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Sins of the Past
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Chapter Nineteen
"That night was the first time I was ever exposed to swing dance. If you recall a certain conversation we held back during your party when we first met face to face, you may remember that I alluded to the fact that I had a strong female dance partner during my youth. That someone, of course, would be Belle."
The visions very quickly became hazy once Belle and Elsa reached the dance floor, in that the details of anything other than Belle's face became blurry and that there were frequent gaps and skips in Elsa's retelling. I supposed that this may have been due to Elsa not having a perfect memory of the event, but there were however a few things I could clearly make out amongst the mess, such as...
1) Elsa started out very slowly and cautiously, like a baby first learning to walk. This wasn't anything extraordinary, since Elsa herself said that she didn't know anything about swing dance prior to this point.
2) Belle was a very understanding and patient teacher, never once showing any outward semblance of annoyance, which I guessed was because...
3) ...Elsa was a ridiculously fast learner, managing to nail most of the moves within merely half an hour. This wasn't much of a surprise to me, since she'd already demonstrated this crazy ability back during the icebreaker event Rapunzel dragged me to a couple days ago.
I got somewhat nauseous watching Elsa and Belle dance together in the first person, what with all the whirling and spinning and all, and ended up tuning out until Elsa "fastforwarded" to the aftermath. This was probably really rude of me, but hey, the way I see it it's a compliment since me getting dizzy from just watching them means that they were really rocking it out that night.
The next scene was that of the two tired girls hauling their equally exhausted butts back to their seats at the bar, which miraculously still lay vacant after all this time. They laughed the entire time without a care for the world, and it really showed on their faces, not to mention themselves. Belle's formerly well groomed hair was now completely dishevelled, and judging by the few bangs that were obscuring my view I could tell that Elsa's hair was messy as well. I was also kind of glad that I would never know how badly the two stank of sweat that night.
"Hahahaha! Did you see that Elsa?" whooped Belle. "We were the queens of the world back there!"
Elsa laughed a small, tired laugh that all but screamed "Hell yeah!" before subsequently checking her wristwatch and grimacing. She'd stayed out far longer than the two hours she'd earlier allotted herself.
"I really must return home..." was all that she said aloud, her voice trembling ever so slightly.
Elsa abruptly rose to her feet, and had begun to leave for the door when Belle suddenly gripped her hand, rooting her in place.
"Wait wait, before you go," she said. "I had a lot of fun today. Would you like to meet up again sometime later?"
Knowing Elsa's relatively friendless background, I could predict the long pause that ensued even before it happened. Belle's smile grew more and more strained as the seconds dragged on, but thankfully Elsa managed to squeak out an "I'd love to," before bolting away into the night.
"That was how Belle and I first met," Elsa concluded, as the real world suddenly came rushing back into view. "Recall, Anna, that I led quite a sheltered life prior to this point, and fearing the repercussions of being discovered sneaking out I ran home as fast as I possibly could that night. Belle and I did go on to meet again however, week after week, using the time I originally had allocated to studying human biology. I will freely admit that I had never truly felt alive prior to meeting Belle.
"We at first had only dancing as a common outlet, though we soon found other shared interests as we grew to become comfortable with each another's presence. For example, we very quickly discovered a shared passion for chess, and chess soon became a powerful alternative to dancing."
"How did you guys manage that without your dad noticing? The whole weekly meeting thing." I asked, still reeling back slightly from the sudden change in perspective.
"I simply informed the tutor that I no longer required his services, but payed him regardless to visit in order to maintain appearances," Elsa replied. "Kai was essential in this subterfuge, though he did not personally understand its necessity."
"Because daddy would eventually find out, right?" I interjected. "Which he did, but how?"
"He found a strand of Belle's hair lying around the house one day, ostensibly from a time when she had come over for a visit. Through that alone he became suspicious, since there had been no brunette living in the household for many years, and he casually confronted me on the issue later that evening."
"Ouch. But if I remember correctly he was totally cool with it right?"
