"Blair!? Blair?" I hear Chuck yell.

I turn off the shower and sigh. Droplets of water roll off my back. Just as I wrap a towel around my body the bathroom door rushes open and Chuck stands at the door looking furious.

"Chuck!" I scream.

"What the fuck is this?" He asks, shoving his phone into me.

"Ouch!" I yell, snatching the phone.

Spotted. Our prominent former Queen B in L.A with a mysterious hottie. Who's the new Beau B? Is our cocky C suddenly missing in action? You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

A small photo of me and Lucas accompanies Gossip Girl's latest update. The photo is taken behind Lucas so thankfully you can't see Lucas' face and only mine.

"What is it? Who the fuck is he? Where was I? Why were you with him?"

"Chuck, calm down."

"How the fuck am I supposed to calm down, Blair!"

"Look, it's not what you think."

Chuck storms out of the bathroom. I see his bag already packed and sitting on the bed.

"Not what I think? Not what I think!? What the hell am I supposed to think!?"

"Not whatever you're thinking right now."

"You want to know what I'm thinking, B?" He asks, throwing a pair of his pants into his suitcase. "I'm thinking that you're with this guy, looking at him like you want to jump him Blair and that I have no idea where I am!"

"Chuck, at the restaurant yesterday…"

"Oh so you were there to meet some guy? Thought you'd send me to the bathroom and I'd never notice?"

"Chuck!"

"Sorry."

"I was waiting for 10 minutes to pass and well, he showed up. I met him at the bar the night before. I didn't know he was going to be there…"

"Great…" Chuck says sarcastically as he zips up his suitcase.

"Look, it's totally not like that. He has a girlfriend!"

"Doesn't mean he doesn't want you!"

"He doesn't! He knows I love you!"

"Yeah, I'm sure he does. He's probably waiting for the right moment to pounce on you Blair."

"It's not like I planned to meet him there!"

"You probably even have his number. Great!"

I don't say anything.

"You do! Fuck Blair."

"Chuck!"

"Pack your fucking bags Blair we're going home."

He picks up his suitcase and storms out of the hotel room leaving me in a towel in the hotel room.

--

Both Chuck and I get inside the awaiting limousine at the airport. After a silent flight all I want to do is apologise but then I really don't know why I should. I never did anything wrong. We sit on opposite sides, Chuck texting on his cell phone and me flicking through a fashion magazine.

He gives a low laugh out of the blue. I look at him behind my sunglasses wondering what he's laughing at. As the limousine keeps moving I wonder whether I'm going back to his or back home.

"Chuck…"

"What?"

"Am I coming back to yours or going home?"

He looks at me.

"Honestly Blair I don't want you back at mine. I'm still pissed about the Gossip Girl thing."

"Bass that so wasn't my fault. You've taken everything out of proportion."

"Maybe but you didn't tell me. You didn't mention him when you showed up in the bathroom."

"I didn't think it mattered."

"Well it does okay? Maybe Nate never cared that you-."

"Don't you dare bring Nate into this!"

"All I'm saying is that I'm not Nate and I care about you. I fucking care that you talk to other guys when I'm not around. I fucking care that you go out to bars without me and meet mysterious guys. I fucking care about you!"

The limo pulls up outside my house. I see Blake standing outside smoking.

"Then maybe we won't work after all! You think that I like it when you talk to other girls? When you flirt openly when I'm around or when you admire other girl's bodies? Fuck, Bass I give you so much freedom and yet you keep me on a leash!"

"Fine! Fuck off then. Get the fuck out and go find some other fucking guy who'll appreciate you and respect the fact that you're fragile. Go find a guy who won't bail on you when you're hyperventilating because you thought you saw your dead best friend! Go find some perfect fucking prince charming who'll help you bring down Jenny fucking Humphrey because I don't want to be apart of that anymore!"

"Fuck you!" I scream as I get out of the limo.

Blake throws his smoke to the ground and comes over to me. Tears pour from my eyes as I snatch my bag from the limo driver.

"You were a lousy fuck anyway Waldorf." He goes to shut the door and then pokes his head out again. "By the way, your scar, it's fucking noticeable."

I go weak. My legs tremble and if not for Blake catching me I probably would have fallen. The limo speeds off.

--

I sit in my room, door locked. In my full length mirror I study my naked body closely. The scar on my upper thigh is quite visible to me and I wonder if Chuck was just being spiteful when he said it was visible or he actually meant it.

In my dresser in a locked box sits a razorblade. I used to contemplate cutting myself with it when I suffered with anorexia awhile ago. I never did, too afraid of anyone finding out. But now I have no one. Nate, Serena, Chuck…Dan. They're all gone. The only people I ever truly cared about are dead or hating me.

I unlock the box and take the razorblade to my bathroom. I sit on the edge of the bath tub and hold the blade to my wrist. It doesn't cut but then again I'm not sure I want it to. Am I really that repulsive? Is the scar truly that visible? I don't know. I really just don't know.

In a frame hanging on my bathroom wall is a picture of Nate, Serena, Chuck and me, taken when we were 15. Serena had cute little bangs back then, Nate hadn't been tainted by Chuck and Chuck hadn't become a man whore just yet. We were all still mostly pure, tiny children stuck in a world doomed for the worst.

The blade slices open my wrist. At first the blood trickles slowly. Then it seeps openly. I slice another cut. Bigger this time. Uglier somehow. I cover them both with a cloth to try stop the bleeding or at least slow it. The pain is irrelevant, in a way it makes me feel better, like I'm releasing my anger, frustration and sadness.

I place the blood stricken blade on the sink and wrap a fresh, clean cloth around my two cuts. A knock on my bedroom door wakes me from my stupor.

"Just…just a minute." I say, scrambling to find my robe.

"Blair…are you okay in there? It's Blake."

