Title: Torn Decisions

Story Rating: T

Chapter Rating: T (to be safe)

"Speech"

'Thoughts'

Chapter Four

Albus Dumbledore was going over the list of first year students whom would be attending Hogwarts this coming fall term. Those young witches and wizards that were muggleborn, half-bloods who lived with muggle relations or ignorant of their magical background would be met by an alumni to explain and reassure the child and family. This list was had been drawn up by Hogwarts' Deputy Headmistress, now it was the headmaster's turn to inform the alumni which lived closest to the child. There weren't any unusual or surprising names listed as there had been last year when Minerva had come to his office in a state of shock and unbelief. No one had ever expected Dudley Dursley's name to be on a list for magical children. Once at Hogwarts though, the old wizard had been pleased to see that the boy had been sorted into Hufflepuff and enjoying himself. The boy had already become friends with Justin Finch-Fletchley and Dean Thomas when they were in Diagon Alley being introduced to a world they belonged to. Somehow it had slipped both his and Minerva's mind to mention that Petunia Evans's son was coming to Hogwarts to a certain Potions Professor. If the man hadn't known Petunia Evans new surname after she had gotten married, he certainly would have after the accident seven years ago which resulted in the loss of Harry Potter. Severus had not been pleased at all about the circumstances and had become very irate with the headmaster.

Dumbledore looked up from the list, glad for the distraction when his alert chimed to inform him that someone wanted to come through the floo. The flames in his fireplace flared green for a moment then Severus stepped through with his usual dour expression and brushing soot from himself. It was a bit early for the man to be returning which meant that he must have some information. "Ah, Severus. Has the Ministry found anything?"

Instead of answering, the man handed over the letter that had seen better days then sat himself down in the chair opposite Dumbledore. Before he could ask where it came from, Severus told him about his meeting with Bert then taking his advice to go see if this boy was whom he believed to be Ashwood. That had been another tangle last year that had the Ministry in an uproar about how they lost and couldn't even find two wizarding children!

"Cassian Aswhood you say? How did he appear to be?"

Severus narrowed his eyes at his employer noticing that the man had made no move to touch the unopened envelope. Seeing the ever present twinkle in the man's eyes wasn't as brilliant as it usually was made him curious. The headmaster was interested. Usually that didn't bode well for whoever brought themselves to Dumbledore's attention. The old goat always had to meddle. Scowling, Severus replied, "Aside from a lack of appropriate attire, he seemed fine." He then proceeded to recount his meeting and observations about the boy from his animation spell, to the way he had such blatant disregard showing the Dark Mark so casually and their conversation.

Strangely, the information he shared about the boy seemed to relieve the older man, piquing Severus's curiosity further. Seeing his look, Albus leaned back in his chair, fingers steepled in thought, eyes on the envelope on the desk. "You recall the boy's father, I'm sure?"

Severus nodded his head in assent. "Markale Ashwood was sent to Azkaban to suffer the dementors kiss." The man had been a fellow Death Eater under the guise of an Auror in the Ministry's Hit Wizards. When he was unmasked and exposed during a raid, he had injured and killed Death Eaters and Aurors alike in his haste to escape. He'd disappeared seeming to have dropped off the face of the earth. Then about two years ago he resurfaced and had been identified while shopping at an apothecary shop.

"Ah, yes. The Ministry tried to keep it all quiet as much for Cassian's sake as much as Fudge's career. It wouldn't have looked too well for his first year in office." There was a sigh as Dumbledore looked up from the envelope to Severus. "When the Aurors tried to detain Ashwood, he fought back and forced them to kill him. Some months later his mother Lucretia was killed. Cassian was witness to both of their deaths. The boy had been found by the Aurors then taken to St. Mungo's where he stayed for a few months under observation while they tried to help heal his mind from the trauma. He wouldn't speak, move, or show any emotion nor did he eat unless he was told as well as all other necessities. It was as if the boy was an empty shell with nothing inside."

