Bonnie Sveen Fan, thank you for your review. I'm glad you thought Cal and Matilda were cute - I adore him as a daddy, which is why Matilda is in so many of my stories! I love Ethan's protective side so I'm happy you enjoyed reading about it.

Guest, thank you for your review. There is a Zax scene, but I'm afraid it's quite short - this chapter ended up being twice as long as it needed to be, so I had to cut the Zax scene in half and save the rest for Chapter 39, but they should be in every chapter till the end now. I'm so happy you're enjoying this.

totti10, I think you're right about Robyn never being there for Rita - I remember when Rita was first promoted, she made a few mistakes and apologised and Robyn was supportive, but that's all I can think of. I think Rita might find it quite difficult to ask for help. You won't have to wait long to see Iain again! Thank you for your review. I really do love how you see so much in the Rita sections.

InfinityAndOne, I've missed Lofty for lots of reasons, but one of the main reasons is his friendship with Dylan - I can think of a few occasions when Dylan would have found Lofty's support really helpful. The wait for Ethan's reaction to Alicia's statement is now officially over! I hope it won't disappoint you. Thank you for your review.

20BlueRoses, thank you for your review. I think Ethan has convinced himself Cal likes Alicia, but that didn't stop him in the episodes... I agree that life - and Casualty - would be a lot less interesting if things were simple. I can imagine Cal trying to hide all sorts of things, only for Ethan to guess straight away - though it's the things he succeeds in hiding for a while that end up hurting Ethan the most.

X-Sammii-X, thank you for your review. Cal definitely wants to keep Matilda, but it's not really his choice now he's giving up his rights, so I could yet split them up! I'm cruel. It would be good if Rita and Robyn become friends - I think they're quite similar and they both need support at the moment. I think if Alicia can successfully go back to her old personality, she and Ethan might suit each other.

Tanith Panic, I'm glad you reviewed this one first because I wanted to update it! I'm glad Cal's explanation of letting Matilda go worked - there wasn't time to go into detail, so I really had to cram it into a few words! I'm glad you're happy for Lofty to go back to staff nurse, but he is still in Resus, so it's better not to assume anything! Thank you for your review.

Ethan stared at Alicia in disbelief. "Oh, goodness me. I think I must have… " Ethan let go of her hand, placing it gently down on the bed, and felt in his pocket for his torch. The torch wasn't there. Nor, for that matter, was his pocket. He'd forgotten he wasn't in his working clothes. "Oh dear. Perhaps I ought to call someone. I'm a bit concerned…" Ethan looked around. He knew there was a procedure for dealing with this situation and he was fairly sure he ought to know it, but it seemed to have gone out of his head completely. "I, um, please don't worry, Alicia, but I'm concerned about your head injury. I'm just going to-"

Alicia burst into laughter.

He stared at her. He didn't think he'd said anything funny this time. "Alicia, it's okay. You're going to be fine. I'm sorry if I worried you. I'm just trying to be cautious."

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed." Alicia reached out his hand to him and he captured it in his own without thinking. "Ethan, this is why I want you."

"I… um… yes," said Ethan, still staring at her. "You're really not well, Alicia, and you're exhibiting… symptoms, which I'm sure are nothing to worry about, but in view of the fact we have been involved in a rather serious um…"

He stopped, losing his train of thought completely as Alicia stroked his fingers. There was a smile on her face as she gazed at him. He had to admit she didn't look very unwell. Her eyes were sparkling and her grip of his hand seemed firm. If anything, Ethan was the one who was feeling ill. He felt rather dizzy and he was struggling to breathe.

"No other guy has ever reacted like you when I've thrown myself at him," said Alicia. "Most of them aren't even surprised. But you… you're so modest and sweet, you just think I need my head examined!"

"Oh, um…" Ethan stared at her in alarm. When she put it like that, it really wasn't terribly complimentary. "I didn't mean… I'm so sorry… it's not you, it's me… no, I didn't just say that! Please tell me I didn't say that again. I'm terribly sorry. I mean... what do I mean? Can you just give me a minute? I'm not used to this. Um… excuse me."

Alicia's hand clung to his for a moment, but then she nodded, though her smile had faded slightly now and her eyes looked wide and sad as she released his hand.

"Alicia, I'm not saying… oh gosh: I'm actually not sure quite what I'm saying… but I just… the thing is… Cal… oh gosh." Ethan turned away. His forehead felt hot and he rested it against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to breathe deeply and calmly. There was no need to panic just because a girl had told him she liked him. It did happen very occasionally, after all. Only once or twice a year and only if he was very lucky and they were desperate enough, but it did happen.

He knew he was lucky. Alicia liked him. She actually liked him and he liked her and it should have been the happiest moment of his life, but there were two very good reasons why he couldn't allow himself to feel happy at all.

Dylan thought the lump in his throat might be emotion.

He very much hoped it wasn't, but it was good seeing Lofty and Robyn reunited. Not that he had the remotest interest in the romantic lives of his colleagues, but he was aware that Robyn was in a tragic situation and there was no doubt that Lofty would support her better than anyone else.

"I'm so glad you're okay," said Robyn tearfully. "If I'd never seen you again…"

"But you did," said Lofty. "And I'm not going anywhere."

Robyn glanced at his monitor fearfully, but what she saw seemed to reassure her.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere in that sense either, but I meant I'm literally not going anywhere," said Lofty. He paused for a moment. "I've decided I'd like to come back to Holby. I might have to wait till there's a job available, but this is where I want to work."

