"Let me show you instead," I answered, then concentrated… and the memory of me explaining everything to Jushiro played through not only my mind, but his as well.
Flashback
"Come with me," he said softly… and I did. I let him lead me away from the court guard squads and to a small, quiet home, his home away from the office. "Now… what is troubling you? I don't need to know the details… but I've found that simply talking it out with someone else can help."
I gave him a wry smile.
"Even if none of what I say is about to make sense?" I asked. He chuckled.
"Yes," he answered softly. "Even then."
Can I trust you, Jushiro… or will you leave me, too?
I looked down at my lap as we sat down, Jushiro handing me cup of tea.
"Whatever you say will stay between us," he assured me gently.
"No matter what?" I asked. "Even if it goes against everything you stand for, the laws you uphold?"
He gave a moment's pause, making that feeling of fear course through me once more.
"Akalia… you have my word," he told me, his voice serious. "What have you gotten yourself into?"
I sighed heavily.
"It's not what I've gotten into… it's what I've always been part of," I admitted softly, taking a sip to calm my nerves. Kouga had always had utmost respect for Jushiro, saying he was a man that followed his own star, chose heart over duty, and truth over lies.
Softly, he clasped my shaking hand in his own. I couldn't look up at him, didn't dare… as I let all my secrets pour out at once, knowing that if a single person overheard, my life would end.
"I have been deceiving everyone I know," I began softly. "I want to believe that it's to keep them safe… but in my heart, I know it's for my own selfish desire to not lose anyone I care about that I stay silent… I am not who they think I am, not even a little…"
Jushiro said not a word, just waited patiently.
"I was born over eleven hundred years ago, born on the day when all power in the world vanished for a day," I explained, feeling his shock through his hand on mine. "I was born in Hueco Mundo to one of the four Kings, to Karurosu Dragomir, and his mate, Arisu, daughter of the Spirit King. My father rules the kingdom of Tierra Rica. It's a haven for those that, like my father, fell in love with humans or Soul Reapers… where many, like me, are born. I am a Halfling, born half-hollow, half-soul. But I was born with a great and terrible power. When an enemy of my father tried to use me for his own purpose, he learned for himself that I could not control that power any more than he could… and everything around that poor fool was destroyed, wiped clean from existence."
I paused, letting that sink in.
"Fearing for my life and the safety of others around me, my parents took me to my Ada, my grandfather," I went on. "He then told my parents of a prophesy that had been written over eleven thousand years ago. It spoke of a child born of both worlds, born on the day that all magic and energies would die. It said that this child would be blessed with great power… and cursed with it as well… and would either use that power one day to save the entire universe… or destroy it."
I could hear his heart racing, could practically hear his mind racing as well.
"Ada, after much discussion, sealed my powers away," I spoke softly. "But he warned that would not be enough. Over time, the seal would crack and my power would return. In the reiatsu-rich world of Hueco Mundo, the seal would only break faster… so I could no longer reside there, not until I learned to control my power… however long that took. My parents made the difficult decision to let me go, asking Ada to send me somewhere, to someone, that would keep me safe. Ada took me to a hollow, asking him to take me to a family in the Rukon district of the Soul Society, asking that I be left with them to be raised. That hollow and I… were then thrust 700 years into the future, far from the warring times of the past, where my mind would perceive few, if not no threats at all. At that time, he took me to the family… but disobeyed orders and retrieved their son, taking us both back to Hueco Mundo, far from my father's lands. There, he raised us both. For 400 years, we lived with him, learning our power and how to control it. Every time my seal got weak, the hollow would place some of his own energy into the seal, strengthening it. Over time, my once sapphire eyes turned red, the seal no longer a clear cover within them, but a vibrant storm of power that constantly surged forth, desperate to be freed."
I hung my head, feeling tears stinging my eyes.
"In my arrogance, I left the perimeter of his shield, of his constant barrier around our home," I pressed on, feeling those tears slide down my cheeks and land on my hands. "My father's enemies sensed me… and attacked. The hollow gave his life that day… to save mine. With the last of his energy, he sent Kit and I through a garganta into the living world… All those years… and I betrayed him to his death…"
Jushiro lightly squeezed my hand comfortingly, dragging me back to the present and out of my memories. I wiped away my tears and forced myself onward.
"It was here, in the living world, that Kit and I met Sosuke Aizen," I pressed on. "He convinced us both to come live in the Soul Society, though he knew nothing about us. After a year of visits and soft, kind recommendations, Kit decided to become a Soul Reaper… and I couldn't leave him, not now… so I followed."
I paused and pulled Durnehviir over my lap.
