Doomsday: Post Apocalypse
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Dislaimer: Oh, really! They're the BBC's.
Summary: Ianto comes to Cardiff for a week to help with the archives, but is it as simple as that? Jack/OC, Jack?Ianto
Suspense/hurt/comfort – T – Ianto Jones & Jack Harkness
Chapter 42 – Captain's dinner
Time to wipe the slate clean.
With only a towel wrapped around his hips, Ianto stepped out of the bathroom. Striding over to the wardrobe, he opened the left door with the mirror inside.
Who's that man?
Studying his reflection, Ianto tried to determine why he looked so different. It was not his physical appearance. His body still looked the same as it did two weeks ago. It could not be his hair either that was unruly from towelling off after taking a shower. Slowly, he let his gaze roam over every inch of skin, wracking his mind about what made him feel so strange about his exterior.
Still tall and thin. Wouldn't quite call it spare, though. Not wiry either.
Lanky would be the other extreme and no, he never was lanky, not even when he was a shy, insecure teenager. Yes, insecure. Puberty did not pass him by unscathed.
And yet it's in my posture, Ianto realized.
Eyeing his reflection curiously, he noticed the slightest differences in how he held his back straighter, or pushed his shoulders further back. Lifting his chin, he tilted his head to the left and to the right, watching his every move intently until his view finally came to rest on his eyes.
They are… darker? No, that's not it.
Older?
No…
It was hard to determine and the answer kept eluding him until it became plain obvious.
Knowing.
Now that he became aware of it, Ianto wondered why it had been so difficult to see. With the knowledge came a new sensation.
He felt old.
Well, not that old but… grown. Yes, grown is a better word.
Even though he thought himself grown for several years now, Ianto suddenly realized that the boy who left his hometown for a new life in London was finally all grown up. After everything he had seen and done during the last sixteen days, he was more aware now of how fragile and precious life was.
The universe is a dangerous place.
Yet, Ianto felt strangely secure. Only now that it was gone, he knew that he had felt uncertain due to the unpredictability of life ever since he had left the home he grew up in. Of course the fact had not changed, but he was less afraid of it now.
Ianto Jones was ready to leave and find his place in this world.
The thought of leaving brought him back to the reason why he had taken a shower in the evening. Soon, he would meet Captain Harkness for dinner and he was nervous.
It's just dinner for God's sake!
His gaze fell on the room behind him in the mirror and the boxes he had stacked. Thoroughly, he had packed what he had assembled at Mrs. Dillard's bedsit. Now only his clothes were left and he wracked his mind about what he should wear tonight and the next morning. Everything else he wanted to pack up in order to be ready to leave after breakfast.
Casual or business?
Once more, Ianto let his view roam over his body. No matter how often he told himself that he would meet Jack for dinner and nothing more, he still knew that the captain surely did not see their get-together as being merely platonic. Unwrapping the towel, he let his gaze linger. That was what Jack wanted to see and probably fantasized about all day.
And I was ready to give it to him, Ianto recalled with a slight shudder. I was about to fall apart for different reasons and if Jack would have been more persistent, I couldn't have denied him.
Astonished he studied the physical evidence in his reflection.
Sex? With Jack?
He let the word hang in the air. It twisted and bobbed and played catch me if you can with him while his body clearly reacted to the idea.
"No!"
Turning on his heels, Ianto returned to the bathroom to splash cool water in his face. Then he quickly selected some clothes and got dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a jumper. Speedily yet thoroughly, he packed the rest of his clothes. Only when he was finished, he began to prepare for his date.
Bloody hell! Now I'm thinking of it as a date as well!
Shaking the thought off, he shed jumper and tracksuit bottoms. When he stepped up in front of the mirror again, he was dressed in a new suit with a dark red shirt. Taking a deep breath, he checked on his tie. Not that his tie ever needed checking. It fit perfectly as did his suit. His freshly washed hair was carefully styled now to give it a slightly tousled appearance without looking messy. Now the shoes, his watch, a handkerchief…
Ready.
Ready for what?
Ianto stared at his image, trying in vain to determine what he saw. Too much business? He did not think so. Sure, he had chosen suit and tie in order to keep the meeting somewhat businesslike, but he did not want to appear too conservative, which was why he had picked the dark red shirt. Ianto had aimed for what he thought of as casual business dress and in his opinion he got it right.
What do I have to expect?
Actually, he did not think that Jack would go to some extra length where his wardrobe was concerned. The period military dress just was his style and so Ianto did not expect him to wear anything different.
