Chapter 18

All Part of the Show

Peeta

I'm so glad to be heading back to base with everyone safe and a series of big, important victories for the URF in the bag that I almost don't mind that Katniss and Clint are curled up together in the corner. Almost.

Gale and I both make a concentrated effort to look the other way until we land.

Thresh wasn't happy to leave – he'd rather celebrate with his men – but even he starts to smile as we land at base and we hear the cheering as soon as Danvers opens the doors.

We climb down into a crowd of cheering refugees and support staff – special guards create a space between the crowd and us. There's something about the cheering – you can't help but smile. We're ushered through the crowd and into the ship itself through many hallways and down stairs to Fury's office, allegedly for a debriefing. As soon as the door opens, Howard Stark is there, with a bottle of champagne in hand. I think he's had a lot already – he grabs Katniss by the shoulders and kisses her full on the mouth. It's not exactly a chaste kiss either. "Dad!" Tony shouts, and his ears and cheeks are bright red. I didn't even think he knew how to blush. Katniss pushes him away and looks pretty unhappy with him, understandably. Clint puts an arm around her very protectively – I'm just glad it didn't trigger him completely. I glance over at Gale and see the expression I probably have on my face too – we're not as mad as Clint, but we're not happy either. Howard, unfazed by his son and Katniss's reactions, kisses Johanna and Janice the same way, but wisely doesn't try it with Danvers. Johanna kisses him back and then laughs, Janice just acts stunned when he lets her go and turns his back to go get some glasses to pour the champagne. "I'm sorry, Katniss, Jan," Tony whispers. "He doesn't mean anything by it … the only thing I can say for him is he doesn't sleep around on Mom … He just … likes to look around." That doesn't seem to help – Clint is still frowning deeply. But at least he's calm, and the apology is probably helping solidify his view of Tony as not-a-rapist.

Ignoring the fact he just embarrassed his son and angered the rest of us, Howard pops the cork on the champagne and starts to pour it into glasses for us. "And water for the boy and for Spruce," he says, his words a little slurred, and hands Stephen and Spruce each a bottle of water.

"Never liked the bubbly that much, Howard, you got anything stronger?" Haymitch asks, because of course he does.

"Shut up and get some taste, Haymitch," Howard says back, but he says it with a smile. "This is the good stuff." I notice the general and several of his most trusted underlings for the first time, when the general looks right at Clint.

"Good to know you follow your orders as well as your fiancée, Barton," Fury says, but he doesn't say it harshly. Clint turns red but doesn't otherwise acknowledge the remark – I bet he doesn't know what to say. Colonel Hill looks as sour as usual, despite the victory, but the general himself is unusually cheerful. And by that I mean he gives us a half smile and takes a glass once we've all got ours and raises it.

"To the Avengers, young and otherwise," the general says. I'm not sure what the etiquette is, whether I lift my glass or not. I look around and see everyone except Howard and Fury's underlings have their glasses down, so I follow their lead.

"To the Avengers," Howard echoes, and everyone takes a sip. I almost gag – I thought wine was bad, but this stuff is so sour it just tastes like what I imagine battery acid to taste like, and the bubbles feel weird going down my throat. But I don't want to look like a rube so I force a smile. After all, this is the good stuff. Despite his complaining, Haymitch has downed his in one gulp because of course he has.

"You've done well, ladies and gentlemen," Fury starts, when very much to my surprise, Stephen interrupts.

"You let us walk into a trap in Muleshoe, sir," he says.

"I did," Fury says evenly. He doesn't deny it. To my surprise, Howard doesn't react in anger – as protective as he is of Tony, I would have expected rage from him at this development. He must have already known and been placated. Tony, however, clearly didn't.

"What?!" he demands.

"Tony …" Howard starts.

"You knew about this?!" Tony asks, his tone sharp.
"You let my people be slaughtered and the survivors used to set a trap for me?" Spruce asks, and his heart rate monitor is starting to beep all though it's slow for now.