"This is not a real zanpakuto," I admitted further. "Durnehviir… is the manifestation of the power that was sealed away… and I have only just begun to control it. I know so little, barely a thousandth of what I'm truly capable of… and I fear that if I don't learn it, that I'll end up hurting someone I care about… Since I came to the Soul Society, hell, since I came to the living world, I've suppressed my hollow blood, choosing not to use that power, lest others learn the truth… and condemn me for it… That… I could not bear that…"
I shook my head softly.
"But the longer I am here, the more people I come to care about… the more that blood awakens," I admitted softly. "I fear I won't be able to hide all this much longer… and I don't know who to trust… and the ones I want to trust… I don't want to lose…"
And I was crying again. Jushiro's hand slid from mine and I felt white-hot pain of rejection sweep through me, making me weep even more.
I knew it! He hates me! I'm a monster! He—huh?
Abruptly, I found myself pulled into a hug, two arms wrapping around me, a warm chest and a soft, soothing heartbeat next to my ear… and I hugged him back, letting myself cry.
He… he didn't leave me…
"Then what is your real name?" he asked softly.
"Vasilysa, Vasilysa Dragomir," I answered, my gratitude in my voice. "Jushiro… please… don't tell anyone about this…"
"I gave you my word, Vasilysa," he reminded me, his voice gentle, not giving away any of his thoughts. "I think you've been through enough as it is."
I clung to him, feeling a strange warmth slowly permeate my body.
"Thank you," I whispered. "After… after I lost Kit… I didn't have anyone I could talk to… anyone that knew… I was terrified…"
"I think the fear of being alone is shared by everyone," he pointed out. "Your fears of rejection and the disdain of your loved ones is understandable… as is your fear of telling the truth to them, considering they would be forced to choose between duty and heart… and be condemned as a traitor for knowing, if they chose to go with heart, if you were ever exposed."
Hearing him speak my thoughts brought me such calm, such relief.
I knew you would understand, Jushiro…
No, you didn't. You gambled. You should be grateful I can erase memories. If this had ended badly, it wasn't like you didn't have a back-up plan.
I scowled at my zanpakuto and Jushiro chuckled.
"Durnehviir certainly knows how to get your ire," he commented, making me smile in an annoyed way.
"He's just really good at making me sound like a child," I admitted ruefully. Again, the older man chuckled.
"Akalia, do you really love Captain Hirako?" he asked softly. I gave another rueful smile.
"A Halfling can only love once, can only give their hearts fully to one person," I explained. "A broken heart… is fatal to us. Our heart is what keeps us human, keeps us sane. Should it break, our hollow blood will rise and devour us, turning us into mindless killing machines that are very hard to kill… and twice as powerful as most hollows. Can we stave off turning, yes, but we can only buy time… and the reason we hold off would have to be near and dear to our hearts… but even that is no guarantee. Sooner or later, the hollow would take us… I have already given my heart to Shinji… but I fight my instincts around him a lot."
I shook my head sadly.
"To act on any of them, even just one, would be to unleash all the others…"
"And would reveal what you are to him," Jushiro finished, understanding. "I see…"
"In Hueco Mundo, there are Alphas and Betas," I explained further, really needing him to understand this. "Since Betas, female hollows, are so rare, there are many Alphas for each Beta… but there is only one Beta for each Alpha. Both will be drawn to one another, though they won't understand why… Shinji is one of my Alphas… but so is Kensei Muguruma. I felt that, figured it out, during that seven-minutes-in-heaven game we played. My hollow blood reacted so strongly… I could not control it… And the hollow that raised me… he was also one of my Alphas. I doubt he realized I knew, though… He never spoke of it… so neither did I."
I paused to breathe.
"I knew Shinji on first sight… though I didn't know how I knew him until later."
"Your blood recognized him," Jushiro stated, understanding. I nodded softly. "Is there anything more?"
I debated, but then decided just to tell him.
"Kouga isn't dead," I revealed, surprising him again. "Ada created a link between our Souls, a door in my Soul Room, that allows me to see him, speak to him, hold him close twice a month. I discovered it shortly after I first stepped into my house…"
Jushiro's eyes widened in realization.
"You… weren't coming back from a drunken mishap…"
I shook my head.
"Then you… and Kouga…"
I nodded softly.
"I couldn't tell just anyone that… so I had to lie," I admitted, my guilt in my voice. "To make something that had been so wonderful… into something so horrendous… It's awful!"
I shook my head ruefully.
"But how could I tell the truth?" I thought aloud. "However… I soon found that I didn't love Kouga that way… my heart belonged to Shinji… and he understood. He has never once been angry with me over that… and I have one last power that only Shinji knows about… I can see things before they happen… but I never know exactly when they will happen… just that they will… And I can't control when I get them, gods I wish I could! And I can't see myself… yet. Durnehviir says I'll be able to… if it really matters. Otherwise, I cannot."
