CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Today is relatively slow. I wake up to Scott checking on me before he leaves for school. He brings me a fresh glass of ice cold water and a muffin, which I devour in moments. To vomit all of it shortly after. Sigh.

What does this baby want to eat?

I spend the rest of the day eating whatever I find appealing in my kitchen. Apparently the baby really loves pickles and ice cream. Together.

That ends with a lot of vomiting too.

Then I watch a lot of Netflix downstairs on the Xbox while browsing baby websites on my laptop. I decide on my top three baby names. For a boy: Aaron Kade, or Zac. For a girl: Abby, Scarlet, or Zena. I wonder if Derek's thought about names at all?

Ugh. I don't even want to think about him and his poor decision making skills at the moment.

And for a moment I wanted to put everything in the past to be with him. Start fresh. Now I'm not sure what I want.

All I know is I'm craving a cigarette. weed. alcohol. pills. anything to take the edge off.

I don't realize I fell asleep until I wake up to shouting coming from downstairs. The fuck? I'm still wearing my clothes from earlier, so I just open my door and sprint to the front door. That is where I discover Stiles, Allison, Jackson, and an unfamiliar red head hovering in the entryway. Nobody notices me yet, but my brothers best friend is currently scrambling to bolt up our door in a hurry.

"There have been a few break ins around the neighborhood," Stiles tells the group. Then he grabs a chair and shoves it under the door. His wide whiskey eyes grow even larger as he specifically adds to the red head, "And a murder…"

"Where is Scott?" I direct this question towards Stiles.

Stiles whips towards me. His mouth parts in shock at my presence. Like the kid forgot I freaking lived here when he's over like every damn day (actually, this is the first time I've seen him since my overdose, which is weird). "Haldey, h-heyyy."

My voice starts out sweet, "Heyyy Stiles-" it quickly averts to irritation as I ask, "-where the fuck is my brother?"

My arms are crossed over my chest as I glare at the buzzed haired teen. He looks to Allison for help, but she just shrugs with wide worried eyes.

"Can someone please explain to me what is going on? You all are acting so weird? Where is Scott?" the red head asks irritably as she glances at me then towards the group of teens.

Allison shares a heated look in Jackson's direction. The teen rolls his eyes and faces me asking, "Is it okay if Lydia and I go somewhere private to talk?"

I throw my arms out exasperated, but I say, "Scott's room is upstairs on the right."

Jackson turns toward the red head - Lydia - and motions for her to follow him. "Come on," he urges.

She rolls big forest green eyes. "Seriously? What is wrong with you guys?"

Once they disappear upstairs I round on the two who I know are very much in tune with the supernatural shit happening in MY house. "Alright, what's going on? Stiles, you better start talking."

"Ugh… well you see, Derek is trying to kill Lydia and-"

"Excuse me?" I ask with a glare. "Want to run that by me again?"

"Derek is trying to kill Lydia-"

"Why?"

He frowns. "Well, if you'd let me finish-"

"FINISH faster."

Stiles groans. "Haldey, seriously?"

I raise a brow.

"Derek is trying to kill Lydia because he thinks she is the Kanima."

"Kanima?"

"The creature that attacked us at the school."

"Does he know she's the Kanima?"

"No. Hence the word thinks," he sighs. "He's kinda outside your house waiting to kill her."

"Oh no. Not again. This is not happening, especially in my house. Excuse me while I take care of this little problem-" I move to unlock the door and Stiles slams himself in front of it to block me.

"I won't let you die!"

"Derek isn't going to kill me…"

"How can you be so sure? He's willing to kill any of us to stop Lydia! Even Scott!"

I roll my eyes. "He isn't killing Scott or myself. Trust me."

Stiles shakes his head. "Nope, nope. This door is not opening."

"Stiles. Get out of my way," I tell him forcefully. "Right now."

"Please Haldey-"

"Stiles. Get out. I promise, I'm not going to die. I'm just going to have a little chat with the father of my child about murdering teenagers in my house."

"Father of your child…" Allison repeats slowly while Stiles gaps.

"Yes," I say. "Derek and I are having a baby together."

Stiles flails his hands around wildly in shock. "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"Didn't Scott tell either of you?" Both teens shake their heads slowly. "God, even Jackson knows."

