AN: Thanks y'all. It's been wicked fun! ;D Thanks to Butterfly for being so cool. Special thanks to MirandaMinerva for "getting it". Also, regarding the ending of the previous chapter... gather 'round kittens while 'ole Tiger explains... "Caveman Diplomacy". Here's how it works. With cavemen and certain modern day politicians, when you wanted something you would A) scream B) bully and C) fight. That my darlings is what John Granger started and Minerva finished. His problem is one suffered by a great many individuals. It's the fear of the unknown. Now, back to the story...
PICKING UP THE PIECES
The group gathered in the living room were startled into amused horror as two very drunk witches stumbled out of the floo.
Hermione Granger's face had a handprint shaped bruise on her left cheek and a split lip. Her hair was wildly mussed, her eye make-up was smeared and she was wearing the silliest grin as she stumbled slightly swaying. Minerva looked like a train wreck. Her hair had come out of it's bun and was flying everywhere. Sticking straight up in some places. Her lovely face was marked with bruises. One, on her right cheek, was a nasty shade of purple. Her stunning emerald eyes were ringed with yet more red and blue bruises. Her nose, her poor lovely nose, was mis-shapen and swollen. Dried blood painted her chin dark brown. Her elegant hands were cut, the knuckles red and swollen.
Dumbledore hurried to their side saying, "Holy Merlin, you look like you were run over by the Knight Bus!" Snorting, Hermione wrapped an arm around her battered fiance and replied, "No, just my dad and Jim Beam." She began to giggle madly. Minerva sniggered as she shuffled drunkenly towards the sofa, "I neeb du zit." Hermione followed the older witch, helping her settle on the sofa. Minerva grinned, wincing a bit, "Wunnerful gentlemab Bister Beab."
Arthur Weasley shook his head, a huge grin splitting his face. This was priceless. Yes Hermione and Minerva were roughed up a bit, but seeing them drunk! Stupidly drunk? Oh Merlin, this was hilarious. The others in the room thought so too. At least Harry, Ron and Ginny did. They were unsucessfully trying to stop from laughing. Rolanda Hooch was standing in the center of the room with her hands on her hips and her mouth hanging open. Dumbledore's sky blue eyes reflected amusement, but he didn't allow it to go further. He didn't want to be turned into a stink bug when Minerva sobered up.
Dawn and Jean moved over to the sofa. "Are you O.K.?" Dawn inquired, gazing in awe at her new "big" sister. Minerva focused her bleary, bloodshot eyes on her "little sister", "Ahm jus' beachy keeb." Hermione giggled some more. Jean shook her head, "O.K. you two, we need to get you into bed." Minerva sat up, "Not ob duh firs date!" That was it, Dumbledore cracked up.
Molly Weasley stepped up next to Jean, "Come on you two sods, off to bed!" Minerva stood, leaning slightly to the left. Gathering Hermione close she mumbled, "Obb du bed by dweet 'erbindee..." She pressed her lips to the younger witch who responded quite enthusiastically, "Bed? What an absolutely lovely idea, 'cause you my sexy witch are divinely yummy!" Dawn rolled her eyes, shaking her head. Molly glanced over at Dumbledore, "Perhaps you should do something about that broken nose?" The elderly wizard shook his head, "I need some Skelegro. I can't fix the bruising though. She'll just have to look like that till it heals on it's own." Suddenly a loud pop was heard and Izer appeared holding a small bottle of the potion Albus was needing. Smiling, the wizard took the bottle from Izer's outstretched claws, "Where did you get this?" The tiny creature bowed his head, his large eyes fastened on the floor. "Izer borrows it sir." Eyebrows raised, Molly asked, "From who?" The little elf shuffled and scuffed his feet nervously, "Izer borrows from Hogwarts..." Grinning at the elf's gumption, Dumbledore unstoppered the bottle saying, "We just won't tell Poppy." Then he handed the bottle to Minerva saying,"Drink this Tabby, it'll fix your nose." Minerva took the bottle eyeing it, "Iz it bor ob Bister Beab?" Dumbledore grinned, "No, something better... drink up." Minerva happily slugged down the potion, then grimaced, "Ewwwwww. Dis tase like shid!"
Harry Potter bellowed, holding his sides.
Ginny Weasley snorted, wiping her eyes.
Dawn Granger fell out laughing, wondering why?
Rolanda Hooch guffawed, thinking Minerva was high.
Arthur Weasley hooted so hard he let out a sigh.
Jean Granger chuckled, wiping her eyes dry.
Ron Weasley laughed so hard he thought he might die.
