A/N: After a huge battle between the two stories you had a chance to vote for, Emmett the Flying Squirrel wins! So here it is…

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer: Here, twilight783. You can have the rights to Twilight.

Me: Really? Seriously?

Stephanie Myer: No not really. Mua ha ha ha!

The Cullen's Moments of Randomness

Emmett the Flying Squirrel

Alice POV

I sat on Emmett's (A/N: I'm spelling it right!) and Rosalie's cushy bed and stared absentmindedly at the T.V screen. I blew stray hairs out of my eyes and rested my head on my hand. Emmett giggled quietly next to me, and squeezed Mr. Teddy-Fuzzles, a mutated teddy bear. Mr. Teddy-Fuzzles squeaked, and Emmet giggled some more.

"Hello. This is Nature Nate, coming to you live from Main. This is the endangered silver backed flying squirrel." The bored looking reporter said on the T.V. "It is just like any other flying squirrel, but it is silver." He held up a grey squirrel, and it chattered excitedly in his hand.

"Here is a short demonstration of the squirrel in motion." The T.V. flashed to a clip of a grey squirrel jumping from a tall branch on a tree. A thin membrane of skin stretched from its tiny paws, to its feet. It glided through the sky, slowly descending toward the ground. The squirrel landed, and then bounced away into the thick under growth.

I sighed and said exasperatedly, "Emmet, can I please go? Bella will be here any minute, and I need to get ready. And, seriously, when are you ever going to know about the eating habits of an endangered silver backed flying squirrel?"

Emmet took in a sharp breath intake and said, "How dare you insult the squirrel channel!" He clicked his tongue and shook his head back and forth.

I sighed, and turned my head back to the TV. "As you can see, the silver backed flying squirrel has a very gentle nature…" Nature Nate droned on. The grey squirrel suddenly bit his hand. "And- WHAT THE F(beep)! GET THE D(beep) SQUIRRL OFF MY F(beep)ING HAND! S(beep)!" Nature Nate yelled.

The squirrel's tiny white teeth dug into Nature Nate's skin until drops of red blood started to trickle down his wrist. Just seeing the luscious red blood on TV made the back of my throat tingle. I could feel my eyes widen, and I automatically held my breath. Realizing that I was watching TV, I exhaled.

The screen suddenly was grey, and had bold letters that said THIS SHOW IS MOMENTARILY DISCONNECTED. Emmett sighed dreamily next to me and said, "Gee, Nature Nate sure is lucky to be able to hold and get bitten by a flying squirrel. I sure do wish I was Nature Nate." He sighed again, and squeezed Mr. Teddy-Fuzzles.

Ding! I could hear my idea bell ring in my head. "Well, Emmet, I can't grant that particular wish. But I can get you something a lot better…"

Emmett looked at me with wide, curious eyes and said, "What? What can you give me?" I smiled evilly, and Emmet quickly sputtered, "I know that look. There is no way I'm going to do whatever you are going to make me do even if it is voluntary and I really want to because I will get in to trouble because I saw your evil smile and everyone in the every universe in the universe know what that means-"

I sighed and smacked Emmett on the back of the head. He quieted down and I continued. "Emmett, I will not purposely get you into trouble. If you get yourself in trouble, that's your fault. Now do you want to be a flying squirrel or not?"

When Emmett heard that, he gasped in surprise. He swayed a little and said, "Could you really do that?" When I nodded he started to sway even harder. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he fell backwards off the bed. With a CRASH! He landed on to the ground. I heard a splintering noise as the floor board groaned underneath the giant fall.

I peeked over the bed, at Emmet lying on the ground. His eyes were close and his tongue was hanging out of his mouth like dog. I heard the floor crack some more, and it suddenly fell through. He landed with an even bigger CRASH! in the kitchen. Pieces of wood and plaster were scattered around him.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Emmett get up you idiot. Vampires can't faint." I looked back down the hole and saw Emmett's eyes snap open.