"Jackson knows?" Stiles blinks. "How the hell does Jackson know and not me? Scott is my best friend!"

"Just get out of my way."

I finally shove past Stiles to start unlocking the door. He peaks out of the curtain with worried whiskey eyes, muttering to Allison about there being four of them. When I manage to pry my door open I find Derek, Erica, Boyd, and Isaac standing outside analyzing the house.

Not sparing the three beta's a glance, I stomp up to Derek. His eyes narrow as he sees the look of determination across my face.

"Halden, you can't go back in that house while she is in there," Derek tells me before I even finish walking over to him.

"No, NO. This is not how this is going to go. I am sick and tired of people telling me what to do. I am done with guys that walk all over me. Scott is right! I deserve better, okay? Not just for me, but this baby deserves a father who isn't going to be murdering innocent teenagers on a daily basis!"

Derek rolls his eyes. "Are we really going to argue about this right now?"

"Yes. We are. Because, Derek Hale, if you or any of your pack hurt that girl-" I point angrily towards the house. "-you and I, we are done. Understand? You will not be a part of this child's life, and you and I will never be together."

His jaw clenches tightly.

"Please, please prove me wrong…"

Pale green eyes avert to the ground at his feet.

"Look. If that girl is the creature you need to be sure before you kill her."

"She didn't pass the test!" he angrily shouts.

"What test?" I spit out with a glare.

"The test we gave Jackson. A snake can't be poisoned by their own venom. When we gave Jackson the venom he was paralyzed, we tried it on Lydia today and she was fine. That means she is the Kanima," Derek explains. "Now! She is inside the house right now with three other innocent teenagers. What if she changes and kill them, huh? While we are out here having this stupid argument! All I want to do is protect you!"

"That creature wasn't a snake," I say slowly. "Just like you are not a wolf. You are a werewolf. If I shot you with a normal bullet you would live. If I shot a wolf with a bullet it would die."

"That doesn't change the fact she wasn't paralyzed. She was bitten by an alpha. She should either be a werewolf or dead, and she is neither."

"Maybe it has something to do with her immune system."

"We can't risk that."

"Well, you are going to have to. You are not going to kill someone until they are proven guilty. Look, she's in the house right now. Wait it out. See if she transforms."

"So that she can kill someone? When we can stop her now?"

"You heal when you're like this, right? If I were to stab you right now, would you heal?"

"Are you planning on stabbing me?"

"Thinking about it, but no. Just answer the damn question."

Derek exhales sharply through his nose before answering, "Yes. I would heal."

"So… if you stab Lydia and she is the Kanima, wouldn't she heal?"

"Not if I rip her throat out."

I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"I can't risk her attacking you."

"You are going to have to."

He looks towards the house and I see the moment he decides he's going to do what he wants without my regard. The moment I realize he is willing to sacrifice our relationship to kill this teenage girl to protect me, to protect our baby.

"Derek. Look at me."

He does slowly, forcefully.

My brown eyes clash with his as I try to will every emotion I'm feeling into the words I'm finally letting myself say, "The other night I was coming over to the train station to tell you I want to try us. For this to be real. I want you in my life, okay? But not like this. I don't like this. This isn't the man I smoked a joint with in my car. This isn't the fugitive I hid in my bedroom because I knew deep down he was innocent. This isn't the man I want to be the father to my baby - our baby. Now, I want this, Derek. I want this to work between us. But in order for this to work, you need to back down right now. You can come inside the house and we can keep an eye on Lydia. Okay? But you can't kill her. You can't hurt anymore people."

"What if they deserve it?" he asks.

"Lydia doesn't deserve it."

"You don't even know her!"

"I don't have to," I bite out. "She is a teenage girl. She doesn't deserve to die."

Derek purses his lips angrily. "Fine," he forces out. "We will wait. But you need to be safe."

"What would you like me to do?"

"Wait in my car with Erica."

I peer behind me at the blonde. She doesn't seem too happy with that, but I'm not fond of the idea either.

"Fine."

"Fine," he repeats with a scowl.

