Doomsday: Post Apocalypse
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Dislaimer: Oh, really! They're the BBC's.
Summary: Ianto comes to Cardiff for a week to help with the archives, but is it as simple as that? Jack/OC, Jack?Ianto
Suspense/hurt/comfort – T – Ianto Jones & Jack Harkness
A/N: Hello again! Sorry for the wait… first I got stuck, then I wrote NaNo. Before I waste any more time with futile apologies… on with the story. Enjoy!
PS: Dear guest, I have NO idea how I could miss that! Do you have any idea how often I've read the chapter? Anyway, thanks for pointing out the flaws!
Chapter 25 – Mitigating circumstances
Ianto woke screaming, his throat hurting as his voice broke on the highest pitches. His covers were soaked with sweat and his body shivering violently. Feeling sick, he stumbled out of bed and to the small bathroom, hardly making it in time before dinner forced its way back out. Coughing violently, he cowered beside the toilet when he heard a knock on the door. First it was tentative, but as his own breathing gradually calmed, the knocking became more insistent at the lack of response.
"Ianto?"
Mrs. Dillard!
Ianto groaned, but she sounded so anxious that he awkwardly pushed himself up and somehow made it to the door of his bedsit. Opening it just a crack, he peeked out and all but squeaked, "Sorry for the disturbance."
"Nonsense!" she shot back with alarm. "Are you all right, son?"
"Yes, I'm fine," Ianto lied in an attempt to assure her. "Just a bad dream."
"That must have been a pretty bad nightmare, love," she replied, not being reassured at all and trying to squeeze forward. "Is there something I can do for you?"
Ianto did not know if he should throttle her or break down in her motherly embrace.
"No, Mrs. Dillard, but thanks for offering. Good night."
Before he could change his mind, he pushed the door shut. Right now, he did not have it in him to be polite. Leaning his back against the wood, he slid to the floor. There he sat, a breath hitching in his chest, and before he knew it, tears rolled down his pale cheeks. For a moment, he dissolved in sobs before a frantic rustling caught his attention.
"Oh, kids!" he muttered wetly and crawled over to the cage, "did I scare you?"
The spidermice gathered behind the bars, scrambling over another in their eagerness to get to him, and struggling to nuzzle his fingers when he reached out to lightly pet them through the bars. They seemed to be really excited, but Ianto did not want to let them out for fear that he would not be able to lure them back into the cage again. So he just lay there beside them and let them tickle his fingertips with snouts and fur.
Tears freely ran down his cheeks.
Unable to stop them, Ianto forced himself to his feet and dragged himself to the bathroom. Splashing water in his face did not help and at the sight of the messy toilet he choked again. Backwards he stumbled out of the bathroom.
Clean that mess, a voice in the back of his mind demanded.
Despite the sour smell, Ianto quickly wiped away the worst with toilet paper and flushed. More thoroughly, he washed his hands and brushed his teeth to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth.
As soon as he had finished his task and nothing to keep himself occupied with, his misery returned with a vengeance. Becoming unsteady again, he stumbled to the bed, dropping heavily onto the mattress.
Tears still clouded his vision and he closed his eyes. At once horror scenarios engulfed him. Death screams echoed through the corridors, sparks flew, and heat seared his skin. Agony coursed through his body when a metal hand clamped down on his shoulder, sending electricity through every fibre.
Saucer-eyed he stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily. Panic still tried to get a hold on him and he shivered again.
Only slowly, his heartbeat slowed again. As soon as he closed his eyes, though, the horrific pictures returned. A cone-shaped alien glided toward him, its energy beam hitting him squarely in the chest.
Once more, he started awake, gasping for breath.
Ianto stood and paced his bedsit. He contemplated making himself a hot drink, but all he had was coffee, which would be rather counterproductive. After a few minutes of pacing, he decided to give sleep another try.
First, it seemed to work, but then he ran. Leaving one corridor, he turned into another. One as endless as the other. Running. Running! Metal voices chasing him along. Fire burning all around him. Running! Dead end. Running! Staircase. Up? Down? Downstairs. Running. Running! Cybermen! Upstairs. Daleks! Door. Corridor. Screams. Smells. Noises. Cybermen. Running. Running! Running! Running! Running!
A strangled cry escaped his lips as he shot up straight in bed. Heavy gasps achieved nothing but hurt his chest. Falling out of bed, Ianto reached for his mobile and dialled the first number that came to his mind.
Only when it rang steadily and finally went to voice mail, he realized what he had done. Hearing Lisa's voice upset him once again and barely suppressed cries tore off his lips.
Choosing another contact, he dialled Owen's mobile that went to mailbox as well.
Shit!
Cowering in a corner on the floor, he held the phone with trembling fingers.
Call Rhi?
