"We're smiling but we're close to tears."
….
They had fallen asleep.
Phil woke up slowly, trying to push the exhaustion out of his system.
He opened one eye and looked around blearily.
He didn't remember falling asleep.
He reached out his arm and felt around the bed, only to find empty sheets and the absence of warmth.
Dan had woken before him.
Phil pushed himself of the bed and stood up, ignoring the sudden head-rush and the dizziness it brought him.
"Dan?" he called quietly.
No response.
Just a horrible muffled sound coming from Phil's room.
Phil walked towards his bedroom.
Dan was facing away from him, holding one of his pillows and crying quietly into it.
Phil swallowed the huge lump that rose into his throat.
"Dan," he whispered.
A sob ripped through the air.
"Dan, please."
Dan turned to face him.
"What's wrong?"
Dan's face contorted into pain and anguish.
"You really want to know what's wrong Phil?"
He didn't give Phil time to answer.
"I didn't have a best friend for the first 18 years of my life. Then I met you and it was worth the wait."
Phil blinked. Did Dan really feel that way?
Dan continued.
"And now you've told me you're going to leave me forever. Damn it Phil, eight years isn't enough! No amount of time will ever be enough for you."
Phil choked, the emotion catching in his throat and filling his eyes.
"Oh god Dan….. I-I, I-I, It's not enough for me either ok? I'm not even thirty! There's so many things I haven't done or seen…." He took a deep breath as the realization hit.
"I don't want to leave you. I don't! I care about you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But this isn't a choice, we don't get a say in this. I'm dying, and there's nothing we can do. I've made peace with that. You need to as well."
"I-I can't Phil! I can't! I refuse to accept it, I won't!"
Tears and hysteria bubbled in his eyes and voice, running down his face in torrential rivers.
Phil winced, feeling his heart stab in physical pain.
"Dan please stop crying now. Please. It's killing me faster than this cancer."
Dan turned towards him and blinked, another wave of tears fell down his red cheeks.
"Dan, everything is wrong right now. Please stop."
"What's wrong then Phil?" spat Dan bitterly. "You keep acting like everything's ok."
"The cancer! The cancer is not only killing me, but it's killing us! Dan, stop. Please. For me."
"I can't just act like nothing's happening Phil. At one point you're going to leave me, and I'll have nothing. I just don't see how I can live without you."
"Bear, I will always be with you. I'm in your memoires, in our book, in our videos, in this whole world we made together. Dan, we did this all together."
Dan looked like he was going to start crying again. His face crumpled.
"God damn it you're beautiful. To me you're everything, ok Phil? You're everything to me." Dan's voice broke as the sobs started racking through his chest again. Phil wrapped him in a bear hug, and Dan clasped on as if he might die if he didn't hold Phil as close as he could.
"It's ok Bear. I've got you. I've got you."
Neither of them wanted to let go.