"Stiles!" I shout towards the doorway. The teen pulls back the curtain and cautiously peaks out at me, Allison following suit on the other side. I motion for him to open the door and he hesitantly does. "Derek, Isaac, and Boyd are going to come inside and sit with you while they wait to see if anything odd happens. They promised not to hurt anyone-" I shoot Derek a knowing glare. "-I am going to wait at a safe distance in Derek's car, okay?"

Stiles scratches the back of his neck. "Um… I don't know-"

"- well, that's what is happening."

He frowns at my short tone, but nervously gazes at Allison.

"He won't hurt you. I promise."

Stiles nods.

I give Derek one last warning glare as he passes Erica his keys. Then I begin to follow the frustrated blonde down the street. We walk the next block over until I see the familiar black shiny Camaro. She unlocks the car and I slide into the passenger seat while she gets into the drivers side.

The confined space is silent.

This is awkward. I really wish I didn't agree to this.

"So…" Erica starts. "How did you meet Derek?"

Rubbing my temple at the growing headache, I appease the werewolf by responding. Only because we are stuck in a car together and I don't want to make it anymore awkward than it already is. "I was taking a walk through the woods when I stumbled across his house."

"When did you guys start dating?"

"We weren't dating. We were just… we were seeing each other."

"Isn't that kinda the same thing?" she quizzes with a furrowed brow.

"We never went on any dates. He just lived in my bed for a few weeks."

She tilts her head to the side. "Derek talks about you a lot."

This surprises me. Derek doesn't seem to be the type to gush about girls to his friends. Derek doesn't seem the type to really gush about anything. Let alone someone like me. Someone that is me. "Really now?"

"Yeah…" she smirks. "He says you're gonna be his mate."

God. Here we go with the mate thing again.

"Derek says a lot of things."

Erica laughs, it's sweet and innocent compared to the bad girl leather facade she has going on. "Derek never listens to anyone like the way he listens to you. He yells at us a lot and if we talk back he usually punishes us."

"How does he punish you?"

"Usually makes us train until we can't move anymore…" Erica frowns. "I thought being a werewolf was going to be fun."

"Is that what he told you?"

She shrugs. "He said it would take away my seizures and cure my acne… it did, but I guess… I thought being beautiful would be a lot better than it is."

"Being beautiful isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. Especially when you're being chased by crazy hunters and lizard monsters."

"I just wanted people to like me."

I nod slowly. "I think that's what a lot of people want."

"Nobody noticed me, you know? They laughed at me. Took videos of me while I had an episode and showed it to the entire school. Do you know what that's like?"

"One of my ex-boyfriends in high school filmed me giving him a blow job and showed it to all his friends. So, yeah. I can understand."

Erica's big brown eyes manage to get significantly wider with her shock. "He really did that?"

"Guys will do a lot of things to ruin pretty girls."

"I hope you become Derek's mate," Erica says with a genuine smile.

I laugh unexpectedly. "Why?"

"I don't know… you're really easy to talk to… and Derek always treats us better after you visit," she adds the last part under her breath.

"I'm sorry he treats you that way. I know I'm not at fault, but I still don't like it. None of you deserve to be treated that way."

"All he does is make us fight and fight and fight until we are too exhausted to move. What does that solve? We aren't getting any better. If anything, Isaac is getting worse."

"I will talk to him," I say. "He is going to have to start treating everyone better and get over his stupid power trip."

"Do you love him?"

Now. That is a loaded question. A question that constantly crosses my mind and I continuously ignore.

"Love is a very complicated word," I tell her slowly. "I'm not quite sure if I know what it really means yet."

"I think he loves you…"

I raise a brow, but do not press her. Honestly, I don't want to know. I don't want it to misguide me into a false sense of comfort when I'm not sure where Derek and I stand quite yet.

She sniffs the air. "Boyd and Isaac are coming."

The bulky teen appears rushing down the street cradling the familiar curly haired teen in his grasp. Erica opens the drivers door and I'm about to follow, but she points a finger at me, "Stay in the car!" I lock my door instead.

She opens the backseat and Boyd and Isaac somehow squeeze uncomfortably into the small area. Yep, Derek is going to have to invest in a new car if he intends to be driving around his pack and a baby.

"What happened?" I quickly ask when I realize Derek isn't coming.

