Thus, the month passed quickly. I learned to multi-task between being a mom and going to school. My classmates and teachers were amazing too. My teachers, many of them parents themselves, were often willing to give me a hand when the boys had their crying fits (crying without a damned reason). My classmates, however, had begun to tell me having my kids in class was the perfect kind of persuasion to be obstinate, making me laugh every time. Ichigo had become so good with them, too, it really made people think he was their father.

I had also forgiven Kisuke for his interfering. Hiyori told me that Shinji hadn't believed him when he'd said it so that gave me hope that my beloved would remain clueless. I could not bear for him to know the truth, not even now. While I knew, if he ever did learn the truth he would be very angry with me, I also knew he would understand and forgive me. Not right away, of course, but he would.

The thought of Shinji sent yet another wave of pain through my heart. Ever since the boys were born, I had felt my heart fading faster than ever, something that was both alarming and upsetting. I knew the reason it had sped up was because of the grief I now felt. If I was truly honest with myself… I WANTED to tell Shinji everything. I WANTED him there with me and our kids… I missed falling asleep in his arms, waking to his eyes glaring at the clock, fighting with him to get dressed in the morning without getting accosted… I missed him… so much…

There were many nights I had cried myself to sleep, trying to keep anyone from hearing me. The looks of pity on Ichigo and Rukia's faces told me otherwise, told me they heard me every night. Seeing Hiyori, alive and well, only made the pain all that much stronger. Part of me ached at how much he had to be hurting, thinking Kisuke was playing a cruel trick on him, telling him I was alive when there was no way I could be… Durnehviir had made that crystal-clear to Shinji all those years ago… There were several times I nearly asked Hiyori to take me to him, but I always stopped myself last-second. I just couldn't bring myself to face him. If I was truly being honest with myself, I wasn't keeping myself and the boys secret from him to keep him from hurting.

I was afraid.

I was afraid that, after all this time had passed, he wouldn't love me anymore… or that when my secrets truly came out, that he would turn away from me. I knew my reasons were very selfish, but I just couldn't tell him… I couldn't… I had even traced Hiyori's energy back to the warehouse she was training at… and had felt HIM there. It had taken all I had to keep from running towards that energy, to keep mine from spiking and seeking his out… I struggled so much… because I loved him still. I loved him so dearly, so completely… and the pain of knowing I had as good as lost him… was too much to bear.

"You've got that look on your face again," commented Uryu. I never understood why he spoke to me when I knew he was not fond of Soul Reapers. I KNEW he knew I was one. I gave him a weak smile.

"Sorry," I told him softly. "I keep getting lost in the past…"

His eyes gentled as he pushed his glasses back up his nose.

"You really miss him, don't you?" he asked softly. "Their father?"

I gave Uryu another sad smile, feeling tears prick my eyes.

"The worst part is… he's not dead… just lost to me," I explained softly. Softly, his squeezed my shoulder.

"I'm here, should you need anything," he told me. I smiled warmly at him.

"You're a great friend, Uryu," I told him softly. "I'll never forget this kindness you've shown."

He gave a soft blush and pushed his glasses up again. Right now, Orihime was letting Enra sleep in her arms as she talked and laughed with Tatsuki. Ichigo was holding Yukiya, the boy resting his head on Ichigo's shoulder, though wide awake and looking around the room. I was trying to finish as much of our homework as I could before lunch was over and I'd have to take at least Enra back. Ichigo, like me, had gotten quite good at multi-tasking when it came to my kids. He could hold that baby in one arm and take notes, flip pages, or raise his hand with the other. For feeding, I usually pumped during lunch (which I had already done), and warmed up small bags of pumped milk the rest of the time. When school was over, I would gladly go back to letting my boys nurse. I preferred feeding them that way. It always felt more meaningful and soothing to me.

"How are they growing?" he asked. I smiled softly, recalling that his father had helped Isshin with that C-section.

"They're hitting all their markers," I answered. "I just wish they didn't have to get shots so often…"

Uryu spared me a small, wry smile.

"I can imagine," he agreed. I chuckled and got back to work, fortunately pumping out most of the homework from that morning before the teacher walked back in. Sure enough, Orihime handed me back the now awake Enra and I excused myself, Ichigo just behind me, so we could change diapers before the next class of the day. When we returned to the classroom, Ichigo put the now sleeping Yukiya back in his bassinette, next to me. I put Enra on my lap and started feeding him a warmed-up bottle and class began again.

The afternoon was peaceful, quiet. It made me glad things were going so smoothly, to be honest. It was rare to get to enjoy our days. They were posting our class ratings as well. I merely glanced at it, not that it was necessary. I knew I was second only to Uryu. Thus the reason I knew him so well. We were often paired up for assignments. I loved working with him as he made sure our projects were interesting and didn't stop me from being creative.