"I'm fine. I'm just…getting dressed."

"Are you sure? Why don't you let me in and we can talk?"

"No…it's, I'm good. I'm just going to get dressed and go out or something."

"Okay…sure. If you need me I'll be around."

I wait until I can't hear his footsteps anymore before I pull my cell phone from my bag and scroll through my phone book for Lucas' number. I wait for it to connect.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Blair."

"Blair! How are you?"

"Uh, well. Not too good actually. I broke up with my boyfriend a few hours ago."

"Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. What happened?"

"Um…"

"You don't have to talk about it."

I bite my lip.

"Can we meet somewhere?"

Lucas laughs, soft, low, sexy.

"Blair don't you remember I flew back to New York last night? You're in L.A…I'm in New York. Kind of doesn't work."

"Actually, I flew back today and I live in Manhattan so…could we possibly meet up for a drink or something?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess I could leave Lena for awhile."

I rattle off the address of a close by club and then hang up.

--

I shiver slightly in the cold night air waiting for Lucas outside a close by club. I hug my body tightly, a small black cardigan wrapped around me and under it a purple dress stopped at the knee with black stockings underneath and designer purple pumps.

A cab pulls up at the curb and an immaculately dressed Lucas steps out of the cab into the night air wrapped in a black trench coat, black dress pants and a dark coloured shirt with a white scarf around his neck.

He greets me with a light kiss on the cheek.

"Good evening." He says, placing his hand on the small of my back as a bouncer lets us past.

"How was your flight?" I ask as we manoeuvre around the crowd to the bar.

"Fine. I have a private jet so we don't get the hassle of commercial flights." He grins, gesturing for me to take a seat at the bar.

"Thanks."

"I was sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend." He offers, ordering myself and him a drink.

"Don't be. He's an ass anyway. Such a jerk you know? Like he thinks he owns me. I can't believe I ever fell for him. Honestly I think it was just this bad boy act he put on that attracted me to him."

"Oh yes. The infamous bad boy. Good girl falls for bad boy."

"Tell me about it. Before him I was saving myself and I had this amazing boyfriend and a great best friend. Everything changed when I went to Victrola and ended up in the back of Ch-."

A tall dark haired man interrupts me to talk to Lucas.

"Luke man! How's it going? How's the girlfriend?"

Lucas shakes his hand and starts going on about various stuff before he finally excuses himself to turn back to me.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"Nothing. I don't really want to talk about it."

--

"…So she started arguing with me about how much of a pig I apparently was and I just wanted to shut her up so I kissed her. Right there, with my leg in a cast and my arm in a sling. That's how it began." Lucas says, laughing at the memory of how he met Lena.

I smile at his story even if I don't really think it's all that great.

"Sounds romantic." I offer, admiring the sky of the very early hours of morning.

"Ha, anything but really. It's a funny story, one for the reception at our wedding I guess."

"You're going to marry her?" I ask.

"I don't see why not."

"You don't love her is why not. You shouldn't marry her just because you're comfortable with her. It's not fair to her and you. You're soul mate is out there and Lena isn't it."

Lucas laughs, locking eyes with me. My heart melts, something about those eyes.

"You're quite fascinating Ms Waldorf." Lucas whispers as he runs a hand down my arm.

I stop walking, he stops too, his hand brushing mine.

"You're not too bad yourself Mr Paxton."

He leans down, his face meeting mine. Lucas' lips are so close I can almost taste them but he doesn't kiss me. He looks me in the eye for a long time.

"I'd like to see you again." He whispers.

"How about breakfast tomorrow?" I reply, feeling something strange inside me.

"I'll call you at 8."

I nod just as his lips finally touch mine. They're so soft, like feeling silk brush along my lips. His tongue slips inside my mouth and he brings one of his hands to my chin, tilting it upwards to suit him better. I bring one of my own hands to his neck and caress the back of his neck, fingers twirling with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Lucas deepens the kiss. I step back, my back hits a wall and I gasp into Lucas' mouth at the coldness of the brick on my back.

"Mm…sorry…sorry." Lucas says as he pulls away.

I stand in front of him, breathless and flustered.

"Wow." I tell him.

He rushes in for another kiss, both of his hands either side of my face as his tongue dips inside my mouth and explores me. I slip my hands beneath his trench coat to the warmth of his body, gliding along his chest until they reach the waist band of his pants. I feel him smirk against my mouth.

I cusp his cock in my hands on the outside of his pants he groans into my mouth. My other hand stays at the waist band of his pants.

"Blair…mmm, Blair." He stutters.

He takes my hands and moves them from his body only to pin them above my head on the brick wall. Lucas presses his body into mine, I feel the hardness of his cock against my thigh.

"Do you think anyone would notice if we fucked right here?" He whispers into my ear after placing a kiss under my ear lobe.

"Gossip Girl would." I half sigh, half gasp as he bites into my collar bone.

I close my eyes and let him suckle on my neck and collar bone. The feeling of his tongue running against my skin makes heat pool between my thighs and in the pit of my stomach.

All of a sudden he stops and lets me go, stepping back and looking shocked at himself.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I-I…I can't. Lena…I can't do this to Lena."

"Lucas…"

"Blair please don't ask me to do this. I can't say no to you but I can't do this to Lena."

"Okay." I say.

"We'll do breakfast tomorrow okay? I'll call you."

Lucas places a kiss on my cheek, soft as ever. It lingers longer then most but eventually he pulls back and disappears into the night.

I touch my lips, remembering the feeling of his lips on mine, his body pressed hard against mine.

--

Spotted. B with her mysterious hottie practically getting it on against a wall. Is this really the end of our infamous B and C or just the beginning of a tug of war over our former Queen? Little J may have no reason to worry after all. You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

Second update. Don't forget to review.