"It's not Lydia," Boyd says. "The Kanima showed up. Isaac tried to stop it, but it swiped at him. He's paralyzed."

"Where is Derek?"

"He chased after it. He said we should go to the station to wait for him."

"You can just drop me off in front of-"

"-Derek said to bring you with. Scott and Stiles are going after the Kanima, too. He wants you protected."

"Fine, fine. Let's go before someone notices us doing something sketchy," I mumble.

Erica hops into the drivers seat once more and peels off down the road. The engine roars with life as she breaks speed limits and misses stop signs. I hold a protective hand over my growing belly and give silent prayers to Castiel - because he's definitely the only angel that listens - the entire time.

When we reach the train station, Boyd helps carry Isaac downstairs while Erica tags by my side to make sure I don't fall down the stairs. Where did everyone get this idea that because I'm pregnant I'm going to fall everywhere? I'm not even that clumsy to start with.

I follow Boyd as he brings Isaac into one of the train carts. My stomach drops when I see the sleeping bags piled around the floor. Is this where he's really having them sleep? Is this where he is sleeping?

He lays him on the ground and I push past him to asses the injury that was made to the side of his neck. It's not deep, thankfully, and with time he will be fine.

"How are you feeling?" I question softly.

Isaac's voice is irritable as he grumbles, "Peachy."

With a chuckle I smooth the hair back from his perspiring forehead. "You'll be fine."

His aquatic eyes flutter close at the motion. I glance at Boyd and Erica who are hovering behind me. I decide to just flop on the ground alongside Isaac and massage his arm. Maybe it'll help to get the blood flowing, like when your foot falls asleep? Mom never taught me anything about poisonous venoms. It's not something that's ever been a huge issue for us… until recently, apparently.

"Thanks," Isaac says.

I just smile at him.

Boyd and Erica take a seat on the plastic chairs of the train cart. We are all silent as we attempt to patiently wait for Derek's return.

"Ughhh, I can move my toes," Isaac groans out happily.

"What about your fingers?" I ask.

He grunts, but with much effort manages to wiggle his fingers.

"Halden is going to talk to Derek about… our situation," Erica says softly. Her big brown eyes blink at Boyd.

Boyd raises his brows. "Really?"

I confirm with a nod, "Yeah."

Boyd smiles down at his feet.

"What are you gonna say?" Isaac questions. He now is sitting up with his back leaning against the wall of the train cart.

"I don't know. But there's a lot about what he's doing that I don't want this baby involved in."

Erica looks alarmed suddenly. "Are… are you gonna make him send us away?"

"Not unless you want to. There are things he is going to have to change, but that doesn't mean he has to drop his friends."

"Derek is all I have," Isaac tells me with a frown. "The Kanima killed my father."

"Oh Isaac…" my voice is soft with sadness. The kid's eyes are so wide and innocent I can't help reach over and give him a big hug. I don't know what it is like to lose a parent, thankfully, but I can't ever imagine living my life without Mom. She is my best friend. Besides… besides Derek, I suppose.

The teenager gives me a hug back. Both of us break apart when we hear someone clear their throat. I pull back to stare at the entrance to the train where I find Derek standing. There is blood stains on his shirt and arms, but he is in one piece.

"Are you hurt?" I immediately ask.

He shakes his head. "No."

"Who was it?"

"Not Lydia."

The 'I told you so' is on the tip of my tongue, but it's petty so I don't bother saying it. Although I might have given him a look, which he rolls his eyes.

"Then who?"

Derek shakes his head. "I don't know for sure…" His eyes find Isaac's. "Can you move?"

Isaac stands. "Yeah, I'm all good."

"Will you be okay tonight?"

"Ugh, yeah," he shrugs confused by his question. "Boyd and Erica are gonna stay with us tonight."

"I'm going to be late… Halden and I have a lot to discuss," he tells the three of them while glancing at me.

Erica smiles coyly. "So we shouldn't wait up?"

Their alpha returns her look with a pointed scowl. "No."

She winks at me and I just nod my head awkwardly.

"Come on," Derek urges while placing a hand to the small of my back. He guides me towards the stairs. I shout a final farewell to the three stooges before Derek leads me into his Camaro.

