Sappy, fluffy, dramatic. Majority of this chapter is Smitchie, who have been neglected the last few. We've got a huge argument and Valentine's Day. And, I'd like to point out to you all how much work goes into chapters like this one. SourSkittles and I spent… what was it Allison, 3 hours? Working on this idea. Okay, she spent like 3 hours on it. I really owe her a lot with this story. And, my mother is home and I know have to take care of her, as well, as my annoying spiteful Husky and my lazy father. Ugh.
Chapter 8
We checked into a hotel for the rest of the weekend. I finally called Mom around 5 am. She wasn't too pleased that I was in a different state then the one I was supposed to be in, but understood.
"We're all good." I assured her. "For the moment." I added unintentionally.
"What?" She asked as Shane came into our hotel room.
"Nothing, Mom. I'll call you later. Love you." I quickly hung up on my mom.
"How's the dog doing?" Shane asked, avoiding the topic like normal.
"Jake's fine. He's a dog. Separation anxiety only lasts a little while." I said, my anger growing by the second. "Shane, when were you going to tell me?" I demanded.
"Tell you what?" He asked facing away from me and pulling off his shirt.
"God damn it, Shane. You promised me!" I yelled at him.
He lowered his head, still not facing me. "I know." He said sadly.
"Why haven't you told me?" I asked, still hurt.
He sighed. "Because I knew you'd flip out. Like you are." He pointed out.
"Because you lied to me!" I was still yelling.
"I didn't lie!" He yelled back, now looking at me for a moment. He quickly looked away again. "I just… didn't know how to tell you." He finished quietly.
"Damn it, Shane." I swore again, now on the verge of tears. "It's bad enough that it's a tour… but Europe?"
"I was trying to push the date back before I told you." He admitted.
I tensed. "What's the date?" I asked, emotion draining out of my voice.
"Right now? We leave the middle of May."
I felt a sob lodge in my throat. "Prom… and graduation… Shane…" I fought to keep my tears in. "You promised." I finished weakly.
He moved off the bed he was sitting on to face me. He held my arms in his hands as he coaxed me into lifting my head to look at him. "I know. I know I promised. I was trying to push back until July…" He explained.
"That's still this summer, Shane…" I sighed. He wiped away a stray tear that rolled down my cheek.
"I know."
I pushed out of his arms. "No, you don't. You made plans. We made plans for this summer. We were going to live together before school this summer… with Jacob… Shane- what are you going to do when we have kids? Just tell them, 'Sorry, Daddy has to go on tour for 6 months. I'll miss a bunch of important stuff and I promise I'll make it all up to you.'?" I looked over my shoulder at him before turning around to face him again. "Seriously, Shane." I looked anywhere but him. "I can't believe I was so stupid." I started heading for the door. He caught my wrist like always.
"Mitchie…" He said softly. "Don't leave. We need to finish this. Don't leave." I sighed, knowing he was right. We needed to be mature about this. I dropped my hand but won't look at him still. "Why are you stupid?" He asked.
"For believing I meant more than your music did." I said, staring intently at my shoes. He dropped my wrist as if he were burned. I looked at him from over my shoulder. He was know looking at his own shoes.
"I can't believe you just said that." He looked up at me with so much hurt in his eyes. "Do you really think that?"
"I don't know, Shane." I whispered. "Sometimes I think that as much as you love me, your band is more important. And yeah, if I'm just your girlfriend, that's fine. But you are the one who thinks of me as so much more. You are the one who wants to marry me. What happens when I am your wife, Shane? Tell me. Then what? Do you really see Connect 3 being over with anytime soon? Cause I don't. Everyone loves your new sound. There is no way you aren't going to be around for another 3 years at least."
"Not if I don't have you." He answered me softly. "Mitchie, you are that sound. You're my music. Without you, I'm lost."
"Shane… as sweet as that may have sounded in your head… it just came out totally wrong." I said, smiling sadly and reaching for the door knob. "When you can tell me that I'm more important than your music, and prove it, I'll believe you." I went out into the hallway, the door closing softly behind me.
Nate and Caitlyn were across the hall. I could hear their argument and wondered if people could hear mine and Shane's.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Caitlyn yelled. "I wouldn't have cared, Nate. I'm going to be away at school anyway." She explained.
"Because Shane asked me not to."