Jack didn't say anything about where we would meet. Maybe he's expecting me to come to his office. That would be more like Jack, though I still hope that he'll come to pick me up.
A look at the clock on the shelf told him that it was twenty past six. So if Jack was going to show up any time soon, they had plenty of time to walk over to Bellini's on Mermaid Quay.
He was anxiously looking forward to the dinner. Even though he probably had learned more about the enigmatic captain in two weeks than what Toshiko and Owen knew together, the man still was a dark horse to him. Ianto could not deny the attraction he felt whenever he was close to Jack Harkness.
If only I knew whether it truly was my emotions or his ruddy pheromones.
Ianto sighed.
I shouldn't always blame his evolved pheromones, he admonished himself. I guess I'm just too susceptible to his advances due to my tattered condition.
He can be so funny after all and still... He gets moody in a matter of seconds.
Not unlike me.
Taking a deep breath, Ianto smoothed out non-existent wrinkles in his suit. He had his own idea of how this evening was supposed to develop and had prepared himself accordingly. The variable he could hardly influence was Jack.
"Well, Ianto, this will be an interesting ride," he said to himself as he studied his reflection in the mirror. "You're playing with fire. Don't get yourself burnt."
It was twenty to seven and Jack still was not there.
A knock on the door startled Ianto out of his musings.
Okay, he thought as his heart skipped a beat. You wanted this dinner now you'll have to pull it off.
Steeling himself, he went to the door and opened it.
xXx
What am I not seeing?
'A silver Dacia Duster,' the driver might have answered him, because Jack, lost in thought, did not pay attention to where he was walking and bounded right onto the street and in front of the approaching car.
Bloody hell!
Startled by the honking horn, Jack jumped to the side. Apologetically, he smiled at the driver who was still cursing as he drove past the captain.
That was close, Jack mused and crossed the street, his heart still beating frantically. Ianto's bedsit's only a stone's throw away from the Hub and still I almost manage to kill myself.
Feeling giddy, Jack had not spared a thought on his surroundings. It did not happen often that he felt such elation and a tiny part of him wondered if he was not too old to feel that way. Truth was, though, that Jack did not give a damn about his age right now as he enjoyed the delight about Ianto accepting his invitation way too much.
Not even the little devil on his shoulder, whispering about the young archivist having a secret agenda could diminish his glee.
Jack did not really have the proverbial butterflies in his stomach, but he sure as hell was looking forward to the evening out.
Apparently, nothing I do will stop Ianto from leaving Cardiff, so why not make the best of the date?
That was something he just could not stop, thinking about their dinner as a date. Even though Ianto made clear that he was not interested, Jack could not reign himself in. Who knew? Maybe Ianto would change his mind. Maybe he could convince the archivist to stay. Maybe Ianto felt drawn to Jack enough to decide in favour of continuing his employment with Torchwood.
A lot of maybes.
And still his nature could not be tamed, his heart beating almost frantically with joyful expectation and his stomach churning with lustful nervousness.
There's the bakery.
With a sigh, Jack tried the door right next to the bakery's entrance that readily swung back, and walked to the stairs. From ahead came a woman who entered the hall through a back door. Spotting him, she smiled.
"Good evening, sir," she greeted. "Can I help you?"
"I'm here to visit Mr. Jones, Ma'am," Jack replied cordially.
Eyeing him up and down, her smile widened.
"Oh, you must be his boss, Captain Harkness!" she cheered. "I heard you love my welshcakes."
"I do, Mrs. Dillard," Jack confirmed. "They're excellent. Like homemade ones."
"Thank you."
"I've got to go, though," Jack stated and added with a wink, "I think I'll pop into the bakery occasionally... buy a welshcake."
"That would be nice," she replied. "Go on then. Don't let Mr. Jones wait."
"Wouldn't dream of it, Ma'am," Jack smirked and stepped on the stairs. "Good night."
Taking two steps at a time, Jack climbed the stairs, but when he reached Ianto's bedsit, he hesitated.
C'mon, Captain! It's easy! Just knock!
Shaking his head at his own nervousness, Jack finally knocked on the door, anxiously awaiting Ianto's appearance.
xXx
Hearing the knocks, Ianto stood from the couch and went to open the door. While he took the few steps that he needed, his heart went from a lazy thump to wild hammering. Just before he reached for the handle, he took a deep breath.
What am I nervous about? Either it's Jack or Mrs. Dillard.
Releasing his breath slowly, he finally opened the door to find the captain on the threshold.
"Good evening, sir," he greeted.
"Hello, Ianto," Jack replied. "Ready to go?"
"Yes, sir."
