Doomsday: Post Apocalypse
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Dislaimer: Oh, really! They're the BBC's.
Summary: Ianto comes to Cardiff for a week to help with the archives, but is it as simple as that? Jack/OC, Jack?Ianto
Suspense/hurt/comfort – T – Ianto Jones & Jack Harkness
Chapter 41 – Goodbyes part II
London
Friday, 9:30 a.m.
When he stepped out of the front door, Ianto started at the impressive sight right in front of him. Captain Harkness waited beside his car, hands stuffed into his coat pockets, and the wind ruffling his dark hair. The captain had buttoned up his coat against the morning cold. It was not the towering figure that took Ianto's breath away, though, but the classic car parked on the curb.
Finished in fir green, the MG roadster had a prominent radiator grill between the round headlights, separate wings, and running boards. A spare tyre was mounted on the boot. All chrome parts from front to rear and the wire wheels glistened in the morning light. The convertible soft top was closed in case it might rain.
When Ianto lifted his gaze to meet Jack's, he saw the captain smirk.
"Yours?" Ianto simply asked.
"Yep," Jack curtly replied and reached for the handle to open the door.
Ianto stepped forward and paused to take in the interior before he sank into the passenger's seat. Jack walked around the car and got into the driver's seat.
"Let me guess," Ianto lightly teased, "You bought this when it was new."
"I did," Jack proudly told him. "MG TF Roadster, year of construction 1954. Wood-framed body. XPEG type engine. It's all original, the colour, all wood and metal panels, frame and other components…" Feeling Ianto's intense gaze on himself, Jack trailed off.
"Is it very big?"
"Is what very big?" Jack asked back.
"Your garage."
Jack scowled.
"Your impertinent grin, sir. It's screaming 'I want to boast with my treasures'."
"Yeah, well, at least you didn't tell me that the car says I'm overcompensating," Jack muttered and pulled a face at him. "Actually, I don't drive them very often." He paused to start the car and file into traffic before he added with a broad grin, "It's not really a garage… more like a warehouse."
Ianto chuckled.
"How many cars do you have?"
"A few," Jack stated. "Not as many as Tosh has egg cups."
This time, Ianto laughed softly. "She has an amazing collection."
"Yeah."
Ianto thought that this yeah sounded like Jack claimed the same statement for his classic cars as well. If this roadster is just the tip of the iceberg, he may be right with that assessment. He knew a piece of excellent craftsmanship when he saw it and this car certainly was one.
"Actually," Jack started in a fake serious tone that harboured amusement, "I think that Owen's porn collection is much bigger."
And finally, Ianto could not help but laugh out loud.
"Are you jealous?" he teased.
"Jealous?" Jack shot back incredulously. "Nah… Been there, done that. Who needs pictures when you've got memories?"
Once more, Ianto uttered a soft laugh before he fell silent. Jack did not prod and kept driving. He had to work hard on not looking at the younger man who looked so gorgeous in his dark anthracite suit. Teasing him now would not be appropriate. At some point, though, he could not stand the silence anymore.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No," Ianto gently replied. "Nothing you're not already doing. Thanks."
Jack nodded curtly and kept driving. Knowing that it was most likely that Ianto would not appreciate his babbling, he refrained from striking up a conversation. When they reached the cemetery, Jack parked near the entrance. Ianto was about to alight from the car, when he spotted Toshiko and Owen waiting on a bench under a huge chestnut tree. He had mentioned the funeral, but neither of the others had said anything about coming.
"Ianto?" Jack carefully prodded.
"I'm just surprised, that's all," Ianto muttered and finally climbed out of the car. Taking a deep breath, he purposefully walked over to his co-workers.
Both got up from the bench. While Owen nodded at him curtly, Toshiko stepped forward and spontaneously wrapped Ianto up in a warm embrace.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered before she released him. "You chose a nice place."
"We chose it together," Ianto said. "We knew about the danger… so we were looking for something peaceful. Lisa found it and we…" he choked, "we made reservations…"
With the explanation the grief welled up inside of him anew. Unwilling to cry before they even entered the cemetery, Ianto fought the tears down.
"Don't want to be the last to arrive," he muttered and strode toward the entrance.
