ImPORTANT NOTE: Vulgar language ahead. Worse than usual lol be prepared for that.
Chapter Fifteen
I woke up quite startled.
"It's okay." I instantly recognized Andrew's voice next to me in the dark room, "Easy." I took a moment to slow my heartbeat, calming down. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep. Beyond the curtain on the window, it was pitch dark. With a deep breath, I scrambled over him to reach for my phone on the bedside table, just so I could check the time. It was 10:34pm.
"Shit." I grumbled, laying on him, my chest over his stomach, "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to fall asleep."
"It's fine with me." He laughed a little, "I snoozed too. They know you're safe, so don't worry about that." He knew me too well.
"Okay." I breathed, finally allowing myself to calm down a bit more. I just laid there for a moment, closing my eyes again. He allowed his hands to gently play with my hair. It was soothing. I hummed my appreciation, and he laughed a little again.
"You purr?" He asked.
"It's rare," I mumbled, "So enjoy it." He tried to move his hands away, but I reached up, "No, keep doing that." He laughed again, continuing on.
"I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable." He admitted, but I hummed again.
"If you do, I'll just bite you." I muttered, laughing as well. We just laid there like that for a few minutes until the position got to be too uncomfortable for me, so I sighed and kneeled up.
"I have to get back eventually." I admitted, but instead of moving to stand up, I just laid down next to him again.
"No you don't." He replied softly, "You could stay here as long as you wanted. I know my grandma wouldn't mind a bit."
"Of course she wouldn't." I agreed.
"I'd be here with you too." He went on, "I wouldn't have to leave. We could just lay here the whole time."
"I know." I sighed, "But I don't want you to get into trouble for hiding me away."
"Don't even worry about that. We're protected for miles in every direction."
"Even the ocean?" I yawned.
"Well, the shore." He allowed, "But yes. The pack knows how important you are to us. Especially me."
I sensed the feeling of the conversation had just changed, so I moved to lighten it.
"I feel special." I joked, sitting up again.
"I mean it." He insisted, sitting up as well, "I have to agree that you're safest right here. The whole time you're over there, I'm on edge. I can't sleep, I barely eat.. I need to know that you're safe, and this is the perfect way to do that. To just be with you."
"I have to go back." I muttered, and I couldn't help feeling nervous at the pressure he was placing on me. It felt a whole lot like Josh trying to convince me to go stay with him. I was fine as long as Andrew didn't pressure, and up until I started talking about leaving, he hadn't. Now, he was. I didn't like it.
"Why?" He asked, "Really. Why? What can they do for you that we can't do better?"
"Don't talk like that. You know my reasons."
"It's the truth."
I suddenly felt guarded again, shaking my head and moving to climb off the bed, but he reached up and gently cupped my face. I tensed a little in surprise, not expecting the contact.
"Please." He murmured softly. I wasn't even sure how to reply at first.
It was the pressure that made me feel so cornered, but the cornered feeling paired with the unexpected contact made me move. My heartbeat sped up in the dark, and I moved my head away from his hands a second before I scrambled off the bed.
"Don't do that." I told him quietly, "Seriously. Take me back."
He sat there on the bed for a moment, shaking his head. I could see his mind working but he didn't say anything. I stood waiting for probably thirty seconds before he finally sighed and stood up.
"Okay." He murmured, "Okay, I'll take you back."
"Thank you." I sighed, and he nodded a little. I could just see his expression in the dark. It made me feel both bad for him, and a little more nervous. I didn't know what was on his mind, but I did pick up a bit more desperation than I was used to seeing.
"Come on." He said, reaching over and gently opening the door beside me. I wasted no time in rounding out into the hallway. I headed down the hall, and once again, Denise was sitting out in the living room.
"Thank you for everything." I told her as she looked up.
"Oh," She smiled, "Leaving so soon?" I really didn't want to let on to her that anything was wrong, so I smiled.
"Sorry." I said, "Hopefully, I'll be back to visit soon. I'll definitely let you know what I decide." She nodded appreciatively.
"Be safe, sweetheart."
"You too." I returned as I opened the front door and stepped outside, the ocean breeze making me shiver.
Andrew followed me outside.
"I'll be right back." He told me, and I nodded, watching as he stepped around the house. I waited patiently until the giant white wolf came trotting out from behind the house.
"I'm sorry." I sighed as he came to my side and he looked down, "I don't like the pressure." He seemed to frown a little in confusion so I decided to try to explain, "Back in there. Pressuring me to stay pushes me away. It got way too intense, way too fast. Don't do that again." He took a grumbling breath in, nodding his giant head. I figured the least I could do was tell him what he did wrong.
Hopefully he'd understand.
The ride back wasn't as entertaining as the trip there had been. I was still pretty tense, and I just needed to calm down. In my own bed.
I was a little surprised to see Mikah on the porch as we approached the house.
"Seriously?" He demanded before I'd even landed on my feet, "It's almost eleven at night. You couldn't have had her home at a decent time?"
"Oh, shut up." I told Mikah, but Andrew's quiet growl had me look over at him. For really the first time, I could see what Edward had been warning me about.
"Grumble yourself, boy." Mikah replied sharply, ignoring me, "You know I'm right."
"I fell asleep." I explained, "What was he supposed to do? Wake me up?" That seemed to shut him up for a moment, "Cool it, Mikah." Andrew grumbled again, his ears falling flat back in obvious distaste.
"You cool it, too." I told Andrew, "It's okay." He looked over at me, and gently pressed his nose to my neck. I couldn't help reaching up and embracing the side of his head with a sigh.