Robyn gasped in delight "You're coming back! Lofty, that's the best news ever! Are you coming back as a bereavement counsellor?"

"No: as a nurse," said Lofty. "That's what I want to do, Robyn. What I've always want to do." He looked over at Dylan and smiled.

Oh, no. It really is emotion, realised Dylan in horror.

He turned away and pretended to be very interested in… surely there must be something he could be interested in. It wasn't even as though Lofty's news was a surprise, but for some reason, hearing him say it to another person made it seem even more likely to happen.

Dylan found a tablet and picked it up. He found himself looking at Iain's CT scan. There was no reason to look it and there were clearly no abnormalities, but if it could keep Dylan focused and stop him feeling so uncomfortably happy…

It didn't.

"I strongly recommend that you go and see him," said Lily. "He was extremely worried about you and he will be anxious for news."

"Not very anxious," said Cal. "He's too busy with Alicia to think about his brother."

"Cal, don't pout," said Lily severely.

"Yeah, whoever told you it was sexy – and I bet it was you – it's not," said Louise.

Cal kissed Matilda, who chattered to him and held him more tightly. "At least you love me, Toad."

"Our feelings for you are not important," said Lily. "You need to see Ethan. You know how much he dislikes it when you keep secrets from him."

She had a point actually. If Ethan got home exhausted and found Louise changing a nappy, it would be quite a shock for him and Cal had no trouble working out who would get the blame.

"And if there's anything… wrong with Alicia," said Louise, a slight note of fear creeping into her voice, "don't you think he'd like to have his big brother there?"

Cal wasn't quite so sure about that, but the thought of Ethan being alone and afraid wasn't a thought he liked. He put on a big show of reluctance. "Okay. Fine. I'll go and see him."

"Oh, you men!" said Louise in exasperation. "Why do you always have to pretend you don't care? It's pathetic. There's nothing wrong with loving your family."

"I'm not saying there is!" said Cal defensively. "I love Matilda, don't I? She's family."

Louise's eyes met Lily's and they both shook their heads.

If Cal hadn't known better, he would have thought Lily was smiling.

Zoe was trembling. She felt Max's arms encircling her shoulder and waist and pressed closer to him. "Is… Connie…" She could manage no more.

"She's stable," said the doctor. "Thank you for calling us when you did, Dr... Hanna, wasn't it?. It made our job easier."

Zoe knew what that meant. Without her help, their job might not even have been possible - and she could so easily not have been there.

Zoe shuddered at the thought. "Can I see her?" Her legs were shaking, but Max was holding her tightly and she knew he wouldn't let her fall.

"She's asleep now," said the doctor. "If you'd like to wait in the waiting room, I can take you along there now, or if you need to get back to the ED, we can give you a call when she's ready for visitors."

Zoe's eyes met Max's. "Waiting room?" She couldn't help remembering that at one time, the question 'waiting room' would have been a suggested venue for sex, not a place to wait for what could be bad news.

Max nodded. His arms around her were firm and reassuring. "Fine with me."

David watched until the family was out of sight.

No. Not a family. They'd been torn apart by the arguments of the parents and although Kai had briefly united them in some respects, he knew they would never live asa family again.

He jumped as Amira touched his arm. "Are you okay?"

"I…" David wasn't sure. He'd hoped he'd feel better when Kai and his parents were gone, but the fear inside him remained.

This time, it had been the Swift family, but next time…

"David?" Amira sounded concerned. "What is it? Tell me."

"You… you were going to go home," said David.

"Not while there's still work to be done," said Amira. "And supporting my colleagues is part of the job. Out with it."

David looked at her in bemusement. When she'd first arrived at the ED, that hadn't been her attitude at all.

But in one respect, she hadn't changed. She was as aggressively determined as ever and David didn't think he'd be able to say no.

It was strange how familiar a person could become.

All Iain could hear was the sound of running feet, but he knew.

He turned to face her. For a moment, he thought she was going to run into his arms, but she skidded to a stop in front of him, almost losing her balance.

Iain caught Rita's arms and she gasped and jerked away.

"Sorry," said Iain at once.

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting… I'd forgotten…" Rita stopped. "Iain, we've both been through so much. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Maybe I don't know who you are either."

Iain shook his head. He half-lifted his hands to reach for hers, but then he caught himself. She was like a frightened animal. He'd slapped her (metaphorically of course) too many times for a caress to be welcome. "I'm the same guy I've always been, Rita. Maybe a little bit more battered and bruised, physically and emotionally, but in some ways, I'm more myself than I've ever been because I'm being honest now. With myself and with you. I love you, Rita."

"I-I think I love you too," said Rita. "No. I know I love you. But what if I can't do it, Iain? What if I can't be normal anymore?"

"You are normal," said Iain. "You've had a normal reaction to something terrible. But this time, it's going to be different. This time, I won't push you away. I'll help you. In any way I can." He held out his hand. She jumped slightly, but didn't move away. Slowly, she moved her hand towards his.

All Iain wanted was to grab her hand, but he knew he had to wait. They'd do this at Rita's pace. If he messed this up, she could run away again and then he'd lose her forever.

He kept his hand still.

At last, he felt Rita's palm flutter against his.

Iain waited till it was still, then he slowly closed his fingers over her hand. He kept his grip light so Rita could pull away, but she didn't.