As he passed the gate, he spotted a small group of people further down the path. Even from the distance he recognized them and slowly walked in the same direction. Turning left, he closed in on the group and met them beside a freshly opened grave near the edge of the cemetery. The sun filtered through the leaves of an old willow that guarded the place.
"Ianto," the elderly lady closest to him greeted him, stretching out her weathered hands to take his in her own. She drew him closer and reached up to the back of his neck to pull him down. He had to bend forward and she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him desperately.
"Millie…" Ianto's voice broke.
"Who are your companions?" the man beside the lady demanded to know. He appeared to be in his mid-forties and exuded protectiveness as he stepped slightly between Millie and the newcomers.
"Colleagues of ours," Ianto replied, releasing the woman from his embrace.
"Jack Harkness," the captain beat him to an introduction. "This is Dr. Sato, and Dr. Harper."
"We've never heard your names before," the dark-skinned man stated matter-of-factly. "Did you work with Ianto?"
"I'm the supervisor of the firm," Jack explained. "As the highest ranking surviving officer I felt obligated to come and express my condolences."
"Sir," Ianto retreated onto neutral ground, refraining from calling Jack captain, "Lisa's grand aunt Millie Forsythe, her brother, Dr. Harlan Hallet," with that he gestured at another young woman who stood a little back, "and Brynna Forsythe."
Straightening his already impressive posture, Jack gently yet firmly spoke, "I am very sorry for your loss."
"Well, it's good of you to come, Mr. Harkness," Harlan bit out. "But don't you think perhaps it's just a bit too little, too late? If you'd had as much concern for your employees a few weeks ago as you seem to have for their survivors now, my sister might still be alive."
"Harlan!" Millie hissed. "For shame!"
"I'm sorry, Auntie!" he replied. "But if he's one of the big shots from the place where she worked, I think he owes us some answers! How did my sister die, Mr. Harkness? At the very least you owe us the truth about that!"
"Mrs. Forsythe, your nephew is right," Jack solemnly went on. His compassionate pain was palpable as he continued, "It was not my intention to provoke anyone with coming here. As much as I wish I could have done something to prevent this from happening... it was not in my power. Nobody of the old directorate made it out of the tower alive. We barely survived ourselves... And I wish just as much that I could give you the answers you are craving. Unfortunately, I don't have anything to offer you except my sincere condolences."
"You can take your condolences and..."
"Stop it, Harlan!" Brynna broke in. "Just stop it! Lisa loved what she did, and whatever it was, we all know now it wasn't processing insurance claims. She must have had her reasons for keeping her work a secret from us, and I'm sure she knew it could be dangerous." Turning to Jack, she said, "Mr. Harkness, thank you for coming. I know you lost a lot of people that day. It's very kind of you to be here for us."
Hearing the sound of footsteps, Brynna looked around Jack to see who was approaching. The woman striding toward them wore a long black coat and an astonishingly angry expression with which she fixated Ianto. Ianto, who looked like he was searching for the proverbial hole to vanish into. Knowing there was no way to avoid her, though, he squared his shoulders and waited for the woman to arrive.
When she stepped up to the group, she shifted her attention to Lisa's family, extending her hand toward Brynna who was closest to her and introducing herself, "Hello, I'm Rhiannon Davis, Ianto's sister. I was so sorry to hear about Lisa."
With the latter, she shot a quick glance at her brother. It was a look that he recognized from their youth and that went straight to his core. She was not finished with him and he just knew she was going to read him the riot act later.
It actually cheered him a little to realize she could still be angry with him. It was something normal, and he needed normal right now. And it was nice to know she cared enough to be angry with him for shutting her out when what he really needed was support.
Feeling an unexpected surge of affection for his older sister, Ianto wrapped her in a hug like he used to do when they were children and said, "I'm glad you came."
"Where else would I be, you git?" she muttered back. "Don't think this means we won't have words later."
The priest quietly cleared his throat then, and said, "If everyone's here, perhaps we should begin?"
As Harlan nodded, the priest stepped up in front of the small group. Ianto really tried to follow the ceremony but could not help but zone out. Peripherally, he registered that the priest read from his Bible. The words of the following short speech, though, washed right over him without any effect. Caught up in his own mind, Ianto barely noticed movement, and he only connected with his surroundings again, when, to everyone's astonishment, Jack stepped forward.