"If you wanted a dog, Leandra, we could have gotten you one." Mikah commented, and I looked over with a frown. Andrew looked over as well, giving a full-fledged growl this time.
"What the hell, Mikah?" I snapped, "What is your problem?"
"He kept you all day." He replied firmly, "How was I supposed to know that you weren't dead somewhere?" Andrew moved forward a step, but I held my hand out.
"The wolves told you I was fine."
"Like six hours ago." Mikah countered.
"You know Andrew wouldn't hurt me." I pointed out, "Remember?"
"I didn't know what to think, Leandra." He said, "All I know, is that you let a wild animal carry you off into the trees almost twelve hours ago."
"He's not a wild animal."
"You don't know what he is." He countered, "He's dangerous."
"So were you." I snapped in reply, and once again, he shut up. Behind him, Emmett and Alice both stepped outside but we both ignored them. I went on at Mikah, "Remember? You were dangerous too, but I gave you a chance. As far as I'm concerned, Mikah, you have no room to talk shit!"
"Yeah, but-"
"No." I shut him up again, "Go inside, Mikah." Emmett attempted to take his arm, but Mikah shook him off.
"Fine." Mikah snapped, but it wasn't at me. His eyes were on Andrew, "I'll back off, but if you hurt one single hair on her head, I promise that it'll be the last thing you ever do."
"Take a walk, Mikah." Alice told him gently.
"Why are you acting like this?" I demanded.
"Because he's a wild animal!" He replied, "Do you have any idea the damage he can do to you if he loses it for one split second?"
"Funny." I barked, "Jasper said the same thing about you."
"I get that part." He argued, "But look at him."
"You're being stupid." I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms, "The point is, I'm fine. He would never hurt me-"
"Intentionally." He cut me off, "But-"
"The only one pissing him off right now is you." I cut him off right back. Andrew grumbled louder, and my arm instinctively went out to stop any advance he might try to make.
"I came this close to hunting you down myself, Leandra." He leaned on the railing, "I told you once that I would always protect you."
"That was so long ago."
"Not to me." He countered, "He thinks just because he got lucky and knocked you up that he can lay claim to you like you're just as much of an animal as he is?"
My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe he'd say that. I wasn't sure how to react, but before I could even begin to think about it, Andrew had run forward. Pushing passed me enough to knock me back one step, and before I could even blink twice, Alice was beside me. Pulling me over to the side just in time to see Andrew being shoved back. Landing to a sliding stop right where I had been standing.
Once again, he was dangerous. From the trees three wolves trotted forward to find his side. One rounding to block his path forward with a growl. Andrew's teeth stayed bared as if he couldn't even see the wolf in front of him.
"Knock it off." Emmett was far from impressed, and I looked over in time to see Jasper and Rosalie joining him on the porch.
"I dare you, fluffy." Mikah was egging him on behind Emmett, "Come on." Andrew now paced, looking for a way passed the wolf blocking his path. Said wolf grew tired of that quickly, snapping his teeth at him, which only caused Andrew to back up a step but also to snap back. The situation was escalating, and I didn't want to see anyone get hurt.
"Mikah, stop it." I told him as firmly as I possibly could, "You're acting stupid!"
Oddly enough, that seemed to finally get through to him. He looked over at me, and I glared at him.
"Okay," He finally said, stepping back, "So that came out wrong."
"Yes." I replied, "It did. It's none of your business where I go or how long I'm there. Get it? You have absolutely zero say in it. Stop acting like a fucking asshole."
"I'm sorry it came out wrong," He said, "But you-"
"No." I cut him off, just as firmly, "Just.. Apologize and leave it at that. You wanna see a wild animal? Take a look at yourself." He growled, but looked down, "What happened to the guy that came in to talk to me before?"
"You disappeared." He replied, "That's what happened."
"Am I not allowed to go anywhere?" I asked, finally stepping around Alice and moving for the porch, "You think that just because you're jealous, you get to tell me who I can spend my time with? That shit don't fly!"
"No," He said, and I detected a tone of defensiveness in his voice, "B-But I-"
"When has that shit ever been okay, Mikah?" I continued at him, "You don't get a say in what I do, where I go, or who I hang out with. Deal with it."
Instead of continuing to argue, though, he turned with another growl. Descending the porch, heading for the yard. I grew nervous for a second, but he wasn't even looking at Andrew. Instead, he walked right passed me and I watched after him.
"Where are you going?" I demanded, "I'm not done telling you off."
"I'm going to go be productive." He growled in response, but that was it. I looked to Andrew watching after him as well.
"And you." I snapped, gaining his attention, "You weren't any better. I don't need you flying off the fucking deep end just because Mikah says something rude." He seemed surprised, straightening himself out, "You kind of made his entire point just now. You realize that, right?"
He grumbled but snorted, looking away.
"Again, when have I ever needed you to stand up for me?" I asked, "Especially over something stupid like that?" He didn't reply, of course, so I went on, "Go home and cool yourself down." He immediately turned and trotted off into the trees.
"Whoo." Emmett chuckled from the porch, "Leave it to shorty to sort out a vampire and werewolf in the same damn breath."
I whined to myself, rubbing my face. With a heavy sigh, I started up the porch steps.
"I have a headache." I mumbled, "I'm going to bed." I paused on the porch, looking over at Jasper, "Please.. Keep an eye on them. Something isn't right."
"They'll be fine." He assured me, "But we'll watch out for them." I nodded, appreciative.
"They wouldn't actually hurt each other, would they?" I had to ask.
"It's hard to say." He admitted quietly, "I, for one, have never seen Mikah behave that way before. Not toward anyone."
"Neither have I." I replied, "I didn't even recognize him just now. I know that's not saying much, but-"
"He's lucky I didn't put him through a wall for what he said." Emmett chimed in.