Jushiro was shaking his head in wonder.
"You have a very heavy plate, child," he told me, then frowned. "On second thought, I think I may have to take that back. Eleven hundred years… is nearly my own age, given a few extra years."
I chuckled.
"Technically, I'm missing 700 years of life there," I reminded him. "I'm only four hundred years lived… so I'd still be a child to you."
That got a chuckle out of him.
"Very well," he agreed. "You also look exceptionally young for your age…"
"Halflings only mature until their peak," I explained. "Then they never age again. If they are not killed, they will live forever."
"I see," he said. "I also assume that you don't use your name out of a need for safety?"
I nodded.
"There are still hollows that will make the connection… and several older Soul Reapers and those that work in the hall of records," I answered. "Akalia Sapphirano is very near and dear to my heart… because the hollow that raised me gave me that name… just as I gave him his."
Jushiro gave another soft smile.
"You really hold that hollow dear to your heart, don't you?" he asked. I nodded, smiling softly, a twinge of pain in my heart as I recalled his loss. "Well, my dear, you've given me a lot to think about… but I assure you that no one will hear this from me."
I smiled softly.
"I'm glad… I could trust you, Jushiro," I admitted softly. "Kouga always thought so highly of you… and I now see why. Thank you."
He nodded and we sat in silence, finishing our tea, lost in our own thoughts. Mine were no longer in turmoil, my mind and heart at peace for the first time in months.
End Flashback
I opened my eyes and looked over at him hesitantly, nervously… one look at his face said our bond meant he felt it all, all of my fear and concern. Almost immediately, I felt my body fill with warmth, with soothing and love… his love… and I finally relaxed completely.
Knowing that wasn't everything, I sent him the memory of what happened the day he became a Visord.
Flashback
The opening of the door the next morning had both Rangiku and I rushing towards it. However, to my greater terror, only Gin had returned. Behind him… was Sosuke and Kaname. Sosuke appeared deeply saddened by something.
"Akalia—"
"Where is he?!" I demanded, frantically cutting Sosuke off as I grabbed the front of his robes. "Where is Shinji?!"
"Akalia… he… he didn't make it," Sosuke told me. I released him in my shock, stumbling back from him.
"Akalia!" Gin and Rangiku said, quickly moving to grab my hands. Quickly, I shook them off, feeling my heart shatter within my breast.
"Stay away!" I commanded them both, instantly causing Gin's eyes to open in alarm… and Rangiku to approach me in pure confusion. "Rangiku, away from me!"
I clutched my head, feeling my blood start to boil. A scream tore from my throat, tore from my very heart, the sound changing to something like an inhuman roar! All around me, my energy fluctuated wildly, turning black with its poison!
"What's happening?!" Rangiku demanded, horrified.
"It can't be!" Sosuke was saying, horror in his own voice. Abruptly, the doors were thrown wide open, a white-haired captain rushing towards me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly as I screamed.
"Not now, Vasilysa!" Jushiro yelled to me, trying to be heard over my roaring. My skin was hardening, the burning spreading through me like a wildfire. "Don't you dare give in! Vasilysa! Who am I?! Tell me my name!"
"Ju… JUSHIRO!"
My monstrous roar was accompanied by another dark pulse of power, nearly causing Rangiku to faint as she looked on in horror.
"Listen to me!" he yelled at me again. "Listen! You told me you can hold off if you had but a powerful reason! Buy that time! If not for yourself, then do it for the two lives you carry!"
"What is he talking about?!" Rangiku was crying. "What is happening to Akalia?!"
Two lives… Children…
"M-my… children…"
Abruptly, all my strength vanished… and I sank into darkness.
End Flashback
I felt him tense at that revelation… but pushed on before he could ask questions. This time, I showed him the aftermath and the talk I'd had with Ada in the fourth division.
Flashback
The soft sounds of people whispering woke me slowly. Blinking to get used to the sunlight streaming into my room, I saw Gin, Rangiku, and Sosuke by my bed.
"Guys?" I asked, making all three sets of eyes fly to me.
"Akalia!" they all three chorused, rushing over to me. Rangiku was in my arms in seconds and I took a look around. I was in the fourth…
"Sosuke… where is Jushiro?" I asked.
"He told us to bring you here until you woke, to keep your children healthy," he told me. "They were absorbing your reiatsu to the point that you had to be given some."
I smiled ruefully.
"That always happens with my kind," I said softly, realizing they knew my secret now. "That is why we have to stay with those that have energy to spare, to keep them stabilized…"
I slipped open my robe, much to the blush of Sosuke and Gin… until they saw where my heart was.