Jack scowled. "You can stop calling me sir while we're out for dinner, Ianto."
"I'll try my best, sir," Ianto agreed.
Now Jack chuckled. "Maybe you should buy me a drink for each time you call me sir tonight," he suggested.
"Hardly seems worth the effort," Ianto quipped. "I'd be paying for water."
"You have a point there," Jack agreed. Then with a sly smirk, he added, "You can owe me a kiss instead."
"An intriguing proposition, sir, but let's just see how the evening goes, shall we?"
Ianto smirked on the intentional sir, and when Jack finally caught on, he returned the captain's beaming grin only to put both his palms on the captain's chest when he leaned forward to kiss him.
"No,…" Ianto's breath hitched as he had to bite back the sir that threatened to escape him. "We'll count the score after dinner."
Leaning back, Jack pouted and Ianto found the curves of his frowning lips quite endearing. The combination of Jack's natural beauty, his charm, and the cutest pout Ianto had ever seen did not fail to hit home. Only now, Ianto actually paid more attention to Jack's unusual attire.
As always, the captain wore his greatcoat, but that was where the familiarity ended. Ianto did not think that he ever saw him wear a t-shirt other than beneath the accustomed blue dress shirts. Now, a black v-neck shirt replaced both. In addition, Jack had dressed in a glen plaid suit in shades of light grey. As Ianto let his gaze drift down the neat suit, he discovered black loafers, which also was a surprise. Taking in the captain's whole appearance, Ianto had to concede that he liked what he saw.
More than that.
He's gorgeous.
As soon as the thought hit him, he realized that he was staring. Unfortunately, he could not help himself. It was impossible not to stare.
He's really beautiful.
There was something else about the captain that Ianto could not pinpoint yet, but as he met Jack's gaze, he recognized it: he looked young. This was not the seasoned Torchwood operative, not the seasoned soldier. This was a glimpse at the young man Jack had been before whatever had happened to him.
Ianto still was staring, but for once, Jack seemed to be oblivious.
"Okay," the captain said. "Can we go now?"
"Sure… Jack," Ianto nodded and stepped out into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind him. "Lead the way."
Usually, Jack did not have a problem with leading. Now he found his stomach muscles flutter with anxiety.
He just made a casual remark, Jack scolded himself, and I'm getting all flustered about it.
Quickly turning to hide his discomfort, Jack strode to the stairs. Once out on the street, he took a deep breath.
"I love the salty air," Ianto stated as he fell in step beside the captain.
"Why did you go to London in the first place?" Jack asked when the thought crossed his mind.
Ianto sighed.
"The usual, I guess," he said. "I wanted to get away from home, conquer the big city and become a successful and wealthy man."
"I know the feeling," Jack relayed, "only that I left the planet altogether."
"Where did you go?"
"I first joined a group of space nomads, earning myself my passage from Boeshane to Earth."
Only when he had answered, Jack realized how refreshing it was to be able to just talk with someone without having to pretend. He could hardly remember when he could have been open with someone. Once, he could talk with Alex, and Griff. Still, it was not quite the same.
"How should I imagine that?" Ianto queried.
"What?"
"The life of a space nomad," Ianto clarified, "what were they doing? What did you do for your passage?"
"I think they did all kinds of jobs," Jack shrugged, "legal and illegal. They mostly lived on their ship, landing only to restock... or for a job."
"And you?"
"I did whatever came up... helped out on the ship or with the jobs they took on."
"I see."
Hearing a sceptical note in Ianto's voice, Jack went on, "I never was nor am I now a saint."
"I didn't think..."
"I made my share of mistakes," Jack told him, "very much so."
"What did you do when you reached Earth?" Ianto tried to refocus.
"I applied for the Time Agency."
"That sounds interesting," Ianto said, slowing his steps. They had almost reached the Quay and he was pretty certain that Jack would not be as frank when there were other people around to hear.
"Sorry, Ianto, I can't tell you more about it."
With regret, Ianto heard the poor excuse. In his opinion, they were long past that stage, and he did his best to muster understanding for Jack's secrecy. They entered the area in front of Eddie's Diner and Ianto stepped up to the handrail. Leaning on it, he looked out on the bay, taking a deep breath.
Stepping up beside him, Jack followed Ianto's example. For a short while they stood there in silence, each man mulling on his own thoughts. A sad smile played around Jack's lips that Ianto could not see because he intently watched the ships and seagulls.
"I think we should go," Jack finally broke the silence. "Or someone else will get our table."