"No," I said, "I know what it's like to be so upset words come out wrong. He didn't mean it the way it sounded. He didn't mean any of it."
"Mikah was agitated." Jasper agreed with me, "This whole situation is hard on him."
"Hard on him?" I snorted, unable to help it.
"Yes." He replied, "Leandra, he had such high hopes for you. He lived every day with the hope that you would live your life for you. It was all he had. We had no idea exactly what was going on back here, or what we'd find when we did come back for you."
"Maybe." I sighed, allowing that.
"He only wanted the best for you." He went on, "And he doesn't believe that Andrew could be the best choice."
"He doesn't even know him."
"He doesn't have to." He countered, "He sees what's going on between you two, and he disapproves. Jealousy is only a small part of it. He cares for you more than you'll ever understand."
I sighed again, looking down. I felt bad now for yelling at him. It was a difficult situation because they were both acting like idiots. That didn't take anything away from the way I felt about them, though. I had my reasons for caring about them, each different from the others.
"Dammit." I muttered, "Okay, go find him please."
"On it." Emmett replied easily, turning.
"Thank you."
"Uh." Alice spoke up, "I'll go with him. He's very good at making a bad situation worse."
"I can be sympathetic." Emmett replied defensively, "I just don't exactly know what it's like to come in second place when it comes to females-"
"Yeah." She said, descending the porch steps, "See, you can't say things like that."
I tuned them out, shaking my head.
"I know Andrew.." I mumbled, "He's never been the jealous type."
"It's definitely there." Jasper pointed out.
"What?" I asked, looking over, "What does he have to be jealous of?"
"He senses your hesitancy." He replied, "He would always be there for you no matter what you chose to do, Leandra. His devotion is unconditional, but as it was mentioned before, his loyalty is only to you."
"So basically.." I grumbled, "If I don't pick him, he's doomed to be alone the rest of his life."
"Basically." He confirmed.
"Well, that's complete crap." I said, "How fair is that?"
"It isn't." He replied simply, but didn't offer anything else.
"That's not a lot of help." I pointed out.
"I'm aware." He smirked as his simple reply irritated me. He sighed, crossing his arms, "Leandra, can I offer you one small bit of advice?"
"Please." I muttered bitterly.
"You're conflicted." He said, "And being conflicted makes you nervous. Nobody on the face of the planet can blame you. You've had.. An unspeakably hard life, so it really makes sense that you would grow attached to different qualities in different males."
"Mmhmm." I hummed, letting him know I was listening.
"Something like this.. It's not meant to be a burden, Leandra." He told me, "The solution isn't as difficult as it seems."
"Says you." I sighed, shaking my head and looking out over the yard.
"It isn't." He insisted, "This isn't a choice you need to make for anyone else, which is where I think you're confusing yourself. Andrew is a big boy. He'll get over it. Mikah-"
"Who says I was even thinking about Mikah?"
"Do you really have to ask that?" He asked as if it should have been obvious.
"Eh." I muttered, allowing that.
"We saw it coming in New York pretty much after you first met him, Leandra." He pointed out, "If you recall."
"I recall." I said, falling silent so he could continue.
"Mikah has lived without you this long, so he'll live as well." He went on, "Josh.. He's human. The best suited for you, and the amount of love he holds for you rivals even Mikah. All three hold a significant amount of protective emotion over you, and I think it's safe to say that you're responding to that."
"I am?"
"You are." He confirmed, "You bury it deep, but the one thing you crave the most is protection. You try to put on a front of independence, and you try to make people think that you don't need saving, but I can see it."
"Can you get to the point?" I asked, now slightly embarrassed.
"My point is this.." He murmured, "Leandra, you need to make this choice for you. It's not about who you might hurt with this choice. It's always been about what you're most comfortable with. It's not about who you're willing to spend the rest of your life with. It's all about who you're unwilling to live without."
Strangely, that made a lot of sense.
"Besides." He said, "This isn't a choice you need to make immediately. I think you're entitled to take your time."
"Found him." My attention was taken by Emmett's return, Mikah in tow, "I caught him trying to pull guard duty out of turn. Again." I gathered that this wasn't something new.
"You can't do that." I scolded lightly as he stepped up onto the porch.
"I don't like letting him out of my sight." He replied simply. Given his tone, he was still feeling a little sour.
"Yeah, well.." I muttered, trailing off. I frowned, noticing something, "Where's Alice?"
"She stayed behind to help Esme." Emmett replied, and I nodded a little.
We all fell quiet, and I watched Mikah turn away. I felt like I needed to explain some things to him, if only to help him feel better. Hesitantly, I looked to Emmett beside Jasper.
"Can you guys please give us a minute?"
"Sure, shorty." Emmett smiled a little, "Just let us know if you need anything." I nodded, watching as they turned and walked back into the house. I waited until the door was shut before looking over at Mikah. He still had his back turned, so I knew he was pretty upset.
I hesitated, trying to figure out where to start.
"I don't get it." I finally spoke, and he glanced over briefly before focusing back across the yard. I spoke again, "I mean, I do get it, but.. I don't think you do."
"What do you mean?" He asked, and I knew I made almost no sense right then.
"I know what I mean to you." I said, "I know you were just worried. Hell, I've snapped at plenty of people because I was afraid. If there's one thing I know, it's being afraid."
"I promised to protect you."
"It was such a different time back then." I muttered, sighing quietly, "Back when you made those promises, it was like a lifetime ago."
He was quiet.
"I don't think you know just how much you meant to me." I looked over at him, "Back then. It was more than just some stupid crush. I know you were listening in earlier when I told Emmett all that stuff about Jack."