"What the…" Sosuke said, reaching forward to feel the start of my hollow-hole, a mere pinkie-sized hole at the top of the circle it would soon become.
"That is my timer," I told him. "With every passing day, that hole will grow. When it is fully grown, I will become a hollow… I won't have a choice."
I looked at the bed sadly.
"I need to be alone for a few so I can speak with Ada," I said softly. "I need answers… and only he can provide them."
They all nodded and took their leave, letting me be alone for a while.
"Ada… answer me," I said softly… then waited and listened.
-I am here, child. I know what you seek. –
I sighed.
~What am I going to do? I promised Kouga I would be there when he was freed… and now… my babies… I can't raise them here, in the Soul Society…~
-Calm yourself, child. Do you really think I didn't know what was going on, that I was not paying attention? I have a plan of what to do… but you won't like it. It will involve leaving the ones you still love behind you… for a time. –
I paused.
Time. That was the key word here.
~You mean…~
-Yes. I will send you into the future towards the time when Kouga will be freed so you can keep your promise to him. –
~But my babies…~
-Will be safe… when raised away from the Soul Society, though that is completely unnecessary. As you were not raised by your parents, I guess it falls to me to explain this to you. Halflings can only be born to a hollow and a soul. There is no other way. Halflings cannot birth more Halflings. If this was the case, there would be more mixed bloods than purebloods these days. Vasilysa, your children will be souls, just like their father. –
He paused, letting me absorb that.
-However, if you were to accept a hollow as your alpha, your children would be born hollows. –
~What about a Halfling and another Halfling? ~
-Fifty-fifty chance of the children being either a soul or a hollow. The odds of getting a hollow are more prominent if it is the hollow half that is more dominant during the mating. However, if both sides manage to remain equal throughout… well, the child will be a soul… with hollow powers. –
I frowned.
-Do you still want to leave the Soul Society behind you when you arrive in the future? –
I nodded.
-Then seek out Kisuke Urahara in Karakura Town. He will guide you on where to go… and do not think to exclude any facts of your life from him. He will not help you if you are not completely honest with him. –
I sighed heavily, feeling the ache in my heart… and rested my hand on it.
~When and where I go… won't really matter soon enough…~
He chuckled at me.
-We'll see... and, my dear, please do not be angry with Gin. He is doing what he must to protect the one he loves. His heart is in the right place... though his actions and thoughts are truly not. Do forgive him. –
Then he left. As soon as he was gone, I started writing two letters. One for Rangiku and Gin, my beloved children… and one for Ginrei, explaining everything to him so he would understand. Once they were finished, I sat back.
~I'm ready, Ada… Send me away. ~
Gin… Rangiku… please forgive me…
End Flashback
I let it all fall silent as he absorbed all of that. His hand was on my chest, halfway through that memory, feeling where my hole had once been… now only skin remained, a small dent showing how close I'd been to becoming a hollow permanently.
"He sent you here…"
"Knowing I would find you," I finished softly. "And that you… would save me."
I paused, feeling the uncertainty in his mind and sighed, pulling up another memory for him, the day the boys had been born.
Flashback
"They're so tiny," I said softly, cradling them to me.
"What are their names?" asked Isshin, ready to take them down.
"Enra and Yukiya Hirako," Ichigo and I chorused, much to the surprise of his family. I chuckled.
"I told him a while back," I explained. Isshin smiled and then left to get some more paperwork done. After he left, there was a soft knock on the door. "Come in!"
"Aww!" Yoruichi said, swooping in to look at the babes. I smiled and held out Enra to her, which she gladly took. I handed Yukiya to Kisuke, making him look nervous. I giggled, getting a dirty look from the older man.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"You're holding Yukiya," I answered. "She's holding Enra."
That made them smile softly.
"They're perfect names," they told me. I smiled softly, very tired and relieved that things went off without a hitch. Then I saw Kisuke's cheek. It was very dark from a recent bruise. I frowned but, before I could ask about it, Enra started crying.
"Here," I said, holding my hands out.
"Feeding time?" Yoruichi asked, handing him to me. Kisuke, wisely, looked elsewhere as I got Enra attached. I smiled softly, wincing at first. Isshin had warned me that nursing would hurt the first few times until I got used to it. He'd been right.
"What are you going to do about school?" she asked me. I smiled softly.
"I have the next two weeks off to recover," I answered. "Then I have special permissions to bring them to school with me until they're old enough for daycare, age one and a half."
She nodded, noting that both boys were born with full heads of bright, blonde hair, just like their father's.
"There's so much of him in them," I said softly, a bit sadly.
"Definitely the hair," Kisuke joked, making me chuckle. "Mind if I get a picture?"
