Doomsday: Post Apocalypse
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Dislaimer: Oh, really! They're the BBC's.
Summary: Ianto comes to Cardiff for a week to help with the archives, but is it as simple as that? Jack/OC, Jack?Ianto
Suspense/hurt/comfort – T – Ianto Jones & Jack Harkness
Chapter 35 – Confrontations – part 2
Jack came up from the vaults first, intending to take a shower down at his quarters beneath his office. The others went straight to the showers as well in order to get rid of all the grime and slime that stuck not just to their clothes but also dried on their skin and in their hair. It was one of those occasions when Jack could not find much joy in his job. Aside from being sprayed with what remained of the alien after it was hit with their guns, he still loathed that they had to kill it in the first place.
Now a shower and then a big mug of Ianto's formidable coffee, Jack thought as he strode past the workstations. His imagination easily carried him further than soap and water, and for a moment he enjoyed the idea...
…that evaporated when he entered his office and spotted movement on the ceiling that turned out to be a spidermouse.
"And here I thought that I secured the storage room against escapes," Jack hissed, ready to grab a broom or something to shoo the alien away. His search for anything useful was cut short, though, when he spotted Ianto lying in front of his desk. His fear for Ianto overrode his rising panic at the presence of the spidermouse. As he rushed to his side, he quickly tried to take in the situation. Spotting the glove made his heart jump into his throat. It still stuck on Ianto's hand and, with horror, Jack realized where the spidermouse came from.
"Dammit, Ianto! What the hell were you thinking?"
Reaching for Ianto's forehead, he felt the cold skin. No! Don't leave me, Ianto! Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the spidermouse scurry toward them. Jack could not think of anything else than pull the ruddy glove off Ianto's hand.
Ianto jerked violently and Jack barely prevented his head from thumping the concrete floor.
"Owennnn!"
Jack's desperate scream echoed through the central hub unheard.
The spidermouse lay dead about a yard away.
Feeling for Ianto's pulse, Jack could not find it.
"Fuck!"
In vain, Jack mentally reached out for Ianto. A moment ago he had still sensed a vague terror, but it was gone now.
"Don't do this to me," he tonelessly gasped as he cradled Ianto's limp body in his arms. "Stay!"
Pressing his lips to Ianto's, he did the only thing he could think of. Even though he did not know what exactly he did, Jack knew that it had worked before. So he put everything he had into the kiss that hopefully would save Ianto's life. His mind sensed his presence before he felt any response. Ianto's breath in his mouth assured him that he was alive. Only reluctantly, Jack backed off.
"Ianto?" he croaked, scared that he might still lose the young Welshman. "Can you hear me?"
"What happened?" another voice demanded. All of a sudden, Owen was by their side, his hair still wet from the shower. "Jack! What's wrong?"
"I don't know," Jack gasped. "When I came in, he lay here, cold as clay and hardly breathing."
Feeling for the younger man's pulse, Owen scowled. "Pretty fast." As he did not have a stethoscope at hand, he leaned down to listen for his heart beat. "Erratic."
Helplessly scrabbling for a purpose, Jack suggested, "Maybe we should take him to the couch."
"Yeah," Owen agreed, "and elevate his legs, before he really goes into shock. What the bloody hell did you do?"
"Nothing!" Jack frayed. "I told you, I found him like this!"
As he already cradled Ianto in his arms, all Jack had to do was stand up and carry him to the sofa. There, he gently lowered Ianto on the cushions. Having not enough pillows at hand, Jack scooted onto the sofa and propped Ianto's legs up on his shoulders. When he looked at Owen, he met the medic's angry gaze.
"He used the glove," Jack explained anxiously.
"Idiot."
Now it was Jack's turn to glower at Owen.
"Seriously, Jack," Owen scoffed, "one of the few things Suzie relayed about the glove is that you need to muster a good amount of compassion, of empathy, to make it work. After what happened at the memorial service Ianto should've known it could be dangerous for him."
"Right," Jack sighed, worriedly watching Ianto for signs of recovery. Slowly it dawned on him what he and Owen had just stated: using the glove was dangerous and if Ianto was aware of it, Suzie certainly knew it as well.
She did do it deliberately! Jack's throat corded up with the realization. Maybe she didn't intentionally kill the spidery mouse thing, but she used the opportunity to harm Ianto!
The betrayal stung. Disappointment twisted his stomach and slowly that regret turned into white hot rage. Jack wanted to punish Suzie for what she had done, but had to concede that he could not prove her malicious intent.