"I couldn't exactly help it."
"I know." I said, "But.. I couldn't describe it back then, what you meant to me. Now I think I can." He glanced over, "Before I met Alyssa, I thought I was too broken for friends and that made me mean, but when I met you.." I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I should tell him this or not. Taking a breath, I went on.
"Mikah, you made me hope again." I murmured, and he finally looked at me longer than a second. His eyes finding me and staying, "That's why I kept saying it was more than just some crush. I saw something in you that I'd never seen before, and as much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn't. You gave me something that I thought was gone forever."
It was clear he wasn't sure what to say.
"But.." I went on, "Besides Carlisle, it killed me most when you left. I know I said that part of me died the night you guys left, but that's not enough. That hope, Mikah.. It died every day. You could tell me over and over again that it was supposed to be temporary, but I knew it. I never believed for a second that you were telling the truth when you said you'd be back."
I took a breath.
"Now.." I sighed, "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about you. That makes it harder, because I want to hope again, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid because you have no idea how bad it hurts to die every day." I fell quiet when my voice broke, despite my efforts. I swallowed back emotion, looking away, "I just couldn't understand it at first. You'd always promised that you'd protect me, and that you'd always do whatever you could never to hurt me, but you did. So easily. It would have hurt less to punch me in the face."
I jumped a little as he turned toward me, reaching up and gently taking my face between his hands. Aside from the initial surprise, I trusted him.
"I never meant to hurt you." He told me, "And it kills me that I have."
"You thought you were doing right by me." I replied.
"But you didn't know that then." He understood now, "You spent so long believing that I could somehow just turn my back on you."
I shook my head lightly out of his hands, "What else was I supposed to believe? Nobody told me anything. If there was any time at all that you needed to be honest with me, that was it. So many things would have turned out differently if you would have just told me."
"We thought we were protecting you by not telling you."
"That was stupid."
"Not all of us have your gift, Leandra." He pointed out. I looked down, crossing my arms as I slowly took half a step back. He sighed, "But that's no excuse. It's not. So.. No more dodging blame. I'm owning up to it now. We screwed up." Hesitantly, I looked over, "We screwed up, and though we never meant to hurt you, we did."
Finally. He admitted that they messed up. No excuses, no 'but's.
"I'm sorry." He said, and the amount of sincerity in his tone almost hurt. I didn't hesitate this time. Turning again, I stepped forward and hugged him. He returned it easily. I know this didn't fix anything, not by a long shot, but it was a good start. I hadn't been looking for anything but acknowledgement. That they knew they messed up, and to not try to force excuses down my throat.
I closed my eyes, emotion threatening to overwhelm me as he turned his head and kissed the side of my head.
"Thank you." I murmured, resting my chin on his shoulder.
"You weren't looking for excuses." He replied, "And you knew the reasons. I should have listened sooner."
I pulled back, smiling a little at him, "Finally someone gets it." He smiled in return, so I sighed, "So.. Are you okay?"
"I'm okay." He told me, "I'm sorry I flipped out. I was just.. Every worst case scenario ran through my head, and all I wanted was to know that you were okay. I'm not trying to keep you away from him."
"I know." I replied, "I swear I never meant to fall asleep. We were just laying there, and next thing I knew, I was waking up."
"I get it." He nodded, "I just let myself get too worked up."
I sighed again, "Come inside with me?"
"Of course." He chuckled, gesturing the way forward for me. I was glad he agreed, just so he didn't try to go back to guarding Jack.
"Where is he, anyway?" I had to ask on our way through the door.
"Far away from here." He knew who I was talking about, "Aside from the ones making sure he gets nowhere, he's isolated."
"Why are you guys keeping him alive at all?" I asked, "I think he's more useful as firewood."
"I agree with you there." He said, watching as I entered the kitchen, "But there's one person who wants to keep him alive until he comes back for him."
I rolled my eyes, "Aro?"
"Unfortunately."
"When's he coming back for him?" I asked, grabbing an apple from the nearest bowl and holding it in my teeth as I opened the pantry. I was craving oatmeal, and I knew there was some in there.
"I wish I knew." He sighed, "It would be rather helpful when it comes to my patience. The longer he's alive the more of a threat he becomes to you."
"Just keep him away from his other parts." I muttered around the apple in my mouth.
"That's the easy part." He replied, "The hard part is resisting the urge to finish him off. He's got a real bad habit of running his mouth when he knows my patience is very thin."
"He plans it that way." I said, "He wants to grate on your nerves like sandpaper. It's his thing."
He kept me company while I made myself some oatmeal, nibbling on an apple the whole time. I hadn't eaten pretty much all day, and my stomach was no longer okay with being empty.
I felt so much better after eating. Well enough to sit with the others now grouped in the living room. Rosalie had finally graced me with her presence, probably since Emmett was sitting here too. I felt better, confident that I'd handled Mikah's issue in the best way possible.
I wasn't sure where Andrew had gone off to. I hoped that wherever he was, though, he was being watched.
Sitting there with them, it was more like old times than it had been yet. I felt no awkwardness, so that made it easy to relax and laugh at our conversations. One conversation in particular landed in a pretty weird spot. Somehow, we'd wound up on the subject of my life while they were gone. I hadn't been so open about it with them yet.
"So.." Mikah spoke up, "I couldn't help overhearing.. Something I've been wanting to address for awhile, that you talked to Josh about.."
"Yeah." I knew what he was referring to, considering where the the conversation had been heading before, "Like I told him, I'm not proud of what I did, but I'm not afraid to admit that it helped me."