"Oh, we don't want that, do we?" Ianto agreed and followed Jack to the next stairs. As they climbed them, though, Ianto suddenly felt awkward. Something became different about the way Jack moved. Though he could not pinpoint it, Ianto reacted instinctively and slowed his ascent.
So did Jack.
As soon as they were on the same level again, Ianto felt Jack's hand brush against his own. Reflexively, he drew it back, fearing that the captain's hand might have closed around his own if he would have let him. No matter what Ianto did now, Jack remained by his side.
When they reached Bellini's, Jack made a big step forward to get slightly ahead and opened the door for Ianto.
Oh, God. Can't you be a little less obvious? Ianto thought, feeling himself blush. He found himself in a completely new situation. Usually he was the suitor. Sure, there had been women who showed their interest in him before, but they usually were not that bold to take the initiative. And as Ianto had never paid attention if any men were interested in him, he could not draw a comparison now.
All he knew for sure was that he found Jack's obvious courting quite embarrassing and inappropriate.
Only peripherally Ianto noticed that Jack asked someone about their reservation. He let himself gently be shoved ahead of Jack when they followed the waiter to their table. There he wished for a hole to vanish into when Jack held his chair for him. Ianto was certain to have seen a disapproving twinkle in the man's eyes, but chose to ignore it.
At the same time, he realized that he enjoyed Jack's attention.
I just wish he wasn't so conspicuous. I mean, it's enough if you woo me. We don't need the whole world to know about it.
He only became conscious of the fact that Jack asked him a question when the captain clicked his fingers in front of his nose.
"Hello! Ianto!" Jack murmured insistently. "Are you still with me?"
"Wha…?" Once more, he blushed. "I'm sorry, Jack. I was lost in thought."
"Yeah, I noticed," Jack chuckled. Nodding toward the window to his right, he repeated his question, "Do you like our table?"
Now Ianto let his gaze wander to his left side where he had a great view of Mermaid Quay and part of the bay.
"Yes. Fantastic."
Jack smirked, satisfied. "Okay. Then I guess we should now decide what we want to eat," he suggested.
Ianto nodded and picked up the menu in front of him. At first, he thought about going with something simple like spaghetti, but then he realized that it might be a little hazardous given his current rather agitated state. The same applied to penne where the sauce tended to squeeze out of the pasta tubes. He had a look at fish, secondi and pizze before he returned to pasta. The Ravioli al Salmone sounded good and Ianto toyed with the idea of ordering that, but then he spotted something else.
"Are you ready to order, gentlemen?" the reappearing waiter asked them.
"Yes, we are," Jack replied. "We'll have Focaccia con Pomodoro as starter and the Vitello Saltimbocca for me."
As Ianto appeared to be undecided the waiter queried, "What would you like to drink?"
"We'd like to have the Shiraz Catuj," Jack told him.
"A very good decision, sir," the waiter said, smiling politely. "It will harmonize very well with the veal." Expectantly he turned to Ianto now.
The young Welshman had listened intently to the conversation. He was uncomfortable with the effort Jack made, ordering the expensive red wine. At first, he had been tempted to choose veal, but now he said, "I'll have the Ravioli al Tartufo and a Pellegrino, please."
Jack looked at him with astonishment and gave him a lopsided shrug, but Ianto slightly shook his head.
"Very well, sir," the waiter said, scribbled the order down, and left their table.
"Pasta?" Jack asked with astonishment when they were on their own again.
"Yes, sir," Ianto replied, knowing that he could distract Jack at once. "I'll be happy with my Ravioli."
As predicted, Jack was beaming at him due to the second time Ianto slipped and called him sir. He was looking forward to the promised kisses.
"Really, Jack," Ianto reassured him. "It's with truffles. It's something special, too."
"Okay," Jack conceded. "I just want to give you a good time and a great meal. If you choose pasta I'll be happy with you." He eyed Ianto intently. "You know, I like this tie even more than the one you wore earlier. The fine stripes between the broad ones and the slight iridescence of the white fits very well with your shirt."
"Thank you, Jack," Ianto murmured. His own eyes remained fixed on the captain's blue eyes. Right now they held a depth that was hard to bear, so eventually, Ianto had to avert his gaze. Now he eyed Jack's attire closer and felt renewed butterflies in his stomach.
"I never thought I'd see you in anything but your period clothes," he remarked in the end.
Leaning forward, Jack whispered conspiratorially, "I wanted to be pretty for you." Along with his statement, Jack offered a roguish grin that made Ianto's head spin.
"You managed brilliantly, sir," slipped off Ianto's tongue before he felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment.