"Indeed. He quite simply laughed away my worries when I confessed, before granting me his explicit blessing to reorganize my schedule as I saw fit. I found myself overall much happier afterwards, due to my newfound ability to meet Belle whenever I so choosed."
"And to cut to the case, you eventually ended up developing feelings for Belle?"
Elsa pursed her lips. "Yes, it would seem."
"Then," I began, hesitating slightly. "...How did it all come crashing down?"
Elsa sighed, and another shimmer rippled through her body. The weariness on her face sent a shiver down mine.
This vision began with Elsa standing near the entrance of a some kind of park, a plethora of bodies dispersed all around her. The sun was shining directly overhead, and I noted that the shadows were at their smallest, signalling that right now it was sometime around noon.
"The date is February 14th, 1929. The fateful night," Elsa began. "Nearly a full year has passed since our first meeting together. My identity and heritage had by now become common knowledge amongst the populace, as if you recall I had refrained from displaying myself publicly prior to meeting Belle. I had planned today as the date where I would confess my newfound feelings to her."
Here I became aware of what Elsa held in her hands: a bouquet of roses, and a heart shaped box of what was presumably chocolate. So incredibly cliche, but understandable and honestly kind of sweet coming from Elsa.
Elsa took a few cautious steps into the grassy field and scanned the surrounding region, searching for the one girl she cared about most. She found the brunette sitting on a bench, nose crammed into a book and seemingly unaware of Elsa's presence even as she began a quiet approach from behind.
Elsa was just about to tap Belle on the shoulder when the brunette suddenly decided to spin a 180 out of the blue, turning the tables on Elsa and causing her to stumble back in surprise.
"Salut!" Belle laughed. "How are you today Elsa?"
"Fine!" gasped Elsa, before bursting into laughter as well. "I'm doing just fine, thank you very much."
"That's great to hear!" Belle gasped, before her face broke out in a wild cheek to cheek grin. "Oh, but what's all this that you're holding right now? Did someone give you this? Congratulations, Elsa! Who's the lucky man who's managed to encapture your heart?"
The pause before Elsa's response was oh so painfully noticeable. Clearly she had not expected this response.
"Lucky man?" Elsa replied in confusion." "Non. There was no such man, Belle. The roses and chocolates are for you."
Elsa held out the gifts in question, but the sudden frown on Belle's face spoke volumes.
"For me?" She replied in disbelief, before turning away. "But, then that means... oh, merde."
"What's wrong?" asked Elsa, her confusion and unease growing. I could tell that Elsa had no idea why Belle was reacting this way.
"Elsa, had you never been taught that love between two girls is unnatural?"
"Unnatural? Belle, I don't understand." Elsa's voice trembled, betraying her blatant growing fear. Her arms drooped back to her sides, shaking all the while. Obviously she had not expected it to go this way either.
"This is not right," came Belle's voice, slowly and quietly. "Elsa, I cannot accept these gifts."
I could practically feel Elsa's heart shatter into a million pieces.
At those six terrible words, Elsa dropped the gifts to the ground and fled the park at lightning speed, ignoring Belle's cries for her to stop. The view became distorted and watery as Elsa ran, but I didn't need that to know that she was crying.
"Word spread quickly," came a small, tired voice—the real life Elsa's. "There were many witnesses in the park that day, and soon the famous business conglomerate's daughter's sexuality became the talk of the town. I learned that day that the queer back then in Arendelle were seen as victims to a vicious mental disease, and that they were often looked upon with pity. Father was no exception, and he was distraught upon hearing the news, to say the least."
The vision shifted to that of Elsa sitting on her bed, a blonde man in front of her standing stock straight at the attention.
"Dad, I—I didn't know," blubbered Elsa. "These feelings... I had thought them to be normal."
The man, Elsa's dad presumably, fell to one knee and gently sandwiched Elsa's hands in his own.
