24. VOTE

She wasn't going to get anywhere with her scheme, I was certain of that. My family knew me better than to mess around with something like this. Bella was coming over to my territory. I held the cards. I had complete confidence that I could protect her. Her determination to become one of us was entirely pointless. The Volturi would never come near her again.

I was still reluctant, but the more I let her dwell on the issue, the more difficult she would be when she didn't get what she wanted. She was right. If she was going to go, it was a much better idea for me to tag along. My family wouldn't even have an option with me there, and this would all amount to nothing.

I scooped Bella up and leapt silently down to the ground below.

"All right then," I said bitterly. "Up you go."

She scrambled onto my back and for a brief moment I savored the proximity. Then I took off into the forest, toward my house. It was a comfort to run, though in comparison to my normal speed, I was practically moving at a crawl. I didn't want to move too quickly and jolt or scared Bella. The combination of her behind me and the air whipping by brought my stress down to an almost manageable level. It all felt so routine.

I was also curious to note that she didn't seem bothered by our speed in the way that she used to. I expected her to have her face buried into my back while she clung to me with all her strength. However, for what was probably the first time tonight, she seemed relatively relaxed. Her hands were only exerting as much force as she needed to stay in place, and her head was raised and alert. She almost seemed to be enjoying the run.

As another first for the evening, instead of noticing all of the unchanging qualities about Bella that I had missed, I noticed this little something different about her. She had changed. I couldn't quite identify what it was, but this simple lack of fear on her part only seemed like a manifestation of something deeper. Bravery wasn't quite the right word, but it was something close.

The dangers I had left her to face must have made her change. I'd forced this on her, and she'd reacted in the only way she could.

I felt her lips against my neck, not in a fearful way, but in a sweet, caring gesture.

"Thank you," I said, truly grateful. I wondered if she knew what this undeserved kindness meant to me. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed at that, and her words disturbed me more than her attitude. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

I wasn't surprised by that. Upset, but not surprised.

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I promised her, and myself. "If it's my final act."

"I trust you," she said, sounding slightly exasperated. "It's me I don't trust."

That surprised me. It didn't make sense at all. She had done nothing. I was the one who had abandoned her and broken every promise I had made her. I was the monster here.

"Explain that, please," I asked as we began to near the house. I slowed down to a human pace.

"Well-" she said, sounding uncertain. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

I stopped completely at that. We were just outside the house, and I set her down on the ground and looked her fully in the eyes. Her expression was a little sad, but more resigned than anything. Her lips curved into a sad, reluctant smile. As though she were daring me to deny it.

I pulled her to me tightly and spoke into her hair.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered. "Never doubt that."

Her silence brought to mind a suspicion that had been sneaking up on me for a while.

"You never did tell me…" I began, contemplating. She had been so evasive earlier, and it was characteristic of her to try and shelter me from the truth.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

She hesitated, and then sighed. That said enough, and I knew her answer before she spoke. "I'll give you one guess." She lightly touched the tip of my nose.

I nodded in agreement. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that."

She rolled her eyes, exasperated with me. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

That wasn't enough of an explanation, and I waited for her to finish. I could do something worse than kill her? Surely she was going somewhere with this.

"You can leave me," she went on. "The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."

The pain that had finally managed to subside to a controllable level came bursting open again. My face moved of its own accord at her admission of what I could do to her. What I had done to her. She had seen what being a vampire meant. She knew about the death and the horror that awaited her in Italy. And she would still rather face that then let me leave her again. Her suffering had been that intense. It seemed that every moment I was with her revealed another facet to the pain I had caused- some new layer.

The worst part was knowing how pointless all that pain was, because in the end, I couldn't hold out. Even though I hadn't known it at the time, I had been lying to her when I'd said that I wouldn't come back. All that pain because of a stupid, misguided lie. And now that I looked it, a pretty obvious lie at that.

I felt Bella's soft hand on my cheek–heard her voice–but it only served as a reminder of what a beautiful, delicate thing I had broken. Something so completely innocent.

"Don't," she pleaded. "Don't be sad."

I did what I could, but I was positive that my half-hearted smile looked more like a grimace. I tried to sooth her with my words where my expression failed. "If only there were some way to make you see that I can't leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you." I said the last bit more for myself- a hope. As if time were enough to fix what I had done. I would never be able to make up for this.

I was glad to see that Bella's face rose at my words. She seemed pleased with what I had said, and there was an eager glint in her eye.

"Okay," she said, sounding quite pleased. Her apparent good humor didn't do much to raise mine, but I did my best. She stared at my face for a moment with her brow furrowed, and then, too casually, she said, "So–since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

I laughed at her feeble attempt to distract me, as if anything could make me forgot what I had done. She smiled back at me.

"Your things were never gone," I explained. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders"–a promise that I had no chance of keeping–"It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets–they're all still under your floorboards."

"Really?" Her voice squeaked out at a slightly higher pitch, obviously pleased. Almost…excited.

I nodded and took comfort in her reaction. It was good to know that in this attempt, at least, I had not failed. She was glad to have that piece of me left behind, even if it had been hidden to her.