She screamed slightly. "Why does everything in our relationship come back to Shane or Mitchie?" She demanded. "If Shane cheated on her, you would too?" She asked sarcastically. "What is the big deal about this damn tour? Europe, okay, great. You'll be across the oc-"
"We leave in May." Nate yelled over her. It was silent after that. I took the opportunity to interrupt and knocked. "What?" Nate snapped ripping open the door.
"Why don't you go sleep with Shane." I suggested, pushing past him into the room. He huffed and left, casting a last look back at Caitlyn.
"Guys suck." Caitlyn decided as I sat on the bed next to her.
I nodded. "Yes. Yes they do."
We spent the rest of the weekend with Jason or Anastasia, avoiding our boyfriends at all costs. Elisha gave us clothes to borrow, while we were there. By the end of the weekend, Jason and Anastasia were back together. As soon as they were near each other, Jason pulled her onto his lap and kissed her passionately.
"I love you." He whispered hoarsely. "Can we please stop playing this game?" He asked hopeful. She nodded, kissing him again. We all smiled. My eyes flickered to Shane's for a moment, but I looked away a moment later. He hurt me. And he hadn't said anything to me since I left the room Saturday morning.
The car ride home on Sunday was quiet. Caitlyn and I sat in the back seat together, sharing headphones. Nate was on the other side of me, since Jason was up front with Shane, and none of them seemed pretty happy about it. We really didn't care much.
We kissed their cheeks before getting out the car. "Mitchie." "Caitlyn." They said at the same time. They looked at each other, and then us. "We're sorry."
"Shane I told you what you have to do." I said walking away from him.
Caitlyn said something and followed me into the house. I turned my computer on when we got into our room. Caitlyn sat at her own desk and did the same. Hers loaded first of course. She had a tricked out awesome computer. I had a basic computer that let me edit music in exchange for loading really slow.
"Ugh." I complained as I waited. "I hate my computer." I whined, frustrated already.
"I love Jensen." Caitlyn replied, already loading the internet.
I looked at her confused. "…Ackles?" I asked.
She giggled. "Yes. But no. My computer's name is Jensen." She said laughing.
"Oh. Mine is El Estúpido. Because it's muy stupid." I said tapping my desk impatiently. "You know what else is muy estúpido? My boyfriend. My boyfriend is masivo estúpido."
"Wow. You must be mad. You almost never spaz out in Spanish." Caitlyn commented. I glared at her as my computer finally loaded only for me to see a picture of myself and Shane on the background. I let out a frustrated groaned and stomped out of the room, while Caitlyn laughed, watching me go.
It wasn't until a week later that I actually saw my boyfriend again. He'd text me good morning and goodnight like he did every time we fought. But it was always Good morning, I love you. and Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Love you. That was it.
Exactly a week later, Caitlyn and I came home to find Shane in our bedroom with Jacob, obviously waiting. Caitlyn dropped her book bag and went back downstairs.
"What are you doing here?" I asked coldly, turning my computer on, knowing it would take a while.
"I give up." He said, coming to stand behind me.
I stiffened. "On?" I asked, assuming he meant our relationship.
"Trying to figure out how to prove to you that you mean more than my music." He said, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders, silently willing me to face him. I wouldn't.
"Mitchie… music is my life. My life line. But it's not my everything. You are. Seriously, without you, there is no music. Not music that makes me happy, anyway. You make me happy and let me write music that makes me happy. I'm lost without music. I thought of like six different sets of lyrics to tell you how I feel about you and how important you are to me, but then I realized I couldn't use music. That just sucked.
"And when we have kids, I won't be on tour or they'll be with me, remember? When the oldest is old enough for school we're going to buy a house in New York and settle down. I don't want to miss stuff. And I intend not to. I don't plan on being a pop star my whole life. I do intend on being with you for the rest of my life, though. Music means to me as much as it means to you. I can't explain why it's so important to me, it just is. But I've learned there are more important things in life.
"And you have to remember that I'm not in a band by myself. My best friends are there, too. My decisions aren't always made by just me. The label wants us to do a European tour. And… well… Jason and Nate seemed really into it. I've been trying to push the date back, baby, I have. I'll push it back until September if I have to." He sighed, having not stopped too much during his monologue.
"I think you did." I said softly, turning around.
"Did what?" He asked.
"Proved to me how important I am without music." I said standing up. I kissed him, catching him off-guard. He walked us backwards to my bed. As he sat back, he pulled me onto his lap.
"Does this mean you forgive me?" He asked as we pulled back to catch our breathe. I nodded and kissed him again.
Valentine's Day was in a two weeks at that point. I was determined to give him something. So, I went with the ultimate cliché. I made him a mixtape. Or CD rather.
