Chapter Thirteen
I felt so sick. That was all I noticed at first. Nausea rolling, twisting my stomach in a painful way. Like a fist, clenching around it. It felt bruised, but I knew that wasn't really possible.
The next thing I noticed was the throbbing pain in my head. I'd definitely had worse headaches, but this was no walk in the park either. The pressure was unbelievable.
Following, was how cold I was. The air around me hit me in a very unpleasant way, causing me to shiver. Was I wet? It was hard to tell, though, as I felt a weight over me.
My hand was being held, whoever it was smoothing comforting circles over my limp fingers. I knew it was none of the Cullens as the temperature seemed to match my own. It didn't bother me. In fact, I appreciated it.
The split second I noticed that, I moved my hand. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was coming around. I couldn't really remember how I'd gotten to be where I was, but everything combined was a pretty decent distraction.
Once I realized I was coming around, my eyes opened. Despite the fact that seeing only made the nausea and headache worse, I had to bolt upright. I immediately recognized where I was.
My old bedroom in the Cullen's house. Nothing much had changed, and thankfully, the empty wastebasket sat right where it had before, as it was instinct to reach for it now.
I flopped back, rolled to the side to reach it, and hung half off the side of the mattress to thoroughly empty my already empty stomach. The person previously holding my hand now held my hair back, fingers gently gathering any strands that had escaped. I was definitely wet, as I now felt how damp my hair and shirt was.
"It's okay now." I immediately recognized Andrew's voice beside me, "You're okay." Should I not be okay? What the hell was going on?
"She's awake?" I also recognized Josh's voice further away.
"Not really." Andrew replied, "She's still got the scent."
I ignored them.
A few dry heaves later, I weakly rolled back onto my back with a whimper. Both of my hands coming up to cover my eyes. I easily felt how damp the skin of my face was, and I quickly realized that I was running a fever. I still felt nauseous, my entire body aching quite a bit.
What the hell was happening to me?
As if that question was too much, I embraced the unconsciousness once more.
When I started to come around again, it was very sudden. A deep, sharp intake of breath, and instinctive movement as my entire body tensed and locked up. I woke to even harder shivering, and a brightness beyond my closed eyes that made it impossible to open them, but that didn't stop me from reacting. I kicked my legs, quickly finding out that I was now sitting in some water.
However, hands held me in the water I tried to get away from.
"Is this necessary?" I heard someone ask, and I recognized Andrew's voice again.
"It's only cold to her because her fever is so high." Esme's voice beside me made me open my eyes, "We need to lower it. At least a little." She was the one holding me in the tub. Keeping me in the water. Blocking my attempts to scramble out of the tub.
Almost immediately, I started to cry. I wasn't sure why. I reached up, covering my face with wet hands, laying back in defeat.
Esme gently smoothed my hair back now. A feeling I'd actually missed for so long now.
"Relax, sweetheart." She told me softly, "It's okay. Everything's okay."
I sat there, taking deep breaths and searching my mind as I calmed down. In my stillness, I very clearly felt a gentle squirm in my stomach. I brought my hands down and covered my stomach, felt another move, and that so suddenly relieved me, I couldn't help shedding a few more tears over it.
The baby was okay. Why did that relieve me?
It quickly dawned on me. Memories flooding back. I opened my eyes again and looked over at Esme. I didn't even give a second thought about the fact that I was naked, sitting in a bathtub full of water. A fleeting thought, mainly just noticing it, but that was it. I had other pressing issues.
I didn't even know where to start. Jack had bitten me.
"Save your questions, honey." She told me gently, seeing my questioning expression, "Until you're ready."
"The baby?" I asked, my voice raspy. Hardly making a sound. I needed confirmation.
"The baby is fine." She assured me easily, "The baby saved you." I frowned in confusion. How was that possible? The baby was just a baby. Not even born yet. Barely big enough for me to feel it move.
Remembering another detail, I raised my arms. Inspecting them for any bruising, or even any indication that my arm had ever been broken. None.
"How?" I asked, unable to help it.
She sighed in sadness, glancing back at Andrew standing there.
"I would tell her." He told her, "Or she's going to go nuts wondering. She's more likely to calm down when she knows everything." She knew this. Keeping anything from me, even the tiniest detail, was grounds for panic.
She looked to me again. Hesitating only a moment before nodding a little to herself.
"We don't understand it much, either." She began, "But.. I can only say what we saw, and what we're guessing. I'll start at the beginning." I nodded, letting her know I was listening.
