AN: BIG thank you to those who are reviewing, you are all so lovely. Thank you also to those following, I hope you are all enjoying the story. Please leave a review to let me know what you think. Reviews motivate me and motivation means more chapters haha ... anyway, hope you enjoy...

I apologies in advance for any mistakes, I do re-read but some mistakes always slip past me...

Possession

Three

I sat on the train; I was heading back to District 12, my home. The mentors would all be going back to their own Districts, to say farewell to their dead while Haymitch and I would be going to celebrate my life and Peeta's. Apparently Peeta had asked Haymitch, that when he died -it seemed he had never had any intention of making it back- he wanted there to be a celebration of his life not a mourning of his death.

Haymitch informed me that in two months Finnick would be coming to District 12 to start my 'lessons' as well as Cinna and apparently so would Johanna. I felt a little relieved that Johanna would be helping. It was comforting to know that if I needed to, I would be able to talk to a woman. There are some things you just can't ask men!

Haymitch sat beside me. I was a ball of nerves; I was both excited and terrified of going home. I watched from my seat on the train as the world passed me by, or more accurately, I passed the world by. Haymitch obviously noticing my distress handed me a glass before filling it with some type of alcohol. I never considered drinking before but with many sleepless nights behind me and the nerves shooting through me, I really had nothing to lose.

I sipped it before eagerly downing the lot. Haymitch raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he filled up my glass once more. I made the second glass last longer, knowing it wouldn't sit well with anyone if I was welcomed back to District 12 only to be a drunken mess.

"Do they ever go away?" I asked out of the blue. We had been sitting in silence for a while but Haymitch being Haymitch and knowing me so well, knew what I was speaking about.

Haymitch sighed, "No. The nightmares stay with you always."

I tilted the cup in my hand, watching the numbing alcoholic liquid swirl around. I had a better understanding of why he drinks so much, after winning the games you need something, a habit, something to do. What's mine?

I knew some turned into morphling's, some turned to alcohol and others to sex and some even turned to death itself. The only two that seemed vaguely applicable to me was sex and alcohol but then again the sex was going to be my 'job'. I had to thank the sponsors who had kept me alive and god knows how many others.

So, it seemed alcohol would be my distraction, my comfort blanket, my safety net for when things became too much.

It wasn't long before I recognised the outskirts of District 12. My hands began to shake, I would see Prim, Gale... but I would also have to see Peeta's family. Would they hate me? Would they blame me for his death like I did? There were so many unknowns; my whole life seemed to have been thrown into the unknown. I supposed I would have to get used to it.

"Smile," Haymitch said once the train had stopped. We were standing at the door waiting for them to open. I could hear the excitement, the cheers, the calling of my name. I hadn't expected it on some level I thought they would shout at me, call me a murder. I didn't know which would make me feel worse but the cheering wasn't filling me with joy.

"Act like the perfect Victor," he said before quickly taking my hand and squeezing it gently. "When you're at home you can be yourself but for now you must be Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire."

The doors opened. The cheers grew louder and I did what was expected. I smiled, hugged children as they ploughed into me with excitement gleaming in their eyes. I waved and tried to look remotely happy. My happiness was real however when I spotted Prim, she was sitting on Gale's shoulders. They were in the crowd and I knew I wouldn't be able to get to them so I continued walking but my smile was bigger, filled with happiness and hope.

I had entered the Hunger Games so Prim could live and she had. She would survive and that thought alone was enough to get me through the crowd of cheering people.

Possession

I stumbled as Prim flung herself at me. She wrapped her arms around my middle and I, in turn, wrapped my arms around her. We had just entered the boarders of what was known as the Victor's Village. Effie, Prim, my mother and Gale and his family were waiting for me and Haymitch there.

"You came home," Prim said her voice a mixture of relief and excitement.

I smiled and pressed my lips to the top of her head. "I said I'd try didn't I little duck."

Everything seemed worth it in that moment. With Prim in my arms I could almost feel happy, happy about what I had done and what I would have to do because she was safe, she was with me and alive. In that moment it was enough to keep the horrors what had been and what was to come, at bay.

When she finally released me Gale scooped me up into his arms. My supposed cousin I had been informed. It irked me, it was obvious that Snow didn't want his precious Capitol people to think I was taken; I would become less desirable if I were. I would become worthless.

"I knew you could do it Catnip," he whispered into my ear as he held me close.

His embrace was so familiar, so comforting. He was my bestfriend; we had been there for each other in a time in our lives when we were both lost after losing our fathers. We had a bond; a deep bond that I hoped could never be broken.

It had been silly, my family, my friends; they loved me. They didn't see me in a different light after what I had done. They had wanted me to come home and I had. If I had to guess, I would say that they weren't thinking about how I had come back only that I had.

"Come come, would you like to see your new home?" Effie said her voice several octaves' higher than any normal persons but I smiled and nodded. She had grown on me, her optimism and happiness second to none. She was a breath of fresh air in the dark abyss that had somehow become my life.

The first night in my new home I had woken up screaming, waking both my mother and Prim. They had rushed into my room, eyes wide and frightened. Prim had held me tight; I think we were both comforting each other while my mother stood watching the two of us with unfocused eyes. She had kept her promised, she had stayed for Prim but it seemed with my return she had withdrawn back inside herself, not completely but she had.

It was after a week of waking up screaming and waking Prim and my mother that I decided it wasn't fair on them, especially Prim who every morning woke with deeper circles under her eyes before eating slowly and then stumbling off to school.

So I decided to pack a bag and make the very short walk to Haymitch's. He opened the door with a bottle in hand and a scowl upon his face, until he saw it was me. He took in my bag, my tired eyes and my drawn face and simply nodded.