"Cait, I think I'm going to make him a CD." She looked over at me.
"Do you have enough songs written?" She asked.
I shook my head no. "No. Not our songs." I said simply. "Other people's."
"Wait. You're going to give one of the hottest pop/rock stars in the world a mix tape of other people's music?" She asked confused. "Are you sure you don't want to write the songs yourself?"
I shook my head again. "No. Been there, done that. This takes time. It's one thing to, you know, write out your feelings. But when you have the amazing inspiration of love, it's easy. And I've written him songs, he's written me songs. It loses its specialty when you write a lot of songs. I mean, inspiring is one thing- off track. Okay, but it takes time to think of songs that fit you and them and find the meaning behind the words and… all that."
"Makes sense." Caitlyn said before her phone beeped. She giggled.
"What?" I asked trying to look.
"No." She pulled her phone away. "Nate just told me what Shane is doing for Valentine's Day. I think the uh… Mix Tape, is a good idea." She smiled, biting her lip to keep from laughing. You will come to find out why later.
I spent the next two weeks working on my present. I wrote out many explanations to the songs. Eventually I narrowed the list down to 20 songs and picked the explanations I liked. Then I made him a little CD jacket. The cover was a picture of Shane and I, with all the explanations and lyrics inside. I couldn't wait until Valentine's Day. He was taking me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant this year.
I bought a new white dress to wear. It fell to my knees, covering them just slightly. I really wanted to curl my hair, but decided to compromise and placed single curls on top of my straight hair every few inches. It came out really nice. Shane dressed in his usual suit jacket, with a red button up underneath it. His tie was limp and not where it should have been, like normal.
I smiled as I took his offered hand. "You look amazing." He whispered in my ear as I kissed his cheek. I blushed. My present was gripped firmly in my hand. "Come on. I really want to give you your present, so…" He pulled me out to his car.
The restaurant was a cute little French place. Between dinner and desert, we opted to exchange our gifts. He handed me a flat square. I eyed it suspiciously, handing over his. "Open yours first." He commanded. I bite my lip and did so.
My eyes went wide and I began laughing. "Open yours." I said laughing.
"You aren't gonna look at it?" He seemed slightly disappointed.
"Shane. Open yours." I said again. He rolled his eyes and sighed, but opened it none the less. He began laughing as well. "See."
"Wow. Who would have known we'd pick the same thing to do." He said shaking his head. He flipped it over to examine the songs. He laughed a bit harder. "We have some of the same songs, too."
"What?" I finally flipped it over and looked at the CD case in my hands. "Oh my god. Yup. Thunder-" I said, before he cut me off.
"Because it's perfect for us. Your voice is the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other?" He sang softly to me across the table. He looked at the CD case. "Hate That I Love You? You put that too?" He looked up at me.
"You know exactly what to do so that I can't stay mad at you for too long. That's wrong but I hate it." I sang softly as well. "When do we ever manage to stay mad at each other for too long? And you put it on there, too." I explained. I continued to skim. "Woodale? You listen to Woodale?" I questioned.
He laughed. "Actually, Nate suggested that one."
I smiled. "Cait did, too. They knew all along! That's why she laughed."
Shane shook his head in laughter. "Wow, we have a lot of Lifehouse on these." He commented.
"You have more." I said after I counted them. "You have 5. Why do you have Whatever It Takes on here?" I asked. He nodded toward the case in my hands. I opened it and read under Whatever It Takes: I know I don't let you in a lot, and I'm working on that. I hope you can see that. I hate seeing you cry, and I hate it even more when I know that your crying because of me. It kills me to know that I hurt you so much. I know that there's always going to be a million reasons for you to leave me, but I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you there is at least one reason for you to stay. I love you more than anything. "Awe, Shane." I sighed.
"Bleeding Love? Seriously? The chick in that song is like crazy." He asked seriously confused. I smiled and nodded toward his case. Inside I wrote: Do you know how many people came up to me and told me you deserved better when we first started dating? Most of my high school. My family wasn't too keen on us either. It hurt pretty bad, because a part of me believed them and wanted to listen to them. Part of me still believes them every now and then, but every time I look in your eyes, and every time you tell me you love me, all the fears and all the worries of other people wash away. Because your right, there's always going to be reasons for us to not be together, but as long as there's that one, we'll be ok. When I'm with you, I don't care what other people think or say. Because all that matters is that I love you. "Wow. People were really against us, huh?" He asked slightly depressed.