She took a breath before speaking again, "When Jack bit you, it affected him. In a way we've never seen, but have only heard about." I was following so far.
"Your blood didn't agree with him." Andrew explained, and I looked over at him, "It made him sick." I picked up a slight hint of satisfaction in his tone. That certainly explained Jack's angry reaction.
"Unfortunately," Esme murmured, "He'd also left quite a bit of venom in your blood." That surprised me, so she continued, "But you weren't being turned. Which is also something we've never seen. Your reaction to his venom was.. Much different, and at first, we had no idea what was going on. It was Andrew that pointed it out."
"You're pregnant." He said, "With a werewolf. Or whatever it is we are. Your blood becomes its blood. I mean, the baby's cells mix with yours. That's actually something that happens in every pregnancy, so that's not anything new, but in this case, it made the venom react the way it would with one of us. It made you sick. It gave you a fever to burn through whatever venom he'd left in your blood without turning you."
"Oh." Was I all I could really say. I wasn't quite grasping it, but what I did understand, it was pretty astonishing.
"Because of those cells, though," He went on, "It made it really easy for you to heal. Not as fast as we would, but fast enough that we didn't have to worry. It was how fast you were healing that made it obvious to me."
Oddly, that made a whole lot of sense.
"In a way, it was the baby protecting itself." Esme explained further, "But by protecting itself, it protected you." She smiled a little, and I could definitely see that she considered it to be a wonderful thing. I couldn't blame her. It was amazing to me that this little person inside me could help me so much just by being there.
"This is so different." I mumbled, looking over at her, "So different from a vampire pregnancy."
"I know." She nodded a little, "Our theory is because humans are more compatible to carry a werewolf's offspring. Wolves are born. That's how they further their species. Vampires are made. Humans aren't designed to carry our offspring, as creating offspring was something that was never meant to happen."
"Uh.." Andrew spoke up again, his tone suggesting he suddenly remembered something, "Do you mind if I'm in here? Or would you rather me leave?"
Oh yeah. I was naked. I gave it a brief thought, before I shook my head.
"I don't care." I replied easily, "It's nothing you haven't seen before." His small smile hinted at a bigger one as he laughed a little and looked down.
I had more questions, though.
"What about Jack?" I asked, "What happened to him?"
"We're keeping him alive." Andrew replied, obviously disappointed, "But he's not allowed to keep his arms or legs." I cringed, shaking my head. I hated that image. He spoke again, "Oh, but he was so messed up for awhile. You did a number on him. It really pissed him off."
I looked down. As weird as it sounded, I didn't feel any better.
A light knock at the door had me looking over at it before I could ask anything more. It opened just a crack.
"Sorry for interrupting," It was Mikah, hiding fully behind the door, "But I have a question for Leandra."
"Yeah?"
"Is there any special place that you keep your cell phone charger?" He asked, "We got your phone off of Jack, but the battery was dead."
"I left it plugged in downstairs." I sighed, now irritated at the lingering disorientation.
"Is she finally awake?" I heard Josh ask eagerly from the hall. Josh was here?
"Because.." Mikah went on, "Well, we couldn't find any. We searched that whole house."
"Josh," Esme called, "Get back in bed."
I hesitated, frowning as I thought about something so stupid.
"Bull shit." I replied to Mikah, shaking my head, "It was plugged in right under the table next to the couch. I just used the fucking thing yesterday."
"Sorry, princess." He countered, "It wasn't there."
I took a breath, groaning it out.
"Heather might have accidentally taken it before they left, thinking it was hers." I allowed, "She's done that before." Dammit.
"Okay." He replied, "We'll find you a new one. Sorry." He closed the door before I could ask him about Josh. I took a breath, rubbing my eyes with my hands. I really didn't need to be sitting here in cold water. The cold water had done its job waking me up, but enough was enough.
"Screw this." I grumbled, standing up shakily. Healed or not, my whole body ached badly. Whatever had happened to me when Jack bit me, I was definitely feeling it. Andrew turned around respectfully, and obviously worried, Esme stood up with me.
"Oh, stop it." I rolled my eyes at Andrew's back, "Do I look that bad?"
"Definitely not." He laughed a little, "Opposite, actually. I think you're beautiful, but full frontal is a bit different than you mostly hidden in the tub. You deserve a lot better than having me stare at you."
"Whatever." I said, "I'm not shy."
"You should be a bit more ladylike." He was joking, but continued to stand there with his back turned.