Dumbledore closed his eyes and thanked Merlin he'd lived long enough to see this... Minerva McGonagall was shit faced drunk! Hermione looked at everyone laughing, then back to her fiance. Bristling she placed her hands on her hips and screeched, "You do not laugh at my wife to be!" That just caused everyone to laugh harder. It was like being yipped at by a Pomeranian while the stately Great Dane began to bark. "Oww Oww Oww, dis hurbs!" Her nose had begun to heal as the potion made it's way through her system. Slowly her mis-shapen nose began to reshape itself into it's original size. With much complaining on Minerva's part. "Owwweee... ooohhh." Moments later, her nose was back to the right size and shape.
Hermione grinned sloppily at her woman, "That's the cool thing about Skelegro... it works on cartilage too! Much better. Back to being cute." Minerva's face broke into a silly grin, "Do you think I'm cute?" Her voice was back to normal, thank Merlin. Giggling, Hermione wrapped her arms around her fiance, "You look like a cute lil' racoon!" Dawn fell back on the sofa laughing manically. Jean shook her head, stepping forward, "Come on you two... You need to sleep this one off." She moved to take her daughter's arm, "Come on little witch let's go." It had been years since Hermione had been called that nick-name. Her eyes glistened and her face took on a gooey quality, "Aw mum."
Minerva stood swaying. Jean grabbed the older witch's arm in her other hand saying, "You too big witch." Minerva grinned sloppily at the name and sniggered, "I like that." Hermione waltzed out of the living room singing, "Somewhere over the rainbow..." Minerva looked at Jean and whispered completely serious, "People have said to me that I bear a striking resemblance to the Wicked Witch of the West.." Jean could not hold her amusement in any longer. She cackled mirthfully.
The rest of the room followed suit, including Dumbledore. Wiping his eyes, he looked to Dawn, "Except for the green skin and crooked nose, she's right." Dawn laughed and replied, "You fixed her crooked nose!" Realization hit Dumbledore, "Oh my. She's probably going to be a little green tomorrow..." He fixed his gaze on the rest of the room, "Do you know what this means?" Hooch was shaking her head, "She is soooo gonna kill you." Dawn sat up, eyes wide, "Oh my God. Minerva McGonagall IS the wicked witch of the west!"
"I HEARD THAT!" Came drifting in from the hall.
Dumbledore threw his head back and chuckled happily. He never thought a visit to the manor would result in this much fun. This was a hoot. Minerva would probably be slightly peeved, but... oh well. This was classic. He glanced around the room, noting that everyone was laughing and hooting just like him. It was worth it.
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Jean led the two inebriated witches up to the third floor, She had to pause several times as Minerva would begin to have conversations with the portraits along the way. The only portrait who didn't converse was Fiona McGonagall. She just followed from frame to frame. A stern look on her aristocratic face. Taking a deep breath, Jean opened the door that led to Minerva and Hermione's inner sanctum.
She wasn't sure what she was expecting. Certainly not the beautifully feminine furnishings she found within. The crowning centerpiece being the gorgeously carved mahogany, king size canopy bed. Soft rose colored curtains hung in waves from the ornately carved canopy frame. She turned to see Hermione drop her clothes to the floor and pad naked to the far side of the bed. Jean's mouth fell open at her daughter's seemingly wanton act. She turned to address Minerva and found the older witch disrobing beside her. "What?!" She exclaimed, trying to avert her eyes. Minerva was stunningly beautiful. Her body, dispite being slightly battered was indeed a work of art.
"Mum?" She heard her daughter call. Turning her head, she asked, "Yes dear?" Hermione raised an inquisitive eyebrow and stated rather imperiously, "Stop ogling my wife to be." Jean blushed furiously, "I am not!" She flushed. She noticed Minerva smirk at her as she got into bed and pulled Hermione close. "Goodnight Jean." The older witch trilled with humor lacing her husky voice. The older Granger turned to make her escape. As she opened the door, she heard a deep rumble and a higher pitched, delighted reply...
"Come here to me, little witch..."
"My pleasure, you randy big witch."
Jean grinned merrily as she closed the bedroom door to the sound of happy giggles and sniggers. She looked up to see Fiona waiting in a portrait by the door. "Well?" The portrait asked, her hands on her hips. Jean smiled gently, "Oh they're both going to have a killer hangover tomorrow, but otherwise I think they're going to be just fine." She flashed the portrait a bright smile. The first real smile since all this nonsense began. Rubbing her hands together, she smiled again and added, "Now, I guess it falls to me to make sure everyone gets some dinner." With that, she headed back downstairs. Fiona stood in her portrait with an eyebrow raised, "Impressive."
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WHOOSH!
WHOOSH!
WHOOSH!
Minerva McGonagall moaned.