"I'm not judging." Mikah said, despite how I knew he wanted to scold me, "But you do have medication for that."
"Right." I snorted, "Because it's so awesome being almost comatose the rest of the day."
"So get it adjusted." He suggested.
"The less time I have to spend talking to that bastard the better." I sighed, "I hate that shrink."
"Why?" Mikah laughed, obviously confused.
"Because." I shrugged, "It's his job to make me hate him."
"That's harsh." Emmett chuckled from his seat.
"Wanna know what's harsh?" I asked, "This is the third shrink I've had to see."
"Really?" Mikah asked, surprised.
"Yeah." I confirmed, "The first one quit a week after she met me, and the second one dropped me as a patient. I'll never know if it was just me he dropped, but whatever. This one I got just after I turned fifteen."
"You made one quit?" Emmett asked.
"I was a little pessimistic." I admitted, "And I took it out on her. I wasn't nice about what I told her."
"Ouch." Mikah muttered.
"They wouldn't even let me stay at the same place to see another shrink there." I said, "I had to be taken to a different place."
"What the hell did you tell her?" Mikah laughed, slightly horrified.
"The truth." I replied simply, "I had an hour to talk at her, and I used it. Every detail. Once I was done telling her everything, though, I gave her my best grin and told her it was all something I just made up on the spot. I think that's what got her. Heather said they almost made me go to a facility, but she wouldn't let that happen." I sighed, leaning back, "But this new one.. I don't like him. He treats me like a person."
"And that's a problem?" Emmett asked.
"Yes." I said, "The last one just used his hour with me to get some paperwork done while I stayed quiet. I told him what my problem was, and he prescribed me the medication he thought was best. That's it. This new one, I have to see every six months, and it's always the same. He just sits there staring at me like he's waiting for me to talk."
"My guess is the old one got fired for not doing his job." Mikah pointed out.
"But I liked that." I said, "Like.. I knew I could talk if I wanted to and he'd pay attention, but I never did, so he respected that. I never complained, so it couldn't have been me that got him fired."
"It's a mystery." Emmett said, and I shrugged in agreement.
After that, though, the conversation took a rather depressing turn.
"So.." Mikah started, "Why did you run off with him earlier? Andrew?"
I glanced over, my smile fading as I looked down again.
"He needed to know before anyone else." I muttered, "That.. I've decided.. Not to keep the baby."
"Really?" Mikah asked, deeply surprised.
"It's the best thing I can do for him." I said, "I can keep him safe as long as I need to, but once he's born, how am I supposed to do that? I just want to give him the kind of life I never had, and to do that, he deserves a real family. Andrew's grandma offered to take him. He'll be with his own kind, and he'll be treated like a prince."
"You don't even know this woman." Mikah frowned.
"I will." I replied, "I mean.. I'm usually good at being able to tell a good person from a mile away, but I want to know everyone who's going to be in his life before I make any sure decisions."
"I'm sure he'll be fine." Emmett told me, "I actually think it's a good idea. He's still with family there, and they tend to take good care of their own." I nodded. He really helped me feel better about it just now. Having him agree with my own thoughts eased me about it.
"New subject." I muttered, "I'm getting depressed."
"So you never really answered." Mikah moved on, "What happened with your dad?"
"Nothing really happened." I shrugged, "He tried to keep in touch, but I just wasn't having it. He gave up before I got better. Living here was only supposed to be temporary anyway, so they moved back to Idaho. I haven't tried to get back into touch with him. I figured I had already screwed their lives up enough."
I took a breath, moving on before they could keep on with that subject.
"But seriously, though." I said, "What is this bullshit with Aro? Can't he take a hint?"
"It's not just about you anymore, shorty." Emmett answered, "Yeah, you're a big part of it, but.. All you need to know is that for now, he's letting us play interference. He's letting us be the ones to pass on messages, but.."
"But.." I mumbled, "Pretty soon that won't be good enough for him."
"Bingo." He replied regretfully.
"Why is this suddenly so important to him?" I asked, looking down, "I just want to be left alone. I mean, I never gave him a reason to come back. I was a normal person, with normal person problems. He says he just thought he'd show up again?"
"Supposedly." Mikah confirmed quietly.
"Knowing him," I said, "That's complete bullshit."
"I know it is." Mikah replied.
"But he thinks nobody will call him out on it, so he can pretty much tell anyone anything he wants to tell them." I shook my head, "So I can't go back to whatever life I might have left until he decides to stop being a lying little douche-nozzle." Mikah snorted, so I looked over.
"What?" I asked, only slightly confused.
"Creative name." He chuckled, "But not nice."
"Not nice, but earned." I replied simply, "And that's not even the worst I could call him."
"Oh?" He grinned, "There's worse?"
"Are you kidding?" I laughed, sitting up straighter, "You have no idea some of the expletives I've picked up over the years. Most of this shit I've always known. If you haven't noticed, Jack doesn't have the cleanest vocabulary."
I knew Mikah was just cheering me up at this point, but I didn't mind it. If there was one thing I was good at, it was flinging vulgar names at people. Either they laughed, ending the argument, or they got pissed when they couldn't beat me.
"What is the worst you've ever called someone?" He asked, obviously interested.
"Before I tell you," I replied, "I demand immunity."
"I'm curious too." Emmett chuckled, "Come on, shorty."
"Okay," I laughed, "Well, the worst thing I've ever called someone, would have to be a tie between.. Dick tickling donkey, and son of a shit-pissing gutter slut."
"Holy hell." Mikah immediately started laughing, Emmett joining in after a split second of trying to hold it back. Rosalie just looked offended and disgusted at the same time.
