"How could it be, to feel so empty? Is it too late to stop pitying myself?"
"And that's all I had to say." finished Eiri. "You decide what you'll do with it." he turned his back to Hiro.
The young man was just sitting there, staring at Eiri's back. Then he nodded. And he stood up in the end.
"I'll do as you say, Yuki." he said and left the room.
Tohma was waiting outside in the corridor.
"What did he say?" he asked Hiro as soon as he exited the room.
"It's between Yuki and I." he sad coldly. "Now would you please take me home?"
The whole ride was silent. Tohma didn't want to bother Hiro with any questions, figuring that his love wasn't in mood to answer them. Hiro was just sitting in the passenger seat, staring through the window at the snow covered trees they were passing by.
He sighed deeply. Tohma wondered what that was about. But he decided to drop the subject, no matter what it was. It was Hiro's business and he didn't want to piss him off. He wanted to be friends with him if nothing else.
"Look…"Tohma started as they stopped in front of Hiro's building, "We need to cheer Shuichi up in order for him to sing. I don't want any wasted contracts. Bad Luck is way too good to be wasted."
Hiro looked at him.
"You're probably right." he said quietly, "I'll do my best to make him capable of singing decently."
Tohma smiled.
"Ok then, I presume I can trust you. I hope you'll solve the problem."
The fact is that he wanted to help as well. That way, he could be close to Hiro. But he knew very well that Hiro would disagree. So it was better that way.
Hiro smiled sadly. "Yep." he said and opened the door. He was about to get out when he turned, giving the blonde the last glance before he said:
"It happened only once, Tohma." And with that, he left the vehicle.
Tohma was sitting there, stunned. Then he started the engine and left.
--
Hiro was climbing up the stairs, surprised by his behavior.
Why did he felt a sudden urge to justify to Tohma? He could sleep with whoever he wanted, it was none of Seguchi's concern. But then again, there was something that wanted to be with him again, to trust him and embrace him. To love him again.
And there were those words Yuki told him. They were simple, short, but full of meaning.
Flashback
"Don't tell Shuichi I'm here. Don't tell him I'll visit him soon. Just to let you know I'll be there, so don't consume sex." the last words were said with bitterness.
Then Yuki showed Hiro to bend down. He was looking straight into guitarist's eyes, with that conspiracy glare.
"Don't tell him how much I love him. You'll never understand and he will never believe." He whispered, closing his eyes. "And that's all I had to say." he finished "You decide what you'll do with it." he turned his back to Hiro.
End flashback
But why did Eiri decide to tell those random things to him? Was there any hidden purpose? Why would he admit his love for Shuichi to him, not to the one he loved?
"I killed you just to look at my own ending. Where is it? Will you wait me there, somewhere, in afterlife? Don't…don't leave alone…"
"Where have you been?" asked Shuichi, who was sitting in front of TV.
"I've been outside, to chill out a bit."
"I'm so afraid of loneliness."
"There's one awesome movie. It'll start in a minute."
Hiroshi frowned at his friend. Sudden flood of anger rushed up his body. He pulled the pink haired youth by his shirt, their faces inches apart.
"Oh, no, Mr. Shindou!" he hissed, "It's high time for you to get your lazy ass off of the floor and start practicing!" he let him go, heading in the bedroom for his guitar. "And it has to be awesome!"
Shuichi blinked, a little startled.
--
"You're my only one. No matter how girlish it sounds, but yes, you are."
The day in the studio was pretty much good. Shuichi was afraid to even look at Hiro. The last night's event was still on his mind.
He was wondering where it had come from, all of a sudden. But it didn't matter, because Hiro was right.
It was time for him to escape the sorrow and monotony. If only he could.
--
--
--
"You'll be released tomorrow." Tohma was smiling warmly at his friend. "Are you ready to carry on your life?"
Eiri was silent. He didn't know. He knew nothing.
No plans, no wishes, no hopes. Nothing at all in this world.
His life has stopped all of a sudden. Like he was standing in one spot, unable to move neither forward nor backward.
Everything froze. Everything disappeared. It was all blank. It was all sad.
He smiled at the thought of his younger brother. Tatsuha was happy with Ryuichi. Yes, Ryuichi was much older, but he was childish. And the most important thing was that there was love between them. Well, at least as much as both of them were capable to give to each other. And that was enough for Eiri to smile a little. To feel a little happy .
Tohma was the one to hook them up. It's been a year since then.
At least somebody was happy.
"I don't know" he replied. Tohma sat beside him.
"I never knew it was that serious."
"He…I've lost him because of my chaotic mind. I'll…never forgive myself." he fell back on the pillows. His beautiful blond hair spread all over the white. "God, I'm pathetic!" he closed his tired eyes.
Tohma took that as the sign it was time to go. He caressed Eiri's cheek and then stood up to leave him in peace.
How could Shuichi ever come back to him after all of those craps?
Was it possible?
To step on his own pride again and stand Eiri's stupidities?
Maybe the kid was smarter than he thought.
But it was Eiri's happiness that came first to his list.
And he was hoping that Shuichi was a little stupider. He was hoping that the kid would come back to the writer.
--
TBC…?