When Dumbledore had first met the Ashwood heir, it had been in the Ministry courtrooms since he was the Supreme Mugwump. They had been gathered to hear the child's testimony of how his father and grandmother had died. The boy had sat in the chair unmoving without expression, his whole being screaming apathy as he spoke devoid of any kind of feeling in his voice only a continuous matter of fact tone. His eyes held no emotion and wouldn't have looked that out of place on a dead animal. There was no trace of what kind of human the boy was before the tragic events in his short life took his family away. It was there that the boy told why Markale had come out of hiding briefly. Apparently the man had been at the apothecary shop because Cassian had fallen rather ill and he was there to get the remedy. For his grandmother all he would say was that she had died from a spell that had gotten out of control.

Since Cassian was an under aged only child with no immediate relatives, the Ministry tried to find any family relations that might take the boy in. Dumbledore had wanted to keep an eye on the damaged child petitioning for temporary guardianship until the Ministry found a permanent one. As the lad was almost of age to start at Hogwarts it wouldn't have hurt to have him around children his own age either. Before any decision could be made about the boy's welfare, Cassian had fled St. Mungo's and disappeared as effortlessly as his father had. There had been no trace of his magical signature or presence detected. It had seemed as if Markale had taught his son how to avoid the Ministry's detection.

"The Aurors couldn't locate Cassian even when his signature had been detected. The boy was always a step ahead, never appearing in the same place more than twice."

"Until recently," Severus stated wondering at the change in pattern as much as the headmaster. Albus pierced him with his eyes, a serious expression on his normally genial face. Almost as if to himself, he queried, "I cannot help but wonder what has happened to have him change his mind." He was sure that part of the answer to that mystery lay within the envelope on his desk.

Giving him a speculative look, Severus stated more than asked, "You're going to see him, aren't you?"

The twinkle appeared in those eyes again as he replied, "Of course."

The notice was sent out to the house where the boy was registered as living that a staff member of an exclusive public secondary school wanted to have an audience with one Cassian Ashwood about attending. The request notice was sent out on Monday, the reply had come back on Tuesday that it was agreeable for the meeting to take place at 3:00pm on Thursday. Dumbledore had at first suggested that Severus come as well since the boy hadn't run from him when he'd been approached by Severus. The Potions Master had refused the invitation liking the reprieve of being around children. Despite what some believed, he didn't live in the castle dungeons during the summer holidays but rather spent his time at his own home in Spinner's End. While it wasn't much and didn't hold many pleasant memories, it was his home.

Minerva McGonagall counted herself a friend of Albus Dumbledore whom she trusted and admired. She respected him but did not claim to understand many of the things he did. One of which had been leaving the Potter boy with his mother's sister, but that had turned out better than she had thought, until tragedy struck. That had not been Albus's fault however nor the failure to locate the boy after the event. This though, was another thing that she couldn't understand; Dumbledore's agreeing to come talk to the Ashwood boy in person. The woman didn't believe that whole rubbish about the apple not falling from the tree business, at least not completely. Yet, in some cases it was far more than accurate. She was also curious to see how the boy had turned out and his sudden interest to rejoin the magical community. This was why she was currently in her animagus form crouched in the bushes watching the house where Ashwood was living. Minerva had been there most of the morning and early afternoon observing the occupants. Presently as far as she could determine about seven children lived there ranging from about six to seventeen with the two foster parents.

A pair of boys scuffling boys nearly crashed into her bush causing her to bristle and hiss. Distracted, she didn't see the other boy until a bowl of milk was placed in front of her. Following the arm that was attached to the gloved hand, Minerva saw a dark haired boy squatting on heels so he could present the 'treat' to her. "I don't know if a cat does prefer their milk warm or cold, but this bowl's warm."

Having done what he'd intended the boy moved back a little watching her behind a pair of smoky colored sunglasses. After a few tense minutes, a raven brow arched over the frames and the boy sighed seeing that she didn't even so much as edge closer to sniff at the milk. "I guess you don't like milk? Or maybe not this kind? I'd heard that you can't give cat's cow milk though, and we have this kitten milk stuff that Jamie bought for his stray. I'd give you fish, but I don't believe Mrs. Jenkins would appreciate me giving her salmon to you."