"If you wanted to go simple, ass cactus, shit kitten, or queef cookie. My regular is fuckface, or dumbshit, because it usually takes work to call someone a son of a shit-pissing gutter slut that you can't afford in the heat of an argument, and you risk stuttering. Which would only come back to bite you on the ass."
"What exactly is a queef cookie?" Mikah laughed.
"Well, how much do you know about queefs?" That only got more laughter out of them. Rosalie just stood up and walked away, shaking her head.
"How much do you know about those?" Mikah managed to ask between laughs.
"What don't I know about those?" I asked in return.
"Any others?" Emmett encouraged me.
"There are plenty." I replied, "Shit and fuck are pretty much universal. You can add those at the end or beginning of anything and make it an insult. Dumbshit, shithead, dumbfuck, fuckhead. You could expand a little, and throw in words like slut, bitch, cunt. Fuckslut, bitchfuck.. You name it. Ass doesn't go well with too many things, so it's a special word. Reserved for only the worst of the asshats out there."
"One more." Emmett chuckled.
"Drittsekk." I said, "It's Norwegian for shitbag or asshole."
"You can cuss at people in other languages?" Mikah laughed.
"I know a few." I nodded, laughing as well, "My skills have grown. Impressed? That's the only word I know in Norwegian. Puta, which is 'bitch' or 'whore' in Spanish. Depending on how you use it. Mierda comiendo puta. Or chinga tu madre, pinche maricon. I've almost gotten my ass kicked for that last one."
"What in the hell is going on in here?" I looked over at Jasper's arrival.
"Nothing." I replied innocently. He gave me a firm look, but I just laughed and looked down. Snorting as Mikah chuckled as well.
"You know Jasper is fluent in Spanish, right?" Emmett asked, and I shook my head, trying to stop laughing. I was very unsuccessful, snorting again before laughing.
"Who taught you all that?" Jasper asked, obviously as disgusted as Rosalie had been, "Where did you learn to talk like that?"
"Yeah." Emmett mock scolded me, "Who was the bad influence?"
"If anything, I'm the bad influence."
"That isn't something to be proud of." Jasper frowned.
"Hey," I replied, laughing defensively, "Just because I know some pretty awesome insults doesn't mean I use them all the time."
"Well, it's unbecoming." He told me, "Stop it." He looked to Emmett, "And you two shouldn't be encouraging it."
"Sorry." I laughed, "I'll stop now."
The conversation evened out from there, taking a less offensive direction.
After that day, I kept waiting for something to happen. For something to give, to break or for someone to show up. Over the course of the next month, the only thing that changed was me. I split my time between resting and spending time with Heather. As much as I wanted to be active in every other aspect of my life, there was only so much I had the energy for.
The baby hit a growth spurt as I fell head-on into my third trimester, and I ate accordingly. I learned at my next check up that his only job now was to gain weight and finish developing his senses and lungs, so I'd be also putting on the pounds as well. I'd expected that, but it still sucked to see just how much I'd gained already.
My back was what was giving me the hardest time, now and then leaving me lying on the couch for hours at a time in irritating pain. As he grew bigger, I really didn't. I only stretched, ligaments stretching and things rearranging in there to make room for him. Over the course of the next month, it became easy for me to feel him moving around, and I experienced his hiccups for the first time.
As time went on, Andrew stayed around a lot more. Mainly outside, pacing along the treeline, but he was there. Now and then he'd come inside as a human, but not often. Like he was getting as edgy as I was. I'd go out and see him as often as I could, but lately I'd been so sore. I was definitely not up to taking a ride on his back to visit his grandma again. I knew I'd have to soon, though.
Now six months and one week along, fresh from my latest check up, I laid on my side on the couch. Emmett sat in the chair off to the side, Alice perched on the armrest by my feet, both watching me. I'd gotten used to that, but this time, it irritated me.
"What?" I asked, looking to Alice.
"Sorry." She laughed a little, "It's just fascinating."
"What is?" I asked this time, my tone easier.
"While you're laying there like that, I can see him move." She answered, and I raised my arm a little to look at the side of my stomach. Sure enough, even under the fabric of my shirt, he moved and rippled the skin just a bit. I couldn't help laughing a little as well.
"Yeah, he moves a lot lately." I told her, "You can feel him if you want." I'd never really offered before, so before I was even done offering, she was kneeling beside the couch with her hand lightly pressed to my stomach right in the middle of a squirm. She probably didn't get many chances to experience this, so I just laughed again and allowed it.
Emmett cleared his throat, so I rolled my eyes a little.
"Yes," I said, "You can too- Oh, jeez." He was so suddenly right next to Alice, grinning like a kid in a candy store. The cold temperature of their skin must have cooled off my belly, because the baby started squirming more. A lump appearing briefly towards the front of my stomach and rolling forward, and I assumed he was trying to roll over.
"You have a person in you." Emmett seemed so amazed by that.
"It's weird, huh?" I laughed, "But watch this cool trick." I carefully rolled onto my back on the couch and stretched my arms above my head. Being stretched out like that almost completely flattened my stomach aside from a small rounding near my lower belly.
"That's awesome." Emmett laughed, and I couldn't help returning it.
"Right?" I asked, "It's cool, but it's weird to think about how that happens." I had to roll back over onto my side, though. Laying like that made it hard to breathe.
I looked over as Andrew walked in, very tense given the way he looked. He was looking straight at Emmett, though.
"I thought you said we couldn't kill him?" He demanded. To my surprise, Jacob followed him in. Both of them drenched from the rain pouring outside.
"Hey, I don't make the rules." Emmett replied, standing up, "I just enforce them."
"Tell that to your girlfriend." Jacob countered, "She ignored those rules. Not that I can blame her."