Hearing Ianto call him sir, Jack grinned even wider.
"You're really keeping score, aren't you?"
"Of course," Jack chuckled. "I counted three so far."
All Ianto could do in response was roll his eyes.
Jack laughed good-naturedly.
"Did I ever give you reason to believe I wouldn't be serious about something as special as kisses?" Jack teased and lowered his voice to a seductive murmur, "Especially your kisses."
Ianto shook his head. Of course Jack was serious about his flirting, that much was obvious. Seeing him lean further forward, Ianto should have expected what came next,
"And just for the record," Jack challenged on a whisper, "you can see me in my birthday suit any time you like. All you need to do is ask."
Ianto believed that at once. He felt his face heat up with embarrassment and quickly focused on the waiter who brought them their Focaccia and drinks. While he still struggled to regain his equilibrium, he noticed that Jack fully seemed to immerse himself in tasting the wine, keeping the waiter's focus on him.
Thanks, Ianto thought, watching furtively. Jack appeared like a bon vivant, first sniffing then sipping at the wine like a sommelier, and Ianto realized that he probably was not far off with that assessment. During the long years Jack had spent on Earth, he certainly had seen much of life and knew how to live it. He had to think of the captain's classic car collection and how his behaviour matched that of a wealthy playboy.
Once the waiter had left, they attended to their starters. While Jack remained unusually silent, Ianto had a chance to gradually relax again. Consciously enjoying his food eased his nervousness. As the minutes passed, he began to wrack his mind about how he could restart the conversation. Everything he thought of seemed too trivial, though.
"Try the wine," Jack suggested out of the blue, sipping at his own glass.
Gratefully, Ianto noticed Jack's conversational tone that assured him that their silence did not become awkward. Offering Jack a tentative smile, he took his glass to try and see if the wine was as good as the price suggested.
"Wow."
Jack grinned. Leaning back in his chair, he snickered, "I don't always drink water."
No, certainly not.
The brilliant wine that Jack had chosen proved that. In addition, Ianto thought he picked up on the faintest sense of shame, but as his empathy was not restored yet, he could not be sure about that.
"Jack," he awkwardly began, "there's something that keeps bothering me."
"What is it?"
"Something you said, when we were down in the vaults with Ydris." Ianto looked up to face Jack, hoping that he could better judge his reaction. "What you said about your pheromones, that you can control them, regulate them at will..."
Curiously, Ianto got the impression that it was Jack's turn to be embarrassed.
"I lied," the captain murmured.
"Pardon?" Ianto was so perplexed that he thought he must have heard wrong.
"I... was just bragging," Jack admitted. "Later, I realized that you would probably feel manipulated, thinking that you might act under the pheromones' influence, but then I didn't find the right moment to correct it."
Surprised by Jack's insight, Ianto smiled at him.
"So you're not bringing other people under your spell with them?"
"Hmmmm... yes and no," Jack mused. "They can have a strong effect, but they don't turn people into will-less puppets."
For some odd reason that idea made Ianto laugh.
"That's a good thing then."
"I guess so…" Playing for time, Jack sipped at his wine. Actually, he was surprised by how comfortable he felt talking about these things with Ianto. It was not just that he believed that Ianto had the right to know, Jack even wanted to share. Thinking that discussing bodily functions over dinner might not be the perfect subject, he teased, "We don't want to spend our evening out with exploring our differences in secreting pheromones, though, do we?"
"Why?" Ianto prodded with a smirk. "Is there anything else different about you that I should know about?"
At that Jack faltered.
Since when's that your business? he thought bitterly, thinking of Ianto leaving. As he did not want to show the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm him, he replied,
"If you really want to know…" he challenged with a cheeky grin, "you'll have to come and find out for yourself."
Recalling how close he had come to taking up the challenge just a few days ago, Ianto felt a sudden pang. Now, he did not know how to turn Jack down politely without raising false hopes.
"It's a tempting offer, sir, and under other circumstances, I might not even bother to resist," he finally said sincerely, never noticing his slip-up.
"Other circumstances being, when you're not about to leave for good," Jack supplied. This time, not even counting another sir could lift his mood.
"Erm, yeah," Ianto agreed. "I can't ask you to wait, because I don't know if or when or where I'll finally sort myself out...but if it's practical, and if you're still interested, and if I'm still interested and not committed to someone else by then, I think I'd be all too happy to surrender to temptation."
"That's an awful lot of ifs," Jack said guardedly, not wanting to let himself hope, but the little fluttering in his chest was proof enough that it was already too late to stop that.
