Chapter Seven
I put off going home as long as I could, and Zack stayed with me the whole time. When we finally did go home, it was way passed dark and it was only because it started to sprinkle rain. He went inside while I stayed outside. Sitting outside on the front porch swing, listening to the quiet patting sound of the rain hitting the already damp grass and sidewalk.
Naturally, I was nervous about going back inside after how I'd acted earlier, and that must have been okay, because nobody came outside to bother me. Everything had been fine, for the most part, just a few days ago. It astounded me how fast things could go down in flames.
I closed my eyes, just taking a breath.
"Princess?" Listening so close to the silence, I was startled at the sound of Mikah's quiet voice on the porch next to me.
"Shit you scared me." I couldn't help laughing, though, at the sound I made. Looking over, I saw him up close for the first time in a long time. Other than the night before, the last time I'd seen him, he was one of the ones standing in my new room to tell me goodbye.
Looking up at him now, I wasn't quite sure how I felt. I wanted to hate him as much as I hated the others, but somehow, I didn't. Perhaps it was because he used to have such a different connection to me.
From what I could see in the dark, he smiled. Probably relieved when I didn't immediately yell at him to fuck off.
"Do you mind if I join you?" He asked quietly. I hesitated as I thought about it. Did I really care? Everything was already destroyed.
"Sure." I answered with a calming sigh and a light shrug, "Why not?" He didn't waste a moment, coming forward and taking the open seat beside me carefully.
We sat in silence for a minute or two. I wasn't sure what to say to him, and I had a feeling that he felt the same way. It'd been so long since we talked, and that was the whole problem, but it felt different with him. I didn't doubt that they knew this, and that was the reason they sent him in to talk to me instead of anyone else.
Lightly, I shook my head. I wouldn't tell him to fuck off yet.
"So." He finally muttered, "How've you been?" It took me a second to believe that I'd heard him right. I didn't know whether to laugh or walk away at his question as I looked over at him. He read my expression, "What?"
"How have I been?" I asked, unfortunately laughing anyway.
"What?" He asked again.
"Okay," I muttered, turning a little in my seat to face him better, "Many things are wrong with that. First off, that's not a question to ask someone who's sitting here, holding whatever is left of the life they used to have after it's been burned to the ground and the ashes stomped on."
He winced, "True."
"Second," I went on, "That's not a question you want to ask someone that you abandoned, and haven't seen in four-and-a-half years out of what that person could only think of as spite."
"Well, damn." He sighed, "I don't know. I'm so nervous."
"Why are you nervous?"
"You're kind of mean now." He answered.
"Oh, come on." I rolled my eyes, "I'm not that mean. Just because I have a few hurt feelings doesn't make me mean. Now, dousing you in gasoline and setting you on fire would be mean. As much as I want to, I'm not that mean."
"Ouch."
"That would be the only way I know of to hurt you like I was hurt." I replied, quieter now, "But.. It's whatever now. It doesn't even matter." I turned my gaze stubbornly out over the dark front yard.
"We didn't leave you out of spite, Leandra." He said, "Have you really thought that this whole time?"
"What else am I supposed to think?" I asked, looking over at him, "You can't sit here and tell me that you've forgotten the way it all happened. You all said you'd always be there. You weren't there."
"I guess four-and-a-half years seems a lot longer of a time to humans than it does to us." He muttered, "But honestly. Give it some thought."
"Nothing to think about." I grumbled.
"Remember." He replied, "Remember how it all went the first time you tried to live here? You gave up after a month, and came home." I stayed quiet, "As hard as it was for us to leave you, we had no choice. We couldn't let that happen again, so.. We took away that option for you. It was the only way to make sure you stayed where you were safe."
Hesitantly, I looked over at him.
"And it worked, didn't it?" He asked, quieter now, "You did everything you were supposed to. Never spent a moment away from home without either Josh or Zack. You built the attachments here where you were supposed to. You pulled yourself up on your own, and believe me. I couldn't be prouder of you for that."
"You could have just said that."
"It wouldn't have worked." He shook his head, "If we had told you that, it would only have made it harder on you than it already was."
"But you were gone."
"None of us trusted our willpower enough to stay around, but leave you alone." He explained, "I stuck around for a few weeks, and I can't tell you how many times I nearly blew it. We all came back periodically to check on you, but this is the first time we've ever let you know that we were around."