"Owen?" the weak croak alerted both men to Ianto coming to.
"Hey, teaboy," Owen replied with a genuine smile. "Good to have you back. How are you feeling?"
"Like I was run over by the proverbial lorry." Ianto pressed his eyes shut as if the light was too intense for him, and then his whole face contorted with agony.
"What's wrong?" Owen demanded. "Talk to me, Ianto!"
"T-t-t-oo much," Ianto groaned. "Ughhhh."
"Too much of what, mate?"
"Input," Jack cut in, feeling Ianto's rising distress.
"Like last Saturday?"
"Yeah," Jack muttered worriedly, "give us some space for a moment, okay?"
That's not a good idea.
It was written on the medic's face as clearly as if he had said it aloud. Looking at him pleadingly, Jack hoped that Owen would relent.
"I'll go get my med kit," Owen finally grumbled and rushed outside, almost bumping into Toshiko. Suzie was right behind her.
"What happened?"
"Not sure yet," Owen muttered as he breezed past his colleagues and to his med bay.
Both women strode into the captain's office but were stopped by Jack glaring at them.
"Not now," Jack shook his head. "Go."
"But…"
"I'll call you, Tosh," Jack assured his computer expert while deliberately ignoring his second in command. "I know you're concerned, but your presence is hurting him. Now, please. Go home."
While Suzie did not need to be told twice - and did Jack catch a glint of satisfaction in her eyes? - Toshiko's reluctance was palpable. For a moment, she hovered in the entrance to Jack's office. The captain was all the more grateful when she conceded.
"Get well, Ianto," she whispered just loud enough for them to hear before she turned to leave.
Jack could feel shudders course through Ianto and hear his laboured breathing. While his eyes were closed, his fingers scratched at the sofa's fabric in search for a hold. Ianto seemed to focus hard, which took him quite an effort.
Knowing how difficult it was for Ianto to control his empathy, Jack masked his emotions best as he could, hoping that it eased the other's pain.
"All right," Owen rattled on as he rushed back to Ianto's side, "first we need to stabilize you. Then we really should try to determine what's making you so sick, mate. Like it or not, you may have to take some meds for a while. Now…" as he talked, he had loosened Ianto's tie and opened his shirt to be able to push the stethoscope against his chest, "let's see how you're doing…"
"B-b-better now," Ianto croaked, pressing one palm against his temple. "Ugh, got a headache."
"Look at me," Owen commanded, shining with a small torch. Ianto tried to look up but quickly turned away his view as the light was too bright. "You're quite sensitive to light," Owen muttered to himself as he put the torch away. "On a scale from one to ten, how bad is the headache?"
"Eleventy-two," Ianto moaned. "I… it's hard to explain. There are all those… thoughts, noises, snippets more… pictures…"
"They're swirling through your head?" Jack suggested. Absently, he soothingly caressed Ianto's thigh in an awkward attempt to help.
"Yeah," Ianto all but sobbed, "it's like… my head's expanding…"
"Expanding?" Owen queried, "You mean like you're wearing a hat that is too small?"
For a moment, Ianto closed his eyes, trying to determine if the description fit his pain, before he nodded.
"Sounds like a tension headache," Owen mused. "I can give you Paracetamol against that. Some coffee might be helpful with it."
"Really?" Jack queried.
"Yeah, caffeine enhances the effects of pain meds," Owen nodded. "Though I don't mean you should have several pints." Casting a stern look at Ianto, he queried, "Do you still feel that anxiety you told me about? Be honest, teaboy."
Once more, Ianto nodded. This time his features screwed up with pain at the motion.
"I know you don't want psych meds," Owen went on, fishing a box out of his doctor's bag, "but I really think you should give the Pascoflair a try. Three times a day, after meals. It'll take the edge off the anxiety."
"I don't need any…"
"I'm your doctor, and you'll do as I say," Owen cut him short, placing the box of pills on Ianto's chest.
"Fine," Ianto groaned. "Are you done poking at me?"
"For now," Owen nodded.
"Good, then you can go and have a drink," Ianto told him matter-of-factly.
"What?" Owen remarked indignantly. "No way, mate."
Sensing that Ianto felt increasingly cornered by the medic, Jack muttered, "It's all right, Owen. We'll be fine. Leave us alone now, will you?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," Owen protested.