I shrugged and held both of my boys, Yoruichi slipping out of the picture before he took it, making me chuckle at his light blush, realizing Enra had been attached to my tit at the time.
That's when I felt it. I tensed immediately and so did Kisuke and Yoruichi. A very tense, very loud knock came on the door. I didn't even need to look over to see the disbelieving and furious face of Hiyori Sarugaki.
"Hiyori…" I greeted softly, somewhat worried… then puzzled it out and glared at Kisuke. "How dare you! I told you not to tell him!"
"You're lucky Shinji didn't believe him," Hiyori snapped, only keeping her voice calm for the benefit of my babes as she forced her feet forward, towards the bed. One look at the babes and her eyes widened, then narrowed at me. "Explain."
"Ichigo, let's give them some space," Kisuke said, taking hold of his collar and pulling him out of the room. Yuzu and Karin went with, seeming to understand the unspoken command. I sighed, once it was just her and me.
"Wanna hold Yukiya?" I asked softly. After a bit of fidgeting, Hiyori nodded uncomfortably.
"This doesn't mean I've forgiven you for doing this to Shinji," she told me crossly, but took the baby. I corrected her hold once and she relaxed moments later, looking down into his eyes. Her face softened, an expression I had not seen on her face except twice.
"I found out I was pregnant the day that incident happened," I began to explain. "I wanted to tell Shinji, but he got called to the emergency captain's meeting… and then I never got the chance…"
I sighed and pulled aside my shirt to show her the hole.
"What the hell?!"
"I was born half-hollow," I continued. "When I gave my whole heart to Shinji, it shattered when I thought he was dead. I was told he was… and nearly hollowfied myself… This hole is my timer. When it reaches its full size, I will become a mindless killing machine, not at all like a normal hollow and much harder to kill, as all Halflings do when they lose their hearts. I only have roughly two years left…"
I paused.
"I knew I was dying and knew my children would also be half-hollow… so I left the Soul Society," I pressed on. "My Ada took things a step further and sent me 100 years into the future."
Her eyes widened for a moment.
"When you vanished!" she said. I nodded.
"I haven't told Shinji I was alive or here or even pregnant… because I couldn't bear to—"
"Put him through the pain of losing you again," she finished. I nodded sadly.
"Once a turning starts, it cannot be stopped… or at least it has never done so ever before," I added. "And I couldn't ask Shinji to watch that nor be there when it happened."
She sighed.
"You're an idiot," she told me. "A real special kind of stupid."
I laughed softly.
"What a Hiyori response," I teased. She rolled her eyes, barely resisting the urge to hit me.
"He's going to find out," she told me simply.
"And I'll deal with the repercussions when that time comes if I'm still here to do so," I replied. She gave me a hard to read look for a few moments, then looked away.
"Your secret's safe with me," she told me. "I'll let that stubborn ass find out on his own."
I smiled softly.
"Thanks, Hiyori," I told her.
"Che, don't thank me," she snapped. "I'm doing this for Shinji, not for you."
"I understand," I told her, then frowned softly. "Have you… have you managed to come to terms with that night?"
"We're in control, if that's what you mean," she answered. "We'd all love a piece of Aizen, too."
"Yes… Gin told me," I admitted, surprising her. "He told me it was Sosuke that did this…"
She scowled, then handed me Yukiya.
"What's the other's name?" she asked.
"Enra," I answered softly.
"You'd best take damn good care of them," she told me shortly.
"I will," I promised. She spared the two babes another soft look before taking her leave. Once she was gone, I gave a huge sigh of relief and relaxed. Ichigo, Yuzu, Karin, and Isshin came back in, but Yoruichi and Kisuke were nowhere to be found.
"They left," Isshin explained at my curious look. I nodded, accepting that. Enra finished eating and Yukiya then latched on, eating his fill.
"Who was that girl?" asked Ichigo. I gave him a worn smile.
"An old friend," I answered softly. "One I never thought I'd see again."
End Flashback
I gave him a few seconds to absorb the fact that I had no intention of telling him I was alive or about the boys… then knew I needed to show him what changed my mind.
Flashback
The warmth of a hug drew me from my thoughts, surprising me at Isshin's unexpected kindness. Softly, I hugged him back… then let my tears fall. I wept in that moment, wept for everything I had lost, wept for everyone I missed… wept for Byakuya whose heart may never heal… It took me a few minutes to realize that he was crying, too, letting himself mourn Masaki yet again. We all shared a mutual suffering, a similar pain… the loss of our other half…
I cried until I had no tears left, my cheeks stinging from the salt and the wetness, my breathing ragged and shaking.
