Gillian Kearney Fan, I don't think this story will go much beyond the end of the episode, so there might not be time for Amira to become a permanent character, but I really like her. I haven't seen Dylan and Zoe's 'stop waggling' scene, but it sounds great! A Zax reunion is a definite possibility. Thank you for your review.
Guest, thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying the Zax moments! I'm afraid they don't have any scenes together in this chapter, but they do both feature and it's probably fair to say one of them is in the other's thoughts, at least some of the time.
X-Sammii-X, thank you for your review. Even though we saw a different side to Amira in this part of the episode, I still wanted to show her spirit. Cal and Matilda will finally meet in Chapter 31, I think. I think a few people would cry if Lofty died, including Dylan! Rita definitely needs to come back - the ED needs her and so does Iain!
InfinityAndOne, Lily's idea isn't that exciting, so please don't get your hopes up too much! The way Rita was treated before she left made me so sad, so I really wanted to show the others appreciating her. Thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're still reading and enjoying this, even though the episode was two months ago!
Tanith Panic, thank you for your review. The fact he can feel pain lessens the chance of disability, but maybe you shouldn't rule it out completely. I would hate for you to hope for the best and then be devastated later. There might be a few volunteers to take care of Matilda! I'm glad you like my Amira - it's not every girl who ignores Cal!
20BlueRoses, the idea won't be that exciting, but Cal is definitely in for a shock! Lofty isn't out of the woods yet, but so far, all the signs have been encouraging - though this is Casualty, so encouraging signs might actually be a sign things are about to go wrong. I'm glad you liked Dylan's bluntness to Max. Thank you for your review.
Ethan entered the room slowly. He tried to smile and say hello, but his throat closed up at the sight of her and his eyes filled with tears. All he wanted was to throw himself onto the bed and weep, but he knew he had to stay strong for Alicia. And for Cal.
Ethan took his glasses off and rubbed the tears away. It was horrible seeing Alicia like this, but his sufferings were nothing in comparison with hers. He had so nearly… no, Cal had so nearly lost her. She must have been in so much pain and it would only continue once she woke up… if she woke up. She'd only come back to Holby for the day (though she had since agreed to stay and complete her placement) and she hadn't wanted to be here at all.
If only she hadn't been, thought Ethan. If only another locum had been assigned to Holby ED. It would mean that Ethan… no, that Cal wouldn't have seen her again and realised how beautiful she was, but that was a small price to pay if it meant Alicia would remain alive and healthy.
Ethan swallowed and made his way to the side of the bed. Very gently, he took Alicia's hand in his. "Hey, Alicia." He had to stop and clear his throat. "It's Ethan. Cal is really sorry he couldn't be here. He's suffered a slight head injury and although he's probably okay – he's been running round saving lives and generally being a hero – we want to make completely sure he's all right so we're getting tough with him and ensuring he takes the proper precautions."
He looked at Alicia. Her face looked so white and still, but so exquisite. As though she was made of porcelain. She looked so fragile and at any moment, she really could break and leave them forever.
Ethan knew it wasn't that likely. Most people made a full recovery from TRALI, but 'most' didn't mean everyone. He couldn't assume she would be all right because he didn't know.
"Cal asked me to give you a message," said Ethan. "He really wants to take you out to dinner and as soon as you're better, he's going to do just that. If it takes you a while to feel ready, that's okay. I really think Cal would wait for you forever. But when you are ready, he's going to take you out and you'll have the most wonderful time. He'll pick you up in a limousine and help you into the car. You'll ride there together, your hand in his. And Cal will look at you and think how beautiful you are and wonder how he ever got to be so lucky; what he could possibly have done to deserve you. He'll talk to you all the way to the restaurant: he'll tell you how lovely you are and if you're nervous about going on your first date since the accident, he'll reassure you that he'll look after you. He won't be expecting any problems because of course you'll be better by then. If you do have problems, it will probably just be lightheadedness caused by nerves or hunger or maybe even Cal's presence. He says he has that effect on girls. But you'll be okay because you'll have Cal there and he's not only very protective and actually very kind if you happen not to be his little brother, he's also a doctor in emergency medicine, so you really couldn't be safer with him."
He smiled and then a tiny gasp escaped his lips.
Had Alicia just moved? Did her finger press against his for just one moment? Or was that his imagination?
Dylan stayed close to Lofty. "How are you feeling?"
"Feel sick," mumbled Lofty.
David was there instantly with a bowl, which he held for him as Dylan helped Lofty to sit up.
"Sorry," said Lofty, wiping his mouth with a tissue David had handed him.
"Don't apologise," said Dylan. "Just…" He looked at Lofty again and realised how close he'd come to losing him. It probably wasn't his fault he'd missed Lofty's text today, but if he hadn't ignored all the other texts, maybe Lofty would have told him ages ago that he was coming and this would have been avoided. "Just get better, please."
"I'll do my-" began Lofty, but he broke off in shock as Dylan's arms took on a life of their own. He was careful not to squeeze Lofty too tightly, knowing internal injury was still possible, but he wanted to leave Lofty in no doubt of his feelings of friendship, respect and perhaps even, in a way, love.