"Oh yeah." He said. Then he stood up and brushed himself off. He ran his hands through his curly hair, making dust fall like snow around the kitchen. Esme appeared in the kitchen, and looked around at the mess. She started to breath really deep.

"Emmett, dear, I know how much you love to have fun, but do you have to destroy stuff on the way?" She asked in a sweet voice. Emmett blinked, probably surprised that he didn't get sent to the Voltori. Esme continued. "You know, I spend almost all my time cleaning, and I just refinished the kitchen. And it did look very pretty. Well, run along. I'll clean it up." She smiled, and gently pushed Emmet out the door.

Emmet stumbled up the stairs, still silent from shock. Why didn't Esme explode? Emmet has already almost destroyed the house about twenty times.

I saw Esme walk slowly out the back door, to the edge of the forest. I ran to the window, and watched as Esme walked up to a thick tree. She stood looking at it for a moment, and a snarl suddenly emerged from her thought. She jumped up, and clung to the tree. Her white teeth started to dig into the thick bark. She tore at the branches, and started to pull out the leaves. My mouth opened in surprise as Esme jumped off the tree and landed on the ground. She suddenly ran at full speed into the tree. It splintered and fell to the ground with a crash. Esme jumped back on the tree and started to pull the thickest branches off the tree and eliminate them to dust.

All of a sudden, Esme backed off, and stood looking at the tree. She smoothed down her hair and walked back inside with a soft smile on her lips.

I turned around to see Emmett with the same surprise expression as me. "Wow." He whispered. "I thought Edward was the only one with anger issues."

I replied, "You're lucky the tree ended up looking that way and not you." Emmett shuddered and sat down, defeated, on the floor.

I rolled my eyes again, and dragged Emmett by the collar of his shirt into my bath room. I set him roughly into my make-over chair, and stood back to see what I was working with. Emmett would need glitter, mouse ears, a grey Tee and sweat pants, semi-permanent hair dye, face paint, eyeliner, cotton balls, fuzzy grey blankets, and lots of glue.

Luckily, I had that all on hand. Coincidentally. So I gathered my supplies from my makeup closet and dumped them on the counter in front of Emmett. He stared at it in loathing, and stuck his bottom lip out. I ignored him and shoved the grey T-shirt and pants into his chest.

"Here" I said. "Put this on." Emmet started to unzip his jeans, when I cried, "Emmett! Please go into the changing room."

He shrugged and hobbled into my convenient, newly installed changing room. He shoved the curtain closed. I sighed, relieved that I didn't get caught in the most awkward and life threatening situation. Good thing Rosalie was packing for a two day hunting trip.

When Emmett came out dressed in all grey, I grabbed the grey hair die. Once every strand of Emmett's hair was silver, I moved on to the face paint. I dipped my brush into the grey paint, and smudged in along his hairline to his cheek bones. I added small black dashes to give the furry effect. Pink face paint became a squirrelly nose for Emmet, and black eyeliner became long whiskers. I grabbed the mouse ear headband and stuck it nicely behind Emmett's ears.

Next came the really fun part. I took the grey blanket and attached two of the corners to Emmett's ankles. Then I took the other two corners and attached them to his wrists. Next came the glue. I grabbed the bottle, and started to squeeze a neat oval into Emmett's stomach. The pungent order stung my nose, but I continued to squirt the white goop on anyways. Then I grabbed the cotton balls and started to stick them to the glue on Emmett.

Emmett fidgeted impatiently as I grabbed the final touch. Glitter! I removed the cap and stared at the tiny silver flecks. Then I stood on a chair so I could actually reach Emmett's head. Without hesitation, I tipped the giant bottle of silvery glitter over his head.

It fell like stardust over Emmett, clinging to his skin, clothes, and hair. After a super quick cleanup from the puddle of sparkles I made on the floor, I guided Emmet over to my mirror.

He gasped at his reflection. If he could cry, the bathroom would have been flooded by now. Emmett lifted his arms up too see his folds of "skin" stretched between his limbs.

