"Isn't the emptiness the worst thing in the universe? I'm not your first choice, not ever. You promise me the whole world, yet you never keep your promises. And I don't need the world. I need you, I need your love and I need your attention. Am I asking much?" said one of the characters in Yuki's book. Like Hiro and Shuichi gathered their problems and the character from the book made a paragraph from them.
It was strange how Yuki managed to enter their brains so easily. Everything the book said was true. What was his secret? What was the cure for the empty heart?
Shuichi was still in depression. His voice stopped being what it used to be. His friends stopped being his friends. They stopped calling when they saw him in the bad condition. They left him as soon as they saw the party was over, they couldn't use him anymore.
The cheerful boy died all of a sudden. His place took another one-cold and distant man, dead from inside.
It wasn't just Eiri that was guilty for Shuichi's condition. It was the realization that life was never fair and the system would never let you be happy.
"My heart is still empty. I am warm from the outside, but from the inside, I'm just another corpse that needs to be buried."
It was a deep thought and Shuichi admired it. It was his motto. It was his destiny. Like Yuki described him.
Actually, Yuki described himself in that sentence. Was it possible that he turned his little lover into himself?
"I'm spreading misery and despair. I feel so desolate. I feel so guilty. Yet there is no one who is willing to forgive. I am the man that shooed away all that happiness and love one man could have. Others would kill to be loved just like I was loved. But that was long time ago. I have only memories now, of the times my lover and I used to be happy. I killed one perfect dream."
"Do you regret it?" Shuichi whispered. He could hear Hiro saying something to him, yet he didn't know what. He was sitting beside the window, watching millions of snowflakes committing suicide. They were falling from the sky lightly, just to die on the cold ground. It was cruel and it was ironic and Shuichi despised winter for it.
He continued reading Yuki's novel.
--
"I'm going for a walk!" Hiro shouted and then grabbed his coat and ran out of the building. His heart was beating wildly, every beat matching his footsteps.
He reached to the black Mercedes that was parked outside, in front of the entrance. He sat in there without a word, as Tohma started the engine.
"He puked blood again." Tohma finally said. "He was about to go to Shuichi, but pressure and excitement were too much for him."
"Aren't you gonna blame Shuichi for that now?" asked the guitarist bitterly.
Tohma shook his head.
"Maybe it's hard for you to believe, but I have changed."
"People like you never change." sighed Hiro. "What am I supposed to do now? To tell Shuichi that that bastard puked again because of him? And then Shuichi would be worried sick for him. Then he would run straight to him, forgive him, just to start all over again. And in the end, he would come to me crying, asking me to bed him. Begging me to forget my wants and needs just to make him happy." he was infuriated.
"Tell me, Tohma, is it worth it? Why can't you just let it be?"
"He wanted to talk to you."
'I don't want to talk to him." Hiro crossed his arms. "I don't care anymore."
Tohma stopped the car on the parking lot behind the hospital.
He turned to the guitarist.
"Do you care for the band?"
Hiro looked at him seriously.
"I'm not sure anymore." he said quietly.
Tohma was taking in the picture of sad and broken man.
"Did you sleep with him?" Tohma asked, "Did you sleep with the brat?"
"It's none of your business." Hiro said. "It doesn't matter if it's not out of love." his mouth was faster than his brain.
Tohma nodded slightly. "So you did." he sighed.
They were sitting there in silence, in the warm and expensive car.
Hiro was examining his nails and Tohma was staring through the windshield at nothing.
"We're so screwed up." Hiro finally said. His voice was still quiet.
"Yes, we are."
"Why don't you give up already?"
"You know why."
"Stop with that shit already!"
"I divorced from Mika for you."
"For Yuki. He's single now."
"It doesn't matter. I don't want him."
Silence.
"Tohma?"
"Yes?"
"W--why did you cry then, on my shoulder?"
--
"Sometimes sacrifices are too big. I never sacrificed. But he did. And I should have been grateful then. I was a fool. Is it late to say sorry? Is it late to be forgiven?"
Shuichi closed the book.
"Bullshit. Everything you say." he muttered. He sighed heavily and then headed to the kitchen to eat something.
His days were so monotonous.
--
Tohma was unable at the moment. Hiro was waiting patiently, but the answer never came.
The auburn haired youth just shook his head.
"Just forget it. Let's go there and see that son of a bitch." he opened the door and stepped into the winter.
--
Yuki opened his eyes. His head was killing him. Pain was something he got used to during the years. But he never got used to the headache.
It was unbearable, annoying, constantly present. Like Shuichi. But he loved the brat, somehow.
He could hear coughs and then somebody said:
"At last, you're awake."
And then he turned and saw Hiro.
"At last, you came." he said coldly.
He could see hatred in the boy's eyes. But he was unwilling to admit to himself that he was feeling shivers of fear down his spine.
"So tell me what you've got." Hiro's voice was of the same coldness. He sat beside the bed. He raised his eyebrows. "Well?"
--
AN: So, how was it? I hope you liked it!
If you want me to continue, you know what to do (God, I hate repeating that, but what can I do?)