After the first moment of surprise, Lofty lifted his arms and hugged Dylan back.
"Careful, Dylan," said Zoe warningly.
Dylan held Lofty for another moment – an amazing, special moment while he thought how lucky he was that Lofty was still his friend – then he helped Lofty to lie back down. "I will be careful," he said, but he wasn't just talking about now.
Lofty was his friend. You always had to be careful with your friends.
You never knew when they might leave you.
Iain didn't know where he was. He didn't know where he'd been.
But there was one thing in his mind. I'm not a paramedic anymore.
He turned to look at Rita. He had a feeling she shouldn't be there and he knew he couldn't trust her, though the reasons for that were hazy, like everything else in his mind.
"Rita, where am I?" he asked.
Rita's hand moved towards his. Just before their skin touched, it stopped abruptly. Her hand was seized by trembling and she quickly snatched it away. "You're in the hospital, Iain. You were in a helicopter and it crashed. You've had a scan and I'm keeping you under observation for now, but we don't think you're seriously injured."
Iain couldn't take his eyes of her hand. He wanted to hold it. He needed something to hold on to.
His own hand shot out and took it, then glanced at her face to see if she minded. Her eyes were slight and there was a sad but relieved smile on her face.
"Rita, I can't be a paramedic anymore. I can't."
"I believe you can," said Rita, her voice and eyes steady. "You're a good paramedic, Iain. A very good paramedic and I'm sure you were a good soldier too."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew," said Iain.
"Then why don't you tell me?" said Rita.
Lily didn't know why she was crying.
Or rather, she could think of several reasons why she might cry, but she didn't understand why it was happening now.
She sniffed and blinked hard, trying to focus her attention on securing Matilda's nappy. She'd been fine until about halfway through the task. She was tired and emotional, but probably less so than most.
But she worked in a hospital. She was used to treating people with injuries. She was even used to treating her colleagues: they were all rather on the accident-prone side. To distract herself from her emotions (and from the horrific smells this sweet little baby was somehow capable of producing), she made a mental list of all staff members who had, to her knowledge, required medical treatment since she'd been working here. Connie, Dylan, Zoe, Ash, Ethan, Cal, Alicia, Charlie, Jacob, Tess, Lofty, Robyn, Iain, Big Mac, Noel and Honey (if you counted shop staff) had all received treatment by ED staff. Most of those who hadn't were either recent arrivals or they hadn't left very long after Lily's arrival.
Yes, she was used to treating her colleagues and she knew she could do it.
But the tears were still falling.
Lily wiped her nose on her sleeve and tried again with the nappy pin.
"Lily?" Louise was looking at her in concern. "Would you like me to take over?"
"No," said Lily shortly. "Thank you."
Finally, the pin slotted into place. Lily flicked the safety catch.
Lily looked at the sink and decided that while the staff room floor was a good place for changing a baby, the staff room sink, particularly when full of crockery, was not the ideal place to wash her hands. She could also do with some time alone to compose herself. "Louise, would you look after the baby, please?"
"Of course," said Louise. She still looked concerned. "We'll wait here."
Lily found a sink with anti-bacteriological handwash. She cleaned her hands and dried her tears. She knew she should probably go and find Cal now and put her plan into operation, but she still felt exhausted and overwrought and not in any state of mind to deal with Cal's many possibly reactions.
She returned to the staff room, telling herself firmly that she needed to calm down. However she was feeling, it was exactly the same for all of them.
"Are you okay?" asked Louise gently as she jogged Matilda gently, making the baby giggle.
The floodgates opened again. "Louise, I am so sorry," wept Lily. "I don't know why this is happening."
"It's natural," said Louise. "I cried too earlier. I'm sure a lot of people have. Is there anything I can do?"
"Would you…" Lily couldn't believe she was asking this. She wasn't sure she'd ever asked for it, but she needed so badly to know that she wasn't alone. "Would you please give me a hug?"
Max wasn't sure what to do with himself. He wanted to go into Resus and help Zoe, but Dylan was right: there was nothing he could do. Besides, while he might be able to cope with holding Lofty's head, he wasn't so sure about potentially watching Lofty die.
He hoped it wouldn't come to that, but he knew Zoe was worried. He sometimes felt he knew her better than he knew herself. He could usually predict what Zoe was going to do, sometimes before she even thought of it, but Max had long ago given up on making sense of his own thoughts.
The only thing he knew with any certainty was that he loved Zoe and she loved him. When they'd thought they were about to die, the only thought in their mind had been to reaffirm that love (and to see Zoe naked again, but that really was a secondary thought).
This time, only one thing would stop Max from getting on the plane to the USA: Zoe deciding to stay here.
He loved her. It was that simple. Yes, she'd cheated on their hen night, but Max didn't think there had been anyone since then. No-one but him.
He wished he could say there had been no-one but her.
Though in some ways, there hadn't been. However many women he'd slept with, his heart had always remained in Zoe's possession.
Max believed it always would.