez wouldn't be calling him 'old man' if he could see him now. She reached out a hand to stroke his hair but quickly drew it back. Not only would he be unlikely to welcome it, it was a risk when he might have suffered a head injury.
"Iain?" she said softly.
He didn't respond. Rita tried again, a little louder, but again there was nothing.
She wanted to ask him why he didn't want to be a paramedic anymore, but she knew now wasn't the time. Iain had retreated into himself. She was concerned about the thoughts that must be whirling around in his brain and a part of her wanted to shake him till he responded, just so she could be sure he wasn't beating himself up inside his poor tortured mind, but she knew it could be a technique to distance himself from his memories and that attempting to force him out of it could make him feel worse.
Undecided, Rita checked the monitor. His blood pressure and pulse rate were still higher than she'd have liked, but there had been a definite improvement in the last few minutes.
So perhaps Iain's trance was a good thing. A sort of wakeful sleeping that allowed his mind to rest as he was letting his body rest.
He did need to face his problems, of course, but he didn't have to face them all at once. He'd faced so much today already. He was entitled to give himself a break every now and then.
Rita only wished she had that option - but she was coping. They all were.
Louise didn't think she'd moved since the doctor had gone. All she could do was gaze down at the little baby in her arms and think how unfair it was.
She felt Lily's hand on her arm and heard the registrar speaking in an unusually gentle voice. "I know it's sad. But it is better that we know. We can ensure that she has the best care."
Louise nodded. She knew Matilda had been very lucky. She'd been with a doctor and a nurse in a hospital at the time of her cardiac arrest. Because of this, she'd had every possible chance. That could so easily not have been the case. "I just…"
"I know," said Lily again.
"She's so sweet and so beautiful," said Louise, trying not to cry. "I know that doesn't really matter. Even if she was an ugly little baby who screamed all the time, it would be just as sad because she would still be a tiny baby who should have a full and healthy life ahead of her."
"I think perhaps everyone you have come to care for becomes beautiful for you," said Lily. "When I first met Cal and Ethan, I felt Cal was the good-looking, charming brother. But now I know their personalities, I've found my opinions of them have reversed."
Yesterday, Louise would have been amused to learn that Lily liked Ethan. She would have sniggered about it and made sure to tell Robyn, which was by far the best way of ensuring everyone knew within the hour. Ethan had once said it was like a round-robin letter. He'd been quite pleased with his pun until Louise had pointed out that could be seen as a comment on Robyn's weight. Poor Ethan had been mortified.
Louise could definitely understand why Lily might consider Ethan to be the charming brother, but Cal had his good qualities too, as he'd shown when he'd first known Matilda. (And when he'd stripped off for charity, but that wasn't relevant now.)
Cal… Oh God.
Louise hugged Matilda closer to her. The baby's warmth comforted her and made her sad all at once. "How are we going to tell Cal?"
Lily looked uncertain. "I'm still not sure about that. Cal has no rights over Matilda anymore. If the parents are dead – and we don't know that yet – we have to do this through the proper channels. That is Cal's best chance of getting Matilda back – if that is what he wants."
Louise looked down at the little baby again and her heart squeezed as two bright eyes met hers. "How could he not want her back?"
"If he sees her, it is very likely that he will," said Lily.
"Then we'll have to make sure he sees her," said Louise.
Lily was thinking hard. "I think… I wonder."
"What?" said Louise, turning to her eagerly.
"I might have an idea," said Lily.
David, Amira and several other nurses were preparing a Resus bay for Lofty. When asked to help, Rita reluctantly left Iain's side. Cal offered to help too, but Rita had told him to stay where he was. He'd obeyed her instantly. Rita didn't think Cal had once questioned her presence here. Almost nobody had. She wasn't sure if they'd (rightly) decided there were more important things to worry about than the unexpected presence of an ostracised but nevertheless very competent nurse, but perhaps they genuinely hadn't realised.
Even though everything was terrible and Rita feared for the lives of so many of her friends, she felt glad to be back. This was where she belonged. Despite her absence, she seemed to have slipped back seamlessly into the life of the hospital. Filling a place that had somehow been kept for her.