"Uryu… are you going to test him today?" I asked softly, startling him. "I have visions… I also know you set out some bait. I know you know what I am… or rather, what I was… So, do you mean to test the boy?"

Uryu nodded, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Be careful, Quincy," I said softly, concern in my voice. "That bait… won't just call small hollows…"

That got his eyes to go straight to mine.

"Please be safe, Uryu," I told him, then left the school behind, carrying my two bassinettes and my diaper bag and bookbag.

I knew he would not listen.

True to prediction, I felt the hollow bait successfully doing its job. As the skies overflowed with those creatures, Uryu and Ichigo dueled out to see how many they could kill. I shook my head and did my homework. Isshin was helping me with the boys between appointments at the clinic.

"What is that Ishida boy thinking?" he asked. I chuckled.

"He's not understanding Ichigo's position," I answered. "That's all there is to it. It will pass."

"I hope you are right," was the answer. "Or things could get ugly fast."

I nodded, agreeing.

"I assure you, it will get pretty ugly before things get better," I told him simply. He shot me a look.

"Vision?" he asked. I nodded softly.

"A Gillian," I answered. His frown grew. "Don't worry. Ichigo will handle it… but it will start a downward spiral for him for a time. He will recover… but not right away."

Isshin sighed, but chose not to say a word.

~So the beginning of the end has come… Be safe, Ichigo, Uryu…~

I was woken that evening by my phone. With a soft yawn, I picked it up and answered.

"Hello?"

"Are you safe?"

"Sosuke! Yeah. The boys and I are at home, safe and sound. How did you know what was happening here?"

"I have my sources," he answered simply. "Are you aware that the humans called Chad and Orihime have exhibited power?"

I frowned.

"I did not know that, no," I answered, getting concerned. "This is troublesome… but somewhat expected. That hollow bait that Uryu put out there was bound to cause serious problems."

"Uryu… the young Quincy boy?"

I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me.

"I see," he said softly. "Are you sure you are safe?"

"My energy is back to normal," I assured him. "Should I need to, I can defend us. Thank you for your concern though. It really warms my heart to know you worry about us, Sosuke. You're going to make someone very happy someday… and I imagine you'd be a damn good father, too."

He chuckled.

"Just stay inside and I'll try not to worry," he told me. I chuckled.

"Like I'm taking two newborns out in this crap," I teased back. With a soft goodbye, we both hung up and I was left in peace and quiet.

Carefully, I sought out Shinji and Hiyori. Both were safely in the warehouse, allowing me to breathe a little easier. Knowing I could be sensed by Shinji if he was paying any attention, I sent a soft tendril of energy towards Hiyori, letting her know the boys and I were safe. It was the softest, least amount I could manage. Fortunately, Shinji seems to have missed it, as Hiyori's energy was the only one to even remotely spike in response. I was relieved to feel her own apprehension at the situation… so I sent her what I knew of what was happening. Shortly after, I giggled as I felt her energy spike in rage and irritation as she told the others what she knew. That was followed by several other spikes, amusing me to no end… until Shinji's spiked.

I struggled not to react, not to let my energy seek his out. I struggled and fought myself, fought the need to comfort his rage, to calm his mind. Hiyori seemed to wordlessly know my struggle and I realized I'd forgotten to pull my energy back from hers…

~She heard all of that… Felt all of that… I'm so sorry, Hiyori…~

*JUST SHUT UP AND PULL BACK BEFORE HE NOTICES, IDIOT! *

Rapidly, I did just that, forcing my energy away after sending her another apology… which she waved off. I chuckled and focused on my boys. One look at their tear-filled faces told me they were also sensing the chaos.

"Ulquiorra… I need you," I said softly. Sure enough, seconds later, a garganta opened and he walked through. It took him mere seconds to deduce the commotion outside, even less time to realize why I needed him. He simply picked up Yukiya and held him, wrapping the babe in his reiatsu, comforting him by blocking out all the other reiatsu in the area.

"Who caused this?" he asked, taking a seat next to me as I comforted Enra.

"A Quincy," I answered. "His thoughts are deeply misled."

He said nothing back, just continued to comfort the babe in his arms. I smiled softly.

"I remember when you used to do that for me…" I said softly. He spared me a glance. I chuckled softly at that look. "Always so determined to remain unattached, Ulqui…"

I knew he wouldn't respond. Ulquiorra rarely spoke, choosing to use actions over words more often than not. I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me, Ulqui?" I asked softly, getting him to look at me again. "That you were my alpha?"

"You were not ready," was the reply.