Lapsing into silence the boy frowned in thought before pulling a small sketchbook from a side pocket of his half pants. Flipping through the pad he opened to a page and showed it to her. Face and voice serious with no trace of a smile or amusement he asked, "Do you like it?"

It was of McGonagall in her current form. The rendered sketch was of her crouched in the bushes. Apparently he'd known she'd been there for awhile as she had only seen him one briefly as he'd gone out the door to fetch the morning post. Ears twitching, she looked beyond the boy to see a taller boy sneaking up on him. "Hey, Freak!"

Cassian turned but wasn't fast enough to dodge the fist. It hit him hard on the cheek knocking the sunglasses askew but there was no whimper or tear that escaped the boy. Overbalancing from the hit, he fell but sat up and blinked while the teen smirked smugly down at him. Working his mouth, Cassian spat a bit of blood mixed with saliva onto the other boy's shoes and gave a smirk of his own as he sarcastically asked, "What now, Ralph?"

The teen's face turned ugly and he was just reaching down and grabbed the front of Cassian's shirt when an older voice shouted, "Ralph!"

Both boys turned with scowls on their faces to see Billy who was jogging up to them. He was the oldest of them and had actually been adopted by their carers. Giving Ralph a warning look, the seventeen year old stated, "If you don't do your laundry I'm binning the lot and you can explain to your mates why you only have one set of clothes to wear besides your P.E. and school kit."

Ralph glared at him with a sneer. "That your whole reason for coming outside is it?"

"No, but I am serious about tossing your laundry. Mum wants to speak with you."

Sneering again, Ralph pushed his captive back and walked away while Cassian sighed not in the least appreciating the elder teen's so called 'help'. Both boys knew that was the real reason Billy had come over. He'd thought he was helping but Cassian knew Ralph would just corner him somewhere else when Billy wasn't around. Sadly, the teenager had seemed to forget how the rules worked since he'd been adopted by the Jenkins early on before becoming a teenager. Perhaps he lived in his own world or none of the other kids who had come through the Jenkins's had to sort themselves out. Everyone else in the house knew and let them get on with it to establish peace.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," Cassian stated brushing off the other boy's concern and suppressing his irritation; barely.

"You're going to have one heck of a bruise." Billy retrieved the fallen sunglasses and handed them over to their owner who sighed at the bent frames. Cassian shrugged uncaring about the bruise having had worse than Ralph could dish out. At least he hadn't lost his hold on his sketchbook. Flipping it shut he was about to shove it back into his pocket when Billy gestured at it. "Can I see?"

Before he could answer yay or nay, a woman's scream had the boys' heads whip around to stare at the house. Jake, Cassian's roommate, came flying out the back door with a huge grin on his face. Directly on his heels was Mrs. Jenkins, their carer. She was brandishing a broom threateningly and yelling at the boy before angrily returning inside. Jake collapsed next to Cassian ignoring Billy altogether giving his roommate a mischievous smile when the boy had raised an eyebrow to express his curiosity at what he'd done. Billy left the two of them to go see for himself what Jake had done to upset the woman since Jake had started to laugh unable to tell his tale. When he'd calmed down, he pulled something out of his pocket and tossed it at Cassian who caught it automatically, his reflexes quicker than his mind. What he held appeared to be a dead mouse but was in fact a fake. It was hard to tell the difference unless you really looked at it.

"I put it on the counter next to the tea. You should have seen her expression!" The boy cracked up again no doubt recalling the woman's expression when she'd seen the boy's toy. Cassin shook his head then tossed the toy into Jake's lap saying, "Be right back," and disappearing into the house to reemerge five minutes later with a ball cap clutched in his hand and a pencil behind his ear. His mouth twitched to see Jake trying to get the cat who had surprisingly not bolted when Ralph had assaulted him, to play with the toy mouse. The cat hadn't moved an inch as if it was trying to imitate a statue. Spotting him, Jake put the mouse away and stood grinning. "Whelp, let's go!"