"Kiss my ass." I whipped back at him, only half joking, but I still found the humor in our banter.
"Still." He insisted, "You do deserve better." I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Of course I was flattered, but there was more to it than that. So I just chose to leave it alone.
"You should stay a little longer, sweetie." Esme murmured, concerned. As of yet, I had no idea how high my fever had been, but I knew from how I felt that I was already much better than I was before.
"If I can walk," I replied, stepping over the side of the tub, "I'll live. I'm fine." I easily accepted the bathrobe she handed me. Though I swayed a little while putting it on, slightly off balance, I stayed upright. Of course Esme was right there, so I wasn't worried about falling.
Before I even had it tied all the way, I was walking forward. Stepping around Andrew and reaching the door. Unfortunately, I wasn't as fine as I thought I was. A sudden flood of warmth washed over me and stole my breath at the very same second my vision faded to white.
This unconsciousness was quite different from the last one. It felt more strained to me. I had no idea that there were different ways to fall unconscious, but oddly, I wasn't struggling to wake up this time.
When I was aware of coming around, I knew I hadn't been out for very long at all. I just knew that. It was a whole lot easier to open my eyes, despite how disoriented I was.
"Leandra?" Andrew had obviously been the one to catch me, as I still laid in his arms, except now we were on the floor. Confused, I glanced over at Esme to my other side before looking back up at Andrew's concerned gaze.
"Something's wrong." I admitted in a quiet mumble, and it took me saying that for me to understand. That was why this time was different. This hadn't happened to me in quite a long time, but I recognized the symptoms. To a point.
"What do you mean?" Andrew asked gently.
"Something's wrong." I repeated as I struggled to sit up.
"Uh-uh." He insisted, pulling me back to him. Pulling me safely into his arms as he stood up. I sighed, partially in annoyance, but I allowed him to carry me into my bedroom. I couldn't shake that feeling. Once again, my visions were vague. After all this time working on it, I couldn't really see anything anymore.
"Where's Josh?" I asked before I was even fully settled onto my bed.
"Upstairs." He answered, "He's had a rough couple of days."
"Couple of days?" I asked, "How long have I been asleep?"
"You weren't asleep." He replied, "You were fighting off the venom that was trying to kill you."
"You know what I mean." I rolled my eyes, trying not to let that thought bother me.
"How are you so casual about this?" He'd noticed.
"I learned a long time ago that obsessing over stuff like this will only drive me up the fucking wall." I answered, "I've been there, done that many, many times and it's just a tune I'm not about to listen to again. Now stop dodging my question."
He sighed, "You were out, for about two days."
"I don't remember anything."
"I'm not surprised." He shrugged.
"I need to see Josh." I insisted, and he sighed again.
"He's been saying the same thing about you." He admitted, "He's been pretty agitated since we got here."
"He just needs to know that I'm okay."
"We've told him that-"
"From me." I clarified, "He won't believe you, much less everyone else. He needs to see me for himself. You shouldn't have let him see me like that."
"It's not like we had much choice." He argued, "Besides hog-tying him or duct taping him to the ceiling, there wasn't much else that would stop him."
"God." I sighed, "He must be so freaked out." I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my face roughly with my hands. As if that action could possibly wipe away the memory of everything that happened.
"He's been pretty focused on you." He replied, "I don't think he's really stopped to think about anything else."
"He's bottling it up." I mumbled into my hands, "It's what he does when things get really stressful for him."
"I like the duct tape idea." I looked over as Emmett entered the room, mildly annoyed but still his usual joking self. Josh followed him closely, nearly shoving him to the side through the door.
Josh walked right passed Andrew, making it to my side in a hurry before leaning down and enveloping me in a hug. I grunted at the pressure and awkward angle of his hug, nearly falling over, but managing to brace myself with one arm while returning his hug with the other.
"Easy." I couldn't help telling him, and he immediately pulled back.
"Sorry." He said quickly. He sat down before hugging me again. It was gentler this time, and easier without the weird angle. I glanced over as Andrew stepped away to the side with Emmett.
"I'm so sorry." Josh took my attention again.
"Sorry?" I asked, shocked as I pulled back, "For what?"
"I couldn't help you."
"Don't you do that." I told him firmly, "What happened wasn't your fault. You did what you could, and you were really brave."
"Nobody will answer me." He muttered firmly as he pulled back, "Leandra, what the fuck is going on?" I looked down, "T-That.. That was Jack, but it wasn't. What I saw.. What I felt.. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was he?"
