You are not going to like this chapter. It's emotional. And angsty. Very big on the angst here. Not cute and fluffy like recent chapters. It's down right deadly. Okay, that was a bad pun. Sorry. And for those of you who do not know: Dark Day: A day of solitude when a person slips away from reality and interacts with no one to reflect on something usually personal and traumatic. This chapter is very emotional. Please no flames about the back story. Nit pic everything once Rich speaks, but before that, if there is something wrong, don't tell me. I couldn't keep reading it to check. Questions are allowed though. ): Blame SourSkittles for letting me write this, by the way (BTW!)

Chapter 23:

Please forgive me if I get a bit emotional in the following paragraphs. We all have things about our pasts that we want to stay hidden, buried, gone forever. But we know they can't and we allow ourselves that one day a year to remember and forget for the next 364. I never really forgot until I met them. Caitlyn and Shane. They changed my world and they never knew it or understood why. There was a reason Sierra reacted the way she did when Shane came into my life. The way she did when Caitlyn came in.

I didn't let people in easily. There was a reason. I kept to myself and tried to stay out of people's way. Friends were a difficult thing to have. A dangerous thing to have. At least for me they were.

I wasn't always a loner. I used to have lots of friends. I had my clique and then I had other friends who in 10 years I wouldn't be able to recall their names or faces, perhaps their existence. It used to be Sierra, Nicole, Justin and me. Justin was a guy. He was so much like Jason. The lovable airhead that got along with everyone. It was part of the reason Jason and I were so close. Because he reminded me of my best friend Justin. Justin who was… who was killed. Justin who was killed when he was 13. Killed because he was beaten to death. Beaten to death by a bunch of immature, narrow minded, idiotic, stupid boys. Boys who thought Justin was gay because he hung out with 3 girls and wasn't dating any of them. Because he didn't play sports and his clothes always matched. Because they couldn't fathom that guys and girls could be friends.

Because they didn't know that Justin was my first kiss. Shocking, I know. You all thought it was Shane, right? Nope. My first kiss was when I was 12. It's okay, they didn't know either. Because they didn't bother to ask why he was glaring at them the way he was. They assumed it was desire when really it was jealousy. Because I had a crush on one of them and I asked Justin to help me practice kissing, and Justin liked me. I never knew Justin liked me until he was gone. When Nicole blamed me for Justin's death. When I lost two best friends in a matter of months. When Sierra was the only one other than my parents who stood by me as I slipped away myself. When I became depressed to the point I couldn't function.

I'd almost forgotten about Justin. Though every time I hung out with Jason I could feel Justin's presence. I knew he was watching me and I knew he was okay with Shane. Jason was Justin's way of watching over me. I called Jason my guardian angel one night and he simply smiled and said 'I know.'

I'd forgotten about Justin up until the night before. Rich came into the bus after a concert. He announced, "Okay, schedule for June 26th." It wasn't the first time he'd said it like that and it wasn't the last. But it was the date that rang out to me.

"What?" I cried out. Rich stopped and looked at me confused. "What is tomorrow's date?"

"The 26th, Mitch, why?" Shane answered. My eyes began to water as my hand flew over my mouth. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten. I ran out of the main room and slammed the bedroom door shut behind me. I quickly ducked into the bathroom, closing that door as well and locking myself in. I took off the bracelet on my wrist and pushed my sleeve up. There were small faded scars on my arm. You could barely see them when they were fresh and you can barely see them now.

I heard Shane and Caitlyn bickering as they approached the door. But surprisingly, it was Jason's voice that cut through. "Let me." He said surprising everyone. "She talks to me. You ask too many question." He said to Caitlyn. "And you try to hard to understand when you just don't." Shane muttered something while Caitlyn sighed. A moment later the bedroom door closed and a soft knocking came on the door.

"Mitchie, you can't hide. We are on a bus. I can hear you crying. But I'm gonna wait out here for you, okay?" He said sitting down on the bed with audible squeek. I took a deep, calming breath and opened the door.

"Jason?" I said quietly as I sat next to him. "I need you… to do me… a favor." I had to keep taking deep breaths. He nodded enthusiastically, willing to do anything for me. "Can you, tell Shane… tell everyone… to just.. leave me alone… for the next 24 hours.. or so?"