"Get some rest," he told me gently. "I don't want to push the subject, this being the last time I will bring this up, but keep this in mind, okay? Byakuya and I lost our spouses entirely. They can't come back. They're gone for good, for all time. You lost Shinji, yes, but he is not gone forever. He's still here, close enough to touch… If I were you and I had the chance to be with my loved one again… I wouldn't hesitate. When he finally comes to you… don't hesitate. I promise, he still loves you as you love him. You may not have much time left… but you will never regret the time you spend with him until the end."
Then he hugged me once more before taking his leave, letting me think over what he said. It was the first time anyone had put it to me like that… and I unconsciously reached out towards Hiyori. She was angry, furious even. I sensed the others there… and then I sensed him.
Once again, I fought my energy, fought it so it wouldn't react to his presence. From Hiyori's energy, I gathered that he and Hiyori were fighting over his visa again. He did NOT want to give it to her… so I casually asked permission… and she allowed me to hear and see the whole thing as it happened.
"I'm not giving you my card so you can spend it on crap you don't need!" he told her, getting downright aggravated. My jaw dropped in shock.
~WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS HAIR?! ~
Durnehviir, Rose, and Hiyori all snickered mentally at me.
"It's not for me, dumbass!" she yelled at him. "It's for—"
She caught herself just in time.
"It's for a friend that needs it," she finished, forcing herself to calm down… which surprised Shinji. Hiyori never forced her temper away. "Please Shinji… You know I wouldn't be this adamant about it if it wasn't necessary…"
"Then why don't you ask Kensei or Love?" he asked. "They have jobs, too, you know."
"It can't be us," Kensei answered. That told me that Hiyori had revealed to the others why she had demanded Shinji's card. "It has to be you."
"Why me?" Shinji demanded, getting more and more frustrated. "Dammit! What aren't you all telling me?!"
"It's not our place to tell you," Rose answered firmly. "Just trust us when we say if we did this instead of you, you'd hate us for it in the long run."
That just made Shinji's scowl deepen. How desperately I wanted to soothe that temper, to push aside that frown…
*STOP THAT! I'M NOT GONNA KISS THE GUY SO STOP MAKING ME WANT TO! *
I flushed and forced my emotions under control again.
"Just give it to her, Shinji," Lisa said, exasperated. "She won't bankrupt you."
~I hope not…~
I started adding up the prices of the items I'd need and winced.
-He has more than that stored away. – Rose assured me. -He's had 100 years to work without really needing to spend his money. –
I sighed, but accepted that they were probably right. Still didn't make me feel any better about this. I began to argue with myself over whether or not to tell him the truth or to let it lie… and an unexpected voice answered me.
Do not concern yourself, Master. It will be revealed within the next two months anyway.
~How would you know, Durnehviir? ~
Your Ada told me.
I froze… so did Hiyori and Rose. I could feel their surprise, their uncertainty.
Hiyori, you must convince Shinji to do this… no matter what it takes. He will be most displeased to find out Sosuke offered.
That sent shock through Rose, telling me Hiyori hadn't mentioned that little detail. A bit of guilt seeped through our bond as I thought about it.
"What the hell are you two hiding?" Shinji demanded, looking from Hiyori to Rose. He'd seen the entire myriad of emotions that had crossed their faces during our little exchange. Without meaning to, Isshin's words came back to me and I accidentally sent them through the bond.
"You may not have much time left… but you will never regret the time you spend with him until the end."
I closed my eyes, feeling a new emotion wash over me.
~Ada knew… that's why he sent me this far into the future…~
Neither Hiyori nor Rose could answer me, both dodging the glare Shinji was giving them.
"Fine," Shinji snapped. "Don't answer me! Here's the fucking card!"
He chucked it at Hiyori's head and flashed out, furious. My heart ached, seeing him like that.
~Shinji…~
*You're both idiots. *
Then Hiyori broke the connection, forcing my energy away from her. Through Rose, I saw her storm out, herself. I sighed.
-I'm going to pay you a visit. Do you mind? –
I shook my head softly… then pulled my energy back, making sure to erase all trace of it from the air around him. It took him less than twenty minutes to get across town to my window. I let him in without a word, letting him sit at my desk.
"Akalia… or Vasilysa… I don't really care what your name is anymore," he admitted, his eyes hard. "Why are you putting Hiyori and Shinji through this?"
So, I caught him up to speed, showing him how much my hole had grown in the past week alone. I was rapidly running out of time. My grief, having Shinji so near but desperately keeping him away, was only causing me to die faster. I knew this… but I refused to admit it aloud or let anyone else know that.
"Kisuke said my time has grown much shorter," I finished explaining. "I will perish… in four months."
Rose was completely taken back.
"That soon?" he asked, struggling to comprehend this. "What happened to two years?"
I looked away, my pain on my face.