"No – we didn't know the Capitol's plans until after the attack," Fury says quickly, and more calmly than I would be speaking if I were him. "The Peacekeepers laying in wait for you were Peacekeepers who were not actively harming the inhabitants of District 7 or anyone else, therefore we allowed it."

"But when they attacked …" Spruce says angrily.
"I was sure you would stop it."

"They had a sniper. A good one. She could have killed him before he ever got the chance to turn into the Hulk," Katniss says sharply. "She was less than an inch away from putting a hole in his head. Then we would have been left to face that monster alone."

"We unfortunately did not foresee that," Fury says.

"Then you weren't sure we could stop it," Stephen says. "You didn't know for sure you weren't inviting a massacre …"
"I had faith in all of you," Fury insists. "And further, I had no choice. The standing army was getting antsy, and I did not want to risk Snow and his generals giving up on the trap and razing the adjacent villages instead." That seems to be good enough for Spruce. He takes a deep breath and after a moment his heart monitor stops beeping.

"And that's why you sent us in alone, with no support, purposely handicapped because half of us didn't even have guns?" Tony asks, and his voice is raised.

"You may have noticed the arrival of your friends and elders," Fury says, still calm. "Had you needed more help, there was an army waiting to fall in. We had hoped you could take the Capitol's forces on your own, and win a victory in the public consciousness as well as on the battlefield." I look to the others – I know they're not entirely satisfied, but they have no further objections to voice for now. "This has been more than achieved for now – Districts 5 and 1 are finally rising up, and tired forces have been rallied in the battleground districts. You have a week off – enjoy it. One week from tomorrow, you will fly out to District 2."

I have to drink the rest of the champagne and keep a smile on my face – I glance over at the others and it looks like most of them are having trouble enjoying it too. "You shouldn't be in here with a bunch of old men – you kids should go have fun," the general says, probably sensing how dark the mood in the room still is after the revelation from Stephen. Taking their cue, Tony and Thresh storm out less than gracefully. Katniss links arms with Clint and grabs my hand and nods to Gale and tries to lead us all away – Gale resists. She pauses for a moment, then gives up on him following and starts to lead Clint and I out in a huff. "Hold on, Peeta – I want to talk to you," Howard says with a hand on my shoulder, and I reluctantly let go of her hand and she leaves with Clint, with Duke going after them. Stephen and Spruce leave with more grace, leaving me and most of the so-called Avengers senior division alone with the general and his men and Howard.

"What the hell? Is that why you cleared me to go with him so fast, because I would have ended up there anyway?" Johanna demands, not content to let the matter rest.

"Johanna," Finnick says gently.

"Did you know?"
"I wasn't told until you left," Finnick says quickly. "But it's what we trained for, Johanna …"

"I knew it! You're going to use us like chess pieces in your Games, just like …"
"Let's go, Peeta," Howard whispers in my ear. "It's going to get ugly in here."

I follow, but keep my ear to the conversation as long as I can. Finnick is trying to calm down Johanna while Haymitch's revelation that he knew long before any of them does not help at all. It makes me feel better that Haymitch knew and was apparently okay with it – I trust him more than the general or any of his men. Haymitch wouldn't like to risk Katniss' life unnecessarily – or mine. So he must have agreed it was our best option, or had full faith they could stop it. Or both. I'm surprised Gale isn't angrier – he's watching all of this with an interested expression but doesn't say anything to either party.

Howard takes me to a supply closet and shuts the door behind us. It's weird, to say the least. "Yeah I know," he says as though he heard my thoughts. "But it's not like this place has a bar, and the wife is cracking down." I always think it's weird when men refer to their wives as "the wife" as though they're the only married man in existence anywhere and their wife is the only wife in the world. He shoves some cleaning supplies aside to reveal several bottles of whiskey and beer. "What's your drink, Peeta?"
"I don't like alcohol that much, sir," I say honestly. He takes a bottle of a dark, bubbly substance I don't recognize from beside the bottles and then roots around for glasses and ice. He really has an impressive array of things hidden here – I wonder what he had to do to get the janitors who use this particular closet to look the other way.