"Dammit." He sighed, shaking his head as he moved for the door.
"Tell her to film it next time." I called after him.
"Not happening." He called back, and I laughed a little. Jacob followed him, but Andrew stayed. Carefully stepping around Alice, Andrew kneeled beside the couch, right where Emmett had just been.
"How are you feeling?" He asked me.
"Ugh." I replied, "I feel gross."
"You're not gross." He said, "You're perfect." With a small smile, Alice stood up and rounded the couch, walking away. Probably giving me some privacy with him. I couldn't deny the fact that I loved that he was so close. With a smile, he leaned forward and lightly rested his forehead against mine.
I pulled back to sit up with a sigh.
"So where have you been?" I asked him, "Usually you're out there every day."
"Long story." He laughed, standing just enough to sit next to me, "I've been.. Pretty on edge lately. I don't know what it is."
"Me." I answered, laughing a little, "I think you know how I'm feeling." He nodded a little, looking down, so I let my smile fade, "You said.. Rose killed him?"
"I'm sure he's fine by now." He replied, his own smile fading.
"Why?" I asked, "I mean, why did she do it?"
"He has no off button." He answered, "Meaning, he never shuts up. He's constantly running his mouth. She probably killed him out of pure annoyance."
"Oh.." I muttered, "What.. What was he saying?"
"What wasn't he saying?" He wasn't understanding what I was worried about. I stayed quiet, glancing over at him. That seemed to be enough to make him figure it out. He looked down, "Yeah. He might have mentioned a few things."
"Great." I sighed bitterly.
"Of course, we don't know how much of that is true." He added as if that would make me feel better, "A lot of that has to be made up. There's no way anyone would survive that."
"You'd be surprised what someone can survive." I told him, keeping my eyes down, "No matter how much they don't want to survive it."
"Are you telling me that it was really that bad?" He asked, "Uh.. I mean, any of it would be horrible, but.."
"I know what you mean." I assured him, "But yeah. If he's talking about it, it's pretty much guaranteed that it actually happened. Chances are, it's true."
I looked over at his quiet growl.
"Don't do that." I said, and he shook his head, "Getting mad about it is a waste of time, and it's exactly what he wants."
"How the fuck did nobody notice?" He asked. It was easy to hear his anger.
"I had no choice." I said, "I had to make them unnotice."
"That's bullshit." He replied, "One word to anyone about what was going on, and they would have-"
"Yeah." I countered, "It is bullshit, but you see what's going on now. If I had told anyone, not only would he not have stayed in jail, but he'd hunt me down and kill me. If anyone but the Cullens had taken me in, I'd be dead already, and you know what? He'd get away with it. Because that's just the type of person he is."
He stayed quiet, but I could see his thoughts working.
"Take me to see him." He looked over at my demand.
"Are you crazy?"
"Probably." I said, "But I have a few things I need to say to him before he dies again."
"It's not going to happen again."
"Yes it will." I replied easily, "If it's gotten bad enough to make Rose kill him like that, then that means the others are aching to do the honors as well. Take me to see him."
He sighed, looking away in thought.
"Please." I mumbled, "I need this."
"I can't." He said, "I can't put you and the baby in danger like that."
"I'll be fine." I said, "He's in pieces, right?"
"That's something you don't need to be seeing." He argued.
"Then cover him with a blanket or something." I countered, "But I need to say some things to him."
"Leandra, he's pissed off." He reasoned, "He's angry, and he's starving. He hasn't fed in all this time. It's too dangerous. Taking a human, even you, to visit with a starving, desperate vampire would be stupid as hell."
"I don't care." I replied, "Please."
"I'm sorry." He sighed, shaking his head again, "I can't."
I hated to go this route, but I wanted this.
"I'll just get Mikah to do it." I grumbled, standing up.
"If he takes you anywhere near him, I'll rip his fucking arms off." Andrew stood up as well, "I mean it, Leandra. If he sets foot within fifty miles of him with you in his arms, I'll break them off, and I won't be alone in that."
Well, that didn't go the way I wanted it to.
"Like that's fair."
"If he pulls a stupid move like that, then he deserves it." He countered, "He knows the risks, and you're way too important to me to let him toss you to under the bus like that."
"Andrew, you're not getting it-"
"I don't care." He barked, "Hate me all you want to, but as long as I live, I'm not letting you become just another bloodstain on the wall."
"Don't be so over dramatic." I rolled my eyes.
"Over dramatic?" He snorted, "Have you ever seen what a starving vampire is like?"
"Sort of."
"I'm not talking about the Cullens." He said, "They're used to having control over their urges. What happened in your room? That. Times a thousand. You get within smelling distance of him, and he'll do whatever it takes to get to you and he'll rip your throat out just as soon as look at you. I'm warning you, Leandra. Stay away from him."
"Oh, warning me now?" I snapped. I didn't appreciate that word in the slightest.
"Yeah." He replied incredulously, "I'm warning you against walking right into your fucking death."
"Whatever." I growled, turning away from him, "You know where the fucking door is." Dropping a not so subtle hint that I wanted him to leave, I started toward the kitchen.
"Don't be stupid." He blocked my path, "Leandra-"
"I'm stupid now." I argued, "Good to know. Move."
He sighed in irritation, "I mean it-"
"How is wanting closure stupid?" I demanded, "I get that it's some sort of stupid fucking instinct to protect me, but I think you're being a little unreasonable."
"Unreasonable." He snorted, "Keeping you from being ripped to shreds is unreasonable."
"Leandra, he's right." Alice suddenly appeared from wherever the hell she had been.
"God." I groaned, rolling my eyes, "Of course you would agree."