I didn't know what to say now.
"I still would have rather had you here than be safe." I would settle for that.
"We knew that." He murmured, "So someone had to be thinking about your safety for you."
It was quiet for a few moments while I really thought about it. It certainly seemed like a truthful explanation, and definitely something they would do. Especially considering the way they'd left Bella behind that time, but I doubted she had this much of an issue.
Eventually, though, I shook my head.
"That doesn't fix anything." I admitted, "It doesn't change what happened. It doesn't change how I felt for so long, or how I still feel sometimes. It doesn't fix all those nights I spent ruining not just my own life, but everyone else's, or the days I spent wishing I was dead, just so I could stop feeling like I did. You don't know what it was like. You don't know what it's like, having no control over how you feel or what you do. Being stuck in a mind and a body that doesn't work the way it should. Being stuck in a body that tries to suffocate you because of a memory or a thought.
"After everything I'd just been through, you thought running off and leaving me behind was a good idea? I mean, I get it now, but that doesn't change what happened because of it. I didn't get this far because I wanted to or because I eventually forgave you. I got this far because I had no choice and because I was tired of watching everyone else lose a little more hope in me every time I turned around.
"Whenever Heather would leave the house, for an errand, or to keep herself from losing her job, I'd cry the whole time she was gone. I'd cry until I threw up, because I was so sure she wasn't coming back, and that scared the hell out of me. Mike was getting tired of me. Josh and Zack didn't know how to help me, but they never stopped trying. Because of me, they lost a part of themselves. Every time they look at me, there's always that worry there. They don't think I see it, but I do."
The silence dragged on as I fell quiet for a moment, and I had to glance over at him to make sure he was still there.
"They gave me something to live for." I spoke again, quieter now, "When I was at my lowest, thinking thoughts I knew I really shouldn't be thinking, it was the thought of losing them that made me want to move on. It wasn't because I forgave you for leaving me. It was them, and the thought of what I was doing to them by being the way I was, and the thought of what it would do to them to find me if I gave in to those bad thoughts. No matter how much I wanted to." I paused to take a breath and look over at him again, "So yeah. I guess you're right. Four-and-a-half years can seem a lot longer to me than it did to you. It sure does seem like a long time when I'm rebuilding myself from absolutely nothing."
"That certainly explains a lot." He finally mumbled, sounding breathless. I knew it wasn't easy for him to picture me like that, but coming back periodically wouldn't have given anybody the full story. Even explaining it now didn't give him the full story.
"What about your dad?" He asked.
"Boy." I muttered, "There's someone I haven't thought about in awhile." That obviously interested him, so I went on, "He moved back to Idaho right before I started to get better. I guess he gave up. I couldn't blame him much."
"I'm sorry." He replied quietly.
"I know you were listening in earlier, so I know you know about Andrew." I added quietly, and that really got his attention, "Andrew.. He was a part of me getting better. When I was better enough to leave the house, Zack would let me tag along with him when he and Andrew would go do things. Neither of them treated me like a lost cause, even when I felt like one, and I guess I liked that. I can't tell you how often they'd change their plans when I wasn't okay with doing something, but I got better.
"I don't even know what I was thinking that night. I'm not even sure if I love him or not. It was just something that happened. Something we did, and now look where it's got me. Mike thinks I'm a slut, and I guess in a way I am, but once again.. That doesn't change anything."
"I don't think you are." Mikah offered, "For what it's worth."
"Thanks." I muttered, but it didn't have much feeling in it, "It's not like I'm proud of it. I know what I did was stupid. I just.. Really wish this whole thing had been handled better, you know? I mean, I knew I was going to have to tell them soon, and I was going to, but.. I just wanted a chance to figure out how to do that. I guess this is as good of a way to tell them as any, though. No matter what, they were going to be mad, so maybe Carlisle thought he was helping by telling Heather for me? I don't know."
"Not to change the subject," Mikah murmured, and I looked over again, "But you said it was the thought of losing them that made you get better. In what way?"
What could it hurt to tell him?
"Do you remember when Aro helped me?" I asked, "With whatever Jack had done?"
"I remember." Of course he did.
"Well, that day, I asked him for a favor." I said, "I wanted to know if he would one day turn Josh for me. Like before. So I could maybe have my son like before." Instead of telling me how stupid that was, he just nodded, "Well, that day, he gave me the chance to change my mind. He showed up one day, when I was thirteen, and wanted to know if I still wanted that. I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't do it without him, so I told him no. That I needed him here, as he was, if I was ever going to get better. I'm glad I changed my mind."