As they headed for the street Cassian casually remarked, "There's something funny about that cat."

McGonagall watched them leave going over everything she'd witnessed. When the boy had his sunglasses knocked off to expose his eyes, she could understand why the other boy cruelly taunted him. The boy's pupils had been ringed with amber but it wasn't uniform, but spiked out into the green iris causing the color to look a sickly green. Her attention was drawn to the bully Ralph who had exited the house two minutes after the boys had gone down the street. Not long after there was the unmistakable sound of an Apparating wizard. Dumbledore looked right at the bush she was hiding in and if a cat could blush, she would have. Deciding it was time to go, she did so but vowed to speak to the man about what she'd seen that day.

Dumbledore looked up at the two story home that was in pretty good condition for how old it was. Hanging in a corner of the porch was a homemade wind chime that had likely been a school project. A brass knocker shaped like the sun was directly in the middle of the door. Rapping the knocker twice, he waited. It amused him that Minerva had come to spy on the house knowing she'd want to talk to him about her observations and he wanted to hear what she had seen as well.

The door was opened by a freckled faced boy of six with wide brown eyes. The child's mouth gaped then finally formed words. "Are you a wizard?"

Amused as well as wondering how he stood out since he was wearing the suit he wore when he went to greet muggleborns and their families. Blue eyes twinkling merrily and smiling down at the boy he asked, "Why? Do I look like one?"

"Yup. You look like the wizard Cass drawed for me." The boy answered nodding enthusiastically. A woman's voice called from behind the boy further in the house, "Alex, who are you talking to?"

"A wizard!" came the exited shout.

"What?" A woman with ash blond hair and medium height came to the doorway behind the boy. She looked the man over curiously before extending her hand seeming to know he was official. "Hello, I'm Janice Jenkins."

"Albus Dumbledore," he returned leaving off the rest seeing no need to overwhelm her. "I sent a letter-"

"Oh!" Her eyes lit up in recognition of the name. "Come in, please."

She stepped aside holding the door open and a hand to the boy's shoulder maneuvered him out of the man's path. "Sorry about Alex, he's quite into fantasy and another of our boys indulges him."

"That's quite alright." He replied with a smile as she told the other boy to go finish folding laundry with Jamie. Smiling, she'd asked if he'd like a cup of tea which he agreed to and they made their way to the kitchen. The lounge where the children were folding laundry was cozy and even just going through it to the kitchen; Dumbledore could see framed photographs on the walls of different children that had likely been through this house. Despite being home to many children, the kitchen was tidy save for the fridge which was entirely covered in childish drawings and colorings from color books.

"Gingersnaps?" Mrs. Jenkins offered opening a tin and setting it on the table. She was unsure what to say and Dumbledore gave her an understanding look and politely asked her to tell him a bit about Cassian.

"Well, he's a very smart lad, but I guess it comes from him reading all the time doesn't it?" The smile on the woman's face wasn't strained or forced which gave Dumbledore hope. Part of going to a prospective student's home was to not only interact with the child in question but speak with those that were caring for said child. Mrs. Jenkins's hands cradled her tea cup saying, "I guess that's what drew him to your attention? He don't really play sport, so I knew it couldn't have been that when you said you wanted to see him."

She stopped and gave the man a look as if debating what to say or if she should say anything. It gave him a momentary sense of déjà vu but unlike before, this woman's expression was one of hope and sadness. "You said he's guaranteed a place at your school? Will there be other children like Cassian there? Kids that he can make friends with and be happy?"

"I assure you that if he wishes to attend, Cassian has a place at the school. There are many children like him that have found friends, happiness, and call it home."