"It is," Ianto nodded. "Which is why I think we should have a lovely evening and part as friends, under the assumption that our paths are never likely to cross again."
With that, the little fluttering in Jack's chest turned into a stone.
"Well," he heard himself say, "anticipating that, I have something for you." While he dug into his greatcoat pocket, he saw Ianto eye him curiously and a little perplexed. Producing a small package, he explained, "Just a little something... so you won't forget about us."
Quickly, before he could change his mind, he shoved the box across the table.
"Jack, that's not necessary..."
"Nonsense," Jack cut him short, pushing the present a little further towards Ianto.
"Well, thank you."
Unwrapping the parcel, Ianto revealed a jewellery box. All of a sudden he had a frog in his throat and fought not to let it show. When he lifted the lid, he found a silver fob watch on a chain.
Choked up with emotion, Ianto did not know what to say.
"I've seen that you like to wear a waistcoat with your suits, so I thought it would be perfect for you," Jack rambled in order to fill the silence.
It's too expensive, Ianto thought as he studied the watch. Knowing he was expected to examine it, he carefully lifted it out of the box. An intricate pattern adorned the cover. When he looked closer at the engravings, Ianto discovered that the hexagonal T of Torchwood was woven into the decoration.
"Was it yours?" he asked.
"No," Jack shook his head. "It belonged to a friend."
"A colleague?"
Jack nodded. "Yes. His name was Griff."
"When did you work together?"
At that, Jack grew silent as Ianto's question woke the sad memories and his chest tightened with grief. Still he felt the need to answer, "He was on Alex Hopkin's team."
"Oh."
Knowing what had happened on New Year's Eve of the new millennium, Ianto understood Jack's reluctance.
"I think you would've liked each other."
Hearing the emotion in Jack's statement, Ianto felt compelled to ask, "Did you love him?"
"I loved the whole team," Jack murmured almost inaudibly.
Knowing about its origin now made Ianto feel like the gift turned into a burden, and he tried to explain why he had to refuse, "Jack, I can't accept this. It's a lovely gift, but…"
"Please, Ianto," Jack cut him short. "Especially as I loved Griff, I know how much he valued his watch. It's too precious to be kept in a box. It needs to be worn and appreciated. Something you will do. That's why I chose it for you."
Well, if you put it that way… Ianto thought. The watch really was an excellent piece of work, so Jack was right if he said he would know how to appreciate it.
"In that case…" he said softly, "Thank you."
Carefully, he let the chain run through his fingers before he secured it to his waistcoat. Once more, he took a good look at the watch before he pocketed it.
"We shouldn't let the food get cold," he muttered, returning his attention to his pasta.
"Right."
They ate the rest in silence because neither of them could think of anything to say. Of course, Jack did not intend the gift to ruin their dinner, but it threatened to do just that. Though Ianto was aware of it, he could not get past the emotions Jack's present woke. Along with the feelings of friendship and solidarity with his temporary team mates came the reminder of what he had lost, of death, and of destruction.
"Ianto?"
Lightly touching the younger man's fingertips, Jack tried to get his attention.
"Huh?"
As Ianto looked up, Jack realized that he had been miles away with his thoughts.
"I'm sorry if I stirred something up," Jack relayed.
"Not your fault," Ianto warded off. He did not want to feel so terrible. He wanted to enjoy this evening, he really did, but still found himself incapable of doing so. "It's mine. I didn't want to leave without rewarding your efforts. You put so much work into our game that I'd have felt like a sod if I never acknowledged it. But I think that's my mistake. I shouldn't have encouraged you. I agreed to dinner on the spur of the moment, carried away by the tension of the game, and once I said yes, I didn't have the heart to cancel our dinner."
Jack listened with a heavy heart. With every word his hopes were dwindling and he hid his emotions from Ianto with a psychic shield.
"I'm sorry, Jack," Ianto said. "I consider you a good friend rather than my boss, so I was actually looking forward to tonight. There's nothing more to it, though."
Now Jack could bury all hopes that he might become more to Ianto than just a friend. Fearing that he would give away his hurt, he put on his usual mask of the blustering and flirtatious captain.
Flashing one of his patented grins at Ianto, he remarked in a challenging tone, "You don't want to leave with debts not payed, though, do you?"
Quirking an eyebrow questioningly, Ianto shrugged.
"Well, I counted four sirs so far," Jack pushed, hoping against hope that he would be able to collect one more wonderful memory before he lost his Welsh archivist who had become so much more during the last two weeks.
Only two weeks, Jack thought with disbelief. Feels much longer.
