Disclaimer:still don't own Harry Potter. there is a song in this chap that I do not own either. The song is by Metallica but i do not know what it is called. I have been searching since August! anyways... Oh I almost forgot I am unsure of Harry's parents middle names so if anyone knows please tell me. much appriciated.

Author's notes: I know I am adding on a lot of chapters quite fast, but no worries once I get to chater 13 things will slow down. Well enjoy! Oh and don't forget to review!

CHAPTER 7

Tears

Harry stood before three large marble headstones, 2 covered with ivy and bits of moss he ignored the third as he knew that there was nothing beneath it as he was still, unfortunately, alive. There was a little bit of snow on all of them and the ground. How ever it didn't cover the extremely long grass that helped cover most of the three footstones that stood in the backyard of the place he was supposed to grow up.

Tears rolled silently down his face, and he fell to his knees. He reached up and pulled the ivy, moss and the grass away from the headstones tears flowing faster and faster from his empty eyes. He snapped his fingers and the stones were clean and sparkling in the light of the setting sun. Harry read the headstones in the fading light.

'LILY MARIE POTTER'

'Died 10-31-1991'

'Loving mother, wife, daughter, and friend, may she rest in peace.'

'JAMES HAROLD POTTER'

'Died 10-31-1991'

'Loving husband, father, son, and friend, may he rest in peace.'

Harry fell forward hands on the ground holding his face catching his tears as he cried for his parents, cried for Dumbledore and Sirius. Cried for the boy he used to be. The boy he would never be again.

'Why did I have to wake up? Why didn't I just wait for him to finish me' he thought o himself 'WHY DIDNT THEY JUST FUCKING KILL ME. I'd rather be dead...' he sat up and conjured two bouquets of white lilies. And placed them in front of each headstone. he then cast a charm to make sure they never died "to bad I couldn't do that for them, Sirius, or Dumbledore." he whispered o himself as he limped inside, the chipped white painted house that had a large amount of vines growing on it, with his cane.

Harry noticed that everything in the house was as it had been all those years ago. Harry knew because there was a large amount of dust all over the house. There were white sheets covering all of the furniture. Harry limped his way through the kitchen then the dining room and then finally to the stairs. He slowly made his way down the hall to the door that he knew had been his parent's room and inside

The room brought tears to his eyes as he images of his young and happy parents wearing junky clothes splattered with paint and gathering more as they splashed paint at each other laughing and smiling...

The walls and ceiling were white and silver fluffy clouds with bits of powder blue sky showing through. White and water lilies were falling down towards the thick powder blue carpet that had a thick layer of dust coating it as well as the walls and the sheet covered furniture.

Harry removed his converse sneakers not wanting to get the carpet dirty. He flicked his wrist and the dust and sheets disappeared from the large room. Leaving the large bed that had been his parents bared. It was a king size with a large fluffy white comforter and an assortment of baby blue, white, and silver pillows were laid against each other and the white headboard. There was a large sheet type thing attached to the wall (up where it meets the ceiling). There were pieces of silver rope tying the fabric on opposite sides of the bed to the wall. There were two white dressers and a white vanity whit a large mirror on It.' mom must have done her hair there' he thought to himself as he made his was to the bed.

Harry pulled a tiny box from his pocket with a thought it was enlarged to its original size. He reached down and pulled out the red and black box that held his present from Mel. he pulled out the thing he recognized as a radio (a newer version than the Weasley's) and the little flat square thing and placed them both on one of the white bed stand along with a few of the books he hadn't read yet.

he pulled the blankets and sheet down and got in to the bed that his parents had once slept in. Harry grabbed the blankets and pulled them to his face. Sobs racked through his skeletal body. Harry slowly fell into a deep and troubled sleep. Filled with sad and angry eyes, with matching faces of those that he had once considered family. Fingers were pointing at him voices were blaming him. Then there was laughter, a cold cruel laugh he had many times over his own screams...

Harry sat bolt upright in the bed. Which he immediately regretted. A sharp pain in his chest and back told him he was in the living world. He looked down at his chest and saw that his bandage and saw that his entire chest and arms were covered in blood. Harry waved his hand over himself and the blood disappeared. And he did the same for the bed as it had gathered blood as well.

