I've already uploaded this once, but I deleted it after I got a review that gave me a brilliant idea! I just had to include it in the story and as that meant rewriting a whole section of this chapter, I had to delete it. So here is the new, improved chapter. If you've already read this, the only section that's changed is Robyn's.
Tanith Panic, I think Iain confiding in Rita could potentially be good for both of them, but no promises! I think Amira misjudged the situation slightly - all she knows is that Max is a married man who asks other women on dates. I'm glad you enjoyed Ethan's romantic fantasy. It does sound nice! Thank you for your review.
Bonnie Sveen Fan, it might be difficult to comfort Iain, but no-one is better at comforting than Rita. I saw Lily's first episode recently and Louise really liked her, so I'm even more glad they're becoming friends in this. I hope Alicia wakes up soon too - I'm running out of things for Ethan to tell her! Thank you for your review.
TheBeautifulNerd, thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're reading and enjoying this. I'm afraid this update took a while, but I've written most of the next two chapters, so it shouldn't be as long next time. I'm sorry there's no Ethan and Lily in this.
Guest, thank you for your review. There is a bit of Zax in this chapter, but it's probably not quite what you're hoping for! I haven't forgotten them though and I have plans for them.
X-Sammiii-X, I'm glad you like Lily and Louise's friendship - I think they are alike in lots of ways. The only thing Amira knows about Max is that he's a married man who asked her out, so I can't blame her entirely for thinking badly of him. I'm glad you still like Iain and Rita as a couple - so do I. Thank you for your review.
InfinityAndOne, I'm so happy you thought the Iain and Rita scene was well-written - it was a difficult one to write as I don't know much about being in the army. Sadly, even if Rita does know how to help him, it's likely to take time, with lots of ups and downs. Alicia doesn't know how lucky she is Ethan likes her! Thank you for your review.
Guest, thank you for your review. I'm sorry it took me so long to update this! I was actually able to update four stories a day at one time, but now, I don't even manage one on some days! There is some Zax in this chapter.
Dylan came closer to Zoe and spoke in a low voice. "Zoe, do you need to have a break?"
Zoe was tempted to say yes, but she shook her head and smiled. "No. I'm fine." She touched his arm lightly. "But thanks, Dylan."
A break would have been nice, but it seemed selfish for Zoe to take a break when so many of her colleagues couldn't. Dylan, Cal, Ethan, Lily, Elle, Charlie, David, Louise and Iain had been working for most of the day. Connie, Alicia and Lofty had nearly died. Although Zoe's life had been in danger too, she hadn't been injured and she'd actually enjoyed herself with Max. What right had she to a break?
"It really is all right," said Dylan. He paused, an unaccustomed look of embarrassment coming to his face. "I'd actually like to talk to Ben."
Despite her battered emotions, the smile that came to Zoe's face was genuine. There was so much unhappiness, stress and disaster today, but seeing Dylan hug Lofty for what she guessed was for the first time had given her a welcome feeling of warmth. "You know what? Maybe I do need a break." She squeezed Dylan's arm; said a few words to Lofty; checked on Iain and Grace - and left Resus in search of Max.
Of course she was looking for Max. Who else would she want to be with now?
Especially when the news about Grace was so worrying. So horrifying. Zoe couldn't imagine what it would be like for Connie, waking up to news like that.
She turned a corner and saw him, but her steps faltered when she realised he wasn't alone.
He was talking to Amira.
Iain waited for Rita's face to change. For the sympathy and understanding to change to derision. For the beautiful woman to push him away, as he'd pushed her away.
Rita's eyes grew large. Tears filled them and Iain reached out a hand, wanting to comfort her, but when she didn't take it immediately, he snatched it away.
A moment later, Rita's arms were tightly around him. "Oh, Iain," she said, her voice thick with emotion, but her embrace was firm.
Perhaps even affectionate.
"I know I did a bad thing." He sounded defensive; aggressive even. He didn't mean to. But that was how he always spoke when he was afraid. He'd been a sodlier; now he was a paramedic. To admit to his fears felt wrong and he always felt worse in the short-term for having done so.
But if he wanted to get through this, he would have to talk.
He could feel Rita shaking her head. "You didn't do a bad thing, Iain. You misjudged the situation, but you were actually doing the right thing. You were doing everything you could to protect your men. That was exactly what you should have been doing. And if you had been there, you might not have been able to change anything. You might have died alongside them."
"At least there would be some honour in that," said Iain.
"There was honour in what you were trying to do," said Rita. "You were trying to protect others whilst putting your own life in danger. I know it probably won't help to know what I'm about to tell you, but that doesn't make it any less true. You did it with the best of intentions, Iain. The very best. And that's what you always do."
The burning empathy inside Louise shocked her. Poor Lily had been through so much – and alone. If she was honest, Louise knew how that felt. She had never been short of friends, but she'd always wondered, secretly, if they spent time with her because they genuinely liked her or because they were afraid of her sharp tongue.