"I don't know… but I can't get it to slow down… I've tried," I admitted. "Rose… I can't. I can't do this to Shinji… having two years left with him was one thing… but four months?"
I felt my heart ache painfully again, reaching my hand up to clutch it. Tears stung my eyes.
"And now… it doesn't matter anyway… Durnehviir said two months from now… that's September… the beginning of next term…"
I shook my head, feeling tears slipping down my cheeks.
"How can life be that cruel…"
Softly, Rose pulled me into a hug.
"Will you regret the time you will spend with him?" he asked me, sounding just like Isshin.
"No… and yes," I answered. "The lasting effects—"
"Forget about the damned consequences for a moment," he said sternly, pulling back and forcing me to look at him. "If you focus only on the time you spend with him, will you regret it?"
My heart already knew the answer to that.
"No," I said softly. "I will not."
"Then at the start of the new term, you WILL face Shinji," he told me firmly. "You WILL spend your last months with him and you WILL be happy… if even for only a while. It's better than seeing you both utterly miserable."
I frowned.
"Do you have any idea what he was like after Aizen betrayed us?" he asked me. I shook my head. "All he thought about was you. All he wanted to do was race back to the Soul Society to get you! He nearly lost the battle with his hollow because his hollow got him to believe you would never want him, never love him, as the monster he had become! Your name became taboo! The mere mention was enough to send his temper through the roof or send him into a complete emotional shutdown. When Kisuke sent the note, telling him you were alive, he flew into a rage and attacked Kisuke, furious that he would deceive him so! Vasilysa, he still loves you, very deeply… and I can't watch him suffer anymore. At least, knowing the time limit… he'll get to say goodbye this time. This time… he won't have to wonder where you are or if you're even still alive… He will finally be able to be at peace."
His words hit me hard, causing a fresh wave of tears as I realized just how selfish I had been. I had been both selfish and cruel… and Shinji was the one paying for it!
"He's not the monster… I am…" I wept, letting Rose hug me again. "Oh god… Shinji…"
My heart felt like it was breaking all over again. All the pain and anguish I had fought against for so long came back hard like a slap in the face. Was I really ready to face Shinji, to face my own fears? No. But I couldn't be selfish anymore.
I needed him. I needed him like the very air I breathed… and I had been hurting us both, suffocating myself because of all these ridiculous fears! I felt so stupid… and so guilty… and not knowing how to deal with those emotions… I just cried.
End Flashback
Then I decided he deserved that last little bit I knew… the reason why he and the others had been attacked in the first place. A little nervous, I struggled to reveal it… but finally pushed it through.
Flashback
Then I pulled away, leaving Shinji to his thoughts.
"That was risky."
I jumped, my eyes snapping open to see Kisuke sitting across from me.
"He could have chosen to battle that hollow rather than listen, you know," he stated. I smiled softly.
"Clearly, you know nothing of hollows," I told him simply, getting him to look at me from under his hat. "His hollow recognized his beta, even if he did not realize it was me, exactly. He would not turn me away. A hollow can no more ignore their beta than they can stop desiring more power. It is part of who they are. Even against their will, they will be drawn to it and respond to it. It is much harder on an alpha to contain that bond than it is on a beta."
"I thought you said you didn't want him to know about you," he put in, his words cautious. I smiled softly.
"You can thank Rose for getting something through my thick skull," I answered. "In one month, whether I like it or not, Ada has decided to take the choice from me entirely. Ready or not, I will see him and have to face him. Ada has made damn sure of that."
The silence was peaceful.
"Ichigo's hollow will need trained," I went on. "They will have to meet… and in one month, they will approach him. When that time comes…"
"You will be forced face-to-face with Hirako," Tessai put in, coming out of the kitchen with some tea.
"Thank you, Tessai," I said softly. "And yes."
I took a sip from the offered cup.
"Only Ada knows how that meeting will go," I commented softly. "But… with only three months left… I really don't have room to complain."
The silence fell again.
"You're worried about them, aren't you?" I asked softly, glancing over at Kisuke. Slowly, he nodded.
"Ten days is not enough time to truly prepare someone," he answered. I chuckled.
"Relax," I told him. "I assure you, they'll be fine. Sosuke's been sending me updates since I asked for them. They're all alive and fine. They'll come back in one piece."
"And you trust Sosuke's reports?" he asked me, his voice low. I chuckled.
"Of course not," I answered. "I've been collaborating his reports with Rangiku's and Gin's. Rangiku knows only what the Soul Society knows. Sosuke tells me only what he wants me to know. Gin is my filter. He knows everything… and since we're both aiming for the same goal, he leaves nothing out."
"The same goal?" Kisuke repeated slowly. I smiled softly.