Nodding in relief she smiled. "Good, he needs that." As if a weight had been lifted she reiterated that the boy was smart, that he was kind and understanding towards the younger children, that he was in fact the one that helped fuel Alex's interest into the fantasy. She'd also stated that he was the politest boy she'd ever fostered and the only one that did his chores without being asked, without complaint, and on time. About how she'd had many children both good and bad come through her house, some were loners and some not, but Cassian was the only one who seemed to genuinely not care if he had friends or not. "He prefers his own company over others, course it could be because he prefers his books."

Again there was a pause and an expression of how much she should tell the man who was offering one of her kids a chance to go to a prestigious school. Biting her lip, she blurted out, "I should tell you now before you meet him, that Cassian's a bit…odd."

Gently Dumbledore asked, "In what way?"

"Well, I've yet to see him play like a normal child would. Sure, he's more into books and he helps out the little ones when they need a hand at something, but I've never seen him joke about like my other boys. Just this morning that prankster, Jake, put out a fake mouse for a laugh, knowing it make me scream. I can't abide mice." Shaking her head at the boy who was continually trying to get her hair to turn grey and who had somehow gotten to her most reclusive boys. Squaring her shoulders she looked him in the eye determinedly. "If you don't know, you'll likely find out that the boy has a juvenile record. It isn't his fault though!"

Dumbledore didn't let his surprise show but allowed Mrs. Jenkins continue. "It's just children like him have learned that they can't rely on adults, can they? Always disappointing them and letting them down. Never had a real role model to follow, most of my boys don't. Wonder that he isn't like some of my others. He was picked up by the police because of a scuffle that got out of hand. He isn't normally like that, it's just that sometimes he zones out and the others, they pick on him because of that."

"I see," he replied quietly. He reassured her that none of her information had changed his mind and that he would like to speak with Cassian. The two adults went upstairs to the 'boys' floor' as it was dubbed since only the kids' bedrooms were up there. Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins's room was on the first floor. Halfway up the staircase they heard someone shout, "Woman on the floor!" followed by a cry of "Ah!" hurried footsteps and a slammed door. Billy grinned as he saw his mother and the school representative with her and explained, "Frankie just got out of the shower."

"Thank you, Billy." The teen nodded then went past them down the stairs. Albus saw four bedroom doors with small chalkboards hanging on them. Each board had the names of the occupants and their chores on it. Knocking on the first door on the left, she opened it after there hadn't been any response and frowned. "This is his room, but he's not here. That's strange. He knew he had an interview with you today."

"May I?" He asked indicating the room. She nodded and opened the door further for him to look around. There was a bed on either side of the room. The left half was plastered with posters and typically messy. The bed was rumpled and unmade, bureau drawers left partially open, comic books littered that whole half. The other side of the room was its polar opposite. The wall was bare of any decoration, the bed was neat and tidy without so much as a wrinkle, no article of clothing was found under the bed or stray gum wrapper. In fact, it was devoid of any feeling, looking as if it was waiting to be occupied. On their way out, he checked the board on the door and saw that indeed there were two boys that lived in that room and that one of them was Cassian.

Stopping a boy about ten who was coming up the stairs with a basket of folded laundry with Alex, Mrs. Jenkins asked, "Jamie, have you Alex seen Cassian?"

Jamie nodded with wide eyes. "Yeah, he's in the office and so is Ralph and Jake."

"Thank you." The adults went back downstairs while the two boys continued on with their chore. Mrs. Jenkins showed Dumbledore to her husband's study. Inside sat the three boys mentioned being reamed out by her husband and a woman in a business suit who looked as if this was old hat. The eldest teen Ralph, looked as if he'd lost a fistfight and was sullen, angry, there was fear there too in his eyes not looking towards the other two boys at all. The second a year younger, sat slumped in his chair, eyes on a spot on the wall, arms crossed and with a frown on his face. The last, Cassian, sat calmly as if he weren't being yelled at or reprimanded. They all looked towards the door at the knock interrupting them.

"Excuse me, dear. This is Mr. Dumbledore from the school up north. He had-"

Mr. Jenkins nodded and cut her off by motion to the youngest boy. "Go to your interview, but we're not done, you hear me?"