Loudly.
Her wife to be answered with a moan of her own and a whispered, "Am I dead?" Opening one emerald eye, Minerva realized the loud whooshing sound was her own breaths echoeing throughout the chamber known as her aching head. Something else she realized... her face was buried between Hermione's legs. Not that, that was a bad thing mind you. "Ohhhh." The younger witch groaned, instinctively closing her legs on Minerva's head causing the older witch to exclaim, "Kitten! Oh Kitten, ease up a bit love." The younger witch looked down her body to see her fiance's head locked between her legs, "Oh so sorry, Tabby." She frowned and wondered, "How did you end up down there?" Minerva gently kissed Hermione's curls, then looked up at her love and smiled saying, "Well, I have a general idea as to how I got here..." She frowned and added, "I just don't bloody remember!" Together, they snickered, then winced as the hangover headache made itself known.
Sighing, Hermione struggled out of the bed and padded over to the ornately carved wardrobe against the far wall. Minerva rolled onto her back and rested on her elbows watching Hermione's curvacious body as she moved. The younger witch reached inside the wardrobe and pulled out her black medical bag. Minerva raised an eyebrow, "A healer's bag? Where and when did you get that?" Hermione flashed her "cheshire cat grin" at her future wife, "I will be a fully licensed healer in one more year you know." With that, she padded back over to the bed. Placing the bag on the bed, she opened it and reached inside. She pulled out a miniaturized parcel. Unshriking it with a wave of her hand (wandless magic that Minerva gasped at witnessing), she proceeded to unbind the parcel. It turned out to be a portable potions set-up used by healers on the battlefield. Being the ever practical witch that she was, Hermione Granger took the idea and ran with it. Coming up with her own version.
The young witch pulled out several ingredients and began mixing intently. She was so focused on her task that she completely forgot that she was standing there stark naked. Minerva didn't though. She watched her young love with rapt fascination. The way her hips turned just so, the way her generous breasts bounced as she mixed, the way her plump, kissable lips pursed in concentration. Minerva, in spite of her aching head and body, felt herself warming up a bit.
Hermione placed her mixed potion aside and picked up a small pouch from her kit. It contained the hairs of various species, all organized and neatly packed. Minerva raised a dark eyebrow as Hermione pulled a single strand out of the pouch, "What is that?" The younger witch grinned brightly and replied, "Hair of the dog." With that, she dropped it into the potion. Minerva's jaw dropped incredulously as Hermione added grape flavoring with a flourish saying, "My potions taste good." She stoppered her potion and began to shake it vigorously. Minerva again watched the bounce of her fiance's breasts with great interest. Hermione finally caught on to what her fiance was doing. With a smirk, she asked, "Like what you see?" Minerva rolled back sniggering, "I love what I see." Hermione let out a soft chuckle as she finished shaking the potion. She reached into her bag and pulled out a small cup. With a devilish grin, she transfigured it into a martini glass saying in her best Sean Connery impression, "Shaken, not stirred." Handing it to her fiance she added, "Drink this, you'll feel better." She poured half the potion into the glass and handed it to her love. Then, she simply drank the remaining potion from her shaker. The effect was almost immediate. The headache, body aches and nausea disappeared.
"Amazing!" Minerva exclaimed proudly. She moved over to Hermione's side of the bed, watching as her love scourgified her instruments and replaced them in her kit. Hermione gazed at her love's battered face and said, "I may be able to do something about the bruising as well... I just need one more ingredient." She trailed off, her mind spinning ideas. Minerva was very familiar with the look on the younger witch's face. She'd seen it countless times before when Hermione was her student. "What are you thinking?" She queried, reaching out to touch her love's hand. Hermione didn't get a chance to answer as someone began pounding on their bedroom door. Both witches dove into bed and under the sheets as Jean and Rolanda burst in.
"Do you mind?" Minerva stated, trying to look dignified wrapped only in red silk sheets. Hooch grinned wickedly, seeing the naked shoulders of her friend and her friend's fiance. Winking, she nodded to her companion. Jean grinned at Rolanda's expression, then turned to her daughter and Minerva and said, "You have a rather unusual guest waiting for you in the entry hall." Minerva and Hermione looked at each other, then back to Jean and asked in unison, "Who?"
"A unicorn who calls himself Odaan."
The Grand Sire was here?
-to be continued
AN: Thanks for being so patient. Now how many of y'all out there have a lost weekend or two thanks to Mr. Jim Beam? Please raise your hands. (Mine is waving wildly) The only good thing I can say is that A) I woke up in my own bed and B) I knew the person who was snoring next to me. WoooHoooo!
Remember, please be gentle, y'all.