What should he tell her? Aside from being estranged, he could not talk to her about anything Torchwood.
Jack?
No, he could not bother their boss with his heartache. Chances were he was not there anyway and he would be damned if he kept him from investigating an alert, or, even worse, interrupted more private activities.
Tosh!
With difficulty, he brought up her number and dialled. After a few rings, she tiredly answered. Ianto could not form a coherent thought, let alone speak a whole sentence.
"Tosh…" he moaned and dissolved in tears.
"Ianto! What's wrong?" she asked, suddenly alert. Hearing the distress in his voice, she feared the worst. When all his attempts at answering her ended in sobs, she commanded, "Stay on the phone! I'll be there in ten. Don't hang up!"
All he could do was sob.
"Stay on the phone!" she commanded. "I'll be right there."
Even feeling a surge of gratitude, Ianto could not force himself to answer. He heard some rustling through the phone as she pulled on some clothes, then a door slammed.
"Ianto? Are you there?"
Ianto groaned.
"I'm on my way," she assured him. "Stay with me, love."
He could hear the patter of her shoes on the stairs.
"Talk to me, Ianto."
"C-c-cant," he stuttered.
"I'm here," she assured, dropping into the driver's seat. "Just hang in there, all right?"
Toshiko actually made it over to Ianto's in eight minutes. When he let her in, he did not bother how many traffic rules she had violated to get to him. As soon as she stepped over his threshold he clung to her desperately, crying out his heartache.
xXx
When Ianto slowly returned to his senses, he lay in bed and had no recollection of how he got there. The last thing he remembered was calling Toshiko. Gentle fingertips brushing a strand of hair off his forehead startled him.
"Shhh..."
Who did the soothing voice belong to? Opening his eyes answered his question and made him start.
"Tosh!"
"Shhh, Ianto," she murmured. "It's all right, love. Relax."
"What did we do?" he croaked.
Confused she quirked an eyebrow before she caught on and gave him a crooked smile.
"Nothing inappropriate," she promised and could not help a chuckle when he blushed. "You needed rest. I just stayed with you to help you relax."
"Oh." A faint blush coloured his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to say... I mean, how could I think for just a second...?"
At that Toshiko became earnest again.
"Maybe because you wouldn't be too wrong," she murmured sadly, lowering her gaze.
All of a sudden, she appeared fragile, younger and more vulnerable. Ianto felt her loneliness and yearned to comfort her. With Torchwood you led a hidden life and Toshiko had not even her family to fall back on and find support. Then there was her unrequited love for Owen.
Carefully, he reached out to touch her cheek.
When she leaned into his caress, he was not quite sure what to do, but what happened next came naturally enough. After a moment, he let his fingers slide into her hair and cradle the back of her head so he could pull her toward him. The first time their lips met, it was a feather light touch, each of them testing, tasting, wanting to be sure the other was willing.
Their tentative kisses became more demanding until Ianto drew back with a start.
"What's the matter?" Toshiko murmured.
"What the hell are we doing?"
Never before had she heard the polite young man swear, which stunned her so much that all she could do was stare.
"We're seeking comfort," she finally replied. "Why? Does it feel wrong?"
Ianto nodded. "No."
A small chuckle escaped her at that.
"You're contradicting yourself," she explained when she saw his confused expression.
"Oh?"
Still chuckling, she propped herself up on her elbow. Even though he still seemed uncertain, Ianto kept toying with her hair, twirling the strands around his fingers.
"Do you want to talk about Lisa?" Toshiko gently offered.
A pained expression crossed his features.
"Not sure."
"Okay," Toshiko relented and stretched back out beside him. "When you are, I will listen."
Surprised, she let it happen when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Lying snuggled up against him now, she leaned her head in the crook of his neck. Absently, he caressed her bare shoulder. A few minutes of silence passed that Ianto broke with a hoarse whisper.
"Tomorrow… makes it so… real."
He fell silent again, but Toshiko could feel how tense he was, so she prodded, "In which way?"
"Her death," he tonelessly answered. "It did not feel real before. I… didn't have nightmares before…" He paused and Toshiko waited patiently. "And that feels wrong. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yes."
"I think it never hit home until now. Right after Jack got me out of that ruddy conversion unit I had a task to concentrate on, decisions to make, and work to do. I never even spared her a thought." With every word he became more agitated. "I didn't think of all the others either. I never mourned! What's wrong with me? I'm not that cold!"
"Sh…" Toshiko soothed, calmingly caressing his forehead. "Don't beat yourself up like this."
"But…"
"Hush," she stopped him with a finger over his lips. "That's not true."
Incredulously, he stared at her out of eyes that seemed impossibly wide and deep with emotion.
"I know it, Ianto," she softly assured him. "I was there. Remember? At your flat, before we drove to Cardiff."