"Yes, sir." Cassian stood and went to where the other two adults were by the door. Mrs. Jenkins smiled down at him encouragingly but then frown seeing the already forming bruise on face from Ralph's blow earlier. "We're going to the back garden," the boy informed the woman and led Dumbledore outside to a garden bench that was positioned under a tree. Sitting, the boy stated matter of factly, "So, the Potions Master gave you the letter."

"He did. Though you have explained yourself well, I still have a few questions I'd like to ask you."

Cassian sighed replying, "I thought as much." Then almost as an afterthought he asked, "Am I in trouble?"

"Not that I am aware." As far as Dumbledore knew, he was speaking the truth. The Ministry couldn't really hold the boy liable for anything other than pointing out that there were security flaws that needed shoring up and looking into at St. Mungo's. Watching Cassian's body language closely and saw no change. Seeing this, the old wizard concluded that either the boy didn't care if he was in trouble or not, or, he already knew the answer before he asked it. The boy leaned against the trunk of the tree and removed a pair of wire rimmed sunglasses. Eyes closed, he hung them from the collar of his t-shirt and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. "I see that your eyes are still sensitive to light."

That was one of the things he remembered from the reports. The boy had become violent when there were bright lights near his eyes. Cassian nodded in answer to his question, eyes slowly opening and blinking a few times. "Mostly its florescent lights I can't stand."

"Ah."

The boy's eyes looked over at him and though Dumbledore was dismayed to see they were guarded and closed, he felt hopeful. At least there was something in the boy's eyes even if it was distrust rather than the emptiness from before or that he was afraid he would see. "Cassian, I would like to know why you left St. Mungo's. Surely, you knew the Ministry was looking for any living relatives or willing family to take you in?"

At the word family, the boy's eye twitched and a venomous filled glare was directed at the man. It was there only for a few second before his eyes darted to the right, blinked once, and looked away, face and eyes guarded and closed once more. Dumbledore was curious about the reaction but pressed, "I do need to know the reason, Cassian."

The boy sat silently, uncertainty clearly written on his face after he looked once again to his right. As he pondered, Dumbledore could see there was a lot going on behind the shuttered eyes. His gaze would shoot to the right occasionally which intrigued the man. Seeing to have come to a decision, Cassian looked down at his blue checkered shoes so that his eyes were shadowed and didn't have to look at Dumbledore. Slowly, he confided, "I felt like I was confined…suffocating. I couldn't stand it! I was…lost."

Dumbledore didn't push the boy seeing that he was trying to vocalize his thoughts and state of mind he'd been in while at the wizarding hospital. "I could sort of sense what was going on around me, but it's all blurry and I don't really remember much."

When the boy fell silent and didn't talk anymore, he knew that that was all he was going to get out of the boy at this time. So he tried a different question. "Where did you go, when you left?"

Without looking up from his study of his shoes, he shrugged. "Nowhere really."

"How long have you lived here, with the Jenkins?"

Again there was an indifferent shrug. "Six months or so?"

"And do you like it here?" That question caused Cassian to look up at him, confusion written all over his face. He was genuinely perplexed at the question. It was as if he didn't really understand the question and after a minute he shrugged. "It's a place to stay, and it's better than the streets or detention center."

A pang of sadness erupted in the old man that the boy could speak so casually. Looking at the child, he decided to try asking the boy himself rather than applying at the Ministry again. "Would you prefer to live at Hogwarts? I would be your temporary guardian until the Ministry can find a more permanent solution?" Even before the last word left his mouth, a cold harness entered Cassian's eyes that surprised Dumbledore. Slowly the boy got himself under control and shook his head in the negative. "May I ask why not?"

The boy stood, sunglasses in hand, eyes and voice full of ice, Cassian replied, "I don't like you."

A.N. – I'm SO embarrassed that I used bowel (your intestines) instead of bowl (the dish you eat out of) *headdesks*

*Fudge became Minister in 1990, a year before Harry and Co. went to Hogwarts (for anyone who was interested and didn't know)