AN: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and those following. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and I hope you continue to do so. Please leave a review and let me know what you think, they really help motivate me and gauge what my readers like and dislike. Enjoy...
Sorry for any mistakes, I do re-read but things almost always slip past me...
Possession
Two
I woke with a start. A scream had jolted me from my sleep. It was only after I registered that Haymitch was beside me, comforting me with blurry, yet concerned eyes, that I realised I had been the one screaming. I buried my head into his chest, letting him hold me. I didn't cry; that would be a clear victory for the Capitol, so instead I lay in the arms of my mentor, a man who become almost like a father to me.
I must have fallen asleep because as my eyes opened again it was because sweet Cinna was shaking me softly awake. He said nothing about Haymitch and I in a room together, he just informed me that breakfast was ready and that they had guests. Wisely he left waking Haymitch to me; the man was a grump at the best of times but in the morning his sour anger was worse...well with everyone else. It seemed I was the only one who could safely wake Haymitch.
After waking him up effectively I crossed the hall to my own room. In the process I heard a lot of laughter coming from the large open plan lounge and dining room. It seems we have a lot of guest. I didn't investigate; instead I bolted into my room and shut the door behind me.
My dream had shook me and as I undressed and stepped into the shower I tried to wash away the nightmare and the sweat that was covering my body because of it. I remembered when I first used the Capitol showers; I had stood naked for half an hour trying to figure out how to turn the damn thing on... now it's almost second nature to me. I know which buttons to press for whatever I needed; shampoo, conditioner, soap etc.
A memory sprung to mind. Of Caesar and Peeta, my District partner had been so laid back and casual, joking with Caesar and making the whole of Panem laugh. Tears stung my eyes; I rubbed them quickly careful not to get soap suds in them. I wouldn't, couldn't let myself think of Peeta. Would he have still wanted me to win if he knew what I would become?
I grabbed a robe that was hanging on the door before searching for some clothes. I didn't want anything fancy; I wasn't something plain, normal. I didn't want to be reminded that soon I would be the Capitol's plaything. Until the actually day came I would still be me, Katniss Everdeen, whoever she is now!
How can you be who you were before when you've seen and done so many terrible things? How could I looked Prim in the eyes, she would have seen me, saw what I had done. Would she resent me? I hoped not for Prim was about the only thing I had worth living for. Gale would understand, about the killing at least but would any of them understand why I had to become a...I stopped myself. I wouldn't think about it, not then, not yet.
Finding some marginally plain, none Capitol clothing I made my way to the table. My stomach growled in anticipation; four days after the Hunger Games, I had been unconscious for two of them and I had barely eaten on the other two days. No wondered I was so hungry.
I skidded to halt when I say the amount of people around the table and then I frowned when I saw who was at the table. Victors; from all 12 Districts. I recognised a few; Cashmere, Gloss, Brutus, Johanna, Blight, Chaff and then there was Mag's and Finnick. There were several I didn't know, they familiar but no name sprang to mind.
Haymitch had obviously got ready quicker than, after all he only appeared to have thrown on a fresh shirt. He noticed me and motion for me to come closer. As I stepped forwards they all began to notice my presence and the room fell silent. Cinna and Effie were also at the table and it was Effie who broke the silence.
"What are you wearing?" she screeched. "You have a wardrobe full of beautiful clothing and you wear...that!"
I rolled my eyes and took the only available seat next to Haymitch, ignoring Effie's comment. In truth I wanted to wear what I wanted until I wasn't allowed to anymore. I began pilling different foods onto my plate, trying to ignoring the stares but soon it got too much. "What!" I snapped my eyes shooting upwards to stare at the people who seemed to have fewer manners than myself.
Johanna was the first the crack, she smirked. "I see why they call you the girl on fire. Your eyes are burning with fierce rage," she said with a shrug before picking at the food on her plate.
That's one less pair of eyes on me!
One pair of eyes had me looking away. Chaff: District 11. Rue was from District 11. I swallowed loudly and glanced up to see him still staring at me. His eyes filled with confusion, softness and thanks.
Rue had been my ally; I had taken care of her, treated her like I treated Prim. I had nearly lost myself when she had died, I had screamed, cried and it took everything I had to keep going for her, and for Prim. They had both made me promise, they had made me promise that I would try and win. I felt tears start to swell, I did it Rue, I won.
Haymitch placed a hand on my arm. "Sweetheart," he whispered but I didn't look at him. My eyes were locked with Chaff's.
"I'm sorry I let her die," I whispered, though by the sadness that lit up in his eyes, told me he had heard. "She shouldn't-"I closed my eyes. I could feel my bottom lip shaking but I pushed the tears away. "She deserved better." I sighed, "They all did."
I stood, my chair squeaking across the floor. I had to get away from prying eyes, from eyes that held confusion, awe and pity. I didn't want or need their pity; it made me feel even weaker than I did already. I almost ran to the elevator and once inside I hit the '13' button.