"Four hundred years… and I wasn't ready?" I asked. "Are you sure that I was the one that wasn't ready? You were already sating my heat."

"Giving one's self to another is not something to take so lightly," he told me. "Only the common trash would make such a grievous error in judgement. You were not ready. Your heart was not ready to settle down, nor would have Kit let you, not while he maintained that claim upon you."

I shook my head sadly.

"And you would only have died sooner," he pointed out. "As you once told me, you thought I had died… then I would have truly perished, feeling the loss of our bond."

I smiled sadly, softly.

"I would not want that," I admitted. "I would not want you to die because of me… not again…"

"I did not and I will not," he answered simply.

"I'll hold you to that," I told him softly, resting my head back on his shoulder again. Feeling his energy next to mine, I let ours intertwine, letting his peaceful, calm thoughts (or lack thereof) ease my own mind and soul. His soothing presence, soon lulled me to sleep.

Third Person POV

Hiyori was viciously attacking Shinji, training hard against him as she tried to keep his mind off the lingering energy Vasilysa had left behind from her momentary connection. After she had explained what had happened and what was going on outside (and Hiyori explained it to everyone else), Hiyori had sensed Vasilysa's struggle, held felt all of her emotions leaking through that bond… Thus the reason Hiyori was now fighting Shinji so heatedly. She was trying to beat those feelings out of her own head, trying desperately to clear the need to curl up with him from her mind.

Both participants were fully into this battle, even wearing their masks and fighting hard against one another, trying to come out on top. For Hiyori, this was to clear her head. For Shinji… this was a chance to let out all the pent-up aggression towards a certain ex-captain of the twelfth for torturing his mind like this.

Ever since that note from Kisuke arrived, Shinji had been tortured. Naturally, he'd gone to beat the hell out of Kisuke for lying to him so blatantly… but then to have Kisuke continue to argue with him, to tell him that he had not, in fact, lied was almost too much! It had left Shinji's mind and heart full of doubts… but try as he may, he hadn't been able to sense her, not at all… and he'd searched, everywhere! Then Hiyori had started disappearing every day without a good reason… or at least she wasn't telling anyone the reason. Once, he'd even tried to follow her, only for her to realize it and lose him by hiding her own reiatsu completely. It aggravated him to no end! Everyone at the warehouse was acting strange, too. All of them would stop talking when he entered the room or would change the subject… or would just randomly look at him with pity or annoyance in their eyes. It was like living in your own personal hell! Shinji's heart was still filled with grief, one hundred years after the fact, something that never stopped hurting him. All he had wanted, that beautiful life with Vasilysa, children, a home… it was all taken from him… by Aizen.

Shinji felt his mind fill with hate at the thought of that traitor. He had taken everything from him! He had ruined what should have been one of the happiest times of his life! He had finally gotten the courage to ask her to marry him and she accepted… and then that happened! Then there was that one last bit that was still eating at him…

Flashback

"Shinji… I… I need to tell you the rest of my secrets," she told him. He could see how badly she was shaking and crossed that room in seconds, pulling her into a comforting hug.

"What brought this immediate decision on?" he asked softly, concerned.

"Something wonderful… and terrible," she answered quickly. "Shinji, I—"

She cut off as the alarm sounded.

End Flashback

He would never know what had been so important. He would never know the rest of her secrets… all because of Aizen. She had finally decided to remove the last barrier between them… and how he had wished and dreamt… how he had desired to go back and not go on the mission like she had begged him not to… He dreamt of her so often… and always woke alone, the loneliness eating him alive day by day until he was merely a shell of his former self. He used to care about others… now he just used the women he met to soothe his physical needs… though it was never enough… and he knew why.

They were not her. They didn't feel like her. None of them even came close to giving him the pleasure, the pure ecstasy that she had…

He could remember her so clearly… those beautiful, exotic crimson eyes… those long red-tinted black locks… her skin so soft under his hands… the warmth of her body as she lay in his arms at night, the taste of her kiss on his lips, the sound of her laughter… He missed her so much, so much that it hurt.

And she was dead… all thanks to Aizen.

He frowned, batting Hiyori aside again. Kisuke had to be lying. There was no way she was alive. Durnehviir had made that all too clear, and he had no doubt that Aizen had told her he had died.

"Pay attention, idiot!" Hiyori roared, landing one hell of a punch, knocking Shinji clear out of the sky. "Dammit, Shinji! Get your head in the game!"

Shinji shook his head and focused once more. It didn't matter. She was gone… and Aizen would pay.

And now you have a look into Shinji's thoughts and mind. Pretty dark place, isn't it?

Hang on, my beloved readers. The depression is almost over. I hope you enjoyed this double-chapter release. Please let me know how I'm doing.

Viper-Sindel