"I know." I nodded, "Josh-"
"Just.." He was super stressed by the sound of his voice, "Be straight with me, Leandra. If there's anyone here that can be straight with me, it's you. I know it's you, and I know you know."
"Just calm down." I told him, "Nobody's going to tell you anything while you're freaking out. Trust me."
"How can I not?"
"I know." I repeated, "It's a lot to handle without even knowing anything, but first, you have to calm down." He took a breath, so I went on, "Stay in here with me for tonight." He'd always been the strong one. Especially when it came to me. I had an opportunity to return the favor.
"Josh." Andrew spoke up, but I gave him a look.
"Are we done for tonight?" I asked, "Because I think we need to be done." In other words, leave us alone.
Before Andrew could even reply, we looked over at Mikah's arrival.
"Leandra," He walked in, "We've got a problem. It's Heather."
"What's wrong with Heather?" I asked as Josh perked up as well.
He crossed the room and handed me my phone. I saw immediately what he was talking about. Josh looked over my shoulder. Of course they'd all been looked at, but eleven text messages were listed in my message folder. All from her, and six from Mike.
"Shit." I whispered under my breath as I looked at my missed calls. Fifteen. She was prone to panic when I didn't answer within three calls.
"We tried calling her back, but she's not answering." Mikah informed me, "From your phone, and ours. No answer."
Shaking my head, I immediately called her back, listening to the ringing as I rubbed my eyes. What was I even going to say?
To my surprise, though, she didn't answer. It rang and rang until it went to voicemail. Frowning, I hung up and called again. Getting the same result.
"That's weird." I muttered to myself after leaving a voice message, "She always answers when I call. Even when I'm not pregnant." Beside me, Josh gave a tense laugh, but it sort of fizzled out.
"Try dad." Josh suggested, "Or Zack."
"Yeah." I agreed, quickly finding Mike's number in my list. To my further confusion, Mike's phone went straight to voicemail without even ringing. Meaning it was off. I left him a voice message as well, asking about Heather's phone. It was even stranger for Mike's phone to be off, considering he always needed to be able to be reached for work.
"If Zack doesn't pick up, I'm going to start freaking out." I said, finding Zack's number next. I looked over as Jasper came in, obviously interested in the situation. I waited, listening to the ringing in my ear. The second his voicemail greeting started, I hung up and redialed.
"This is bullshit." I grumbled, trying to hold back the panic.
"Leandra." I sighed loudly as Zack finally answered, "Holy crap where have you been?"
"Sorry." I choked out around my relief, "It's been.. I couldn't find my phone. Alice had it." I glanced over at Jasper, knowing he'd hear me and relay the story.
"What about Josh?"
"He sat on his." I answered, "And it broke."
"Fat ass." Zack commented, laughing a little, "Hold on. Mom's here." I winced, not looking forward to this conversation. I heard the phone roughly change hands, biting my lip.
"Do you have any idea how close I was to coming back there?" She was mad.
"I'm sorry." I told her, "I couldn't find my phone, and then my charger was gone. Did you take it?"
She sighed heavily as well, "I might have. Dammit, Leandra. How many times have I told you to keep that in your room?"
"I didn't want to be without my phone for that long." I reasoned, reaching over and plucking a lint ball off of Josh's pant leg.
"Naturally." She replied, still very sour.
"I tried calling you." I offered, hoping it would help, "And Mike."
"We forgot our phones at Robin's." She replied, "His dad isn't doing the best."
"Man, that sucks." I muttered, shaking my head.
"Is Josh with you?" She asked, "I tried calling his work, and they said he hasn't been in."
"He hasn't?" I asked, shocked as I looked over at him, "He didn't tell me that part." He seemed confused, so I spoke to him now, "You haven't been going to work?"
"I wasn't leaving you." He whispered, probably so Heather wouldn't hear.
"Put him on the phone." Heather knew he was there anyway. I gave Josh a look and held out the phone. It must have been bad, because I could hear her yelling through the phone.
"Okay," Josh muttered, "Just slow down." He scooted his way off the bed and headed for the door. I knew he probably just wanted privacy.
Everyone else followed him anyway, probably off to keep doing their thing, but before Andrew could leave, I spoke up.
"Wait." I called, and he turned back to face me, "Don't go."
"I'm not sure that's allowed."
"It's allowed." I countered, "Because I said it is. Sit." He gave me a look, and it took me a second for me to realize how that sounded. I couldn't help laughing, "I didn't mean it like that."