"Try cola then," he says, and pours the dark substance for me and then turns back, debating what to get himself. I take a sip cautiously, afraid it is alcohol in a terrible form I have yet to see, and it bites a little but not like liquor does. It's sweet – I like it a lot even though I'm sure it's probably horrible for me and wasted on me when it could go to someone who needs all the sugar they can get. "I usually don't drink that except with rum." If I recall correctly, rum is a very sweet alcohol – I see why it would pair with this, but even the thought is too sweet for me. Then again, I only got to be a victor for a year … Howard's had a lot more time to get used to having sugar.

"So … Peeta … as you can probably guess, there's a lot of public interest in whether you kids all get your happy ending …" Not this nonsense again. He's not smiling – he doesn't like this any more than I do.

"With all due respect, sir, why does it matter when we could die at any minute?"
"That's exactly it. Drama, you know. They're playing a game, the propaganda division …"
"Our propaganda people really are as bad as the Gamemakers."

"They haven't started actively killing kids yet, have they?" Howard asks darkly, and I see the flash of anger in his eyes and I know he's right.

"Of course not, that was wrong of me to say," I say quickly.

"No. I'm on your side, if you tell me to go out there and tell them to go to hell I will. But from their viewpoint … It gives people something to hope for, something to think about besides how miserable they are. It's awful but it serves a purpose," he says as he pours himself some whiskey. I nod, understanding. "So – no one knows what it is you're hoping for."

"Just to get to go home and reopen the bakery and …"
"With anyone in particular?" he asks. I almost gag on the soda. I thought the love triangle stuff was over … "What about Johanna?" He laughs at the face I make. "Come on son, you don't have many options. Danvers? Cashmere?" I've said maybe three words to Cashmere ever in my life.
"I … I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as Katniss …" I confess honestly, miserably, just wanting it to stop.

"No cameras here, son, you can drop the act."

"It's not an act!"
"I understand, son. I really do," he says sympathetically and puts his hand on my shoulder. I have a feeling this is more affection than he's ever shown Tony, and I feel bad on his behalf. "People don't understand what the Games are like … the things you'll say to keep yourself alive, and the people you care about." I stop arguing and listen, because I want to hear this. "You watched the We Remember spot for Rei … how much did it say about me?"
"Um … I know … I know you that you tried to let her win," I say, not sure where this is going. Rei was very little when she died but Howard was eighteen, so if Howard said he was in love with her, I have a hard time seeing how that would be seen as anything but wildly inappropriate at best, even in the Capitol.

"Oh. I'm glad. I'm glad that's done with … I can live without it being brought up again. I'd appreciate it if it never left this room."

"Of course," I say, curiosity getting the best of me. Besides, I'll do just about anything to not discuss the nonsense about pairing me off.