"Oh, Elsa... I am so incredibly sorry," he began. "Had your mother still been around, or had I been a more attentive father, we may very well have been able to detect this disease long before you matured into an adult. Alas however, we did not, and now you must face the consequences of our inaction."
I felt a tinge of anger at the mindset these people held towards the LGBTQ back in the 30s. I mean, like, Elsa's dad sounds like a cool dude and all, but it's infuriating just how wrong he is about the nature of Elsa's sexuality.
"What do I do now, Dad?" Elsa asked, her voice shaky.
The man rose to his feet, releasing Elsa's hands and returning to his ramrod stance.
"Therapy and support, my dear," he replied. "I am confident that with enough professional counselling that you may very well break free of your affliction. I know you can do it, in fact. You're my daughter after all."
"And thus, having been told that I had a problem with my brain, I went to therapy," said Elsa. "I was determined not to allow this so-called disease dictate my life, for I had only now just begun to wake up after mindlessly shambling through it or some 20 odd years. I had high hopes and dreams for my future."
The next scene morphed from Elsa sitting on her bed into that of her sitting on a chair in a nondescript room, flanked on both sides by men wearing surgical lab coats. An old fashioned movie projector shone an imagine of an attractive female onto the wall opposite to Elsa.
"Ms. Winters," began the man on the right. "Please describe to me the image you see before you."
"A lady," Elsa replied.
"Correct." The image now changed to that of the same lady, albeit naked. "And what do you see now?"
"The same lady as before... though she has now been stripped of her clothing."
"Correct again. Now tell me, do you find this image to be arousing?"
A pause ensued.
"Ms. Winters?"
Elsa coughed. "It would appear that I do."
The vision spasmed for an instant, and I could hear Elsa gasping for breath afterwards. What the hell just happened?
"Do you still feel such amorous feelings, Ms. Winters?" came the voice.
"...Y-yes. I'm afraid so." Elsa gasped.
"Oh dear. Let us try again."
The vision spasmed once again. This time however, I could hear the electricity before it was applied to Elsa's body.
"This continued for several hour long sessions over the course of two weeks, with increasing voltages applied each session," came Elsa's tired voice once again as the real world came rushing back into view. "When that proved ineffective, they then went on to try different methods of aversion therapy, such as drug induced nausea and/or vomiting in place of the electric shocks."
"Failing that, they then instructed me to self-stimulate to an image of a naked male. When that too failed to bring about change, they then brought in a live male."
My jaw had plummeted to the ground by this point, and I was abjectly horrified.
"I had agreed to all these tests, myself having become desperate for a supposed cure. Having exhausted all other avenues however, they afterwards resorted to one final measure in that they attempted a lobotomy. I was told only that the procedure involved inserting a screwdriver-like instrument directly into my eyesocket, and that it was my last chance for a cure."
"Elsa," I choked out. "You didn't."
"I recall no further events past this point, and thus I surmise that I perished that night in the chair. Does this satisfy your curiosity, Anna?"
Elsa's voice had by now dropped to no more than a faint whisper, and it was then that I realized in horror that I made Elsa relive her death throes.
"I—you—I didn't..."
I choked up with tears. There was nothing to say. There was nothing I could say. Even if Elsa had been the one to suggest this, I still felt like I wanted to crawl up into a ball and cry. How could life be so terrible to Elsa...?
"Now then, if you will excuse me..." said Elsa, weary as ever. "...I think it would do us some good to be apart for some time."
I merely nodded in agreement as Elsa disappeared from sight.
Well, yep. Hope the presentation didn't fall flat on its face.
Salut = Hey/Hello
I'm really kicking myself here for what I did in the previous two chapters. I had been wondering myself just why in the world would Elsa be spilling her life story to Anna, especially considering what Anna had just done?
I retroactively came up with a pretty good solution: she's telling all this to Anna because she's profoundly upset with her for intruding on her privacy and doesn't intend to ever speak to Anna again after telling her all this, but because I had already established that the two basically kissed and made up I can't use that explanation. RIP.