"Oh."
Ianto had totally forgotten about that. Now that she reminded him the memories returned in a flood, and fresh tears burnt in his eyes.
"Still, I forgot," he moaned. "But I can't forget! Someone needs to remember them!"
"You won't," Toshiko murmured compassionately.
"I did!" he whined, desperate. "During the last week I sorted files, cleaned up after my colleagues, sent thylacines to Tasmania, fought alien whirlwinds, but I never thought about Lisa! Or Virginia! Or anyone else who died at Canary Wharf! Instead I enjoyed the work and the banter and…"
"Ianto," Toshiko interrupted his more and more frantic speech. "I'm sure that's not true. When you take a moment to think about it you'll notice that there were moments when you did remember. You did not forget and you never will."
"It hurts," he sobbed. "I feel so… guilty."
There it was.
Toshiko did not need to reply anything. She could see how his understanding grew as he formed the sentence.
Survivor's guilt.
"Oh, Tosh," he cried. "I was so angry with her. We argued so much recently. Most of it was about work, but it disclosed differences between us that we had to deal with. We were going to get married after all. I'm not saying that we should have separated, but we needed to sort out those issues. And then… then came the ghosts and the Cybermen and…"
Unable to talk past the lump in his throat, Ianto trailed off and swallowed dryly. Tears started to roll and he went on with difficulty.
"Even hiding from the Cybermen we fought. Dr. Markham gave me some documents, telling me to go to Captain Harkness. She said I should leave it, that it was none of our business. She still believed in the Institute." Pausing, he took a deep breath. "In her opinion it was not worth the effort. We were what mattered. We should think of ourselves and get out of the tower. Yet when we were caught and led to the conversion units…" Once more, he could not speak with emotion and had to fight to continue, "she stepped in when they wanted to take me. It was all futile, still, going first, she sacrificed herself in order to buy me more time… for the slightest chance that I could survive."
"Oh, Ianto, I'm sorry," Toshiko whispered close to his ear. Lying beside him, she listened patiently, caught between fascination and compassion, and ruffled his hair soothingly with one hand while she caressed his shoulder with the other.
For a while, they just lay together, giving each other comfort.
"I don't know what happened elsewhere," Ianto suddenly said, "but I'm pretty sure that Lisa was not the only one. So many were killed by the Cybermen and yet there must have been people who stood up to them, tried to defend themselves, their colleagues, and our world. Brave men and women who deserve to be honoured for what they gave up… and yet we're not allowed to do it. We can't ever talk about their sacrifice, not even at the memorial service."
Realizing the truth of his words, Toshiko did not know what to say. She knew that family members of One's employees would be there. They could not reveal the true nature of the Institute to them. That would mean breaking their confidentiality agreement. Toshiko had no desire to see that UNIT cell ever again.
"How are we supposed to honour our dead when we can't talk about how they died?" Ianto hoarsely asked.
That was a good question, but Toshiko had no idea how to answer it.
"I miss her so much!" Ianto sobbed, burying his face against her shoulder. "I miss her!"
"I know," Toshiko mumbled against her own tears.
"There's that big hole inside me," Ianto sobbed. "I want her back."
"I know, love," she tried to reassure him. Unable to find any words that could relieve his sorrow, she continued to caress him. She really wished she could offer him solace and when she noticed that he responded to her touch, she softly kissed his cheek. Ianto took a long shuddering breath and calmed a little, which encouraged her to repeat her action.
As Ianto turned his head, though, their lips met, and this time they were electrified.
Not a good idea, Toshiko thought.
The younger man just wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight and kissing her fiercely. At first, she harboured doubts about the wisdom of their intimacy, but with every kiss, they melted further away until she caved and surrendered herself to the Welshman.
xXx
When Suzie's screams echoed through his apartment, Owen smirked devilishly. Next time he met his neighbour from below, she would look at him disdainfully again, for the disturbance in the wee small hours as well as the origin of the noises. Owen could not care less. Only fleetingly, he wondered if anyone might be watching from below, which added to his arousal and made him shove her into the panorama window with another thrust.
"Oweeeeeen!" she screamed with pleasure, scratching his back.
Rocking against the glass, they reached the peaks of their lust. Swaying backwards, Owen took his lover with him and they landed on his bed.
"Whoa!" Suzie gasped. "Wow."
Below her, Owen chuckled with contentment.
"Feeling better now?" he asked as she settled beside him and pulled the sheets up.
"Yeah…" she drawled and snuggled up to him.
For a few minutes, they lay entangled, lazily caressing each other.
Even though she had claimed to feel better now, Owen sensed that her earlier tension slowly returned. Something was still bothering her and he sleepily asked, "Care to tell me what's on your mind?"