"To defeat your enemy… you must first make him your friend," I quoted him, surprising him. "Gin, though he acts the traitor, is on our side. Sosuke started this path a long time ago, the day he hurt Rangiku and Gin witnessed it. He swore that day to do what he had to, no matter what it was, to protect her from Sosuke… and to get revenge for that day. I trust Gin with not only my life, but the lives of my children, Ichigo and his family, and everyone else."
"You want revenge on Sosuke?" he asked me, seeming surprised. I lost my smile, a dark, bitter look coming to my face.
"If it wasn't for Sosuke, Shinji and I would probably still be in the Soul Society, married, and have a lot more children than these two," I answered softly. "Shinji was not the only one that lost everything that day. Gin told me everything, everything he knew. Sosuke is the one that convinced the captains to turn on Kouga. Sosuke is the one that told Kit where to find Shinji and I that last night of training before he went off the deep end. Sosuke is the one that took Shinji from me. He has been behind it all."
I paused.
"And I'd be a fool if I didn't know why," I continued quietly. "Up until Shinji was taken from me, he had no concept of what I was, of what would happen to me. He never stopped apologizing to me in the hospital while I struggled to awaken. I heard him, but I couldn't respond… nor could I understand why he was apologizing. Sosuke begged me to come back, begged me to stay with him."
"He loves you," Tessai deduced, his tone shocked. I nodded softly.
"I knew about his true feelings for me since that seven-minutes-in-heaven," I admitted, surprising them. "But my heart already belonged to Shinji… and I could not and would not take it back."
"Is Sosuke—"
"No," I cut Kisuke off. "He is not my alpha. He just simply fell in love. No draw. No bond… just pure, untainted love… Love that became obsession and a desire to keep me for himself… until he realized he could not. Now, while his feelings still remain (strong as ever), he has contented himself with the knowledge that I cannot love him how he wants nor deserves… but I can be his friend. That has become enough for him… for now."
I paused.
"Gin thinks Sosuke is seeking the Spirit King's power… so he can take my heart back from Shinji by force, both saving my life and freeing me from him."
"Freeing you for the taking," Kisuke finished my thought. His eyes were troubled as he realized just how badly messed up this whole thing was. "He targeted Shinji on purpose… just to get him away from you… and the others were just in the wrong place at the wrong time!"
I nodded again.
"He targeted Kensei as well," I pointed out. "Due to how he openly pursued me even while I was clearly with Shinji. It really irritated Sosuke and frustrated him. There was yet another obstacle in his path that needed removed."
Kisuke closed his eyes, realizing just how well the puzzle was coming together. He was shaking his head, struggling to wrap his mind around this emotion-based calamity.
"So… he means to target anyone that gets close to you… so all you have left, is him…"
I nodded.
"Ulquiorra, while one of my alphas, is not a threat, as he and I mutually agreed to never pursue that kind of relationship," I continued. "As long as he continues to serve Sosuke faithfully, he will be spared."
Kisuke was struggling to wrap his head around all this, struggling to come to terms with it. I knew it was a lot to absorb. It had taken me a while to understand it, myself.
End Flashback
I then just laid there, relaxing under him, letting my heart sync up with his, smelling that sweet, delicious scent that was all him. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of the love of my life on me. He was heavy, but not uncomfortable. I knew he was struggling to come to terms with all this and debated if I should let him think for a bit, debated leaving his side for a bit…
The tightening of his arms around me told me he'd heard my thoughts… and vetoed them completely.
"You're staying right here," he told me, his voice unyielding and raw with emotions he was barely able to sort through. "I am never letting go of you again."
I felt such love and such warmth for this man flood its way through me, heard him gasp as he felt it.
"When you bit me, you claimed me, marked me as your own for all to know," I explained softly. "Now, we are bonded. While the bond is still new (roughly the next fifty years), we'll both feel each other's emotions and hear stray thoughts. After the so-called honeymoon stage, that bond won't be so open… unless we choose for it to be… and one last thing. You recall what I told Jushiro about a halfling's lifespan, yes?"
He nodded, his brown eyes going to mine curiously.
"This bond… binds your soul to mine," I finished. Seeing the confusion in his gaze I expanded with a grin. "You will never age again and won't die until you are killed… or I die."
That surprised him yet again. I chuckled and stole a sweet kiss, one he gladly returned.
~I love you, Shinji. ~
-I love you, too. –
And there you have it. The secrets you've been dying to know... and a few you still do not know. Please let me know how I'm doing and any questions left unanswered. Within the next few chapters, you will come to understand what this bond is and you will get an insight into the memories of dearest Shinji, the parts that were never written.
Please send Reviews or PM me!
Viper-Sindel