"I can imagine that you are surprised," he softly began, "but even though I didn't know Lisa Hallet personally, I feel a connection to her. First and foremost, she was human. Like you… Like me… Lisa was a daughter who lost her parents way too early. She was a sister. She was a niece and a cousin. She had people she loved and who loved her in return."
At that, Jack paused, searching and finding Ianto. Locking his gaze with Jack's, Ianto felt a chill run down his spine at the intensity that filled the other's eyes.
"In her personnel file her supervisor described Lisa as a dedicated researcher who flourished with the responsibility of her task. Always friendly and helpful, she was a pillar to her colleagues. Where she could have chosen a job in the private sector, Lisa decided to use her talents for the collective good."
Up to that point, Ianto was not sure where the captain wanted to go with his speech. So far it seemed similar to the usual obituary the priest most likely recited earlier when Ianto had zoned out. Still, Jack's words carried with them a sincerity the priest's had not, and Ianto felt compelled to listen.
"Though the true nature of her work prevents me from being specific, I can tell you this: Lisa's last act in this life was an act of immeasurable love. Her final decision, her self-sacrifice, prevented a second catastrophe, that, following so closely on the heels of the one that cost her life, could have toppled the whole world into the abyss. Unborn generations of people who will never know her name will owe her their lives."
"Lisa Hallet was a hero," Jack said with conviction, "and for that, I will be eternally grateful, as should we all."
Though he had locked eyes with Jack, Ianto was not seeing the man before him. He saw instead a parade of horrific events both real and… potential?... pass before his mind's eye. The man-eating plant grown wild and taking over the city. The future predators hunting the people of London to extinction. Weapons that devastated entire continents, turning them to barren wastelands in a single breath. And he knew, now, what Jack was talking about, where he had found the sincerity to back his glowing praise. She had not only saved Ianto, she had saved the information in his head. She had recognized the danger the contents of Torchwood Tower posed, and she did the only thing she could to see to it that those dangerous specimens and artefacts did not fall into the wrong hands. She had saved him so he could tell Jack…
And all of a sudden, Ianto felt hot tears run freely down his cheeks. Everything caught up to him at once and the grief broke its way out of him, making him sob and cry like a little boy. Feeling a hand slip between his fingers and taking a reassuring hold, he looked around to see Rhiannon beside him. She squeezed his hand which gave him fresh strength.
Turning forward again, he caught a glimpse at Harlan and startled. His posture was tense which gave Ianto the impression that he harboured more anger than he had shown toward Jack earlier. Another motion distracted him from Lisa's brother, though, as the undertaker stepped forward to lower the urn into the small grave.
Seeing the copper cask sink below earth, Ianto felt a sharp stab at his insides. With trepidation, he watched first Millie and Brynna and then Harlan step forward. Gathering his courage, Ianto closed the short distance to the edge of the open space and threw a handful of soil in. As Rhiannon stayed by his side, she followed his example. For a moment, he stood and tried to collect himself. When he moved backwards, he was pleased to see his colleagues take their cue as well. It looked like Toshiko had cried as well, while Owen wore a morose expression that made Ianto wonder if he had to suppress his tears. Though out of place, Ianto felt a sudden amusement at imagining how the caustic medic had to fight to keep up his stoic façade.
Jack joined them, putting a soothing hand on Toshiko's back. Together they hovered for a short while before Jack grabbed the handful of soil and threw it in the grave. They moved to the side and the whole group remained standing in silent remembrance until Millie hesitantly turned around. Brynna stayed by her side as they slowly made their way back to the main aisle of the small graveyard. Ianto followed the two women with Rhiannon beside him and knew a second later that he made a mistake, as he could virtually feel the daggers Harlan glared at him stab his back.
How am I supposed to survive the lunch at Millie's?
In order to be certain, Ianto carefully opened himself for empathic reception and felt his skin crawl at the hostility that hit him.
I can't do that!
Striding forward, he tried to catch up to Millie. When she noticed him, she paused and looked at him expectantly.
"Millie, I'm so sorry," Ianto said, feeling a lump forming in his throat, "but I can't come with you for lunch."