"It isn't," Ianto agreed, much to everyone's surprise, "but we need to do this. Now." Owen's discomfort was obvious. Ianto could see it in his eyes as clearly as he felt it roll off him. To his own astonishment, he seemed to be able to control it now, though, and he just knew that they had to resolve their issues once and for all. "Don't argue, Owen," Ianto told the doctor firmly. "You've done all that you could. Your job is done. Go."
"I can't leave you unattended."
"You're not," Jack cut back in. "I'm here."
"Yeah…" Owen drawled.
"Stop right there," Jack snapped. "Don't even dare to think that way! One more reason for you to leave now."
"But…"
"No buts, Owen," Ianto interrupted hoarsely. Knowing that Jack was right did nothing to ease his anxiety, but he could not see another way out of his dilemma. "It's my decision. Please, go."
Grudgingly, Owen accepted his patient's wish. He packed up his last things and left Jack's office. Only when Ianto heard the cog door rolling shut, though, he could relax some more.
"Are you really sure you want to do this now?" Jack softly asked, stroking Ianto's shoulder with a thumb.
"We need to do it," Ianto declared, even though he did not really feel the conviction. "I don't think that it'll take much work, though."
"Is it getting better?" Jack hopefully queried.
"Yes," Ianto nodded carefully. "I seem to have more control now."
Jack looked at him curiously.
"Dr. Dryden taught us all he knew about psychic shielding," Ianto explained, "which didn't seem to be much, but when I struggled with my… talent, it helped getting a grip on it."
"I'm glad," Jack sighed, his agitation lessening only gradually. His fascination with Ianto had been unexpected and disturbing, but it grew and his wish to protect the young man filled his whole being by now.
"And you're disgusting," Ianto remarked wryly.
"What?"
Ianto could feel Jack's indignation and rushed to say, "All the goo… alien?"
"Oh… yeah," Jack sheepishly confirmed, "Didn't have a chance to change yet."
"I kept you from doing it," Ianto muttered self-deprecatingly.
"Right," Jack said, unaware.
"Sorry."
Stunned, Jack stared down at Ianto.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he declared, steadfast.
"I shouldn't have tried to use the ruddy glove," Ianto stated. In his current position, he felt at a distinct disadvantage, so he tried to lift his legs off Jack's shoulders. "It was my fault."
Jack leaned back to give Ianto space to turn and sit up. As he did, the pill box slid off Ianto's chest. Jack caught it and handed it to Ianto who stuffed it in a pocket. The captain's heart clenched painfully at seeing the young man curling up and cradling his head between his hands. Quite obviously, he was still struggling with handling his empathy, which vividly reminded Jack of a time when he had still been troubled and thoroughly confused about his own unique talent.
'Why aren't you dead yet?'
The woman's mocking voice had haunted Jack ever since his first encounter with Torchwood. Woken by a bucket of icy cold water, the vaults were the first he ever got to see of the Institute. Tied to a chair in one of the cells, Jack was helpless to prevent them electrocuting him.
'Pretty advanced piece of equipment you got there. You ladies are ahead of yourselves. Now where the hell am I?'
Instead of an answer, the brunette directed a gun at him.
'Put that down before somebody gets…'
And she killed him again. With horror, Jack recalled that they would have held him to be experimented on forever, if he had not agreed to working for the Institute. As devastated as he had been after learning that he would have to wait for over a century until he would meet the Doctor again, he viewed working for Torchwood as the lesser of two evils. Stuck in a time that was not his own, the Institute at least provided an environment where he could be himself for a while.
'How else are you going to earn?' Holroyd smugly had asked him. Oh, Jack would have found something else, but Torchwood worked with aliens and supernatural phenomena, which certainly suited him better than hiring himself out at the second-best opportunity as a day labourer.
And frankly, Jack also did not like the idea of leaving the ladies to their own devices with an unpredictable Rift in time and space running straight through Cardiff.
"All the pain…" Ianto moaned, startling Jack out of his musings.
"I'm so sorry for all the hurt you're suffering," Jack told him honestly and carefully put a hand on Ianto's back to rub soothing circles.
"Not mine… Yours."
"Mine?"
That knowledge made Jack feel even worse. The last thing he intended to do was cause Ianto more pain.
Suddenly standing, Ianto took a few steps forward before he paused, his posture tense. His voice sounded distant yet agitated when he latched on the most intense emotion that haunted him and spoke…
"I kiss him. Last kiss for the condemned man. I was much better off as a coward."
Only a few words, but defining. They catapulted Jack back in time, shivers crawling down his spine and the sounds of Satellite Five ringing in his ears.