He nodded again, obviously in thought.
"Have you seen Aro since?" He asked and I shook my head.
"No." I replied, "That was the last time I've seen anyone.. Like that. Until now, at least. Even that feels like a dream. I was so out of it back then, it's hard to remember things or figure out what was real."
He fell quiet for a minute, before he spoke again.
"How do you mean?" He asked.
"It doesn't matter." I muttered quietly.
"Don't say that."
"Why not?" I asked, "Mikah, all that stopped mattering a long time ago. I'm not the same person you left behind. There's no way you could have believed I would be. You're smarter than that."
"I was hoping you would be." I knew that was a huge confession, and it took a lot for him to admit that.
"Sorry." I murmured, "The only reason I'm sitting here at all is because of Heather. Mike, Zack, Josh.. I owe them my life just as much as I owe Carlisle. Maybe even more. I mean, I haven't forgotten. As much as I wish I could, I haven't forgotten about what everyone's done for me. That's probably the only reason I'm talking to you at all right now. I just really don't know how long my patience will last."
"We're not giving up, Leandra."
"Again?" I countered pointedly, "You're not hearing what I'm saying. You say you had reasons. Well, I do too. I have my reasons. I'm not falling for that shit again, so you'd all be better off just walking away now." I hesitated, "What are you even doing here anyway? And don't tell me it's because you wanted to see me. I'm not that stupid."
He was silent for a moment before I felt him tense beside me.
"Whoops." He said, "Speaking of Josh.." I gathered that he was on his way home, "I've gotta scoot, but thank you, princess. For talking to us." I also gathered that he wasn't the only one listening to me talk just now. I wasn't surprised in the least.
I had no doubt that I'd get to ask that question again soon.
"You're welcome." I muttered, "But no more freebees." I couldn't help smiling a little, just so he knew I was joking. Given his returning smile, he understood. He was gone just as I clearly heard Josh's truck round the corner up the street. Our house was only two houses down from said corner, so Mikah was right to make haste.
I stayed sitting there as he pulled into the driveway. I glanced over and noticed the thoughtful look in his eyes I was hoping not to see.
I kept my eyes down on the porch as Josh approached with a sigh.
"Have you been out here the whole time?" He asked.
"Yeah." I answered, "I'm kind of afraid to go inside. I'm so tired of fighting."
"I know." He said, taking the seat Mikah had just vacated, "But I'm pretty sure they already know you're out here. Otherwise, they'd be freaking out."
"Probably." I allowed, "But nobody's bugged me, so I see no reason to move. Are you still mad at me too?" He'd had a few hours to think about it.
"How can I be?" He asked quietly, "I feel like this is my fault somehow." He leaned back with a sigh. Frowning, I looked over at him.
"How do you figure?"
"It happened on that trip, didn't it?" He asked, and I sighed, "It didn't take a genius to figure that out. Both of you stopped talking to each other right after that."
"It's not your fault." I murmured, "I made a stupid choice. It had nothing to do with you."
"I should have been smarter about it, though." He said, "I know I never would have taken advantage of you like that."
"He didn't-"
"He did." Josh stopped that argument, "And I want to punch him in the throat because of it. What he did was give in when he shouldn't have, just because it seemed fun at the time. He didn't think twice when he should have. Just because it was your idea doesn't mean it's your fault, Leandra."
"Then whose fault would it be?" I asked, "Yours? You didn't know I was going to do that. I'm not like that. That's not something I would usually do."
"Like I said," He replied, "I should have been smarter. I should have made sure you were safe. I'm supposed to be looking out for you. You were vulnerable, and I should have known something would go wrong."
Before I could reply again, I flinched a little as the porch was suddenly bathed in light from the porch light being turned on. Josh and I both looked over as the front door opened. Thankfully, it was just Zack.
"There's still some pizza left." He informed us, "I think it's safe to come in now. They've been talking in their room for the last hour." If there was pizza, it meant that Heather wasn't up to cooking. Which was a bad sign.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn't say that I wasn't hungry. I was starving. With a glance to me, Josh stood up before offering me his hand. I sighed, accepting his help in standing up. I wasn't big enough around the middle to have a hard time getting up yet, but I still appreciated it.