"What?" Her voice hitched with a suppressed sob. "Seriously? I thought you would stay until dinner."
"I planned to, Millie," Ianto tried to explain, hoping that his boss would back up his white lie, "but I can't change it. I have to go back to work."
A scoff made Ianto jump.
"Why am I not surprised?" Harlan muttered under his breath but not low enough not be heard by the others.
Ianto could feel his presence close in from behind. At the same time, he sensed a defensiveness on his behalf and straightened in order to beat the captain to whatever he was about to do.
"Why don't you say what's on your mind?" Ianto challenged, pivoting around to face Lisa's brother and furtively holding up one hand to stall Jack.
"Only minutes ago you put on a pretty show for us," Harlan readily came back and though his tone was deceptively light, it was also snide, "blubbering like a baby now that your girlfriend's gone, and now you're just walking out, leaving us behind like excess baggage."
Ianto could understand Harlan's anger, he really could, but he could not just stand and swallow his insults for Lisa's family's sake. He had to resolve this quickly, as he could see that not just Jack but also Owen were ready to intervene.
"Actually, Harlan," he calmly replied, "this was only my attempt at politely backing out of a family gathering where I'm not welcome."
"Not welcome?" Millie cut in incredulously. "How can you say that, son?"
"Because he's bloody right," Harlan told them. "I don't want him there."
"Harlan!" Millie scolded. "For shame!"
Even though he did not know where he took his strength from, Ianto stood his ground, yet trying to keep his voice calm and steady but still firm, "Lisa was my fiancé, Harlan. I meant to spend the rest of my life with her." He felt the hostility rolling off Lisa's elder brother in waves, and it confused him.
"Such an overwhelming display of grief, though... It kind of makes me wonder why you're still breathing and she's not."
Ianto rubbed his aching head and wondered how much of his discomfort was due to grief, fatigue and depression, and how much was caused by the violent emotions Harlan was projecting in every direction. All he wanted was to just be allowed to mourn, but he was not ready to plead, so he rather demanded, "Give me a break."
"Why should I?" Harlan hissed. "My beloved sister is dead and you don't even have the decency to join us for her wake."
"Don't soil Lisa's memory with unfounded accusations," Ianto told him, inwardly astounded by how steady his voice remained. Even though he tried to mute the others' emotions again, he felt a sense of pride seep into him."I loved her, too, Harlan. I lost her, too. You weren't there. You don't know what happened."
The sharp wave of anger that washed over him then was enough to make Ianto flinch.
"See, that's the problem, Ianto!" Harlan said, raising his voice. "I wasn't there! I don't know! You were, and you won't bloody tell me, so all I know is that my little sister is dead and you're not. I don't understand how you can stand around blubbering and telling us all how much you loved her, when you were there and she's still dead. If I had been with her, I'd have saved her. Bloody hell, mate, I would have died in her place!"
"So would I!" Ianto roared, so overwhelmed now with Harlan's emotions that they became his own. Fighting to put a lid on his empathy and to control his own outbreak, he went on less aggressively, "I wish it would've been in my power to save her, but she didn't give me that chance! She wasn't thinking about me when she stepped up, she was thinking about you and Auntie Millie and Brynna and Jack, Tosh, and Owen…" there he slightly paused to put emphasis on his next words, "and the five billion other people on this planet. She was putting them all ahead of me when she died. Don't you get it, man? She saved me because there were worse things to come than the thing that killed her, and I had the knowledge to stop them."
Harlan looked stunned now, and his emotions were subdued. It gave Ianto a moment to take a few gasping breaths to calm himself further.
"I can't tell you what might have been worse than the disaster we lived through, Harlan," Ianto said, feeling tired all of a sudden, "but Lisa made sure I lived so you wouldn't have to find out. If it had been left up to me, you probably never would have had the chance to mourn her." With a start he became fully aware of the truth of his own words and with it came another conviction, "Go ahead and hate me if you want, but don't expect me to feel sorry for you. I just don't have it in me anymore, and frankly, I don't care, because I know Lisa died a hero. I'm not going to apologize for who or what I am or for what I'm doing, because Lisa believed in the importance of our work. I'm going to live in order to honour her memory and I hope that one day you'll be able to do the same."