"Oh, okay, Mitchie. You gonna be okay?"

"I need… I need you to… come back… and stay, stay with me… okay?" I said as the tears tried to come back. They were winning the battle, too.

"Uh, are you sure you don't want Shane to come back? Or do you need to talk?" He asked hovering in the door way.

I shook my head. "I can't talk… not to you… I just… I need someone… someone to watch me… and I can't… I don't want Shane… I don't want Shane to see me like this. Tell him, tell him that… someday I'll explain… but I can't-" I stopped as sob escaped my throat. Jason hugged me tightly before quickly going out. I heard Shane yell and demanded to see me, but Jason followed through on my wishes and wouldn't let him. He came in a minute later with a candy bar.

"Here. Chocolate makes everything better." He promised smiling slightly. I smiled. "It was left over from PMS Fest." He laughed sitting on the bed with me.

I laughed, though watery. "Thanks, Jason." I said taking the candy from him. I looked down for a moment and then looked him in the eye seriously. "Jase, I know you don't always have a clue as to what is going on, but when I need you you're always there. Thanks."

"Not a problem. Sometimes being clueless is better than if I understood half the stuff you've told me."

I nodded again. It was dark in the room. It usually was when we were back here, unless we were getting dressed or the sun was up. There were no windows back here, making the only light coming from around the doors. "Jason, I might… I might start talking. And it won't be to you, or it might be, but it won't be. That made no sense." I shook my head.

"No I get it, I think. You'll be talking to me but not to me." I was a little surprised Jason understood that.

"Okay, so I'll be talking to someone else. Don't freak out, okay? And don't tell the others. Also, if you see me get up and go to the bathroom, don't let me. If I say I need to use the bathroom, make one of the girls go in with me, okay?"

He didn't ask questions, he just nodded. I smiled at him and hugged me knees to my chest. My dark day officially began.

It had only been about 11 o'clock. Tomorrow was the last night of the tour before Camp Rock which started on the 1st. A little while after I locked Jason and myself in the room, I heard my phone ringing out in the main room. I looked up and Jason went to the door to tell them to bring it to me. Shane answered it, seeing that it was Sierra as he brought it to Jason.

Before he could say two words, Sierra's rushed voice came blaring over the phone loud enough for everyone to hear. "Oh my god, Mitchie, I was hoping I could catch you before you went into Dark Day mode." Shane looked up at me with worried eyes. "The town is doing this tribute thing for Justin because it's the fifth anniversary and all, and this organization about teen acceptance and violence and everything is doing this big thing, too, and the news is going to be here, and there are giant pictures of us with him, and you look the exact same and they're going to know it's you, and who knows what people are going to say when they remember."

I froze. I blinked. Then I ran into the bathroom. Jason was quick to react and caught the door before it closed. I think he might crushed his fingers a bit. "No, Mitchie, come out here."

"No. Leave me alone, Jason."

"No." He replied pushing the door open. I heard Sierra on the phone with Caitlyn because Shane was right behind Jason coaxing me out of the bathroom. "You said not to let you in the bathroom alone and I know you don't have to pee." He replied forcibly.

I came out and collapsed on the bed crying. "I'm so sorry, Shane. I'm so sorry." I kept crying and repeating that I was sorry. He rubbed my back, not saying a word as he and Jason shared worried glances.

I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up it was early in the morning, but Donnie was still driving. I slipped out from under Shane's arm and headed into the main room. It was about 3 am, but I need to talk to Sierra.

"Hello?" A sleepy and hoarse voice asked.

"Sierra?" I cried.

"Oh, Mitchie. I didn't mean to tell them. I thought it was you."

"It's fine. I had already locked myself away. Jason was with me."

"Because he's like Justin." She said understanding. I usually took Sierra with me on my dark days. "That's good. I was worried you'd be alone."

"No. I think if Jason didn't make them, they wouldn't have let me. They care a lot." I said. I started crying again. "Sierra, I can't believe I forgot."

She sighed. "You didn't forget. You moved on with your life, Mitchie. You remembered when you were supposed to. It'd be better for you to forget. You know he wouldn't want you to be like this." Her voice dropped a bit and she asked awkwardly. "You didn't cut, did you?"