He allowed that with a small laugh of his own, shaking his head as he carefully sat on the side of my bed. It was silent for a moment or two as I looked around. I couldn't help noticing the way he stared at me. I looked to him as well, and for a moment, it was hard to remember that I was supposed to know the person looking at me. His eyes, the same old brown they'd always been, had changed so much.
"What?" I asked, and he looked down.
"Sorry." He laughed.
"What is it?" I was suddenly curious.
"I'm just.." He murmured, "You don't know how glad I am that you're okay."
"I'm not sure I'm okay." I admitted, "I still feel like I got hit by a truck."
"You lost a lot of blood." He replied gently, "And your body fought hard the last few hours. That soreness is probably going to last a few days, but.. Leandra, you didn't see yourself. If you weren't breathing, as shallow as it was.." He trailed off, but I got the idea. I looked down as he went on, "Then, there was the worry about the baby. Especially after how hard of a time it's had the last few days."
"I have to be the most reckless pregnant person on the planet." I allowed with a wince.
"You need to take care of yourself." He scolded lightly, "Let people take care of you."
"That's long gone." I replied simply, "I'm tired of being the person people have to take care of. I can handle myself."
"I'm sure you can." He said, "If there's one thing I know about you, it's that you're tougher than I anyone I've ever known, but.. There's a limit now. You have to think about things like your stress level. You have to eat, and make sure you're drinking enough water. If not for you, then do it for the baby."
"I know." I sighed, "I know."
He fell quiet for a moment, before he spoke again.
"I know I haven't been here for you." He murmured.
"You've been a little busy." I replied easily, "As much as I need to take care of myself, you need to take care of yourself too."
"But it's my job to look after you." He argued, "Above everyone else, more than any other person, it's my job to keep you safe. Especially from vampires."
"Why?" I asked with a small laugh. That seemed so stupid.
"Call it instinct." He answered, and I understood.
"Because of the baby."
He nodded, "I was almost too late yesterday. I can't do that again."
"How did you know to come over?"
"Again, you can thank instinct." He replied, "I just knew something was wrong. I.. I can't really explain it. I have this connection to you, Leandra. I'd felt it all night, but.. It just got too hard to ignore anymore, so I came running. If it wasn't for Edward, Carlisle probably wouldn't have known to follow me."
"You were with Carlisle?" I asked, and for some reason, that surprised me.
"We all were." He answered, "We were going over a few details with Aro last night."
"That's it?" I asked, "That's why nobody was watching me?"
"Well.." He sighed, "Aro wasn't alone this time. They kind of needed everyone they could get." I nodded in understanding this time, "They trusted you'd be fine for an hour."
"That explains it."
"That's no excuse, though." He shook his head, "I should have stayed behind."
Another pause took place as I let that subject drop, looking around the room. I knew no matter what I said, he'd keep blaming himself.
"This is the weirdest thing." I admitted quietly, "Being back in here."
"Does it bother you?"
"Not really." I replied, "It's just.. Weird. I spent so much time in here when I was a kid. This was my favorite place in the world. Right here." I sighed, "I should have told Aro back then to stuff it. I never should have left."
"You regret living with Heather?" He asked, more curious than anything.
"See, that's hard to answer." I muttered, carefully laying back, "If I never lived with her, there's so many things I probably never would have learned. I owe her a lot. Her and Mike took me in, no questions asked, and treated me like one of their own. There wasn't one time that I didn't feel loved, or felt like I was in the way. Well.." I sighed, correcting myself, "At least not until last night."
"What happened?"
"Josh told me about some of the things that were going on back then that I didn't know about." I answered, "No big deal, but it still bugs me that I didn't know about it."
"Heather.." Andrew murmured, "She's something else." His tone held nothing but admiration, so I knew he meant that as a deeply heart-felt compliment. I nodded easily in agreement, "She's what I always thought a mom should be."
I'd known for awhile that his mother had passed away a long time ago, but I couldn't help being curious about it now.
"Do you remember her?" I asked, sincerely hoping I wasn't over-stepping, "Your mom?"
"Not really." He admitted quietly, "I mean, I might have a small memory here or there, but.. It's like trying to remember someone you never met. Dad used to talk about her all the time."
That reminded me. I paused.
"Does your dad know about you?"
"He kind of has to." He chuckled a little, "Yeah, he was filled in the night I first phased."
"How did he take it?" I asked, sitting back up.
"About as well as anyone would, I guess." He replied, "As it should be, he had no idea anything like me existed. My mom was an only child between her mother and father, so she wouldn't phase, but she could pass on the gene she inherited from her dad, my grandpa."
