Tanith Panic, the conversation with Amira was in the previous chapter, but as I hadn't updated this for ages, it happened weeks ago! Amira told Max she might like to go out with him after all; Max said he was married; Amira was disgusted. I have rewritten Robyn's scene now so she reacts in a completely different way - I hope you like it. No, you should never relax about Lofty! I'm glad you liked Ethan's monologue, especially as there's more of it to come! Thank you for your review.
Bonnie Sveen Fan, thank you for your review. It really must be awful for Iain thinking about what happened and even worse when he relives it.
InfinityAndOne, I'm not sure how much Iain will open up - I think there's more he hasn't said and talking about it once probably isn't enough, but it's a start. I'm so glad you liked Ethan's monologue - perhaps now he's said it once and he knows it's possible to talk about it, he'll feel able to tell an awake person. Thank you for your review.
X-Sammii-X, I think you're right about Rita being aware that Iain could hate her - and she's already lost him once. I'm so glad you liked Robyn's scene as it was completely different when I first posted it. I think sometimes being OOC can be effective - I'm glad this is! I'm glad you liked Ethan and Alicia's scene. Thank you for your review.
Dylan hadn't believed he'd ever see Lofty again.
Not just today, when he'd feared for Lofty's life. Before that, when he'd received another text and spent half the night staring at his phone and wishing knew how to reply to the man who'd become one of the best friends he'd ever had.
"What are you thinking?" Lofty's voice was faint; his blue eyes were questioning. They also contained a hint of worry. For Dylan. After all this time. After all the ignored texts and rejected hugs, Lofty still cared about him.
"You can tell me," said Lofty.
"I just… I just wish…"
"Yes?" said Lofty softly, encouraging Dylan but showing no impatience.
Dylan remembered being frustrated by Lofty's gentleness in the past. Being kind to the patients probably did have his place, but Lofty encouraged them to walk all over them.
But now, Dylan was grateful for Lofty's kindness. It gave him the confidence to believe that perhaps he could be forgiven.
Iain looked up at Rita, utter disbelief on his face. "You don't think I'm a bad soldier?"
"Of course I don't!" said Rita.
"And Grace, if she dies…"
Rita felt tears gathering in her eyes. "That wouldn't be your fault, Iain. You did everything you could. It's the person controlling the drone who's to blame. We might never know if they were being malicious or simply stupid, but that is the person we should be blaming, Iain. Not you." She held his hands more tightly. "Iain Dean, you are a good soldier, a good paramedic and a good man. And I'm proud to be working with… that I had the chance to work with someone like you."
Their eyes locked. For a long time, they simply stared at one another, but then Iain seemed to realise what he was doing and looked away.
Rita's own gaze dropped. She looked at their joined hands.
"Cal was right, you know," said Iain. "You are a good nurse."
"I think perhaps I am," said Rita sadly. "But that's not enough if I can't be a good person too."
Iain sighed. "Why did you do it, Rita?"
"I… want… Nurse Zafar!" said Kai between gasps for breath as tears began to pour down his face.
Cal put his arm around him. "It's okay, mate. I think Nurse Zafar's in Resus, so I'll take you there now. My name's Cal and I'm a doctor, though right now, I'm a patient just like you. What's your name?"
"Kai."
"Okay, Kai," said Cal soothingly. "Can you try to breathe with me? That's good. You're doing really well."
Robyn stared at him in disbelief. "Cal, how can you be so nice to him? He could have killed your brother!"
"But he didn't," said Cal. "Ethan's fine and so's Max." He decided not to mention Lofty and Alicia. "It was an accident, Robyn. A terrible and tragic accident, but an accident."
"But what about Lofty?" cried Robyn. "I don't know if he's even alive."
"I know and it's terrifying," said Cal. "I've had to go through that with Ethan not just once but twice. But that's no reason to take it out on a little kid. He's already got to live with what he did and you've just made it a hundred times worse!"
Robyn felt a stab of guilt, but then it was gone.
Cal turned Kai to face him. "Sometimes our actions have horrible consequences. It's how we deal with them that matters. I don't deal with things well at all. I run away and pretend it didn't happen. But you, Kai, you came to the hospital to see what was wrong and you told us what you did. And I have massive respect for you for that."
Alicia felt the pain first. A blinding pain in her head; an ache in her chest. A dull throbbing throughout her body.
She opened her eyes.
"Alicia?"
He was sitting by her bed, his glasses off; his eyes red. "Ethan?"
"I… um… yes, that's me," he said, not looking entirely sure about it. "Oh gosh. What do I do now? I'm sure I should know. Oh, yes. I remember." He raised his voice just slightly and asked in a very polite tone: "Could I possibly have some help over here, please? Thank you so much."
The next few minutes were confusing. Painful. Terrifying. So many questions Alicia couldn't answer and pain so sharp, it made her cry. Ethan gently wiped her tears away with a tissue, requesting politely that the medical staff stuck to closed questions and asking Alicia to squeeze his hand once for yes and twice for no.