"No." I said softly. "I was going to when I heard you on the phone. Jason stopped me and then Shane calmed me down until I fell asleep."

"Are you going to be okay?" She asked.

I assured her, "I should be. But I'm going to keep someone with me. I don't want to repeat last year." Last year I tried to convince myself that I could handle my dark day alone. I couldn't. I cut my self 7 times that day. "They all no the basics now, just not everything. I'm sure Jason told them what I told him."

"Okay, well, tomorrow is that big thing. I'll try to keep your name out of everything, okay?" She promised. I thanked her and said good night.

I didn't notice Shane leaning against the hallway wall the entire time I was on the phone. "You okay?" he asked, startling me.

"How long have you been there?" I gasped.

"Since you left the bed. I wasn't asleep. It was my turn to watch you." I opened my mouth to apologize but he cut me off, "Relax we're taking turns because we all argued about who was going to stay up and watch you. Caitlyn wanted to, and Jason said it was his job since you told him to, and I said you were my girlfriend, blah, blah. Nate and Stas came up with taking turns." He'd been leaning still throughout his entire explanation, but finally sat down at the table, facing me on the couch. "You had us all worried. You wanna talk?"

I shook my head no as I sat across from him. "No. I can't- I can't talk about it yet. Not with someone who doesn't know the story. I can't explain it yet." He nodded, a little hurt I could tell. "I didn't tell Jason." I said, hoping to cheer him up. It worked. He smiled half heartedly at me.

"Why were you apologizing before?" He asked.

"They're gonna know. I don't know what they'll find out. But they'll find out that my best friend was-" I choked on the words as I said them. "Was killed when I was 12." His eyes softened considerably as he held my hands tightly in his. The tears were coming again. "I don't know what they'll find out, but somehow it's blow up in our faces. I just wanted to forget. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, after the whole… Erica thing." I said, keeping my eyes lowered. "I just, just couldn't-"

"It's okay, Mitchie. I understand. This is a lot different then my thing." He stood up, pulling me with him. "Why don't we go back to bed, okay?" I weakly let him pull me a long. I noticed finally that I was in a pair of sweats and one of Shane's tees.

"How did I get changed?" I asked.

"Cait and I changed you. Sorry." He said quietly.

I shrugged. "I don't even care right now." I replied.

We missed HotTunes the next morning, so Caitlyn wanted to watch the evening edition during the guys rehearsal time. They made me go into the hall with them, afraid to leave me alone or with only the girls. Shane and Jason didn't want to let me out of their sights, and the only solution was to have me glued to their sides practically. We all piled into Shane's dressing room and watched the TV, just for Caitlyn.

"In surprising news, this afternoon a tribute to a young man killed 5 years ago caught paparazzi's attention when in pictures the unmistakable face of Mitchie Torres stared back at them. Torres was evidentally friends with the young man at his time of death. The shocking part was when another of the victim's best friends approached one of the large pictures and threw things at Mitchie's face, crying, 'It's all her fault! And she's not even here. She just left and forgot. It's all her fault.' She repeated her blame of Torres as family members dragged her away crying. It's leaving us wondering, what secrets are looming in Torres' closet?"

I was shaking by the time the report was done. Shane was holding me and Caitlyn looked at me feeling guilty. Jason and Stas sat next to me trying to help Shane calm me down. Nate was in the corner muttering about backlash and disrespect and other things.

"Oh god," I cried. "They're gonna find out everything." I cried. "The depression… the hallucinations… the cutting… everything." I was to busy in my own world to notice the worried looks on my friends faces as I confessed more than they thought possible of me.

I began panicking and pushed my way out of Shane's arms and ran to the door, needing to get outside. I felt like the entire concert hall was closing in on me and I ran. I ran until I couldn't breath. Shane caught up to me and grabbed my waist, holding me against him from behind. He was speaking to me, trying to calm me down, but I couldn't hear him. I could only hear my own blood pulsing in my ears. I started gasping, unable to breath. Suddenly, everything started loosing focus. I looked at Shane and gasped out, "Shane- I can't, can't.. brea-"

Don't kill me! If you do you'll never find out what happens!