"Oh." Now Ianto caught on and a nervous flutter in his stomach all but made him squirm. "Of course I won't leave without balancing the account, sir."
This time it was a slip-up and Ianto felt his mouth go dry when he now counted five. Five kisses that he owed to the enigmatic captain.
Trying to change the subject, he asked, "How about dessert?"
"I'm all for dessert," Jack snickered with a wink that told Ianto that he was not thinking of tiramisu or a sundae. Still, he signalled a waiter and asked him for the menu when he paused at their table.
"Of course, sir," the waiter nodded and collected their empty plates before he rushed away. A moment later, Ianto could hide himself from Jack reading the selection of desserts.
"Did you find something?" Jack asked.
"Why, aren't you curious?" Ianto chuckled without real humour. "But I did, indeed."
"What is it?"
"Well, the torta al formaggio sounds good," Ianto elaborated, pointing out the description of a ginger biscuit based cheesecake topped with soft cheese and limoncello liqueur.
"Right," Jack nodded. "I imagine the limoncello going well with cheesecake."
At the next opportunity, he ordered two slices of cake together with cappuccino for himself and espresso for Ianto. Until dessert arrived, their conversation had returned to casual subjects, both men keen on steering around the fact that Ianto was leaving Cardiff. Keeping up the pretence became increasingly difficult and so it was no surprise for either of them when Jack asked for the tab when the waiter came to collect their dessert dishes. Jack gave a generous tip and followed Ianto out, catching up with him on the stairs.
"Are you fleeing me now?" Jack asked.
"If you mean that I wanted to avoid you helping me in my coat or something, then yes," Ianto replied.
"What's wrong about that?"
"Nothing," Ianto sighed, not stopping his descent, "as long as you're offering the courtesy to a woman."
Jack frowned.
"Look, I'm just not in the mood for whispering behind our back," Ianto explained. "That waiter was already watching us suspiciously."
Of course, Jack had noticed that, but as he saw nothing wrong in a little bit of flirting, he never thought the man's interest might be embarrassing for Ianto. Trying to stay by the younger man's side, Jack bounded down the stairs and kept in stride with Ianto past Coffee Mania and toward Stuart Street. Only when they were past the entrances to the next restaurants, Ianto slowed his steps to a stroll.
What am I running away from? From being seen with a man or from Jack?
Feeling Jack's hand brush against his own sent sparks flying that he tried to deny. In his opinion a second and third touch confirmed that it did not happen accidentally. Turning his wrist, he met Jack's hand and their fingers entwined.
Apparently, that was a signal that the captain could not resist. Shifting closer to Ianto, he urged him to the left and into the shadows near the next crossing.
"Jack!" Ianto gasped as he found himself backed against the brick wall, the captain eagerly shifting against him, ready to steal the first of the promised kisses.
"What's wrong?"
"Not here!" the younger man hissed, only too conscious of the fact that they still were close to a Subway and two other restaurants.
"Scared?" Jack murmured seductively.
"Well," Ianto started, only to realize that his nervousness eased, "not really…" Uncertainly, he trailed off. What was wrong with him? Suddenly, he could not see any reason for fear. Now that Jack was so close to him, curiosity actually won over.
"You said, you don't like being in debt," Jack all but purred, his lips almost brushing against Ianto's ear shell.
Feeling the warmth of Jack's breath made Ianto shudder and yearn for an actual kiss. Before he knew it, he turned his head to meet Jack's lips…
…and he totally forgot where he was.
When Jack's lips touched his own, the world seemed to dissolve around him. Breathing in, Ianto smelled Jack's unique scent and for a few seconds, he was completely lost in the rather fleeting and astonishingly chaste kiss. So he did not even notice that Jack had backed off again.
"Let me take you home," Jack murmured, startling Ianto out of his trance.
"What? Oh. Yeah, right…"
Jack chuckled. It was so unlike the usually so composed Welshman to be flustered like that. Now that he was back to his senses, Ianto began anew to enjoy Jack's presence. Side by side they strolled along the remaining way to the bakery where Ianto stopped at the entrance.
"Well, here we are," Ianto said, one hand on the door handle and toying with his keys with the other.
"Yes, we are."
Something in Jack's voice made Ianto's hairs stand on end. The unresolved tension between them increased and he slowly turned to face Jack. The captain just stood there behind him, unmoving, waiting, looking out for any sign from Ianto.
"You are so beautiful," Jack said, lifting his hand and brushing his fingertips along Ianto's cheekbone. From there, his fingers threaded in the dark curls until they came to rest on the back of his head.