"So wait." Zack muttered as I made my way inside, "That weekend in Seattle was only three months ago. Why are you saying it's four months?"
"They're actually counting ten months." I explained as we found the kitchen, "The month before I first missed my period is the first month. The month I missed my period is two. Get it?"
Without even bothering to get a plate, I grabbed the first slice of pizza I found sitting in one of the two boxes sitting open on the table. There was no time for a plate.
"Why?" He frowned.
"Makes it easier to figure out the baby's age." I shrugged once I'd cleared my mouth, "They're not taking my word for it when I tell them what day it was that I.. Y'Know. I guess it just gives them leeway. So technically, it's only three months."
"Can you tell yet?" He asked.
"Tell what?"
"That you're pregnant." He clarified, "Like are you showing?"
"Have you been able to tell?" I laughed a little, but I decided to humor him. Holding the piece of pizza in my mouth, I gathered my shirt and pulled it tight against my stomach.
"Barely." He laughed, "Turn to the side, fatso." I gave him a look, but did as he asked. He nodded, "Yup." Josh smacked him upside the head, much to my appreciation, but I had to admit that it was funny.
"Okay." We all turned, looking toward the kitchen doorway at Heather's sigh as she came in. I dropped my shirt, continuing to eat. She seemed so stressed, but she went on, "First things first. I called Andrew's father. Nothing will be decided until Andrew is well enough to deal with all of this. It's his right too."
I sighed in relief. I wasn't being forced to choose yet. I felt a little bad that Heather had called Richard, but I would be lying if I said I didn't expect it. I wondered how much trouble Andrew was going to be in when he felt better.
"Second," She went on, "You, young lady, are coming with me into the hospital tomorrow so I can get you properly checked out. I'm not convinced that clinic did a very thorough job. I want blood screens done, ultrasound, the works, and I want no complaining out of you. I want to make sure both you and the baby are healthy. Deal?"
"Deal." I could agree to that.
"We'll go over everything else tomorrow in regards to vitamins and diet changes."
"Diet changes?" I asked.
"As much as it sucks," She said, "You can't just eat whatever you want. Right now, more than ever, it's important to watch what you eat. Cravings are fine to indulge in, but moderation is key. The baby needs nutrients more than he or she needs ice cream."
"But I can still have ice cream, right?" I had to ask.
"Of course." She replied, "But not a whole gallon." I nodded a little. I understood what she was saying now.
She sighed, moving on, "For now, everyone agrees on these terms." By 'everyone', I assumed she meant Mike agreed too, which was another huge relief to hear. I nodded again, and she gave me a nod as well.
"Good." She said, "So as soon as you're done eating, go to bed. I've already spoken with the obstetrician who will be handling you tomorrow, and luckily, she's free all morning. I trust her completely, and from there, she'll probably give you information on the kinds of classes you should be taking later on depending on what you decide. You will be going."
I was already starting to get overwhelmed, but I nodded once more anyway.
We all looked over as Hunter wandered into the kitchen, already in his pajamas as it was pretty close to his bedtime. He seemed hesitant to come near me, but I fixed that by stepping forward and picking him up.
"I'm sorry I yelled." I told him, and his small pout lessened a little bit.
"Were you mad?" He asked, and I sighed.
"A little." I replied, "But not at you." That seemed to help a little more.
"The baby's okay?" He wanted to know, and I suddenly remembered. He'd apparently been talking about the baby since before I even knew for sure. Glancing over, I could see that Heather was reminded as well. She seemed surprised, but she wasn't saying anything.
"The baby's fine." I answered quietly, "Better now."
"Good." He smiled a bit, leaning down a little and pressing his hand over my stomach, "Baby boy."
I know Heather and I weren't the only ones to notice how weird that was, but I didn't particularly feel like looking around.
"If that kid turns out to be a boy," Zack muttered, "I'm going to freak out." I laughed, trying to play it down as I let Hunter back onto his feet.
I dreamed about the past that night. Thankfully, not too far into the past. The first camping trip we all took after I started getting better. It wasn't technically a camping trip, since Mike rented a cabin in the mountains somewhere, and his sister brought her family to stay with us there for a few days.
I was glad she came, because I got quite a few good laughs out of that trip. Seeing them also made me a bit sad, though, because the last time I'd seen them, it was while we were in New York. Everyone had changed so much, so it was tolerable.