"I know I'm going to die. I know the others will die with me. If the Daleks aren't going to kill us, it'll be the Delta Wave."
Jack thought he was going to be sick. His bottom lip was trembling and he put a fist over his mouth to keep himself from choking.
"One after the other they are falling. The last stand. I need to buy him more time and I'm firing with everything I have. They're not shooting back. Just advancing. They know I'll run out of ammunition. We've almost reached the control room and I'm with my back to a wall. They're only yards away and my weapon's empty. I pull out the old fashioned gun, but its metal rounds don't even leave dents in their armour. I know that's where it ends…"
At that, Ianto paused, but not long enough for Jack to get his bearings and interject anything. Stunned beyond belief, all Jack could do was sit and listen to the tale that was so horribly familiar…
"Pain! My lungs burning as if they never drew a breath before. I'm alone. There are small heaps of dust on the floor where the Daleks were. I remember them killing me. The pain still lingers as I run down the corridor. I know the Doctor will explain to me what happened. I enter the control room to find all the Daleks gone. There's so much of the dust…" Ianto's voice trailed off. Slowly, he turned around, his gaze meeting Jack's before he tonelessly continued, "I can hear the engines grinding and am just in time to see the familiar blue shape fade into the vortex. I'm feeling lost and frightened, like... on the day when the nameless evil killed our father and took… my little brother."
That was where he could not go any further. Jack did not know if his memory ended there or if Ianto was just too choked up to speak. His heart clenched painfully, restricting his breathing as well, and tears burnt in his eyes. Suddenly he gasped for a breath that had been stuck in his throat. When he finally grasped a thought and voiced it, he croaked, "How do you know any of this?"
"Must…" it was so hoarse that Ianto cleared his throat before trying again, "Must have happened when you helped me at the memorial service."
"But…" Jack was at a loss. "How?"
Ianto shrugged. "Guess… that a door, once opened, can be stepped through in either direction...
Jack did not know what to say. Tears lurked in his eyes. He felt horrible. Having to live with the condition he was in was something he did not wish on anyone. That Ianto seemed to own some of his worst memories now, made him physically sick.
"I woke from a nightmare last morning," Ianto went on, wrapping his arms around himself in a protective gesture. "It felt so real that I didn't know where I was at first." He choked. "Then I recognized my bed and remembered the battle and what had happened the day before and… and that was when I knew that it was your memories."
Hearing his suspicions confirmed, made Jack feel even worse. A moment later, though, he became aware of just how much Ianto had learned about him. Things he would never have shared voluntarily. All of a sudden, he felt like Ianto had intruded his mind and stolen whatever knowledge he gained.
Don't be silly! Jack reprimanded himself. He just said that he was surprised by the memories' manifestation. Why should he even try and steal any of my thoughts, if he was so reluctant to share emotions?
Still a bitter aftertaste of betrayal remained, which made it impossible for Jack to even look at Ianto, let alone try and comfort him. Open incredulity at this violation of his privacy made his voice husky.
"You just took them."
"Believe me, I didn't!" Ianto laughed bitterly, helplessly threading his fingers through his hair. Forming coherent thought was hard between the tides of emotions that crashed against his psyche. Ianto's whole body shuddered and he stood rather unsteadily on his feet. "I have no explanation! You claimed to be the expert!"
That, I'm not, Jack thought miserably. I knew I was taking a risk, connecting with Ianto to save him, but it seemed the only way.
An irrational rage at Ianto betraying his trust and invading his mind burnt inside Jack.
All of a sudden, whatever energy Ianto had left seemed to drain out of him, he swayed, searching for a hold on a shelf and awkwardly leaning against it. His breaths came in painful gasps and his blood was rushing in his ears. Tears formed in Ianto's eyes and rolled down his cheeks.
"It… seems to come… in waves," he sobbed, trying to steady himself. If they had been outside, a soft breeze might have knocked him off his feet. As it was, a surge of nausea threatened to do that. Desperately searching for a way to make Jack see what he did to him, Ianto went on, "There are other fragments of your memory. You're bound to a chair and there's a woman in Victorian dress, shooting you and torturing you…"
"A brunette?" Jack grunted.
Ianto nodded, feeling fresh aggravation seep into him.
"Alice Guppy," Jack spat. "That was right here in the vaults when they recruited me."
Hearing the bitterness in the captain's words, made Ianto uncertain what or who Jack was annoyed at. He tended to feel with him… but everything was so bloody confusing. Concentrated on interpreting what he got along with the words, Ianto was distracted to the point that he almost missed what Jack had said.
