Kurt nodded as Blaine continued to stare at them both with a hurt expression and Kurt felt so bad that he had kept it from Blaine for so long. Those hazel eyes were shining with unshed tears and Blaine bit his lip before he looked away.
"Blaine, I didn't mean to deceive you, I really didn't," Kurt began to explain as Blaine closed off from them both, pulling his arms around himself, Kurt looked towards Sebastian for help but he looked just as helpless as Kurt felt, "please, I never meant to hurt you, I was just scared."
At Kurt's admission Blaine looked back up at him, and it literally hurt Kurt's heart, which almost skipped a few hard beats at the fear in Blaine's eyes.
"Why were you scared?" Blaine asked quietly and Sebastian chose that time to slip away, giving them both space and time to talk alone.
"I- I don't really know, a lot of things I guess-"
"Explain."
"Well, I have this never ending need to be in control of my own life, Sebastian calls it my diva side, but it goes deeper than that," Kurt explained and Blaine intently listened with a non-judgemental blank expression, giving Kurt his full attention, "I never fully agreed with this 'name on the finger equals true love' thing, I mean it sounded ridiculous to me. I didn't want my life chosen for me...when I was with Sebastian and I got Sebastian's name, that control and fear for the future kind of melted away, because Sebastian was my safe option."
Kurt paused to take in a shuddering breath before he continued.
"And for a while, my only option."
"I understand...but did I give you some kind of vibe that said I would just accept it and be with you from that point?" Blaine said and Kurt grimaced a little at the implication he just put on Blaine, "I like to get to know people in my life before things happen, but I understand where that fear came from."
Kurt nodded along to Blaine's explanation and for a while no-one said anything, Kurt was becoming more nervous as the minutes ticked by. But then Blaine sighed and the tension broke between them as his shoulders slumped.
"Please don't misunderstand me, we need to talk about this, but for now, I just need some time alone." Blaine told him and Kurt felt the fear of rejection creep along his spine, and his eyes started to sting.
"Ok, yeah, seems...wise." Kurt nearly choked on his own words as Blaine turned to walk out of the kitchen and Kurt felt his heart breaking at the forlorn expression on his face.
"I'm going to go for a walk or something."
Kurt watched him walk away and all of a sudden he found it hard to breathe.
Sebastian was there to catch him as Kurt's anxiety got the best of him and his legs collapsed underneath him. He gripped hard at Sebastian's shoulders and buried his face into his shirt, smelling the familiar comforting scent of his best friend, and trying not to sob too loud.
Sebastian did his best to calm and soothe him but Kurt's nervousness and fear had come back up and he was stuck inside his own head, and his breath was coming out faster and harder.
"Kurt, you need to calm down." He said gently but sternly and Kurt shuddered as he tried to quell his tears but it didn't work, the sobs choked him and the tears soaked his entire face.
"W-what d-d-did I do? I-I've ruined e-everything!" He stammered out through his sobs and Sebastian held him tighter even as his own eyes stung, and trying to comfort his scared friend.
It took over an hour for Kurt to calm down, and eventually his breathing evened out and Sebastian realised he had fallen asleep.
He lay him down on the couch, and covered him with a comfortably big blanket from the cupboard, and tucked it around him. Sebastian was just sitting next to him on the floor petting his hair, when Blaine came back in, an hour and a half after he left.
"Hey." Blaine said quietly as he walked over to them, and Sebastian smiled up at him.
"Hey," Sebastian replied and Blaine smiled sheepishly at him, but Sebastian only sighed and patted the floor next to him, and as Blaine took a seat he continued, "Look, Blaine , I know this is a tough thing to get past, but don't be too hard on him ok? He's harder on himself than anyone else could be...he's been fighting his fear to tell you who he really is for weeks."
"I know, but I-"
"No, he really is messed up about it," Sebastian interrupted as Blaine sat in silence, listening, "He flaked out about 10 minutes ago, after having an anxiety attack, over what he did to you."
Blaine looked confused about it at first and then as he looked at Kurt's red ringed, bruised looking eyes and his slightly damp face, he hung his head.
"He likes you, Blaine, he just fights too hard sometimes."
"I get that," Blaine said as he leaned forward to put his own hand through Kurt's hair, "I was thinking about moving here, to New York, for a few weeks now...but if Kurt wouldn't be able to stand the closeness of that, then I won't."