But she was dreaming. Not only was that very unlikely to happen, there was still a long way to go. So many lives to be saved. If Rita returned to the hospital, she wanted to be working alongside Jacob, Robyn and perhaps Lofty (she wasn't sure if he was working at the ED again or just visiting). She didn't want to take over a job because Robyn or Lofty could no longer perform it. Or a job Jacob couldn't do because Connie and Grace needed him more than the ED did.
Rita wanted to be back here with all of them.
"Sorry, David, can I go and check on my patient?" said Amira. "I'll come back, but I'm looking after a very scared little boy. I don't want to leave him for too long. The red-haired nurse, um…"
"Robyn."
"Yeah, Robyn: she's got an eye injury, so it's just me, the scary nurse and the scary doctor in cubicles."
"Louise and Dr Chao?"
"Yeah, that's it."
David nodded. "Perhaps Robyn could look after the little boy. She's good with children. As long as she doesn't have to chase him around cubicles..."
"He's had an asthma attack so he needs to rest too," said Amira. "Sounds like a good idea! I'm on it."
"Thank you, Amira."
Amira winked at him. "No problem, handsome."
"Um... David."
"David. See you later." Amira left Resus with perhaps a little more bottom-sway than was strictly necessarily.
Rita wanted to disapprove, but the blush on David's face was very sweet and the crestfallen look on Cal's face was hilarious. He hadn't actually made a move on Amira, but his eyes had followed her around Resus and his pride was definitely hurt knowing Amira seemed to prefer David to him.
On the whole, Rita was impressed with Amira. She was professional, hardworking and a very competent nurse. I'd have her on my team any day, thought Rita, before remembering it wasn't her team anymore.
"Amira, wait a moment, please – would you mind taking Cal with you?" said Rita. Not that she had any interest in matchmaking at the moment, but neither she nor David wanted Cal trying to involve himself in Lofty's treatment. "It's going to be really difficult for you, Cal, watching Lofty being treated and not being able to do anything, and you don't want Zoe to be cross with David because you haven't gone."
A smile appeared on Cal's face and he carefully got to his feet.
"Come on then," said Amira. "I haven't got all night."
Cal walked towards her. At the door, he stopped and turned. "Welcome back, Sister Freeman," he said. "We've missed you."
Rita watched him go with tears of gratitude in her eyes.
It was almost like clockwork. As soon as they arrived in Resus, a nurse inserted a central line while another prepared to run an ECG. David attached the catheter, while a fourth nurse was ready to take bloods.
"Okay, we need FBCs, U&Es including potassium, LFTS, arterial blood gasses, creatinine, calcium, phosphate, creatine kinase and uric acid, please," said Zoe. "Dylan, can you… Dylan?"
Dylan was leaning over Lofty. "Ben, can you hear me? Open your eyes."
Lofty's eyes opened. He looked at Dylan and moaned softly.
"You're in pain?" Dylan looked around. "Entonox, please. Ben, can you tell me where the pain is?"
Zoe couldn't understand Lofty's tiny gasp, but Dylan clearly heard it.
"He has pain in his legs," Dylan told Zoe. His voice was calm, but she saw the hint of panic in his eyes.
"Right: we'll get you in for an x-ray as soon as we can, Lofty," said Zoe. "Glad you're back with us." She was even glad in a way that Lofty had pain in his legs. At least it meant he could still feel them.
She caught Max's eye. He was standing by the doors, not interfering in any way but still very much there. He was partly there for Lofty, of course.
But could he perhaps be there for Zoe too?
Max gave her an encouraging smile. "Anything I can do?"
"You could let us get on with our jobs," suggested Dylan, without pausing in his work.
Sorry, mouthed Zoe to Max.
Max's smile told her it didn't matter at all. See you later! he mouthed back.
Zoe really hoped he would.
They shared another millisecond of eye contact – and then Zoe was back in the moment; back in Resus.
A nurse signalled to her and she went to check Lofty's ECG, looking for signs of hyperkalaemia. There were no peaked T waves, which was usually the earliest sign. No flattening and widening of the P waves or lengthening of the PR segment. They would keep monitoring, of course, but this was a good sign. Zoe knew that a crush injury would have been unlikely, but this was the first time she allowed herself to feel anything close to hope.
And not just for Lofty. Perhaps for her marriage too.