His hand was warm and comforting. Alicia was glad he was there. She didn't know what had happened and she didn't want to be alone when she found out.
At last, everyone but Ethan moved away. Alicia lay still and cried, listening to Ethan's voice and feeling the occasional brush of his hand on her skin as he dabbed her tears. "It's okay, Alicia. You're going to be okay. You're safe now and I'm here. And soon Cal will be here too."
Max hesitated over entering Resus. Amira was there and he couldn't help feeling he'd deserved her sharp words, in their second encounter if not their first.
But he had to find Zoe.
He went in, braved the look of contempt on Amira's face and after checking on Lofty, he asked Rita quietly if she knew where Zoe was.
"A million miles from you if she's got any sense," said Amira.
Rita gave her a reproving look.
"Don't look at me like that!" said Amira. "The guy's a married man and he asked me out. I don't have any patience with men like that."
"Zoe and I were separated," said Max, before Rita could speak. "When I asked you out, I hadn't seen or heard from Zoe for a few months. I didn't see her today until after I'd asked you out, but I realised as soon as I saw her that nothing had changed. I'm sorry, Amira, but I love Zoe and all I want is to be with her."
Amira looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "Fair enough. Zoe went to see Connie. If you go up now, she'll probably still be there."
"Amira. I really don't recommend calling her 'Connie' to her face," said Dylan, who was standing beside Lofty. "It's 'Mrs Beauchamp'."
"Yeah, whatever," said Amira. "Go find Connie and you'll find Zoe. I don't know where Connie is though."
David quietly came over and told Max.
"Thanks, David," said Max. "Thanks, Amira. And I'm sorry for… you know."
Amira nodded. "I know. I'm sorry too, Max."
Cal pushed open the doors of Resus and looked around for their newest nurse. She was seriously hot and Cal really hoped she would stay around, but… oh God, he was supposed to be taking Alicia out. She was quite hot too, of course, but she hadn't been very nice to his little brother and that put Cal right off.
He was almost afraid to look at the bay where he'd last seen Lofty, lifeless on a trolley, but he was now sitting up and talking to Dylan and for a few moments, Cal was glad no-one had noticed him yet because the relief hit him so powerfully, it was all he could do not to cry.
He wanted to run to Lofty, but Kai needed him more and Cal remained by his side.
"Do you need help, Cal?" asked David.
"I-I'd like a word with Amira if I could, Dave."
"David," said the nurse quietly. He approached Amira rather hesitantly and said her name in a nervous voice that immediately attracted Cal's attention.
David and Amira? Well, why the hell not? It wasn't as though Cal was available.
"What's happened?" Amira looked anxiously at Cal.
"Robyn's very upset at the moment," said Cal. "Her brother, sister-in-law and best mate were all trapped in the hospital following the helicopter crash. She's having trouble… sympathising with Kai. I was wondering if you could take care of him now. I'm very happy to help out in here – I feel fine."
Amira kept hold of Kai. "Well, I'm not sure about that, Dr Knight. I think you should go back and lie down like the doctors told you. But thank you for bringing him to me. We aren't so busy in here now." She held Kai away from her and bent to his level. "Kai, I'm so sorry I left you. I don't know Robyn and I had no idea she was going to upset you."
"It's not your fault," said Kai softly. "You don't know her."
Cal nodded and left Amira to comfort Kai, finally allowing himself to rush to Lofty's side. "I'm so glad you're awake."
Lofty was pale, but his eyes shone with warmth. "Me too. I'm fine, Cal."
"Thank God!" Even after what she'd said to Kai, Cal found he was relieved for Robyn, as well as for himself and Lofty. "I can't quite say I'm glad you came back. If you'd stayed away, you wouldn't have got hurt. But it's always good to see you, mate."
Lofty smiled and said simply: "And you, Cal. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
Dylan wasn't smiling. "Cal., Ben needs to rest."
"Sure. Of course." Cal considered patting Lofty on the shoulder, but the poor guy probably had bruises everywhere. "I'll come and speak to you again soon." He looked around Resus again as something struck him. "Aren't Lily and Louise here?"
"They haven't been in here at all," said David.
"Thanks, Dave," said Cal, but he was worried. "If you're going to be okay with Nurse Zafar, Kai, I'm going to go and look for two of my colleagues. Louise skiving… yeah, I can see that. But Lily?"
"They might be with Grace," said Dylan, but when Cal checked, neither of them were there and Elle said she hadn't seen them. Very worried now, Cal searched the ED.
He was almost at the staff room when a sound came to his ears. A sound he knew; a sound he'd believed he'd never hear again. The world seemed to spin, but this time, it wasn't his injury.
Cal broke into a run. He burst through the door of the staff room and saw Lily and Louise sitting together, but it was Louise he looked at more particularly; Louise who had the baby in her arms.
"Matilda!" he gasped and flung himself on his knees in front of her, his eyes roaming lovingly over her beautiful face (and yes: she still looked like a toad) as his arms reached out to hold her. "Matilda!"