"I was going to shoot the Capitol a few rude hand gestures and step off the platform too early – I didn't have any family to be retaliated against, and I didn't think I could win. But I didn't, because Rei's mother asked me to kill her quickly, so she wouldn't suffer … and I couldn't forget that no matter how much I tried. So I thought I would take care of her for as long as I could, and then if the Careers came after us or we were starving or otherwise slowly being defeated by the Arena itself … I could end it quickly." No one would have blamed him for it – it was the nature of the Games to kill, and killing her before the Careers or the elements got to her would be understood as an act of mercy. "It almost came to that … the Arena was an ocean. The cornucopia was a little island with docks connected to it that had little rowboats and one big sailboat that was practically gift wrapped for District 4 – the Careers got to the island first and picked out their weapons and 4 started swimming out to pick people off … I knew they'd come for me pretty quickly because I had a score of ten. Not because I impressed the Gamemakers, mind you … I was an ass during my private session and they wanted to punish me." I'm entirely certain that's part of why they gave Katniss an eleven in our Games … that and because they wanted to create a rivalry between Katniss and Drusa. "Most of the rest of us couldn't swim – but I wasn't going to wait to be killed so I jumped in and splashed around until I got to Rei … if she wasn't close I couldn't have done it …" I can imagine the desperation – I vaguely remember it from the spot. "Long story short, we got in a boat and got it out to sea while the Careers were busy killing all the easier targets, and because I knew less than nothing about navigating in the water we just drifted for five days and hoped everyone forgot about us while I tried to fish. Only thing I ever caught was a turtle that was probably too stupid to live anyway." I remember in the spot, Rei cried when Howard caught the turtle and had to break its shell while it was alive because he had no idea how to kill it otherwise. She was too tenderhearted to help him kill an animal, let alone kill a person … He made her feel better by getting her to recite a bunch of stuff about chemicals that meant nothing to me, but apparently was basic knowledge for chemists. "And just when I was going to kill her … we spotted an island. Abandoned our boat because we couldn't figure out how to steer it … I'm sure Finnick and Mags still think I'm an idiot." Only until they see you with electronics, which are nonsense to the rest of us, I think. "And the island was occupied …" I don't remember that – it didn't show it in the spot. "Thicket, Jim, and Harvest … Thicket was a girl of seventeen, but I swear she was as big as Thresh. Maybe that's just how I remember it because I was so young and scrawny then … They found us almost immediately. She wanted me to give her one good reason for her not to kill Rei and the truth didn't work …" He trails off, and I know this is where I'll get my explanation. "The thing about Rei's mother, she was gorgeous, and young … she had Rei when she was only fourteen. So I said I loved her, that I was trying to get Rei home to her … I didn't even know her name at the time." He must have been one hell of an actor then. "The audience never doubts you when you say something like that, because it's what they want to believe. They want to believe in star-crossed lovers and cruel twists of fate … because that makes a better story, and in the Capitol that's all it is, and the Districts so desperately want to believe there's some meaning, any meaning, in their tributes' sacrifice. And they don't forget it when you say things like that either." I know immediately what happened – I remembered the mention of Rei's mother committing suicide a few years later, and I know Morgan is quite a bit younger than Howard so he could have been married before … he was married before.

"They … expected her to love you back because you tried so hard to save her little girl." That's how they did damage control from his attempted suicide – I can hear it now. Maybe it was treason, but it was only an act of love, not an act of contempt for the Capitol. He was so crazy in love with Rei's mother he was willing to die for her daughter and probably didn't even realize what he was doing was treason – they surely did everything they could to diminish it.

"I think she did … but it was the way you'd love a son or a little brother," he says softly. A son or a little brother she had to kiss and caress and possibly even have sex with for the camera … yuck. "She held it together – she wanted to save me, to return the favor – until they wanted us to have children. She couldn't stand the thought of losing another child in the Arena … neither could I …" he almost breaks the glass he's holding when he says that. I hope he knew Tony's plan when he volunteered … even if he did, I know how he must have worried until Tony was safe with the rebels. "We got away with saying we couldn't for a while … there was this huge outpouring of sympathy, with doctors in the Capitol offering their services and others offering to pay for us to see specialists … we talked about it a long time and decided … I thought we decided … that we had to start trying for a baby. She took poison. I remember she came to tell me goodbye, but I was too busy working …" I want to hug him but I know that would go badly. "She waited for me outside my office for a long time and collapsed right there. Snow's cover-up team said we had gone to one of the doctors and he told her there was no hope, and that was why. They could have reported it as an accident or illness or something … but they had to twist it, and give her motives that were the exact opposite of the truth. To fit their neat little narrative. I got sympathy letters from people I never met in the districts and the Capitol alike … I appreciated it, but … They were sorry for the wrong reason." I nod. "Have you ever heard of reincarnation, Peeta?" I haven't, but I don't want to look like an idiot, so I hesitate. He reads my silence correctly. "It's the idea that after someone dies, their soul finds its way into a person about to be born, and so everyone has lived many lifetimes. That's a gross oversimplification, but that's the general idea." I'm not sure how I feel about that – I've never heard such a thing. "People wanted to find meaning in what happened to me so badly … they say Tony was Rei coming back to me, because they have the same eyes." That implies another tragedy – there's a gap between them when the soul must have been in someone else, and they couldn't have lived very long if they were born around the time Rei died and died around the time Tony was born … "If they had actually known my family, they would have said it was Ampere. Ampere was the one who … wouldn't let me forget her. But I don't believe in it anyway. People see what they want to see." I nod, not knowing what else to do because I have nothing to say. "The point of all this is … when I see a boy from the smallest district saying he loves his district partner … my first thought is that he must have seen her every day, that he knows how much her family needs her. And I think he's the bravest kid I've seen in years, whether he's telling the truth or not, because he's found room to be afraid for his neighbor when he might be about to die, and been smart enough to find a way to help both of them."