From then on I stayed with Haymitch. We woke each other up from our nightmares and often drank ourselves to sleep, letting the numb darkness take us. It was unhealthy and my mother had even commented on it, of how inappropriate it was but I brushed it aside. She would not understand, none of them did, accept Haymitch. He had gone through the games to and only someone who had been through it could understand.

Gale and I continued to hunt; of course it was no longer to survive. Being a Victor meant I had enough money to by the food I needed, the Hawthorns often ate with my mum, Prim, Haymitch and I also meaning they never went without. I continued to hunt because it was the only thing that seemed the link the old Katniss with the new one. It was the only thing we both seemed to have in common.

Even my friendship with Gale had changed since leaving the games. I had hoped when I had seen him after arriving, after he had held me tightly in his embrace that nothing would change but it had. I wasn't sure what but something had.

It was on one morning, nearly two months since I'd been back, that we were sitting in our usual spot. I remembered the last time we had sat there, before the Hunger Games. He had said we could run; a part of me wished I had agreed and there was always that niggling feeling in the back of mind that wondered if we could have made it. If we really could have lived in the woods!

It was while sitting there that Gale first broached the subject of the games. We hadn't spoken about it; it was almost an unwritten rule in our friendship.

"Did you love him?" I frowned, wondering for a moment what he was talking about. Seeing my confusion he sighed softly, "Peeta, did you love him?"

I frowned. Why would Gale want to know that? I felt a stab of guilt at the mention of Peeta. Most nights my nightmares consisted of him dying for me. The way he died changed almost every night, some more violent and gruesome than others.

"I cared about him," I began, biting my lip to keep my emotions in check. I still hadn't seen his family; I hadn't gone near the bakery. I felt guilty about that to, they deserved to have an explanation or at least have me acknowledge my sadness and guilt to them. "But no, I didn't feel the way he felt about me."

My guilt was sky high.

Gale nodded, he almost seemed relieved. That confused me further. "Why?" I asked.

My bestfriend smiled slightly, "because I wanted to make sure you weren't in love with someone before I did this," and then before I could register what was happening his lips were upon mine.

My first kiss was my first thought before I realised that I should probably respond. I began to move my lips against his, nervously, I didn't know what I was doing but Gale did, at the back of my mind I wondered how he knew but I pushed it aside. He deepened the kiss, his hand resting on the nape of my neck before entangling his fingers into my hair.

I forgot everything, for a moment it was just me and Gale. I had never realised he had felt such a way about me before that moment and so when the shock wore off and remembered who I was, who I would become, I pulled away quickly.

Gale had a dopy smiled on his face until he noticed my panic. He frowned before hurt flashed through his eyes and then concern. "Catnip, what's wrong?"

I scrambled away from him. My cheeks were flushed, I had never thought about Gale in that way but the kiss had shocked my system, jolted something inside of me, woken a part of me I didn't know I had. I realised then that if the Hunger Games had never happened, if I had just been the old me, Gale and I would have probably had a future and that thought didn't scare me... it was the thought that Gale and I wouldn't have a future that saddened me.

I sighed, "I can't Gale." I couldn't tell him why though. I had made a decision that my family and Gale's family would never know what I was doing, what I needed to do to protect them. I wasn't naive; I knew they would hear stories from the Capitol, in the papers. I remembered frequently seeing Finnick in the papers that Madge's father received. There would be rumours but I had to hope that Gale would understand; that he would know it wasn't really me without me having to tell him.

Snow had made it clear if I stepped out of line something would happen to someone I loved and I didn't know if telling your family that the President is selling you to the highest bidders was stepping out of line or not.

"Why," he didn't keep the hurt from his voice.

It's just another thing to add to the list of things I feel guilty about.

I didn't know how to explain without saying too much. I had never really been one for words but I had to try, Gale deserved at least half the truth.

"I'm not the same Gale," I began. "Before, if the Hunger Games hadn't happened then," I bit my lip nervously. "I'm sure we would have ended up together, we would have found our way to each other. We would have got married, had children, a family..." Gale smiled softly. I wondered if he was imagining the life we could have had, like I was.

"We could still have that Catnip," he whispered softly, his eyes pleading for me not to push him away.

I sighed, "No, we can't." I felt tears begin to threaten to fall, I didn't stop them. "Things are expected of me, in the Capitol. I will be spending a lot of time there after the Victor's Tour."

"I can wait," he said fiercely.

He was before me, cupping my cheeks while his eyes burned into mine. "I love you Katniss, I'll wait as long as it takes."

I knew in that moment that he would, in that moment he would wait forever to be with me but I also knew that when rumours spread it was anger him, he would feel betrayed. I realised that maybe he wouldn't realise that it wasn't me and even if he did, in end, figure it out... he deserved better than me.

I had to lie; I had to make him let me go. It wasn't fair to give him false hope. I knew they was no future for us and so I closed my eyes, preparing myself because I knew my next words would hurt him deeply and they would pain me to say.

"I don't want you to wait Gale," I whispered as a single tear slid down my cheek. "I don't want you."

I ran like a coward, I left him there without looking at him. I couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes. It would have broken me but one thought kept me going, kept me running to Haymitch's without breaking down. He'll be alive, he might not be with me but he'll be alive and in time he'll forget me...

Gale would be alive, he would eventually forget the love he harboured for me but would he ever forgive me?

I ran into Haymitch's house, or rather our house, since I had moved in. I didn't notice the extra bags, or the extra people. I didn't notice that there was someone before me until I collided with them. My tears were running freely and I didn't care who was before me, I just wrapped my arms around them and sobbed. What has happened to me?

AN: So, what do you think? Who's strong; tanned, toned arms to you think she fell into? I've practically given the answer away, I know! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know your thoughts and opinions, reviews really motivate me...