She stared back at me in silence for a moment, her face strangely contemplative.

"I think," she began, and then paused, considering. "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?" She was getting to her point much too slowly. I wished she would tell me. It felt something like I had a limb missing as I instinctually groped for her silent mind.

There was a strange look in her eyes, as though she were trying to do a complex equation without a calculator. "Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

I was stuck, frozen in place, and something inside me recoiled in shock. My voice was cold as I spoke. "Voices?"

She dismissed it casually, obviously realizing her slip. "Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." She rushed through her words and it was clear that she was hopping I would drop the subject. There was more to this. She was hiding something from me. Something disturbing. My mind raced, jumping to all sorts of conclusions. Had I actually caused her mental damage? She said she was hearing voices. Was that what she was reluctant to say? Had I quite literally driven her crazy? What was it she didn't want me to know?

"I've got time," I prompted evenly, no trace of the crippling fear in my voice. It was too busy raging in my head.

"It's pretty pathetic," she tried lamely.

I remained silent, waiting.

Her brows knit together as she tried to find a benign way to word whatever new atrocity I inflicted. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off a cliff for fun." Oh yes, she was definitely playing this down.

"Er, right"–she sounded a bit sheepish–"And before that, with the motorcycle–"

"Motorcycle?" I was beginning to become difficult to remain calm. How much more was there? How much more danger had she keep quiet about?

She bit her lip. "I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No."

"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly"–my fists clenched at my sides–"I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much–it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I felt like something inside my stomach had reached up and begun to throttle me by the throat. And yet I couldn't move. Bella had been left in danger- from Victoria, from the wolves, from her uncanny draw for all things deadly. I had already addressed that. The guilt seemed as much a part of my life as my love for her. But I had never, never imagined that Bella was in danger from herself. She had promised me. She would keep herself safe.

The words choked out of my throat. "You…were…risking your life…to hear–"

"Shh." Bella hushed me harshly. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

Until she spoke I hadn't been able to remove myself from the torment. But her brusque words pulled me back and brought my focus to her face. She still wore the same contemplative look as before, and she was staring intently at a point on the forest floor. She chewed on her lip absently. Her face began to flicker through a range of emotions. Confusion, shock, realization, and finally her mouth fell open in a strange expression that could almost be described as relief. Her mouth hung open slightly.

"Oh!"

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" My voice was still not completely under control.

"You love me."

A corner of my mouth rose. "Truly, I do." So that was what it finally took to make her believe? Suicidal tendencies and voices in her head? I tried not to think about the prompt for her words, and instead focused on her so-called epiphany. It seemed to be working a change through her, the knowledge spreading a lightness over her being.

She looked at peace for the first time this evening. The creases smoothed where her brow had been wrinkled in thought. Her eyes were wide with the joy of her new realization. She was finally beginning to look like the Bella from my memories– the Bella from Phoenix, filled with that characteristic warmth which was so out of place in rainy Forks, Washington. Her lips were red from where she had chewed on them and her face was slightly flushed with the emotions behind her revelation. She was beautiful. And she was looking at me…like she loved me.

I took her face gently between my hands and pulled her lips to mine, as though to emphasize the words that had just been spoken. I kissed her as gently as I could, given the circumstances. But then again, the circumstances were a little intense. When I finally pulled away we were both breathing in ragged gasps.

I leaned my forehead against hers; my beautiful, perfect Bella. My strong Bella, who had born more pain than I could have imagined in such a fragile body. I remembered the crushing weight I had felt while I was gone. And I had known that Bella loved me! I couldn't grasp how someone so breakable had been able to function with that same weight and more, thinking that I had given up on her. My brave Bella.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I said.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family." I grimaced to think of the pain I'd caused them. "I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I flashed her a sheepish grin, ashamed of my actions. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too." Yes. Between the two of us, if someone was crazy then it was definitely me.

Bella smiled back at me–a genuine smile. "I only heard one voice." It was clear from her tone that she wasn't ashamed of that. She almost seemed to be…proud of it.

I laughed and hugged her close as we walked toward the house. Silly Bella. Only she would hear a voice in her head and be grateful for it instead of seeking medical help like any normal person would.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I said, bringing my focus back to the issue at hand as we moved forward. I gestured toward the house that had appeared in front of us. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

Bella's eyes narrowed defiantly and the arm I had slung around her shoulder felt her straighten a bit taller. "This affects them now, too."

I shrugged. It didn't matter. This decision wasn't up for negotiation, though it was certainly much too important to leave up to Bella. She was just too uninformed. There was no way she could understand what this all meant until it was too late, and I would never let it get to that point.

Besides, there was no reason to worry. My family would side with me. I was the Cullen here and that deserved some sort of loyalty.

As we entered the house and I flipped on the lights for Bella's benefit, I was struck by how good it felt to be back. Even just the memory of Bella had made this place more of a home than anywhere I had ever lived. And now with her beside me, it really did feel like a homecoming.

