There was a two-month span in the course of their relationship that Allen revisits every so often.
In that two-month span, there was no relationship.
Lenalee didn't say anything when he broke the news to her, only pursing her lips before quickly changing the topic. She knew better than to comfort Allen by now. It was also no secret that she didn't entirely approve of the relationship to begin with.
"You don't know him," Allen had said when she first voiced such concerns when they had started dating.
"I don't need to know him," was her patient reply. "I know you."
I know how you have changed.
So Lenalee said nothing, not even when Allen started calling her in the early hours of the morning, sometimes drunk, sometimes crying, sometimes both. She said nothing when Allen occasionally asked her to turn away from him, usually when she wore her long hair in a ponytail, so he could stare at her back. She said nothing when Lavi and Allen argued about the way Allen was being treated, because she knew she was fortunate to know that Lavi was wholly hers.
Two months.
Two months Allen spent hunting for the tiniest scrap of information, either through mutual acquaintances or social media. He resisted the urge to call Tiedoll in moments of melancholy, but the one time he did, he was told that Tiedoll was on a trip in Italy.
Two months Allen spent trying to remember how he had lived his life before sharing it with someone else. He forgot at times that he didn't need to consult anyone regarding his plans for the weekend. He would buy pomegranate juice and only remember in the middle of unloading his groceries that he didn't drink pomegranate juice. He slept in the middle of the queen-sized bed and woke up huddled on one side.
He read and he drank tea and he jogged in the mornings before work.
He wondered if it would have been worse if he had said, "I love you," before the break-up.
He wondered if it would have been better instead.
There were dates. Three of them, three different people. A kind man with unruly hair and glasses. A timid woman with frightened eyes and the sweetest smile. A mere girl with unmeasurable fortitude and sass.
He apologized to every single one at the end of the date. They all smiled at him and left with no hard feelings.
It was Lenalee who told him, "He's back in town."
She told him grudgingly, but without regret. She knew already that he would wait for as long as it took. Allen himself didn't know that he was waiting, but that was exactly what he had been doing for the last two months.
That was why they came back together so effortlessly.
Lenalee said nothing and Lavi argued with Allen, but either way, Kanda forced his way back into Allen's life.
They never did speak of that past. So Allen revisits every now and then. The two months that were past contain too many questions, yet at some point, the questions cease to matter.
"I'll wait," he says to Kanda.
And Kanda, with his fathomless eyes, says, "I know."