"Have you figured out yet why you're so different?" I hadn't even realized how curious I was until now.
"Not yet." He replied, "It must be something further back. My grandma and grandpa are from around here, but my grandma thinks that my grandpa's parents were from a different area. She didn't know them all that well. It hasn't been an issue for me anyway."
I nodded a little again, taking a breath.
"What does it feel like?" I asked.
He laughed a little, "Well.. Before it happened, I just felt.. Sick. Not really nauseous, but sort of shaky. It's really hard to explain. Before I got used to it, I felt so hot. I was anxious, but I couldn't settle down. Now, it's nothing. Now I have to be careful, because it's so easy for me to phase. Instinct again." I nodded again, "I think that's why they don't like me being in here with you."
I smiled a little at the way he said that.
"Leandra," He murmured, "I'm sorry. I didn't.. I didn't know any of this was possible."
I frowned a little, "It's not your fault. Don't be sorry."
"At least now I know what made the Cullens so special."
"At least one of you guys do." I sighed, "Trying to explain to Josh, while leaving everything out was a complete fail. He asked if I was on drugs."
He laughed, "You sure you're not?"
"Pretty sure." I laughed as well, "You know me. I won't touch that shit. The last thing I need is another problem to worry about."
"I do know you." He nodded, "You've always been pretty well behaved. Zack, on the other hand.."
I laughed again, "He's crazy. I just hope he knows what he's doing. He seems pretty lost when it comes to his future."
"He's just doing whatever he can to survive." He replied, "Apparently, teenage years are supposed to suck the most."
"Tell me about it." I rolled my eyes, and he smiled. It was silent for a moment, and I figured the subject was about to change. Of course, I wasn't wrong.
"Can I ask you something?" He asked, and I looked over at him, "That night.. In Seattle.."
I sighed, "You want to know why I did what I did." He stayed quiet, and his lack of response told me I was right, "I can't explain it. It's just been easier to say that I don't know, but I think you deserve more of an effort."
"Not that I was against it." He added quietly, "But.. I know Josh isn't too happy with me."
"Can you really blame him?" I asked, "You and I both know it was my idea, and nothing would have happened if it wasn't for me pushing it. I told him that, but I guess he still blames you for giving in."
"How could I not?" He asked with a small laugh, "I've had a huge crush on you forever."
"I've known about that forever." I replied, "I guess.. I don't know why I did what I did.. Maybe.. I just thought.." I sighed with a small shrug, "I was curious. I just wanted one time to go right, and I trusted you to be the one to do it."
"That means a lot, but.. What do you mean?" He asked, frowning a little, "Go right?"
"If you hadn't noticed," I murmured, "I wasn't a virgin."
"I couldn't tell, to be honest." He admitted, "I was just relieved I wasn't hurting you."
"No." I assured him, "You didn't hurt me. All those times I almost backed out was only me almost chickening out."
"So.." He turned a little on the bed to face me better, "You're saying you've done that before? And it went wrong?"
"Not by choice." I answered quietly, "I hated it so much, but I wanted to see a different side of it." His brow lowered as he understood.
"Who was it?" He sounded tense now, but somewhat forced calm.
"You really don't know?" I asked, "I never told you?"
"No," He said, "You never told me."
"There's a very good reason everyone hates Jack so much." I told him, "More than the obvious."
"Please tell me you're joking."
"I wish I was." I replied, "Believe me. I'd give anything for those memories to be nothing but a joke."
"What the fuck?" He stood up, obviously now agitated, "When?"
"Well.." I hesitated, not sure if I should tell him, but I could see that not telling him would make his agitation worse. So I took a breath, "I came to live with the Cullens when I was nine." He nodded, but his eyes darkened, "It'd been almost a nightly thing for three years by then."
He stared at me for a moment or two before he also took a deep breath and held it.
"Excuse me." He murmured, his tone flat but I could hear the ragged edge of anger in there. He turned to leave, but I spoke up.
"Don't go." I muttered, and he turned back to me. Stepping over to the bed, he leaned down and carefully pressed his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes as his hand came up to gently cup the side of my head. Suddenly being this close to him, I felt lightheaded, but not in a bad way.
"I'll make it right." He murmured to me, and I could hear in his tone the effort he was using to be easy with me.
"You can't." I replied, but I didn't open my eyes. It felt too nice to rest them closed. I spoke again, quieter now, "Nobody can. It's okay."