Harry laid back against the pillows and looked around the walls. But once he looked directly in front of him... he stopped. Hanging on the wall was a picture of him as a baby and his parents on both sides of him holding each of his hands smiling happily. His mother was trying to flatten both his and his father's hair.

In another his parents were hugging each other and smiling at the camera with the occasional laugh or giggle. There was more like that at least one picture on each wall. Tears fell from his eyes he covered them with his hands as the sobs racked his body. He felt dirtier then than he ever had. He had allowed the murderer of his parents, godfather and professor to fuck him and to stuff himself in to Harry's...

'I failed everyone .this entire thing is my fault I should have fought back I should have avenged all of them instead I did as he asked. ...I failed ...I failed everyone...' he thought over and over. He was so lost in his own thoughts he never heard the bedroom door open or the zip of and thud of a boot coming off.

He wished he could go back and warn his parents about Wormtail so he could have a normal life...a happy one. Where he wasn't the 'chosen one' or 'boy who lived'. He wanted a family to have the chance to be a kid maybe his parents had plans for another child? ...he didn't know. Nor would he ever. He did however know that he was tired of being scared and used. He was tired of watching everything he loved disappear as he stood back and did nothing. He watched his parents, godfather (and the closest thing he had to a father), and Dumbledore die right in front of him.

Not only was his childhood taken from him but his very innocence. There was no way he could get any of it back for Voldemort took everything.

Harry clenched his fists his nails digging into his palms anger flowed through him. He looked up into the mirror on his mother's vanity and saw a pale face with sunken eyes and broken glasses and hollowed cheeks. He saw stick like arms and a ribcage without a stomach under it there were bandages on his left upper arm and around his entire torso. Tears came down faster. Harry put his hands over his face he screamed loudly into his hands. He heard a crack and was happy to see that the mirror was shattered all over the floor and vanity.

"There's no need to worry this isn't real just a dream...just a nightmare. Ron and Hermione are going to wake me up soon and everything will be fine..." he told himself before slipping into another terrifying slumber.

Aday later Harry managed to figure out how to work the radio. it was another day or threeafterhe had arrived there only eating snow before he fully understood what the 'cd' was used for.(he figured it to have taken longer because of the lack of food). He pressed play and a sort of sad sound filled the room. Harry was entranced by it. After awhile a sad voice joined the instruments. Harry felt that he understood the song in a way no one else could. Harry turned up the volume even more. After awhile a sad voice joined the instruments

'Life it seems will fade away...'

'Drifting farther everyday'

'Getting lost within myself'

'Nothing matters no one else'

'I have lost the will to live'

'Simply nothing more to give'

'There is nothing more for me'

'Need the end to set me free...'

'Wow' Harry thought. It was such a sad song.

'Things aren't what they used to be'

'Missing one inside of me'

'Deathly lost this cant be REAL!'

'Can not stand this HELL I feel'

'Emptiness is filling me...'

'To the point of AGONY'

'Growing darkness taking dawn...'

'I was me but now he's gone'

'Oh my god it's like someone stole my feelings and made a song out of it' he thought sadly tears falling from his eyes.

'No one but me can save myself but it's too late'

'Now I can't think of why I should even try...'

Harry sniffed the song was saying what he had refused to think for the last few days. He hadn't had any food but a little bit of snow. And no one was coming for him and none of it felt real he didn't understand it...

'Yesterday seems as though it never existed!'

'Death greets me warm... now I will just say good bye...'

And the song went all instrumental. Harry looked toward the ceiling trying not to cry. He knew he would soon be dead as he had run out of blood replenishing potion and still had no food. Harry listened to the music but didn't hear it. As he was too far lost in his own thoughts.

About 3 hours later the cd was starting over for the second time. Harry already feltvery light headed. Spots invaded his vision and his breathing slowed. Harry felt calm. 'this is it' he thought.' this is the end' his vision faded to black. He saw a small speck of light. And saw the outline of an angel coming closer as he fell farther back into the welcoming darkness. All he could make out was that she had long wavy hair floating around her thin frame.

"Harry" she whispered "d... d... don't leave... please... d... d... dont... not yet." her voice sounded familiar... and angelic. He couldn't place it. He gave up trying to figure out who she was. He faintly heard the depressed man singing his last line

'Death greets me warm...now I will just say good bye...'

A small smile appeared on his face at the irony and he gave into the darkness...