Feeling a hand softly touch his cheek, Ianto bent down so Millie could kiss him. Wordlessly, she ruffled his hair before she took Brynna's hand and measuredly walked away, casting Harlan a stern gaze that told him as much as 'come with us, now'. After a moment of hesitation, Harlan conceded and went with them.
Ianto released a breath he had not known he was holding. Once more, he found Rhiannon at his side and gratitude filled him at her silent support.
"Do you want to come with me?" she asked.
Torn, Ianto chewed on his bottom lip.
"Actually, I'd like to stay," he told her, suddenly sounding hoarse.
"Okay," she nodded, squeezing his shoulder lightly. "Call me. Or just stop by. Don't be a stranger again."
"I'll call," he promised. "Thank you, Rhi."
Before she left, she gave him her best 'we'll talk later' look. Then she slowly walked down the path to the gate.
Only when Rhiannon had left, Ianto could turn back around. To his surprise, he looked right at Toshiko and Owen. As the medic appeared like he was about to make a comment, Toshiko took him by his arm and gently steered him to the side. Warmly, she smiled at Ianto as the two of them walked past him and toward the gate.
With a grateful smile, Ianto watched them leave. Finally, he could return to Lisa's final resting place. Despite the ceremony being held and the last goodbyes being spoken, he could not find closure. He was not ready yet.
On the short way back, Ianto glanced sideways and saw Jack standing beneath a tree. Leisurely, he leaned against the trunk and purposefully looked in the opposite direction.
Ianto sighed and moved over to the small grave.
So little is left of her, he thought as he looked at the urn in the deep hole, partially covered by soil. Soon, the grave would be closed and in a little while, grass would grow on it. A thought that sent shivers down Ianto's spine.
With an effort, he recalled better times. Lisa's smile. Lisa's laughter. Lisa's way to make him blush like a school-boy when she called him Welshman.
Deep in thought, Ianto stood there for a long while. How long he actually stayed by her side, he could not tell, when he noticed movement beside him. Jack had stepped up right next to him. The captain did not say a word, just stood there and waited.
In the end, it was Ianto who felt the need to fill the silence.
"I lied."
"Oh?"
The dryly uttered word amused Ianto and he gave a wry chuckle.
"Well, you may call it a white lie… sort of," he went on. "Our engagement… I wasn't so certain about it anymore."
As Jack did not want to prod in either direction, he remained silent.
"You know, even though I knew that I like both sexes, I always saw myself getting married, having children, a house, a garden, a dog… what all men do when they grow up, they find a partner and settle down. I never doubted that I would marry a woman. Then I met Lisa and it all seemed to slot into place."
When Ianto did not go on by himself this time, Jack felt compelled to ask, "And then came the Cybermen?"
Worrying his bottom lip, Ianto mulled over that.
"No," he finally shook his head. "No, it started earlier than that… but now, it feels like betrayal."
"What feels like betrayal?" Jack softly queried.
"I was thinking about breaking up with her."
Now some pieces of the puzzle fell into place for Jack. Knowing about that detail helped him to understand why Ianto suffered so much in the wake of Lisa's death.
"When the ghosts first appeared, Lisa was just as scared as everyone else," Ianto began, "but then her fright turned into fascination. Granted, we both were glad that none showed up in our flat, but still I noticed that she viewed the manifestations from a different angle. Apparently, she knew more about them than I did. That's how I figured that the phenomenon had to do with Torchwood…" There he paused to collect his thoughts, "As she was in another division, Lisa could not talk about it," Ianto explained. "I worried about the ghosts, asked her if they were dangerous. Despite her assurances, I could not stop wracking my mind about them and started digging."
"That's how you showed up on Markham's radar…"
"Yeah… and no. I mean, I tried to manipulate him into digging for information that was impossible for me to get." He paused. "Anyway, my thoughts about ending our engagement neither had anything to do with my sexual orientation, nor was there anybody else involved… it was solely my questioning whether we really fit together. I saw her change. If I ever got to see her, that is. Our schedules prevented us from meeting long enough to thoroughly talk about anything and that estranged us more and more.