I was suddenly being crushed in a bone crushing bear hug. "Thank you Alice! I love you I love you I love you!" He screamed in my ear. Then he paused and added "…As a sister of course…" probably thinking of easily jealous Rosalie in the next room.

After about a minute of choking, I was finally freed from my prison. Coughing, I stuttered, "Ok, ok. Just don't do anything rash or-" an image appeared in front of my eyes, cutting me off from the middle of my sentence.

By the time I was out of my daze, Emmett was already on his bed. I sprinted forward screaming, "NOOOOOO!" Which probably would have looked awesome in slow motion. But Emmett sprung of his bed and crashed into his window. It smashed into a million gazillion little pieces and the earth was shattered by the most terrible ear piercing sound that will ever mean living-or not living- ears.

"I believe I can fly! I believe I can be a flying squirrel! I-" Emmett sung very off pitch. Before I could run to the window to see what happened a huge tremor shook the ground that almost knocked me off my feet. When I peered through the shattered window, I saw a devastatingly sad sight.

Dust swirled around the huge crater where Emmet was laying in. Everything within ten feet of the impact was covered in a thick blanket of dirt and shards of glass. But the thing that scared me most was the sight of Esme curled up in a small ball covered in glass and dirt.

There was silence for a second more when chaos broke out. I quickly hopped out the window and slid down the wall. Landing gracefully on the ground, I ran over to Esme where everyone but Emmett (who was still lying in his crater) was gathered around her. Carlisle was brushing the glass off Esme, saying in a slightly panicked voice, "Esme, Esme dear! What's wrong?"

Possibilities of what could have happened ran through my mind, but I wasn't sure what had happened. She slowly opened her eyes, dust falling from her dark lashes. A sigh ran out through the semi circle, but Esme still curled and a tight ball, even when Carlisle tried to lift her off the ground.

"Is it over?" She asked skeptically. Carlisle nodded furiously at a loss for words. Esme uncurled herself and a second gasp ran through the audience. All along, she hadn't been hurt, but she was protecting a small flower from being blown from smithereens.

The flower was a delicate white, the soft pedals curling gently. The center was a brilliant golden color, and a sweet odor wafted through the air. It still stood tall, the soil around it undisturbed.

Carlisle bent down and stroked Esme's dusty face. They smiled and kissed passionately. I turned away only to hear Edward whisper to confused Bella, "It's the same type flower Carlisle gave to Esme when he proposed. They're worth thousands these days."

I remembered Emmett, who was still lying lifeless in the crater. I looked up to see him just crawling of the hole. His grey apparel was blackened under the thick amount of dirt that covered it. He shook out his hair and blubbered confusedly at the scene around him.

I sighed crossly, and watched as Esme broke away from Carlisle, walking slowly up to Emmett. He blinked slowly, his large eyes glazed over in innocence and guilt. But Esme wouldn't fall for that trick.

"Emmett dear, if you wanted to be a flying squirrel why didn't you just say so? I could have made you one faster that you can say 'goodbye Emmett.'" Emmett furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, and started to mumble something.

Before Emmett had a chance to finish, Esme furiously grabbed his muscled arm. He gaped his mouth open like a fish. With all her might, Esme pulled Emmett out of the trench, and into the air. She let go of his wrist at the peak of her throw, sending Emmett flying, just like he wished.

He screamed, throwing his arms out in frenzy. He soared for miles it seems, dust and dirt trailing off of him in a long tail. He disappeared into the wide forest, a muffled thump coming from somewhere in the distance.

I realized that my mouth had been hanging open, and I snapped it shut quickly. Esme cleared her throat, brushed off her gardening gloves, and hopped into the car. Taking her lead, Carlisle followed along with a hesitant Rosalie and Jasper.

I cleared my head and tried to concentrate on my favorite activity of the day. Cooking with Bella!

A/N: I know, I know. I'm about five months late. But I will try to update more quickly! Alice tries to cook is already on the way!