The hum of the engine is loud as Derek peels in the direction of my house. I worriedly slam a hand on the window and another over my belly, which has the seatbelt restraining it.

"Sorry," Derek apologizes when he sees the motion.

"You should be," I snap.

"I'll be more careful from now on."

I wonder if that has a double meaning to it…? Or is he still intending to kill random teenagers? Because I really hope he means he will be more careful overall.

"You are really great with them," Derek suddenly tells me.

"With who?"

"The pups."

"Pups?"

He coughs, cheeks a light pink as he grumbles out, "Yeah, um, children and teenagers… Werewolves refer to them as pups…"

My lips tug back into a smile at the term, but my tone is biting as I say, "Well, it's not difficult to treat others kindly."

Derek scowls out the window at the double edge behind my words.

"You should really treat them better. They deserve it."

He nods. "I know… I'm just…" Derek's fingers tighten around the steering wheel. "I'm afraid if I don't train them to be strong then… it'll be like everyone else."

"Everyone else?"

Derek sighs heavily like a man with the world on his thick muscled shoulders. Hmm… those are some really nice shoulders.

I impatiently roll my eyes. "Look, I get it more than anyone else. Opening up to someone isn't easy. Especially when you're talking about fucked up shit that's made you feel like damaged goods, but Derek I'm the last person that is going to judge you based on your past. But I will judge you based on your current actions."

He shrugs as if the following words that come out of his mouth are obvious. "Everyone I care about dies. I kill everyone."

"What are you talking about?"

"My mom, dad, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, and just-" he slams his hand down so that it smacks harshly against the wheel. I jump, but he's so wrapped in his thoughts at this point he doesn't notice. "-everyone I ever care about gets hurt and dies. It's only a matter of time before Isaac, Erica, and Boyd are kidnapped and slaughtered by hunters… and if they find out about Scott, and-and you. You're carrying our baby, Halden, and I can't… I can't let them hurt you."

I nod slowly. "Yeah, but you also can't live like every single second someone is going to shoot you in the face with a wolfsbane bullet. What kind of life is that? What's the point?"

"If I pretend nothing goes wrong what does that solve? Someone probably is a second away from shooting me in the face by a wolfsbane bullet. And if I'm not prepared then I'm dead."

"Derek…" I reach over to pry his knuckled grip off the steering wheel. My fingers intertwine with his and I squeeze the stiff fingers soothingly. "I can't promise you rainbows, butterflies, and safety, but I can promise you one thing."

His pale eyes are narrowed as they glance at me.

"I promise if you let yourself live you will be happy." I give him the most sincere smile I can give him, which is a lot considering I truly believe what I'm telling him. Because it is something I tell myself every morning. Because I need to be happy, I can't raise a child while miserable. This baby deserves a life filled with happiness. "Imagine a little Derek or Halden running around… oh god, what is the world coming to? We are producing offspring. Us."

Derek's fingers squeeze mine gently as he lets out a soft chuckle. My heart speeds up as I catch his lips quirk up in a small grin.

"When you're having a bad day, think about holding the baby for the first time. It's little hands and toes and little body. Here-" I tug on his hand and lift up my shirt. I massage his hand over the firmer part of my stomach, the little raised bump that I know is our baby. "Feel that?"

Derek squints. "Yes."

"That's the baby."

The car slows on a random street. I raise my brows confusedly because we definitely are not home yet, we still have about five minutes left. Derek parks the car in front of a random house. He gets out of the car.

"What the hell?" I question as he walks around to my side.

He opens my door and leans over me to unbuckle me from the seatbelt. Then he lifts up my shirt and I smack his hands away.

"What in the hell are you doing?"

Derek shoves away my hands and presses his large palm on my abdomen. I shudder at the sudden chilly night air that drifts onto my exposed creamy skin. His mouth parts and he lets out a huff of air, his eyes widening as he takes in my body.

I can't help the wide smile that slips on my lips at the look of astonishment on his face. It's the first moment I realize Derek is going to be a great father.

A surprise squeak fills the air as Derek dips his head to press his lips along mine. The kiss is meaningful. His right hand is curling around my stomach to hold desperately onto the child growing inside, his other hand expanding along my neck as he cups me desperately. He rubs his thumb along my jawline and I gasp into his mouth as he lines his body with mine, pressing my back into the side of the Camaro.

