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IMPORTANT NOTICE
I don't have internet at home yet but managed to get to my grans to post this. I don't know when the update will be though I get internet at home in about 2 weeks but hopefully I will be able to update from my grans again before that.
Thank you to everyone for your patience and kind, encouraging words. I hope you all continue to enjoy this story...
Please keep reviewing, it really means the world to me...
Possession
Six
Finnick's eyes briefly locked with mine. I saw anger, concern and guilt flash through his beautiful sea green orbs before he completely shut down. His mask was firmly in place. He was the Capitol's Finnick once more.
I shook my head of my thoughts; it wasn't the time to be thinking of Finnick. No, Finnick was fine... Gale was not.
I grabbed the nearest thing to me. It didn't register that it was Finnick's shirt and that wearing it would only infuriate and hurt Gale further. I covered myself, the shirt reaching mid-thigh before I turned to face my bestfriend and the one who had confessed his love for me, only for me to run from him.
He deserves so much more.
"Gale, it's not what it looks like" I began, realising that those words would not help at all. In fact, it probably made the situation worse if that was even possible.
"This is why you couldn't be with me?" he said slowly. His voice was flat, there was no anger, no sadness just a numbness... just an absence of emotion that scared me to my very core.
In that moment I could have told him the truth, I could have spilled it all but that would mean putting his life in danger, putting Prim's and my mother's life in danger. I couldn't do that.
I sighed, deciding on telling a half truth, one that would hurt him –more than I had already- but would also maybe, just maybe, would make him understand, if only a little.
"Finnick understands me," I started. Gale flinched, the words obviously hurting him. "He's been through what I've been through, going through what I'm going to go through," I paused, biting back my emotion as I tried to justify the pain I was inflicting on my bestfriend it's for his own safety, it's so he can live his life I had to keep telling myself.
"I need him," I whispered finally.
Gale stood there, unmoving and showing nothing but hurt in his eyes. I wanted to reach out to him but I knew I couldn't, shouldn't. As much as I hated the idea, he had to let me go.
"You don't need me," he whispered finally. The pain was clear in his voice. It pained me to see him like that, that it was me that was causing the pain.
"I'm not the same Katniss anymore," I whispered, fighting the urge to step towards him. "I can't be the same Katniss, not the one you knew."
Gale seemed to deflate before my eyes. It was a scary thing to see, someone I knew to be strong looking so weak and defeated. His shoulders sagged and his whole form seemed to shrink. He said nothing and just turned towards the door.
I had done it, I had made him see that there could never be anything between us and it hurt. I loved Gale, maybe I wasn't in love with him but I cared a lot for him, like I had Peeta. It seemed I was destined to push everyone away, that or be the reason they died!
Just before Gale left he turned around, his voice was low and breaking. "For what it's worth, you'll always be my Catnip," and then he was gone.
I stood frozen by his words. They cut deeper than any wound I had ever received. Gale would never truly let me go, I realised that in that moment and it was that knowledge that broke a piece of me.
"Katniss," Finnick's voice reached me. I felt his hand on my shoulder and jumped away from him.
I was a mess of emotions; with what had happened with Finnick and then with Gale. I couldn't deal with anything in that moment, I needed space and time.
"I need to be alone," I said and without looking at Finnick I left. I went upstairs via the kitchen where a grabbed a bottle of Haymitch's finest alcohol. I would drown my sorrows; it was easy, it blocked the pain after a while. Of course it didn't make it go away but it pushed it aside at least for a night.
No one disturbed me that night. I heard them all come home but wisely they all stayed away though I vaguely heard Haymitch swearing, apparently I had taken the good liquor!
I wouldn't admit it to myself but when the bed didn't dip beside that night I felt alone and if possible, even sadder. Finnick had become a constant presence in my life and I hadn't been lying when I had told Gale that Finnick understood me, that I needed Finnick. So when I realised that Finnick would not be coming to me I went to him.