There were many occasions that I got a good laugh, but one in particular stood out.
Heather was seated, balanced on Mike's shoulders, trying to change a light bulb in one of the three overhead lights. Heather was plenty light enough for Mike to hold steady, but not quite tall enough to comfortably reach the light without having to stretch. Robin and I were standing below, watching her while Mike made some joke, telling Heather not to get her head stuck in the ceiling fan.
"This is safe." Robin teased sarcastically, "If you can't reach it, I can toss Leandra up there."
"No way." I laughed a little, shaking my head.
One of the other kids made a sudden noise outside, startling Heather, who dropped the light bulb and sent it shattering onto the hardwood floor.
Instead of jumping, like I did, Robin just laughed.
"That sounded cool!" Robin joked. Heather grinned sheepishly, and Robin moved for the broom while I moved to pick up Hunter, who was drawn toward the pile of glass. He was two and a half at the time, so he really didn't need to be anywhere around a shattered light bulb.
"Leave it to Heather to start throwing light bulbs everywhere." Scott joked next, fishing another light bulb out of the package.
"Let me do it." Mike had offered, "I can climb up-"
"No," Robin immediately said, "That would be too much man up there. You'd probably break more than just a light bulb, and that wouldn't be good for anyone to see."
"Are you calling me fat?" Mike whipped at her.
"And old." Robin smiled at him.
I woke up just passed three in the morning. Not sure why, but I was glad I did, because I really had to pee. I flipped the blanket back, leaving my room in a decent hurry.
That dream had been one of the first positive memories I had of this whole thing. One I deeply cherished, because it was uphill from there. That whole trip gave such a feeling of family, one I hadn't bothered to see until then. That was when I first started to really admire Mike for the way he was and everything he stood for. He loved his family, and would do anything for them. It showed in everything he did, every interaction he had.
That was a lot of the reason why I hated to let him down so much. He'd sacrificed so much for me. He'd tried so hard to raise me this far the best way he knew how. I always knew I'd never be able to make it up to him, but this was worse than anything I'd ever imagined for myself. How could I be mad at him? He was right to be disappointed in me. He'd always done everything he thought he was right for me. This was no different.
I returned to my room, more than ready to go back to sleep, but I was startled into looking up at the sight of someone standing over by the window. I instantly sighed, though, as I recognized Mikah. I quickly closed my door, shaking my head.
"I guess I should get used to that again, huh?" I muttered, returning to my bed. I crawled up onto it with another, calming sigh. Reaching over, I turned on my bedside lamp, just so I could see him better, "You're so lucky I don't sleep naked." That was only partially a joke.
"Sorry." He replied, "I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay." I said, "It's not hard to scare me. I guess that's something I never really got over."
He looked down as he took slow steps further into the room.
"So." I mumbled, "What brings you by this early? Or late, I guess, depending on how you look at it.."
"I just wanted to see you." He replied, and I immediately gave him a look. He sighed, "Okay, so maybe I wanted to talk to you about a few things. I just couldn't leave it where it ended when we talked outside."
"Finally," I snorted, "An honest answer."
"Look, I get it." He murmured, finally making it to my bed and sitting down, "I know why you're mad, but.. For what it's worth, it was never our intention to leave you for good. We always knew that one day, we'd come back for you. It was just a little tough deciding on when."
"What made you decide to come back now?" I asked, "I mean, seriously."
"That's the problem." He admitted hesitantly, "That.. Is something I can't really tell you."
"Right." I rolled my eyes, looking down at my lap.
"No," He said, "I mean, I can't. It's not my place to tell you."
"Oh." I muttered, "Well, at least you're honest."
"I can tell you, though, that there's more than one thing that brings us back here." He went on, "And I'm glad we did come back when we did. Right in time, I'd say."
I hesitated this time before I spoke again, "Then whose place is it to tell me?"
"Do you really have to ask that?" He asked, and I sighed.
"Then forget it." I muttered, "I don't need to know that badly. I'm not talking to them."
"But you're talking to me?"
"You're.. Different."
"Leandra," He sighed, "They had the same reasons I had."
"I don't care." I replied, folding my legs to sit cross-legged on the bed, "I can't explain it. You used to leave all the time, so I guess I was used to it."
"I hate this." He admitted, "This isn't like you."