"No, it's not." He argued, "It's not okay. He will pay dearly for every second of pain he caused you. I promise."
"I think he already is."
"Not yet." He growled, and I finally opened my eyes, "He has no idea what's coming for him." Looking into his eyes now, I could see he clearly meant every single word he said. He smiled, but it wasn't his smile. He was obviously trying to ease the concern I felt crawl across my expression. He stroked the side of my head again, "Don't you worry. I won't ever let him hurt you again."
It worried me that I believed him, because it relieved me. I could read in his expression that he read the change in mine. It was the weirdest feeling, and I had to wonder if this was the connection he was talking about before.
I nodded a little, and he immediately turned for the door.
"They might care if you rip his head off." I called after him as he walked out.
"They're just going to have to deal with it." Was his response from up the hall. I shook my head, but sighed. I was used to reactions like his, so it didn't really bother me.
I wasn't surprised to see Mikah walk in, taking Andrew's place with a glance in the direction Andrew had gone.
"He's going to go cool off." Mikah explained, and I shrugged.
"I'm not worried about him." I replied, "It's a hard thing to learn about someone. He really didn't know before."
"You're pretty calm.."
"Should I not be?" I asked, "I've had more than enough time to accept it. Yeah, I still hate what he did to me, but hating it isn't going to change anything. It happened. What can I do about it?"
He sighed, sitting himself down in the spot on my bed that Andrew had just vacated.
"It bothers me." He admitted, "Was all that true? About wanting to see a different side of it?"
"It's true." I nodded, "I couldn't help it. I knew there had to be something more to it than.. Whatever that was. I knew it had to be different with him than what it used to be."
"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asked, sadness in his eyes. I hesitated, thinking about my answer.
"Yeah." I replied softly, "I think so. I mean.." I wasn't sure how much detail I wanted to go into with him, but then I thought about it. It was Mikah. I used to be able to talk to him about anything and everything.
"I mean.." I went on, "It was the same, like.. The basics of how it works, but it was so different. I really didn't know it could be like that."
He smiled a little, "That's how it's supposed to be, princess. Especially when you trust someone as much as you clearly trust him. As much as Josh blames him for giving in to your advances, part of me feels like Andrew should be owed some gratitude. For showing you kindness in a vulnerable time like that." I had to smile a little. I could always count on Mikah to see things differently.
"Thank you." I told him honestly, "I know I shouldn't have done it, but.."
"You did what you had to do at the time." He replied, "I get it. You just.. Have no idea how relieved I am that it went well for you."
"It did." I confirmed, nodding, "I'd spent so much time with him to trust him. If it makes it any better, I would never have even thought about it with anyone else."
"It does help." He nodded as well, "And as much as I wish.. This never happened.." He gestured to my stomach lightly, "I'm more than grateful for its presence now." I nodded in agreement. He studied me for a moment, and I looked down.
"Get some rest, princess." He murmured, standing up. I nodded again, knowing I'd accept his advice without hesitation. I was worn out. With a small smile, he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
That surprised me enough to look up at him. It was such a sweet gesture, I wasn't even sure what to make of it. I could feel exactly how much he cared about me in the contact, as brief as it was.
He smiled again without an explanation, and turned to leave. Which brought my attention to Josh waiting patiently in the doorway. I could see the slight, almost undetectable tension between the two of them as they passed each other. Mikah leaving, Josh walking in.
"Come lay with me?" I requested of him as I laid down, and he smiled a little. He waited, letting me get comfortable first. I rolled over onto my right side, facing the wall. Just like I always used to lay.
"I don't think Mikah likes me very much." He chuckled, sitting on the side of my bed briefly before turning over and making his way behind where I laid. As he scooted closer, hugging me from behind like he always used to when I'd ask him to, I began to see a problem.
The problem was that I found comfort from Josh. As a brother, in a way, but very different. It was just what I told myself. I cared for him in a very familiar way, and oddly, I wanted to protect him. Like he was mine to protect.
I also found comfort from Mikah. He was such a huge, important part of my life here. He was the one thing that made everything okay back then. The countless conversations we'd had stuck with me. He meant a whole lot to me back then, and when he came back, it was like we'd picked up where we'd left off.
Then there was Andrew.
Of course it began as something that wasn't quite innocent, more of a curiosity, but it had grown into something bigger. I wasn't sure how to describe the way I felt about him. I couldn't tell if it was caused by the baby or if it was just the way I saw him now, but whatever it was, that connection was definitely there. As soon as I recognized it for what it was, I craved his presence.