When the cool air hit my face I began to relax. I felt safe here, on the roof. Before the games I sat here, alone and with Peeta. In the day it looked different though, I was used to seeing the Capitol lights lighting up the dark night sky but in the morning the sky was a clear ocean blue, with only a few sparse fluffy white clouds breaking up the blue.
I sat on the ledge, bringing my knees up to my chest. I closed my eyes and remembered those who I'd lost, those who others had lost. I may have disliked Marvel for what he had done but that didn't mean someone didn't love him. Someone was feeling the pain of losing a son, brother or boyfriend.
I exhaled deeply, my eyes still shut. I didn't want to face the outside world, the press, the Districts and some part of me didn't even want to go home. They would all cheer and clap but they would look at me differently. I was a murder, I had killed. How could anyone look at me the same again?
"If you worry too much you'll get wrinkles before you time," I jumped slightly at the familiar voice. It was odd, I had heard it only a handful of times and only once in person and yet it I knew who it belonged to.
Finnick Odair
I didn't bother looking at him, it would just be a distraction and one I would be highly uncomfortable with, so instead I looked out over the Capitol but apparently he didn't get the message.
He sat in front of me, in Peeta's old spot.
I stiffened, I wanted him to move. He couldn't sit there but then I realised there was no point. Peeta wouldn't need it. I bit my lip. I have to stop thinking about those who have been lost I told myself. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't good and yet I didn't know how to stop. When something so traumatic happens it sticks with you. The Hunger Games will forever be in my mind, whether at the forefront or at the back of my thoughts; I knew it would always be there.
"You couldn't have saved them all Everdeen," Finnick said, breaking the silence. His voice was deep and soft like velvet. One of the Capitol material's I didn't actually mind. "Only one comes out, everyone knows it."
I sighed, I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't give into the urge to look at him. He was too handsome and distracting for his own good.
"I know, I just wish it hadn't been me," I said truthfully.
Of course a part of me would always be glad that I survived but the bigger part of me just didn't know what I had survived for. The Hunger Games were over but the games weren't, I survived, killed just so I could be sold, brought and played with. It didn't seem like much of a life.
Finnick doesn't scold me, tell me not to say such things instead he sighs sadly. "We all wish that sometimes."
I dared to glance at him then, his voice was so sad and defeated. It wasn't the Finnick Odair who appeared on the TV smirking and flirting, it wasn't the Finnick I had met the day before. I wondered if maybe, for the first time, I was seeing the real Finnick.
"Everyone down there," I said, meaning those sitting in level 12's apartment. "Have they all been...brought?" It seemed better than saying sold, or prostituted but only marginally.
Finnick nodded slowly, "yes, most of them. Some don't do it anymore but some still do."
I bit my lip, "like you." I whispered hoping I wasn't over stepping any boundaries.
He nodded, "Gloss, Cashmere, Johanna and sometime Brutus."
"Won't they mind you telling me?" I whispered nervously.
He chuckled, "no. We are like a messed up family us Victors, that's why most of us are there, to welcome you into the family fold," he said smirking.
I laughed softly despite myself and the situation. "Well I better go and get acquainted with them all then."
Possession
I spent that day getting to know them all. I learned to respect and like them all. I had been nervous at first, especially of Gloss, Cashmere, Brutus and Enobaria; they were career tributes in their time but I realised they were no different from myself. We had all killed, whether we had been trained to or not. There was no difference between us, not really.
Mags was like the mother figure I had been missing, just as Haymitch was like the father I had lost. She was full of life and laughs, albeit a little crazy but then again I figured we all were. All of use messed up in our own ways. You couldn't survive the Hunger Games and not be.
With Finnick it was harder, I felt comfortable around him but I was all too aware that sometime in the future he would be giving me 'lessons' I would get to know him on a very intimate level, a level I had no really knowledge of and definitely no experience in.
Johanna I found was a lot like Haymitch, bad tempered and sour but just like with Haymitch it didn't put me off and it seemed the more time we spent talking the more she began to relax around me and by the time dinner was served we really were acting like a very dysfunctional family.
It was always in the back of mind of what my real, blood family would think of me. What Prim would see me as and what Gale would see when he looked at me. I knew I wasn't the same girl. I wasn't the Katniss Everdeen who had left District 12; I was now Katniss Everdeen the Girl on Fire. The two were two completely different people. I was a completely different person and I wondered if I could slip back into my old life or would I feel like an imposter; an impersonator. Time would only tell.
I looked around the table. Mags was mothering Finnick, Johanna and Haymitch were arguing over something, Gloss, Chaff and Brutus were laughing about something and Enobaria and Cashmere were in a deep discussion. I knew, looking at that all, that whether or not my old life, my family and friends were all waiting for me I would also have them. A family of twisted, fucked up Victors and whores, they would always be there even if my old life had moved on without me...
AN: So what do you think? I have big plans for this story and I'm very excited about them. I really hope you enjoyed the chapter and I would love to hear your thoughts so please review...