I didn't know what time it was and the house was eerily silent as I staggered my way towards the room Finnick had stayed in upon his arrival, before he decided to just sleep in my room. I bumped into many things and swore many times before I reached his room. I had expected, while in my blurry drunken haze, to come face to face with the whole household with the noise I was making. Yet no one seemed to have heard me.
I was outside Finnick's room, preparing myself. I was still unsure of what had transpired between him and I before Gale had walked in. It hadn't felt like a lesson, it had felt like an indulgence, a want, a need. I made a mental note to myself to ask Finnick about it.
I was about to step inside when the scream had me reeling back. It took me a few seconds to realise it was Finnick, and he wasn't stopping. Nightmare. I rushed inside, the alcohol induced haze clearing as I rushed to Finnick's side. He was thrashing around while he screamed, his face was twisted into pain... the pain only a Victor could understand.
"Finnick," I said softly yet loudly enough that I hoped he would hear. I should have known better. In the state he was in, like I had been in many times, the gentle whisper of a name would not suffice.
I crawled onto the bed beside him a little haphazardly might I add with the alcohol still coursing through my system. I tried to dodge his flailing limbs but several blows caught me. I didn't voice the pain and I wouldn't tell him, he didn't need to feel guilty and to be honest, I had felt worse pain.
I prepared myself a little before finally waking him, knowing he would be on the defensive, not knowing where he was; at least for a moment or two. He was reliving his Hunger Games, like we all did.
I shook him, gripping his shoulders tightly before shaking him awake. I tried to be as gentle as I could but you could only be so gentle while shaking someone awake. He shot up with a start his eyes wide, the next second I was pinned below him a knife in his hand.
I started into his sea-green eyes hoping he would recognise my Seam grey orbs before he tried to stab me. Luckily he did.
"Katniss," he exhaled my name, loosening his grip on the knife. He hung his head which in the position we were in meant that his forehead rested against mine. His warm breath danced over my skin and I was taken back to earlier in that day. His lips on mine, his fingers caressing my skin as he rid me of my clothing... I had to stop myself there.
I brought my hand up and began to run it through his hair in a soothing motion and soon his breathing slowed as did his racing heart. The weight of his body on top of mine wasn't uncomfortable, in fact I liked it. It made me feel oddly safe. I realised that I always felt safe when Finnick was around, even when I was terrified I could look to Finnick and somehow I felt safer.
I hadn't realised how close we had become until that moment and on some instinct that I didn't really understand I leaned forwards and lightly brushed my lips against his. I heard his intake of breath and his eyes pierced into mine, filled with confusion and something else. Something I had seen earlier that day, desire maybe, though I knew little about desire, or lust.
I idly wondered if Finnick felt safe with me, like I did with him.
I closed my eyes, not believing that I had been as bold and brave to kiss him. It had been an impulse and one I was regretting as the silence continued. I often didn't mind silence, it gave me time to think but I didn't want to think in that moment, I need a distraction something to stop myself from acting on anymore of my 'instincts' that I didn't fully understand.
"What do you usually do after a nightmare?" I asked softly. He seemed a little startled when I spoke, as if he wasn't expecting me to break the silence.
He paused for a moment before smiling. "Swim," he whispered. There was a spark of happiness. I knew Finnick felt calm while in water, it was just his thing.
An idea formed in my mind. I smiled and Finnick lifted an eyebrow in question, obviously not understanding my look.
"Let's go then," I said.
He frowned, "you don't have an ocean or a pool here."
I lifted my hand to cup his cheek. Noticing once again how close we were, his body was still on top of mine and my mind starting racing. He may have been shocked by my kiss but if he had been disgusted he would have moved by now, right?
"Trust me," was all I said and to that he nodded.
Possession
I remember my father taking me to the small lake beyond the boundaries when I was younger. He taught me how to swim and I've never forgotten how though I haven't been back since his death.
Finnick had been a little reluctant to cross the border but after a little persuasion he had relented. The prospect of swimming was obviously a big incentive. I felt apprehensive, going back to a place that held memories of my father but then I thought of Finnick, he had been there for me every night when I woke up screaming. He deserved a little happiness; he needed to let off some steam.