"The rule not to go near him is for our safety as much as it is to keep him alive." She pointed out, "If we're not even allowed near him, what in the world makes you think you'd be allowed to just walk right in there and talk to him? There is no talking to him."
"Then what the hell am I supposed to do?"
"I'm sorry." She replied, "I have to agree with Andrew on this one. You're not going near him."
"He can't get to me if you're with me." I pointed out in return, "Besides. Wouldn't me showing up just torture him even more?"
"That's not the point."
"Then what is the point?" I asked, "He's got no fucking limbs."
"Do you really think that'll stop him?" She asked.
"What's he gonna do?" I snapped, "Roll over to me?" My God, that image.
"The answer is no." She told me firmly, "End of discussion."
"I'll figure out a way." I muttered, stepping around Andrew.
"Just forget about it." He called after me, "Let go." That stopped me in my tracks.
"No." Alice muttered to him sadly, "Why wouldn't you think first?"
"Let go?" I asked, rounding to look at him again, "Let go of what exactly?"
"You keep telling me that it doesn't matter." He replied, "To not let myself do something stupid just because-"
"I'm allowed to." I snapped, stepping closer to him, "You're not. I'm allowed to want closure. You're not. I'm allowed to have a few words with him. You're not. I'm allowed to hold onto the way I feel. I'm allowed to want this. You're not." Every word, I stepped even closer to him, eventually making him back up. Probably so I couldn't hit him and hurt myself, but he backed up nonetheless. I must have said something right, though, because he glared to the side.
"And that's another thing."
I went further with it.
"I don't need you trying to be all macho, and telling me that you swear you'll avenge poor weak, little, old me." I backed him into the door leading out to the porch, where he stopped, "Poor defenseless me. That's bullshit. That's fucking bullshit. What he did, he did to me. Not you.
"I don't need you, or anyone for that matter, swearing anything when it comes to Jack. With Jack, you make no guarantees. I know him better than anyone on this stupid fucking planet. I deserve to see him when I damn well demand to see him. I don't give a single feathered fuck what you or anyone else has to say about it." He stood there in silence while I took a breath, "Got that?"
"Leandra, you're not listening to me." He insisted, finally looking at me, "You're-"
"Andrew." I shook my head.
"You're not seeing him." He went on, ignoring my attempt to shut him up, "Like I said before. I don't care who the hell it is. If anyone tries to give in and take you see him, I'll do whatever it takes to rip their arms off at the shoulders. That's a damn promise."
I glared, but didn't bother replying. He wasn't listening, and honestly, I wasn't either. Part of me knew that this would get us nowhere.
He went on, "I don't care who I have to go through. It's my job to protect you, and I'll die doing it."
"I didn't ask for a damn guard dog." I spat.
"Well you got one." He snapped back, "Whether you wanted one or not."
With my own growl of frustration, I turned away again. He wasn't going to give in, and I was just getting more mad the more he talked. Who was he to keep me from this? All I'd ever wanted my whole life was to be able to demand answers from Jack. I had my perfect opportunity now, while he wasn't a threat to me, and Andrew wanted to stand in the way of that. I had the opportunity for closure, and to grow as a person. My own personal progress was being stopped by him.
He just didn't understand. Nobody did. I wanted Jack to answer for the things he'd done to me. I wanted him to admit it in a way that wasn't cocky or fueled by pride. I needed to hear him say it. To tell me truthfully for once that he knew he ruined my life. I wanted him to know what price he was going to pay.
Most of all, I wanted to see him suffering. I ached to see the same pain in his eyes that he'd always seen in mine. I wanted him to know that I held the upper hand now, and I wanted him to know that with a wave of my hand, he would lose his life. I craved to see him beg for his pathetic life. More than I ached for my next breath, I wanted to see him come to the conclusion that ultimately, I'd won.
"Andrew!" I yelled from across the room, rounding once more to look at him, "You don't know how bad I need this."
"What is wrong with you?" He asked me, "I told you-"
"And I told you." I snapped, "Five minutes. Hell, thirty seconds. Please."
"It'll take one second for him to kill you."
"Do you really think he'll be able to get to me with everyone there?" I asked, "You want to protect me? Then stay there with me if you want to, but I need to see him."
"You do get that if he moves a muscle your direction, I'm ending him." He replied, and I saw a break in his resolve. I was getting through to him.
"I know." I said, "Please."
"You're not considering it?" Alice asked him incredulously. He sighed, studying me. If this connection was so strong, whatever it was, he had to know just how badly I needed this. I wasn't sure how long I had before he was gone for good, and the longer we waited, the less time I had to do this.
"Fine." He eventually muttered.
"Really?" My mood lightened immediately.
"Fuck it." He said, "As long as I get to stay right there with you, with no complaints from you, I'll take you."
A/N: Okay, so I was a chapter behind. I completely forgot I never put this out. I can't apologize enough for that. I would have had this out yesterday, but my laptop decided it wanted to throw a 24 hour long temper tantrum, and I had to reset Windows, try to remember passwords and usernames, and reinstall everything, then figure out why I couldn't use Wi-Fi.. Ugh. Huge headache, but I got it sorted, so I didn't have to Frisbee my laptop off the balcony toward the arroyo.
THANK YOU! To my reviewer of last chapter! THANK YOU! You're AWESOME on UNIMAGINABLE levels!
As you can probably tell, I've gotten chapters Sixteen and Seventeen written out. Seventeen is the last of this story. As far as I can tell right now, you guys won't be disappointed. :) It's about to pick up a bit, guys.
So chapter sixteen won't take long to come out.
Until Sixteen, my beautiful readers!