"Alicia didn't mean it," said Louise. "What you did… I mean, what she went through was really hard for her. But she said she'd stay and complete her rotation and that means you've got time to show her you've changed."
"But have I changed?" said Lily. "I feel like I'm still the same person. And Alicia is a much better person than me."
Louise considered this. She knew from her own experience that the confident Louise everyone saw every day was a very different girl from the frightened Louise she often felt she was inside. "She's not better than you, Lily. You're her equal as a human being. Alicia's lovely and I can't see her bearing a grudge like I would. Just give her a bit of time and be yourself. And try not to be so hard on her? She is a good doctor, but it doesn't mean you're not a good doctor too. You're really great." She paused. "I actually tell myself that a lot. There are so many great nurses here."
"Yes, and you are one of them," said Lily. "You are very good with Matilda and I have liked working with you, even though it has been sad."
Louise smiled. "I like working with you too, Lily. Today has been awful, but I got to know you better and I'll never regret that."
Robyn could feel her chest rising and falling as her breath quickened. Each lungful of air was almost painful. Her eyes were stinging and she couldn't believe what she was hearing.
All this carnage had been caused by one boy's foolish actions?
"And… and then Nurse Zafar brought me into the hospital," said Kai. "She calmed me down and I… I told her."
The world came back into focus. Robyn saw the fear in his face and for a moment, she could understand it.
Then she remembered the fear she'd felt; that she still felt at every moment.
"My brother, my friend and my sister-in-law were trapped because of you. They could have died because of you! My best friend still could die! All I know is that he went into Resus and nobody's told me anything." Her voice rose. "He could be dead right now for all I know and if he is, it will be your fault."
Cal swung his legs from the bed and came to her side. "Robyn. I know what's happened is terrible, but he's just a kid."
"I don't care!" shouted Robyn. "He was the one with the stupid drone! He was the one who crashed it into our helicopter! He was the one who could cause people I love to die. I'm already going to lose Glen: isn't that enough?"
"I've been really stupid, you know," said Ethan. "It's a long story. I don't know if I want to bore you with all of it. It's not something I've spoken about before." Ethan thought of saying the words he'd denied for so long. The words he'd tried so hard not to believe. The words that had remained imprisoned within him ever since he'd found out. And then he thought… why not?
He wasn't going to get another opportunity like this. If he became angry or upset, it wouldn't matter. Alicia probably wouldn't remember any of it. He could back away as though the words had never been spoken.
"I found out about six months ago that I was adopted," said Ethan. "So was Cal. It came as a complete shock. That part of the story I won't tell for now. We found out accidentally, as a result of something else that's really Cal's story to tell. But our biological mother had Huntington's. We knew there was a good chance one of us would have inherited it. We had the tests done. That's quite a long story as well, but we got the results and opened them on the beach with our biological mum. Cal opened his and said he didn't have the gene. I opened mine and said I didn't have it either. Mum died a few minutes later, so happy she hadn't passed so much pain and suffering on to one of her sons."
He paused; looked at Alicia. She remained still and pale. But for some reason, nothing could have encouraged Ethan more.
"But I was lying," said Ethan. "I did have the gene, and once Mum was gone, I handed my letter to Cal. He was distraught. I completely went to pieces. All I wanted was to be Cal: the son who hadn't got it." He sighed sadly. "So that's what I decided to do. I decided to be like Cal. I've been doing it for months and some of it hasn't been too bad. I do quite enjoy the occasional drunken night out, much as I hate the hangover. And I really love salsa dancing. I'm actually not that bad at it. And even though I've been told I should never wear it in public again, I must admit I do rather like my hat."
He did wear it sometimes. Practising salsa alone in his room. Often drunk. Because that made it easier.
"I thought it was a good thing," said Ethan. "I thought the fact I was going out and doing things I'd never done meant I'd turned a negative into a positive. I thought I was facing my diagnosis and not giving in. But of course, I wasn't. I was running away, as surely as Cal ever did." Hurriedly, he added: "Um, not that Cal runs away nearly as much as he used to. He's been great these past few months and he'll be an excellent boyfriend. But I was running away. I do love dancing. I like being closer to my colleagues and I secretly love my hat. But the jeans were a mistake. I'm actually rather glad I've ruined them by bleeding all over them. At least they won't have to lie in my chest of drawers reproaching me for the next ten years because I never wore them again."
He felt a tremor of fear.
"But who knows where I'll be in the next ten years? Who knows who I'll be? Will I be able to put a pair of jeans on myself even if I want to? That's the thing, Alicia. I don't know how much time I have left!"
He stopped for a moment, trying to control his breathing.
"My basic idea was right. I do need to throw myself into life. Savour new experiences. Try some of the things I was always too scared to try before. But I mustn't forget who I am. I'm a boring little geek – and there's nothing wrong with that. The question I need to be asking myself – the question I should have asked myself a long time ago – is this. What would I regret most when I'm sitting in my wheelchair, unable to do anything for myself? The fact I never learned any other dances because I was too busy striving to become a consultant? Or the fact I never became a consultant because I was too busy getting drunk and learning to dance?"