"You need to be careful." Josh spoke gently behind me, taking me out of my thoughts.
"Of?" I prompted quietly.
"I may not know everything," He murmured, "But I'm not blind. I know Andrew and Mikah.. I know they're different. I would have known it even if you hadn't said anything. The things they talk about, or the things they say.. It just doesn't seem right."
"I know." I sighed, closing my eyes.
"I just care about you." He added even quieter, "I feel very protective of you. You're my sister." His tone puzzled me, so I turned over onto my back to look up at him.
"You're sad." I pointed out, my voice giving away my confusion.
"No." He smiled a little, "I'm just worried. That's all." I averted my gaze, looking down at my hands rested over my stomach, "Just.. Be careful. Please. I don't want to see you get hurt."
As much as his tone made me want to cry, I stuffed the emotion down.
"I'll be fine." I assured him, moving to roll back over onto my side, but he caught my shoulder. Looking up at him, I couldn't read the expression in his eyes this time. Whatever it was, though, I felt it too.
I felt it, and I so suddenly understood that things just got a lot more complicated. It was almost a physical sensation, the way my feelings moved around. Twisting into a new category. Like dust being blown away to reveal something else underneath it. Like I never really saw the whole picture before now.
His deep blue eyes told me more than any word could ever possibly say. His gaze explained more in those few seconds than I could imagine before. He looked at me and I looked at him, this time unable to look away.
"What?" I finally managed to break the silence. He looked so tempted to say something, but instead he sighed and smiled.
"Nothing." He replied in almost a whisper, "Nothing, never mind." He shook his head, but immediately afterward, his focus returned to my eyes.
"No." I said, "What is it? What's wrong?"
"It's nothing." He assured me again, this time more believably, "Get some sleep, Leandra." I hesitated, but eventually nodded. Rolling back over onto my side, I stared at the wall for a moment or two, just thinking about this new dilemma.
As I rested my eyes closed, I quickly decided that all of this could wait until tomorrow. For now, I could just rest. I was safe here for the time being. I was protected again. I wasn't going to let anything screw up that feeling for me.
Josh laid his head down on the other side of my pillow, close enough to warm the back of my head and neck with his sigh. His arm under my arm, rested comfortably on my waist, hugging me against him. Just holding me. Just like he always used to.
I woke some time later, and Josh was still there. It was warm, but very cozy. I found comfort again, and I accepted the fact that laying in my old bed had a whole lot to do with it. I was still in my robe, but that didn't make me uncomfortable. If anything it made me even cozier.
I was safe here. As safe as I could be. It was such a familiar feeling to be here. It was everything I had prayed for when I was a kid. From the moment they left, I'd prayed for this. To finally be home, to be exactly where I was now. Safe, warm in my bed.
With Josh there, the feeling only got better. An overwhelming sense of peace filled me, and the slight nausea that stuck around was easily soothed by it. For a moment, everything just stopped. I gladly accepted the comfort that came with knowing that my family was here, and I could just be there for a moment. I didn't have to fight or struggle to be normal. I could be okay. Nothing was expected of me.
Josh's sleeping breaths on the back of my neck told me he was a lot more exhausted than he'd let on before. Slowly, I stretched as much as I could under his arm, only to snuggle into my pillow again with a yawn as Josh stirred just enough to sigh and hug me back to him.
Overall, I felt good. Much better than I did when I first woke up in this room. Despite doing nothing, this was everything. I just wanted to hold onto it as long as I possibly could. I just wanted to be here.
A/N: By now, I'm sure you guys know where I'm going with this A/N. I'm sorry this took so long. Holy hell. I'm hoping things will pick up after the Holidays. I'll admit. Yes, my days do involve a lot of baby. Little KNeu is now 6 months old, and growing so beautifully. He's working on crawling and sitting up. He just got through being sick for the first time like a champ. I'll also admit that I fell asleep twice while editing this. Reading makes my eyes tired. D:
On the plus side, I think I can finally let her pregnancy progress. Good lord. What? A week taking place over thirteen chapters? I totally could have handled that better. I should be ashamed of myself. I just hope it's a decent chapter.
THANK YOU to my faithful reviewers! YOU ALL ARE AMAZINGLY AWESOME-LIKE! I really do love reading your words and opinions! I LOVE you guys! HEARTHEARTHEART!
Chapter fourteen is one I've been looking forward to writing for awhile, so I hope it doesn't take another freaking month to get out lol
Until then, my friends! :D