Ianto swallowed dryly. All of a sudden, his mouth was dry and his stomach muscles fluttered.
"Don't be scared," Jack murmured seductively.
"I'm not scared," Ianto objected, surprised by how unconvincing he sounded.
Jack leaned forward and claimed Ianto's mouth with a light kiss. His lips caressed Ianto's and he slowly increased the pressure. Then Ianto felt Jack's tongue slip out and lick over his lips. It was just another caress, not demanding anything… until Ianto opened his mouth for him. Then Jack let his tongue enter Ianto's mouth, slowly exploring, licking and teasing.
How long it lasted Ianto did not know. All he knew when they parted was that he did not want Jack to leave.
Being in debt isn't that bad after all, he thought. He searched Jack's gaze and held it. The captain's eyes shone deep blue in the alley's twilight, and he loved them. Suddenly something in Jack's look changed and he made a slight step back.
"I hate that this is goodbye," Jack stated, but his tone made it sound like an accusation. His next words, though, became almost plaintive, "Please, stay."
Ianto did not know what to say. For a long moment they stood and looked at each other, then he could not stand it anymore.
"You're right, I don't like to leave with debts unpaid."
Before he knew it he reached out for Jack and pulled him into another kiss. This time it was less exploring and more passionate, their hands roaming over each other's backs. Jack's caresses set Ianto's body on fire. A hand went astray on his buttocks, squeezing gently and sending bolts of lightning through him.
And just as quickly as his passion awoke, it evaporated.
Breathing hard, he pushed Jack back.
"But…" Jack panted, confused, "I thought…"
The kisses burned Ianto's lips like the insecurity burned his heart, making it impossible to make any decision, so he went onto the defensive.
"You don't know me, Jack. You think you do, but you don't. Right now… I don't even think that I do!" When Jack did not react, Ianto tried to elaborate, "Jack, don't get me wrong… I do feel attracted to you, and the kissing is amazing. It's just… and please don't misunderstand… I think I fell for you because you were safe. I was… I am grieving and you helped me through so much emotional turmoil. So I mixed it up with love. But the truth is that we can't be together. I died one of your deaths, Jack. That's too much for a relationship to take."
"And it's not what you want anyway," Jack stated matter of factly, though it was an effort to keep his voice firm. "I can't grow old with you."
Ianto hated it, but he felt ashamed to admit, "Yes."
"I understand that."
"We've danced a dance, Jack, and now the music has ended. Please, don't make it harder on us than it already is."
"Fine. Have it your way," Jack grunted.
"You knew I would leave," Ianto told him stubbornly.
"Right. And I understand you. I really do. Godspeed, Ianto Jones. I hope you'll find what you're looking for."
Now the bitterness was clearly audible, and Ianto tried to stop Jack from leaving, "Jack, don't…"
"Don't what?" Jack barked, pivoting back around. "Don't walk away like that? Don't be angry? Don't hate me?" He shook his head. "No. I understand you, Ianto. That's why I won't stop you. You're right saying that we're not the same. You have no time to lose, because you only live once. You need to know what you want to do with your life and I won't stand in your way."
Ianto was glad and yet felt horrible.
"Do yourself a favour and don't waste your talent just because you're not with Torchwood anymore. And if you ever come back to Cardiff… you know where to find us."
Us. Not me.
A lump formed in Ianto's throat.
"You were wrong just with one thing, though, Ianto," Jack said, stepping closer and getting in Ianto's personal space. "I'm not safe."
With that he took hold of his head and kissed him harshly and feverishly. Feeling the demand, Ianto granted Jack access without even thinking about it. It was like Jack tried to swallow him whole and Ianto was ready to give in, losing just a little bit more control with every second that the kiss lasted.
And then, out of the blue, all the heat and passion were gone, leaving Ianto with an emptiness that robbed him of his breath.
Too stunned to react, it took Ianto way too long until he finally caught on to what happened, so all he could see of the captain was his dark figure in the billowing coat that melted with the darkness.
The End
A/N: Yes, that's the end. Well, of course I have an idea how it's supposed to continue, but currently, I'm stuck with some creature-fighting in chapter nine. I hope to resolve it soon in order to continue writing and ultimately polishing for posting.
I want to thank everyone for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. Huge thanks to mandassina for beta-reading and her constant support. Writing Doomsday was (is) a long hard ride for us as well.
PS: In case anybody noticed: Somehow posting did not work right. The new chapter appeared in my stats, but I never got a confirmation-email about the new post and the story did not show as updated either. I'm confused. So I deleted the chapter and tried again and it still gives me trouble. Hmmm...