"This is exactly like me." I corrected immediately, "A lot changes in five years, Mikah. This is just one of those things. Why would I go running back to something that broke me so bad? That'd be really fucking stupid, and it's really not fair of them to ask me to do that."
"Nobody's asking you to go running anywhere." He said, "All they want is for you to hear them out."
"I don't need excuses."
"You heard their reasons." He pointed out, "If you had had the option, you would have changed your mind. After everything you'd been through, you deserved to have a solid place to land. A normal life, without having to worry about the things you worried about with us."
"I deserved to believe that they gave up on me?" I asked, "Wasn't it up to me to decide where I wanted to be?"
"Not in that case." He replied "If it had been up to you, you would have gone home before you could even get settled here, and you know it. They gave you something by leaving that they couldn't give you by letting you give up. It's the same reason why I never went back for Alyssa, and just as hard on them, if not harder."
I sat silently for a moment, unsure what to say. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say.
"It was hard on you." He went on, quieter now, "We knew it would be. It was bound to be hard on you, but can you imagine what your life would be like now if you'd spent those five years with us? Facing the same issues every single day that you had been facing? What would you be like now, if you hadn't had the chance to live your life the way you have been living it?
"We saw what living the way you were living was doing to you. It was mostly what led to the decision to leave you. We couldn't let you give up like that. It was out of the question. It was what was best for you." I was about to protest, but he spoke again, "Yes, it was hard on you, but it would have been a lot harder had you continued on the way you were living."
Once again, I sat in silence. Shaking my head, staring down at my hands. He just didn't understand how badly they'd let me down. It wasn't that easy.
"Look.." He murmured, and I glanced up, "Nobody's asking anything of you, but to just listen. You know where we stand, and we know where you stand, but we all need to talk. There are some things you need to know."
Eventually, I sighed.
"Alright." I mumbled, "Okay, fine. I'll listen, as long as nobody tries to bring up anything that happened back then. I don't have anything else to say when it comes to that."
"At some point, it's going to be brought up." He reasoned, "That's part of what we're here to talk about." I winced a little.
"Just keep it on that subject then." I said, "If it's not important, then don't bring it up."
"Deal." He replied after a moment.
"Heather's dragging me into the hospital tomorrow." I went on, "So I'll probably be busy most of the morning, or however long these stupid tests will last, but after that, I should be free."
"Right." He said, "Because of the, uh.." He gestured to me.
"Don't pretend you haven't wanted to talk about that the whole time you've been in here." I gave him a look.
"Two heartbeats are pretty distracting."
"Then I'm glad I can't hear it." I replied, "I'm already distracted enough these days."
"It'll probably be tomorrow night before we can talk." He said, "It'll just be easier on everyone that way." I nodded, agreeing with that.
He was quiet for a bit, just studying me.
"What?" I found myself asking, and he shook his head.
"It's just.." He murmured, "How do you find yourself in this situation?" It was an honest question, not a scold. He wanted to know, which made me more open to answer.
I sighed, "I don't even know. I know. I know that's no excuse, but.. It's true. I have no idea. It's not like me. It's never been like me to be that impulsive. Normally, I have to think things through at least a hundred times before I do anything, but.. He was there, I was there..
"We were supposed to go home the next day. It was our last night in Seattle. We'd just gotten back to our room after all four of us got dinner. We were sharing rooms because booking two rooms between the four of us was cheaper than four. Obviously."
He nodded a little.
"We'd been sharing a bed since we got there." I went on, "I mean, there were two beds, but I chose to share his because I.. Well, I still don't do well in the dark, and I got lonely. Not that he minded."
"Of course he didn't mind." Mikah grumbled a bit.
"Don't hate him." I replied gently, "It really was my idea. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. I got us into that whole mess. I wasn't even sure what I was doing, but he got the idea."
"He shouldn't have."
"He even asked me, several times, if that was what I wanted." I countered, "He made it very clear that I could back out at any time, and a few times, I almost did.. But I didn't. I mean, really. Would I be sitting here defending him if it wasn't my fault?"
"Honestly," He replied, "I don't know. Like you said, Leandra. Five years changes a person."
"Trust me." I said, "I wouldn't be going through any of this if it hadn't been my idea. I still care about him."
He sighed this time, but he nodded.
"Okay." He mumbled, "I believe you." He went quiet, but glanced toward the window.
