AN: Please R&R!
--
"Somebody once told me something about love. And I will never forget that."
The cab stopped in front of Nakano's building. One tall blonde man stepped out of the car.
Looking at the building for a few seconds, he sighed. And then, he came in.
"Just tell me if I'm right, Shuichi."
He had no thoughts to think, he stopped breathing. The moment was hard, he felt like the piano fell on his head.
Heavy clouds and cold weather, and no warmth to protect him from them.
"But the hope never dies."
And there he was, in front of the door behind which was his beloved, the one that wrote the acrostic for him.
His hand reached for the doorbell, but it stopped on its way. It was hard, after all those months, to see him again, to talk to him again.
He sighed again, trying not to remember happy moments they went through, although there weren't many of them.
He was trying not to think at all.
His hand was shaking.
But in the end, his fist found the door.
--
He closed the book, hearing the soft knock on the door.
He placed the book on the coffee table and headed to the door.
And then he saw that face. The face that remained unforgotten, the same face that was appearing in his dreams, the face he had seen in the park that particular night seven years ago.
And then those lips, that once told him to get lost, that told him he was just nuisance, moved.
He couldn't look in the eyes of the person before him.
It wasn't his Eiri anymore.
This man looked so pained and sad.
His Eiri died long time ago.
"Long time no see." said the novelist sadly, nodding his head.
"Yup." was all Shuichi managed to say. He was trying to calm his heart, that was practically jumping inside his chest as if it wanted to abandon his body.
He was doing his best to stop loving that tormentor, but in the end, he ended up cursing himself for that weakness that remained.
His heart was still in Eiri's mercy.
He stepped aside to let Eiri in, wondering what the man wanted.
He pointed him to the couch.
As the blonde was about to sit, he noticed his novel on the coffee table, but he just glanced at the book.
He didn't know where to look. To look at Shuichi, it would be too painful and strange.
To look over the apartment would be impolite.
To stare at his feet was out of the question. He was defeated, but nobody needed to know.
"So I see, you're reading my newest book" he said.
"Yup." was Shuichi's response. His thoughts were random. Excitement was mixed with the sadness, bitterness, the feeling of being left. But he was the one who had left Eiri. But it didn't make any difference now.
"Why did you come?" Shuichi managed to say, his legs were shaking as if he was the girl standing in front of her crush.
The feeling was well known, he was feeling it every time he saw his novelist. It was the most beautiful feeling in the universe. It was sweet anticipation.
But now, it was mixed with gall.
"I came here to talk to you about this" Yuki pulled the paper out of his pocket, waving it in his hand.
Shuichi sat on the coffee table, before Eiri.
"What is that?"
The novelist handed him the paper.
He was surprised how he could put up with this situation, although he was sad and depressed. The moment he saw Shuichi, he just wanted to cry, to scream and hold him. He wanted to do something crazy in order to prove his love to the singer, but it was something hard to do. It was so damn hard to open up the heart and beg for forgiveness.
There had been too many mistakes.
Shuichi gaped as he read the acrostic he wrote.
"I didn't even know I wrote this." he admitted, shaking his head.
Just like Eiri told Tohma. It was just one coincidence. Or the singer was lying?
"I apologize if this offended you." the singer said bitterly. "I'll tell the superiors not to release it in public."
"No, I don't mind it. The song is beautiful." said Eiri. "But it is too late for me to state something like that, isn't it?" he lowered his gaze. "So." he collected his courage to look at Shuichi, "Do you like my book?"
Shuichi quickly glanced at the book that was lying beside him.
He lifted it, flipping through pages.
He sighed. It was too much to bear.
"I never knew what love was, Yuki." he said, "But now, I definitely do know. I especially know one feeling."
"Which is…?"
"When you dedicate yourself to somebody, when you do your best to make that person happy, you never receive that back. That is unrequited love." he looked at Eiri.
The singer gulped, trying to hold back the incoming tears. He was still that fragile brat he used to be when he was nineteen. Some people never change. "And the want to hurt the person you love just to show him how much you suffered. It is somehow sadistic, you know. But I never listened to my desires." he tossed the book where it was before he lifted it "I had chosen you over me. That is something that should be in this book, which you wrote about us. But somehow, I don't see that part coming."
Yuki was listening carefully.
"Unrequited, you say?"
"Unrequited." Shuichi said. "And would you please be that kind to leave?" but his being was begging him to stay. Yet he couldn't handle his closeness.