"Yet, when the Cybermen came and we tried to escape the tower, Lisa stood up for me. She sacrificed herself for the slightest chance that I might survive and could take the information Markham had given me to you. I regret doubting her. It makes me feel like a traitor."
"What you feel is survivor's guilt," Jack stated matter-of-factly.
"It's not just that," Ianto shook his head.
"Oh, it's exactly that," Jack put in before Ianto could utter any more. "You missed the chance to solve your issues and set things right with her. Nothing you can do now will bring that chance back. All you can do is accept that it happened and go on."
"How?" Ianto demanded heatedly, his voice almost breaking. "How am I supposed to go on? Especially considering her other wish…?"
There, he trailed off, and Jack had to wonder what Ianto was talking about now. Considering the tension that was building between them, though, he did not dare to prod. Thankfully, Ianto went on by himself.
"When she asked me, I didn't fully understand the consequences, but now I do and I have no idea how I'm supposed to fulfil her wish." A hint of desperation crept into his voice when he continued, "I can't just walk away, Lisa! Bloody hell! How could you ask this of me?"
Seeing fresh tears running down Ianto's cheeks, made Jack's heart clench with sympathetic pain. At the same time, curiosity was burning inside of him. Though he had a strong suspicion about what Lisa made Ianto promise her, he could not be sure.
"Why would we even talk about death and so on anyway?" Ianto all but croaked hoarsely. "Lisa was barely twenty-six! We were going to get married, for God's sake! We should have talked about music, and food, and cake… not about graves and final promises to keep."
When Ianto fell silent this time, Jack waited for a long moment. In vain. In the end, he could not suppress his curiosity anymore and queried softly,
"Why would she want you to walk away from her?"
A breath hitched in Ianto's chest.
"She made me promise to… to stop grieving…" Pausing, he took a deep breath. "To stop grieving as soon as the grave was closed."
The revelation sent a chill down Jack's spine. Apparently, his fiancé has put him into an impossible position. One that he can't get out of unscathed.
Knowing grief only too well, Jack suffered with Ianto to the extent that his busy mind hardly registered Ianto's plaintive query.
"What are we still doing here?"
Sceptically, Jack eyed him out of the corner of his eye.
"You're not ready to leave," he stated.
"No, I'm not," Ianto agreed. "But I need you to take me away from here."
Jack could not find fault with that logic. After a moment of contemplation, he gently put one arm around Ianto's shoulders to steer him away from the grave. At first, he felt slight resistance, but then they walked silently side by side and Jack let his arm drop off Ianto's shoulders. They had almost reached the gate when Ianto broke the silence.
"Thank you."
Startled by the sudden statement, Jack looked around at Ianto.
"What for?"
"Your speech. It was wonderful."
Jack smiled. "You're welcome."
Watching the captain closely, the slight hunch of his shoulders or how his smile faltered when he strode further to the car, strengthened the sense of confusion that Ianto felt within Jack.
"You still believe you didn't do enough," Ianto sighed just as Jack stepped up beside his roadster. "That your words just were empty shells. That's not true."
Without taking his view off the key in the keyhole, Jack quirked one eyebrow.
"I don't know if the others were surprised," Ianto continued on his way around the vehicle, "but I'm ashamed to admit that I was."
Now that astonished Jack to hear.
"I guess it's because you're often so brash, so exuberant… you make it so easy to forget the depths you possess."
"Well, that's a good thing then, isn't it?" Jack came back with one of his roguish grins, putting an end to the earnest discussion.
For Jack it probably is, Ianto thought as he opened the passenger's door and slid into the seat. Deflection's one of his favourite strategies.
After a long moment, Ianto noticed that they still had not pulled away from the curb and when he looked around at Jack, he saw him apparently deep in thought, his hands resting on the steering wheel.
"Everything okay?"
"I should be the one asking that question," Jack snickered and ignited the engine.
There it is again, Ianto recognized but did not comment.
"Back to Cardiff?"
Being asked, Ianto realized that he could also take a different track and push the issue of Jack's deflection strategy. Puzzled, he decided that he did not want to pursue the matter.
"Right," he heard himself say, "Back to Cardiff. With a detour to our flat."
"Fine," Jack muttered and finally pulled off the curb.
tbc…