"They're out there, aren't they?" I asked, quieter now.
"Do you have to ask?" He asked, giving me a small smile.
"Go, then." I sighed, "I have to get some sleep anyway. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow, so I'd like to not be a zombie."
He stood up, "Get some rest, princess."
"I wish you wouldn't call me that." I grumbled, laying down.
"Sorry." He smiled again, "Habit. Goodnight, Leandra." I had to smile a little as well. It was so strange. I was far more open with him than I was with anyone else. Despite knowing he was the one they'd be sending in to talk with me. Despite knowing that he was just working for them.
I was awake for a while after he left. Against my will, my thoughts ventured back. I couldn't think about Mikah without remembering the closeness I used to have with the Cullens.
When I first met Mikah, it was in the middle of the move to New York. It was a hard time in my life, but he made it bearable. He made it okay. He taught me so much about seeing things differently.
I wanted to be mad at him, but I couldn't deny that it was different.
I fell asleep to those thoughts, for once actually embracing a memory from my past. I actually slept decently, thankfully not having to get up again until I woke up in the morning.
During breakfast, I minded my own business. Ignoring the boys' playfully heated arguing, focusing to my music instead and trying to breathe through the tension while avoiding looking at Mike sitting across the table. From what I could tell, he was avoiding looking at me too.
I was doing a pretty good job ignoring the boys' arguing, until Josh reached over and shoved Zack out of his chair. He hit the floor, rattling the table and all of the dishes on it. As the orange juice in the pitcher swayed a bit, Zack got back up, and Josh was up. Running off toward the stairs with Zack close behind.
Like they always used to, the play fight was on just as the doorbell rang.
"I should probably stop Zack from killing him." Heather muttered as Mike moved to stand up, "But I'm going to finish my breakfast instead."
I couldn't blame her, but it was oddly refreshing. Normal. The ceiling above us, which also doubled as Zack's bedroom floor, thudded and creaked alarmingly. Which clearly announced Josh's capture of him.
"Cool it, guys." I heard Mike call up the stairs from near the front door, but I doubted that would work.
"Eat." Heather insisted, pointing out that I was slacking off, "Don't skip the orange juice this time." To show my cooperation, I took a big drink of the orange juice in question, and she nodded, "And take this." I frowned at the giant pill she scooted closer to me from the center of the table.
"What is that?" I wasn't even sure I could swallow that.
"It's a vitamin." She replied, "You should have been taking it from the beginning, but it's better late than never." Shrugging, I took the pill she handed me. Surprisingly, it wasn't too difficult.
I looked over as Mike reentered the room, curiously inspecting a huge arrangement of flowers that he carried with him. I couldn't believe the size of the bouquet in his hands, and it looked like he couldn't either. It looked like every possible type and color of rose sat in the large glass vase.
"Wow." Heather was impressed as well, "Goodness. Who sent that?"
"There was no card." Mike replied, "But I have a pretty good guess." So did I.
"They are beautiful." Heather admitted as he set the vase on the table.
"I'm done." I muttered, rolling my eyes and rising to my feet, "I'll meet you outside." I'd eaten most of what was on my plate, so Heather couldn't get mad at me. I left the kitchen without another glance at the roses on the table.
I descended the front porch steps in a huff, plugging the other earbud into my other ear and turning up the music I had playing. I wasn't sure why I was surprised, or even why I let it get to me. I had agreed the night before to meet with them. This was probably their way of confirming that meeting. It was something simple.
I stared at the grass beside the driveway as I stood leaning back against the side of Heather's car. My heart pounded a little too fast, but that had more to do with anger I had trouble ignoring than anything. I took a breath, closing my eyes for a moment.
For the first time in a long time, I had no idea how I was supposed to feel. That confusion was something I certainly did not miss.
A/N: Well, here we are again. Another chapter down. :)
I know it was mostly talking in this one, but I figured it was needed. Next chapter should be a little more interesting. I hope lol but I'm going to have to proceed with caution. There are many ways the next few chapters could go, so chapters might start taking a few days between releases. Just a heads up.
I apologize for this one taking so long. It's been a bit busy around here lately, plus taking care of Little KNeu, who's been anxiously trying to learn to roll over. (Oh god, he's learning how to become mobile..)
Anyhoo.
Chapter eight shouldn't take too long, guys.
Until then, my lovely readers! :D