"Alice Guppy?" he gasped. "For heaven's sake, Jack! Guppy died in 1906!"
Jack just raised an eyebrow, watching him closely.
"Holy shit! Jack! How old are you?"
If the subject had not been so serious, Ianto's bewilderment could have been amusing. Unwilling to do the maths right now, Jack shrugged. Ianto looked at him as if he had grown a second head.
"Do I have something between my teeth?" Jack asked, flashing him one of his trademark smiles that lacked enthusiasm. "And how do you even know about when Guppy died?"
"It says so on her drawer."
Jack was gobsmacked.
"That's kinda creepy, by the way, having all those Torchwood operatives lying down there on ice."
Jack shrugged.
Both their attempts at deflecting their rising agitation with humour were fruitless, though. Reflecting emotions made both their tempers rise, which resulted in further tides breaking over their mental defences.
Even sensing that Jack was about to blow a fuse, Ianto struggled with reigning in his curiosity. He knew he should quit at that point, but the disturbing pictures would not leave him alone and he desperately wanted to resolve the issue, "They weren't exactly asking you to join then, were they?"
"Are you kidding?" Jack snorted with a bitter laugh. "If it's alien, it's ours."
The accusation sounded horribly familiar. Guilt boiled inside of Ianto. While he comfortably forgot that he had tried to stand up to the Institute, Jack successfully nursed his anger. Being painfully reminded of his cruel recruitment, fuelled his rage at the directorate that brought down One.
"They gave me a choice," he snarled, "work for us or waste away in the dungeons as our favourite lab rat."
Ianto's wish to do something for Jack in order to repay him for what he had done at the memorial service was drowned by his repulsion caused by current mental assault. Even though he wished to understand, he was unable to reach out for Jack like he had subconsciously done so often before his collapse. Now he was startled by raw emotions that were not his own and any attempt to connect made his empathic talent slip and rear, until the sheer force of Jack's emotions made him stagger backwards.
"Yeah, right! Get away from me!" Jack roared, stepping forward to force the young man further back. "I don't need you prying into my mind!"
Experiencing a surge of nausea at Jack's proximity, Ianto's legs felt like rubber and he unsteadily moved toward the sofa.
Seeing Ianto flail, triggered concern in Jack. Ianto's distress was palpable, but the bitter truth was that Jack still struggled with his own demons.
"Prying?" Ianto gasped, tumbling past the sofa and finding support in the doorframe instead. "You forced it on me!" he frayed, "It's all your bloody fault!"
For a second, Jack was stunned into silence by Ianto's outburst, but then it opened his eyes for what was going downhill.
"I opened the door," he muttered helplessly as realization sank in that it was his wrongness that repelled Ianto, "to save you. I couldn't possibly know…"
"Then you shouldn't have done it!" Ianto snapped. "This was a mistake. I should go."
He was almost outside the door, when Jack caught on to him leaving. Recalling that Owen had practically placed Ianto in his care, he tried to stop him, "Ianto, wait! There was no choice…"
"It's all wrong!" Ianto yelled, turning back on his heels. "Torchwood! The battle! You!"
The latter hit Jack as if he got backhanded across the face.
Wrong.
An all too familiar hurt made Jack's heart ache to the point that he thought it might tear apart by itself. He did not know how often he had been called wrong, a freak of nature, an abomination. People who found out about his unique ability, that he rather thought about as a curse, reacted to him with abhorrence. Ianto had been so understanding so far that the sudden rejection was even worse than the open hostility of people who hated his guts from the start.
His throat corded up with anxiety, Jack took a few tentative steps toward Ianto, prepared to apologize and to try and reassure him of his best intentions.
"Don't!" Ianto squeaked, his voice breaking with distress. Holding up his hands to physically stop the captain from getting any closer, he backed out of the office. "Stay away from me!"
"Ianto," Jack begged, feeling like the monster other people often saw in him. Taking smaller steps but still proceeding, he tried to coax Ianto into staying, "you're not thinking clearly. If you'd just stop for a mo…"
"No!" Ianto screamed, "Leave me the hell alone! You're a monster! A bloody freak! Stay where you are…!" he demanded heatedly, "Don't come after me!"
Devastated, Jack rooted to the spot. Unable to move for several minutes, he remained staring at the cog door that was long closed behind Ianto, until he was finally able to draw breath again.
tbc…