He was rather silent as we walked. The dark sky was slowly lifting giving way to dawn as we trudged through the forest with only a flask of water and a loaf of bread with a few meats if we got hungry.
I dared not ask about his nightmare, it was troubling him obviously but I knew if he wanted to talk about it he would, so we walked in comfortable silence. My thoughts wandered back to our kiss, well, several of our kisses. I was still naive, I knew that, but I knew that what I felt, instinct I had to kiss him was one of lust. I recognised it though I knew very little about it.
It scared me, knowing that I wanted Finnick... that I wanted anyone. I had never had that desire before. I wondered if it leave when I began my 'job' when I became a courtesan for the Capitol, I wondered if I would still desire men after being taken by so many I didn't know and undoubtedly didn't want. It was a question that would only be answered in time.
I pushed all those thoughts away. I didn't want to think about what my future held, I knew it would be grim and so I thought about it as little as possible. I wanted to at least aim to be happy while I still had the chance.
"Were nearly there," I said with a smile as we neared the lake.
Finnick smiled an anxious yet excited smile. In that moment he looked like a small child who had been told they were nearly at the candy shop. It was a side of Finnick that rarely showed itself and a side I loved to see.
When the lake came into view Finnick nearly raced towards it, stripping as he went until he was only in his underwear before he dived in. I chuckled softly, happy to see him happy.
Again it unnerved me; it was foreign to me to care for someone so much who I didn't see as family. The feelings I was having towards Finnick, the feelings I was slowly starting to admit I had, were scary and new and I didn't know what would happen... what could happen. Surely nothing!
"Are you coming in?" he called from the bank of the lake.
I watched him, his hair plastered to his face as droplets of water ran down his cheeks and down his torso. He was beautiful and even more so when he was so relaxed.
"Of course," I nodded and began to rid myself of my clothing.
I was nervous but Finnick had seen me in less much less. The water was cold as I slowly lowered myself into its depths. I remembered briefly when my father would lower me down, holding onto my tightly and promising to never let go.
I bit back the sting of tears that threatened to fall and dunked my head underwater to hide any that may have fallen. When I reappeared Finnick was swimming the length of the lake, a smile on his lips. I watched him as I bobbed up and down, he seemed so calm in the water and I realised that swimming was Finnick's distraction, mine was alcohol his was water. He picked the healthier option I noted dryly.
I had been to distract by my thoughts to realised Finnick had stopped and was in front of me. His eyes watching me; when our eyes met I couldn't look away. He was captivating and I knew why so many women fell under his spell. He was a magnificent specimen but his looks weren't what captivated me but his heart, his kindness and his vulnerability. He was beautiful on the inside as well out.
"You're biting your lip again," he said softly with an edge to his voice.
I hadn't realised, yet again, that I had been but with his comment I continued. Something stirred deep within me, a need I had never felt before, it spread through me like fire and ignited everything within and with it came a confidence I had never thought I possessed.
"It's because I want you to kiss me," I whispered my voice low and sounding very unlike my own.
Finnick's eyes flashed with mild surprise but also desire. I recognised it instantly and I wondered if my own eyes held the same look. Finnick moved closer so his body pressed against mine. I closed my eyes in anticipation, I realised I was quickly becoming addicted to Finnick's kisses.
"We're walking a dangerous line Katniss," he whispered while his lips softly brushed against mine.
I opened my eyes and locked them with his. I knew what was happening wasn't supposed to happen, I knew nothing good could come of it especially when we were both destined to please the likes of rich Capitol's but we weren't there yet.
I wanted something pure with someone, something true and not forced before the men of the Capitol were unleashed upon me. I wanted something real. I wanted someone I wanted. I want Finnick.
It was dangerous but then my life was... Finnick was worth the risk, isn't he?
AN: So what do you think? I hope you all enjoyed it, please let me know what you think.