His tongue licks into my mouth, and my fingers clutch desperately at those strong shoulders - let's be honest, I totally wanted to manhandle him as soon as I glanced at him.

"Fuck," I groan as he ruts against me harshly. His hard length is obvious in his too-tight jeans, and he's just fucking huge so it's not easy for him to hide his erection. Derek chuckles into my mouth, pulling away from the kiss to nip tantalizingly slow on my lower lip.

We are interrupted by red and blue lights.

Derek pulls back from me and groans, he glances down and throws his head back in a mixture of embarrassment and irritation. He attempts to hide the tent in his pants as a police cruiser parks behind the Camaro. Said police steps out of the car to approach us delinquents.

"Problem officer?" I ask before I see the face of our cock blocker.

And when I see his face I fucking panic.

My voice comes out shaky as I squeak, "Hey… Sheriff…"

Sheriff Stilinski's powder blue eyes widen in recognition. He glances between Derek and myself with confusion. "Hello Halden… and, Derek?"

God, I can see the question on his freaking face. He doesn't actually need to ask.

Derek nods, shoving his hands into his two front pockets. He spreads his legs. I mentally grown because if you even glance at his crotch you can see his fucking boner like a neon light. I shouldn't even complain, seriously.

"I didn't know you two knew each other?" he questions/points out with a frown.

"Um, yeah. Derek and I are friends…" Derek nods in agreement and the Sheriff looks skeptical. "Really good friends… obviously because of the… kissing."

...SHIT.

Derek winces.

Sheriff Stilinski cringes.

I cry deep down inside.

"Does your mom know you are… really good friends?" he questions.

"I don't think it matters, considering I'm a legal adult."

The sheriff raises his brows at my hostility. He runs a hand through his hair. "Well, this is true… however, I got a call from a concerned neighbor about a couple pulling over on the side of the road. They thought it might be a domestic disturbance."

"I am not disturbed," I tell him awkwardly. This conversation needs to end. I need to go home and figure out how the hell I'm going to tell my mother that Derek freaking Hale is the father of my baby. Because I can already see that the sheriff is not keeping this news to himself. So… I'll make the conversation so awkward that it needs to end. "Um, and neither is Derek. At least, you know, mentally and emotionally. He's a little disturbed in his pants."

Derek throws his face down into his hands.

Sheriff Stilinski grimaces. "Ugh, well, maybe you should take this inside and, ugh, not in front of your neighbors houses."

I wink. "Will do, Sheriff."

He quickly escapes. Derek helps me back into the passenger seat and quickly makes the five minute journey back to my house.

"Fuck," I groan. I run my hands down my face. "How in the hell am I going to explain to my mom that your the father?"

Derek scowls. "You haven't told her yet?"

"I'm not sure how she's going to handle that the babies father has been accused of murder - twice! By my little brother!"

"Well, your brother is an idiot."

"Yeah, I'm aware. Thanks. That doesn't help the fact that she thinks that you are, too."

Not sure how Derek interpreted that, but I really mean my mom thinks Derek is an idiot. AS well as a murderer.

"I can't believe you haven't told her."

"Well, she knows your name is Derek…"

"Great. What else does she know?"

"That you are away on business a lot…?"

Derek rolls his eyes.

hey guys. first and foremost, once more, i would like to apologize. i won't lie. i'm suffering from a lot of anxiety/depression and trying to work by that on my own while getting my life together. it's going very, very slowly. i'm working on seeing a therapist, but unfortunately my insurance is kinda terrible so going to see someone is getting tricky! i love this story like it's my baby, and i've been completely neglecting it. i'm totally aware. and you guys are so supportive and asking me to come back. it's just getting really difficult to sit down and write… and to focus on literally anything for more than five minutes at a time. i haven't written ANYTHING in weeks. i haven't started any new projects or anything. i've literally just sat around and done absolutely nothing useful or meaningful to my life. so, i'm sorry. i'm not sure when the next update shall be. i already have a quarter of the chapter written so i hope it won't take me super long to get it out. once again, i'm really, really sorry.