"You want to say that just because I never said a word about loving you to you, that it meant I never loved you?"
"Not just words and you know that. Deeds. But that's far behind us. Let's just forget."
"Are you…." Eiri started, not sure in his actions and reactions anymore, "Are you ready to move on?" the novelist's heart found its way to his throat, beating like crazy. Something hot hit his eyes.
"I already moved on." Shuichi lied. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn't move on. But this time he knew better. Eiri didn't need to know the truth.
"Oh, I see, you moved on, by being here." Eiri suddenly became angry, bitterness in his voice, "Do you sleep with him?" he barely asked, his lips firmly pressed one against another, his jaw shaking as if he was ready to cry.
Shuichi couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"Does it bother you…much?" he asked teasingly. This round he would win. He wouldn't let it slip.
'Yes, it bothers me.'
But he didn't have balls to say that out loud.
Something was wrong in the way Shuichi was standing there, insolently.
He couldn't stand those eyes, those lips, he couldn't stand to look at them, unable to touch them, to kiss them.
Something inside snapped, something that was telling him that the crying was right.
But he didn't cry. He pushed Shuichi on the couch, pinning his hands above his head with his own hands, attacking his teasing lips.
Shuichi gasped, unready for the impact.
"It bothers me." the novelist whispered, wanting to break the singer, to make him his again.
Shuichi wanted to melt into kisses and touches desperately, but his pride ordered him to struggle.
And he was struggling wildly, yet he couldn't push the man off of him. Part of him wanted to be with Eiri.
But that was wrong.
"Stop…" he managed to say, "I don't want this…" he was shaking his head.
Eiri stopped, looking at him from above.
"What is it that you want?"
"What is it that you want?" asked Shuichi.
Eiri was just staring at those eyes, sad and broken.
He realized he had nothing to break. Shuichi was already broken.
He didn't know what he wanted. To be with Shuichi forever or just to apologize. Neither was enough.
He released the singer, standing up.
"I…"
"You don't know." Shuichi finished instead of him. "I can't live like this. " the singer said.
The tension grew bigger as the two men stared at each other, with fire in their eyes that seemed to be hatred.
But it was love.
"Shuichi…" Eiri shook his messy blonde head and turned to the door, ready to leave.
"That's it!" he could hear Shuichi yelling behind him. This time, he was exiting with his head lowered, "You just run away!" he closed the door behind. "And take this damn book with you!" Shuichi threw it at the door. The book fell on the floor, some pages were flying in all directions.
Eiri just carried on, flipping his phone open to call the cab.
Shuichi collapsed on the couch, with his face in his hands.
--
"Love is 99 percent of sorrow and pain and 1 percent of happiness and joy."
The wind was blowing outside the NG building. It was making the mess of his, usually tidy, blonde hair.
The guy approached him and the butterflies in his body started to fly at the sight of another man.
Two pairs of eyes were locked on each other.
"I gave him the lyrics." he said calmly, yet he was afraid of Hiro's reaction.
Hiro just nodded, sitting into Tohma's car.
It was silent during the ride. But as they were approaching Hiro's place, Tohma asked:
"Are you mad?"
"Me?" Hiro looked at him, "No, not at all."
"Seriously?" Tohma glanced at him, smelling the trap.
"Seriously. I'm just infuriated! Now stop the car before I punch your fuckin' faggot face!"
Tohma obeyed, cursing himself for choosing to tell the truth.
He got out and ran after Hiro, grabbing his arm, making him look at him.
"I had my reasons."
"I had mine!" Hiro yelled, yanking his arm, "And this disrespect of my decision…" he was looking at Tohma, "You never respected me…" he turned and left.
And again, there he was, left alone in the coldness.
Perhaps it was destiny for him to be like this. But hope never dies, and he remembered that quote from Yuki's novel.
But after this, is it worth hoping?
He screwed up.
--
Hiro infuriately entered the apartment, noticing the door was harder to open. Then he looked down and saw the book that was blocking the door.
'The novel'
He ducked and collected all pages, putting them back into the book. The air had smell of disaster and that was scaring him.
In the living room, he saw Shuichi, with his face in his hands.
"He was here." he stated. Shuichi said nothing, as if Hiro wasn't even there.
But he wasn't crying. He was just sitting like that, motionless.
'I'm gonna kill Tohma for this!' he placed the book on the shelf and stormed off the apartment.
--
TBC…?