"You don't really want to know, do you?" she grunted.
"Still tell me," he prodded. "Doctor's orders. You'll feel better."
Snorting wry laughter, she shifted her position beside him.
"I'm mad at Jack."
"Why?"
Suzie groaned. "Isn't that obvious?"
"You really still annoyed that he hired Ianto?" Owen asked with disbelief.
"Hired?" she scoffed. "He didn't hire him. He's kinda kidnapped him and stuffed him into the archives to keep as his pet."
"Don't you think you're being a little hard on the captain now?"
"No, I don't think so," Suzie stated and propped herself up on her elbow. "You know Jack. Our boss is too besotted with his archivist to think clearly. Otherwise he'd cut him loose."
Feeling strangely intimidated by his lover leaning over him now, her black curls tickling his chest and her dark eyes burning with passion, Owen scooted back a little and sat up against the head of the bed.
"You've known Jack even longer than I have," Owen told her matter-of-factly. "So I don't know what you're complaining about." Curiously, he saw her features darken even more. "Or are you jealous?"
Stunned beyond belief, he saw her roll her eyes before she made an annoyed sound from deep down her throat and dropped into the pillows. It was as good as a confession and Owen wondered how he should tickle it out of her.
"I am not jealous," she snarled.
Of course not, Owen thought. Aloud he said, "So you're upset because Ianto was right?"
"About what?" Suzie huffed.
"Because I really can't imagine that Ianto doing the preparations for the memorial service is what's bothering you. You'd much rather tinker around with your alien toys."
"Right about what?" Suzie insisted.
"I have to admit that I'm fascinated by the possibilities the glove might offer," Owen explained, "but Ianto was right to raise those ethical questions."
"It's not that he tried to hold a mirror to me," Suzie snapped. "It's the fact that he has no reason being at Three at all."
"Oh, don't get started on that again," Owen groaned, pushing the covers back and turning to swing his legs around and sit on the edge of the bed. "I thought we were beyond that point."
"Come back," Suzie moaned.
"No!"
Owen stood and padded over to the sofa. Now he was the one who was annoyed. His aggravation came from his split loyalties. Suzie was a good colleague and his current lover. He knew her as a reliable Torchwood agent and trusted her with his life. Caring for Ianto during the long hours that the younger man had been trapped in the conversion unit, Owen had learned that he was intelligent and witty, and while they searched the Secure Archives, Ianto proved to be just as dependable.
"Why are you angry now?" Suzie demanded to know.
"Because I can't hear it anymore," Owen told her flatly. "You keep saying that you view Ianto as a risk, but you have nothing to prove your statement!"
"Right," she huffed. "I know you like him. That's why you can't see how he's manipulating us."
"What?" Incredulously, Owen shook his head.
"Really, Owen. Did he hesitate when Jack asked him to come to Cardiff? No, he didn't. He came with us when we returned from London. Not a day or two later. No, Jack couldn't wait, and he used that. Jack wouldn't have allowed any of us to use any of One's software or technology."
"Ianto needed that for the archiving," Owen threw in. "And you know how desperately we're in need of proper archiving."
"But he's not stopping at that!" Suzie argued, finally scooting over and sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Right," Owen sarcastically said, "but organizing the tigers' transport and writing a speech for the memorial service hardly threaten your position."
"He's undermining my authority!" Suzie frayed. "Don't you see how he's influencing Jack?"
Vigorously, Owen shook his head.
"What I did see was how he took your place in the field when you were too busy sulking and saved our asses, figuring out how to defeat those whirlwinds."
At that, Suzie actually looked offended.
"I see," she drawled. "Now it's my fault."
"No, it's not," Owen shot back. "But it isn't Ianto's either."
Shaking her head, Suzie reached for her clothes and began to dress herself.
"I see that arguing is futile. You don't want to see because you like him."
Glowering at her, Owen snarled, "All I see is your wild imagination."
Nodding decisively, she pulled on her boots and got up.
"I guess I should go."
"You probably should."
"Fine," she huffed and strode to the door.
She did not look back and Owen winced when the door smashed into its frame. Their argument left him confused. He could not understand why she doubted Ianto. The young man had done nothing but help. The only reason Owen could see was that she felt indeed threatened by him.
She'll come back to her senses. Ianto won't stay with us forever. Despite what Jack likes to believe he will leave. I seriously doubt that our captain has anything to offer that can change his mind about it. When the time comes, Suzie will realize that she worried in vain.
With a sigh, Owen poured himself a drink that he downed with two big gulps. The alcohol failed to work, though. It could not chase away the gloomy feeling that threatened to take a hold on the doctor. Suzie was gone, leaving an empty bed behind.
Time to call it a night, Owen thought as he crawled under the sheets. Tomorrow will be a long day.
tbc…