"Yup. Even Nate and Caitlyn." I sighed. "But they've all seen they were wrong. And I don't even care anymore. I just love you and want to be with you and if that makes me crazy, well, so be it." I smiled at him.
"Well, I'm crazy about you." He said smoothly.
I giggled. "I know. Crazy For This Girl gives that away." I smiled as he rolled his eyes playfully. "Run. I love that song." I said tracing it with my finger.
"You don't know how hard it was leaving you when I went on tour. Every night, I would lay awake, just waiting for you to come through the door, with that bright smile on your face. I was so close to just leaving, and coming home to you. But then I would remember that it wasn't my choice if I got to stay or go. I hated being away from you Mitchie. I was so happy when you finally were." He explained.
I giggled. "Did you rehearse that? Cause you wrote almost the exact same thing."
He smiled and shrugged. "Things I'll Never Say? That is particularly ironic." He laughed.
"What? It's true. There are a lot of things I want to say, I just don't." I shrugged.
He smiled and read me the lyrics. "If I could say what I want to see, I want to see you go down, On one knee, Marry me today, Yes, I'm wishing, my life away, With these things I'll never say." He looked up at me expectantly.
"Wanna know a secret?" I asked him. He nodded. "I was… a little disappointed on Christmas."
His face fell. "I thought you loved the guitar…" He said dejectedly.
"I did!" I assured him. "I just… I don't know. Part of me half expected you to propose on Christmas." I admitted, not looking at him.
He chuckled, and grabbed my hand across the table. "Baby." He said softly, making me look at him. "First off, make up your mind." He teased lightly. "Secondly, I am not that cliché. And thirdly, I told you. I have it planned out already. I want it to be special." He assured me. "Are you disappointed tonight?" He asked me.
I shook my head no. "Nope. This was a great gift." I smiled brightly.
He gave me a playful look. "Yeah, I don't think my gift even compares to yours."
"Please. You have Enrique Inglesis on here." I teased. "You coulda picked one of his Spanish songs at least."
"Forgive me for not knowing Spanish." He replied equally teasing. "You sure you aren't disappointed?" He asked seriously.
I smiled. "Shane. You can never disappoint me. Even when you do, you always fix it."
"I love you." He said softly.
"I love you, too." I smiled back.
"Oh, but that wasn't why it was ironic." He said suddenly. "You have Avril Lavigne, and I have Sum41." My eyes skimmed down to the very bottom. With Me was the last track on the CD. "I jut find it funny since Avril and Deryck are married… It'd be funnier if you had When Your Gone on here."
I shrugged. "Well… I wasn't sure about it. I mean, sure she knows exactly what every rock star's wife or girlfriend is feeling. Sometimes I want to forget you're a rock star or pop star and just remember you're my boyfriend."
"I get it." He smiled. "But With Me was just perfect. Every moment I'm with you, I never want it to end. I never want to leave your side. I'll never let you go Mitch, I couldn't ever let you go. I'm nothing if I'm not with you. I make mistakes a lot, we all know that. But do you know, every time I make a mistake, I'm scared I'll lose you? I'm afraid to tell you things like about the tour because I'm afraid you'll get fed up and leave. I can't lose you. I mean it every time I say I love you. And each time I say it, I mean it more than the time I said it before. Because every day I love you a little more, and I would do anything to show you that." I gave him a watery smile. We sat in silence, just watching one another.
After a few minutes our desert came out. "We should bring Jason home something." I said thinking.
"Nah. He said not to. Stas is coming down this weekend." Shane replied. "I'm glad they're back together. Jason is really becoming himself again."
"Are you sure it's not the painkillers?" I asked, half serious.
"Mitchie, need I remind you of who Jason is?" He asked in the same fashion. I smiled and shook my head. I was very happy that Jason was becoming himself again.
"Were Nate and Cait going to the apartment or the house?" I asked pushing my desert away from me.
"House. Caitlyn hasn't been feeling well lately, so."
I nodded. "I think it's a side effect of the pill." I nodded in understanding.
"Yeah…" Shane stood up, slightly uncomfortable. I smiled at him. He had no problem discussing the fact that we got our periods or me being on the pill, but Caitlyn being on it weirded him out. "Let's go to the apartment for a little while before I have to take you home." He said holding out his hand for me to take.
I smiled to myself, knowing that in a few months, home wouldn't be two different places anymore.
The CD's we made are in my profile. Yeah, we spent a lot of time on that. Lol. At 1 in the morning we started working on that, I believe.