"Are you kidding? He would love it." Sebastian said with a laugh.
"You think so?" Blaine asked nervously and Sebastian placed a hand over his shoulder.
"I know so...so you're not rejecting him?"
"No." Blaine said straight away and Sebastian grinned wider.
"Oh, good."
Kurt moaned a little in his sleep and Sebastian stood up, leaving it to Blaine to talk to him again. Patting Blaine's head and then giving him a wink before walking into the kitchen to make more coffee.
"Mmm...Blaine?" Kurt said as he opened his red, sore-looking eyes, and Blaine smiled at him.
"Yeah...Kurt, it's me." Kurt groggily sat up, Blaine helping to right him as they sat facing each other, and Kurt gave him a tentative smile and then nervously looked down at his hands.
"I thought you left..." He said quietly and Blaine sighed as he placed a hand over Kurt's trembling ones.
"I told you, I had to go for a walk." He said and Kurt shook his head with a small smile.
"I'm not very good with people leaving me."
"I didn't leave you, I'm here." Blaine told him and Kurt's smile got a bit wider but there was still a nervous and fearful glimmer in his eyes and Blaine raised his eyebrows in question.
"But...do you actually want to be here?" Kurt asked slowly and Blaine tilted his head with a kind smile.
"Yes...that's why I came back to tell you, I would love to get to know you as Kurt Hummel, if that's ok with you?"
"Yes it is..." Kurt said with a grin of his own, his eyes taking on a happy light before he winced and then looked down at their clasped hands again, "I'm sorry, Blaine."
"I know."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Sebastian had been waiting for a chance to talk to Kurt, but so far his time was being taken up by Blaine. They were still talking well into the night, and had moved to laughing and joking around with each other, Blaine had paid for take-out and they had all sat and reminisced about family and high school, and Blaine had asked about Kurt's family, and he told him about Burt, and how much his father was the one who really gave him the courage to try and make things right.
Sebastian was proud of Kurt, he was really coming out of his shell. But he still wanted to talk to him. Sebastian had been looking for a new apartment, so that he could give Kurt space to be with Blaine whenever he wanted, and not have to worry about throwing anything in Sebastian's face.
Sebastian wasn't so much worried about what Kurt thought, but rather that he would hold himself responsible for hurting Sebastian when it didn't matter anymore. What's don is done, nothing can change it.
After the clock read 3:15am, Blaine decided to turn in for the night, and Kurt had kissed his cheek and bid him goodnight as he walked down the hall to his own room. Sebastian made sure he was quiet as he crept down to Kurt's room and entered.
Kurt had gone straight into his en-suite bathroom, and Sebastian waited for him on his bed, his eyes went wide as he spotted Sebastian, and he gave him a small smile before taking a seat with him.
"So, things going well now?" Sebastian asked but Kurt rolled his eyes at him, "I have been waiting to tell you something, and now that everything is out in the open..."
Kurt raised an eyebrow and waited for Sebastian to breathe in some courage for whatever he was about to say.
"I'm moving out."
"What?" Kurt asked a little fearfully, and Sebastian placed a finger over his lips so he couldn't say anything else for now, and he continued.
"I need to, not just for you, but for me too."
"Sebastian, I'm sorry I-"
"No, no, this is what I didn't want to happen," Sebastian said as he stood up and pulled Kurt up with him, tugging him into his arms as he talked into his hair, "Don't do it, Kurt, don't blame yourself for something out of your control. Don't ever do it, you hear me?"
"I'm going to miss you." Came a quiet reply and Sebastian smiled as he leaned his forehead against Kurt's temple, pressing a small kiss on his cheek before pulling back.
"You're still my best friend, I'm going to miss you too." Sebastian said and Kurt gave him a watery smile, which made them both laugh slightly.
"You're my bestfriend too."
Sebastian didn't like serious discussions for too long and low and behold, just as Kurt predicted, here came the sarcasm.
"I won't miss your diva fits though," Sebastian started as Kurt rolled his eyes with a huff, "or your need for detail, or your insistence on matching outfits, or your nightly skincare routine, or your-"
Kurt punched him in the arm, glaring at him playfully and they both laughed as they pulled each other into a hug again.
"Night, Hummel." Sebastian said as he left and Kurt smiled wider.
"Night, Bas."