"But … it really was the truth," I say softly. "I've loved her since we were six-years-old … I was a goner from the first time I heard her sing." And so was she, for Clint, from the moment she heard him sing. I knew it would happen eventually as soon as I heard him sing for the mockingjays. I won't look Howard in the eye so I can't see the expression.

"That's … that's bad luck, son," he says after a long time. "I'll tell them you just want to open your bakery and let them work with that."
"And … painting. I like to paint. I would like to have more time for it, and learn how to do it better."

"Why didn't you say that, boy?" he says, trying to bring things back up to a more cheerful note. "They can work with that. We should get you and Stephen making art for the rebellion or something." I didn't even know that Stephen painted – or does some kind of art anyway, people who don't do it don't know how different it can be to work with various mediums. I guess I should have asked. "Love is a weird thing, son. It's nothing personal between you and her and Barton – any girl would be lucky to have you. I hope you know that." I appreciate the effort to make me feel better – it doesn't take the sting out at all. And now four people know the whole truth – all men. Maybe I should tell a woman about it … maybe Danvers. Why was she the first one that came to mind?
"Anyway, I'll tell them they can go to hell on the romance issue … I'll bring up the bakery and the painting, maybe we can find some art supplies for you and the boy."
"Thank you sir."
"Go and have fun – you're young, and you've earned it."

"Thank you sir," I say again, and down the rest of the soda then hurry away. I don't have much hope of finding any of my comrades at this point – at least I can see my family and maybe I'll catch up with my teammates later.

I'm surprised to open the door and see Danvers – I turn red and hope she couldn't hear anything. I don't think she did, because she doesn't look sorry for me which is what I'm afraid would happen if people knew. "What was that about?" she asks, and now that I know she didn't hear, I'm glad to see her.

"Oh … they want to pair me off with someone for the sake of the rebellion," I say honestly, with a careless smile to mask how much that bothers me.

"Oh? That again?" she asks with obvious contempt, and we walk away together. I know she'll want to drink, and that's fine – I'll talk with her while she drinks, maybe we'll even dance a little bit, and if she drinks too much I'll make sure she gets back to her quarters okay and cover for her with Fury if necessary. At least I won't think about what I've lost for the night – she'll make me think about the good that's been accomplished and what still needs to be done, and it will be a good night.

Author's Note

So sorry for the long pause in updates. I have been super busy with school, job hunt, and other writing projects. My plan is still to finish this story in time for Mockingjay Part II in November though – I've got three months to do it, so I suppose I better start updating more frequently!

Wondering what eventually happened to the people who were already on the island? After Howard successfully killed most of the Careers in an electrical trap, Thicket and her district partner Jim turned on the others while they slept. Howard had to kill Jim, who was just a little boy, to stop him from stabbing Rei to death after he managed to get the jump on Thicket while she killed Harvest. Dazed, the two survivors went beyond the perimeter of his trap to wash the blood away in the seawater. Howard had taken Rei's life jacket off to examine her stab wounds (which weren't deep exactly because of the life jacket) when they got attacked by the last Career and the only place to go was the ocean, and to keep things interesting because of the drama created by the lie, the Gamemakers sent a shark mutt to get the girl from District 1 but called it off before it could kill Howard and Rei, which in hindsight was really stupid and the head Gamemaker probably had to pull a Seneca Crane. The little boy Howard had to kill had dark hair and hazel eyes like Tony because I am mean.

Howard was one of my favorite parts of the Captain America movie. Unfortunately for him, my love of a character is directly proportional to how mean I am to them in my fanfiction apparently.