I could hear the thoughts of my family in different places throughout the house, waiting for my cue. They were keeping silently out of the way, allowing Bella and I some room and letting us dictate the pace. They were still wary after Volterra. I called them forward by name. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?"

Carlisle appeared alone and moved over to Bella with a smile.

"Welcome back, Bella," he greeted. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

The others will follow if this is how you want it, he thought, only for me. Alice had obviously let him in on Bella's plan. How you both want it, though I think it might be best if we leave Bella in control here. She's earned that much. I couldn't argue with that. She had called for this meeting. If it made her happy to pretend that this vote of hers would make a difference then I would just have to sit through it.

Her face was set in rigid determination. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's ok. About something important."

Carlisle searched my face. Do you have any objection to this, Edward? I sighed minutely, too small for Bella to hear. Of course I did, but it was clear from my expression that I'd already given up. She could have her charade.

"Of course," Carlisle responded, after he had read the resignation on my face. "Why don't we talk in the other room?" He prompted her, filling in her gaps of knowledge about such proceedings. It was clear that she wanted to be overly formal about this, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it.

We all took our seats at the dining room table, the traditional setting for any of the more formal Cullen discussions. We rarely used this room. It was more of a prop than anything else. But on a rare occasion, when there was something serious to be discussed, we would circle around and have…not a forum…but something close. Alice had once called a meeting to discuss her birthday gifts.

Tonight felt almost as ridiculous. A silly waste of time. But I could be patient if that was what Bella needed.

My family filed in behind us and took their places in their chairs. Carlisle courteously offered up his normal spot at the head of the table to Bella and took a seat next to her instead. I sat on her other side.

I searched Alice's mind as she sat down in her seat next to me, grinning conspiratorially at Bella. I could see vague impressions of the vote, but not enough to make a solid prediction about the outcome.

Carlisle and Rose are both conflicted, Alice thought as she caught my expression and guessed what I was doing. But I'm not going to let you see the outcome either way. You're either going to be very angry or very smug, and you're no fun in either of those moods.

I gave her a quick glare. I had been very calm about this until now, and she was making things difficult.

"The floor is yours," Carlisle said, nodding at Bella to begin.

I could hear Bella's heart begin to race and she swallowed loudly. She was nervous. I should have known.

I grabbed her hand in assurance under the table and met the eyes of every member of my family, both warning them to behave and reminding them of where their loyalties lay. With me.

"Well," Bella began, her voice a little shaky. "I'm hoping Alice had already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice affirmed.

Bella stared at her intently. "And on the way?"

"That, too."

I caught a brief bit of the conversation from their plane trip to Italy. The important part. The part Bella was referring to. The part where Alice mentioned making Bella a vampire herself. I scowled at Alice. She ignored me.

"Good." Bella sighed. "Then we're all on the same page." She was quiet for a moment, and I browsed through the minds of my family, looking for their choices. Loyalty aside, I was certain of a 'yes' from Alice and Esme. Most likely a 'no' from Rosalie. Both Jasper and Emmett were thinking of other things, so I couldn't be certain of their votes, but I was fairly certain that they, at least, would leave the decision up to me. They would vote how I did.

I found myself wondering why I cared so much, especially if the vote didn't matter. Bella wasn't becoming a vampire majority or not. Carlisle wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't allow it. But for some reason I couldn't place this meeting didn't feel right. It felt dangerous. I didn't like how the power had been taken out of my hands, even if it was only in appearance.

After a long pause, Bella continued. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing–something to avoid.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked around at everyone, playing true to her role of moderator. Her eyes finally settled on mine with a little uncertainty. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Don't want her?! Esme was bewildered at the thought. Surely she knows that she's as much my child as Edward is! She began to say as much but Bella held up her hand.

"Please, let me finish," she said. "You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here." Her face was serious.

I began to growl at that thought. That was something I would never allow. I wouldn't even humor her whims in that case, as I was now.

Bella pointedly refused to look at me. She was being stubborn.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." There was a hint of a smile on her lips as she finished and waved her hand toward Carlisle to begin the vote.

"Just a minute," I said. Bella turned to glare at me, pettily. I squeezed her hand in reassurance. It was clear that she was annoyed at the delay. Well, she had offered me the chance to air my opinions by coming, though I was certain she had just been looking for a ride here at the time. She didn't have a choice now.

That was her mistake. She had underestimated my side of the argument. I still had a card or two left up my sleeve. It was time to voice the plan that had been building in the back of my mind since Italy.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I began. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious." I met the eyes of my family in the same manner Bella had. "You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I smiled. The more I thought about it, the more the plan made sense. Pieces began to fall into place.

"Which was?" Alice prompted. Get on with it. I'm fairly certain I don't like where you're going with this.

"The Volturi are overconfident," I explained "and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I addressed the last part directly to Bella. I could see her shudder at the name. "He finds people–that's his talent, why they keep him.

Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker–a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was." Bella winced slightly at the name. "His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I trailed off with a shrug, letting the implication sink it. Having heard it out loud, what had been a vague observation now seemed like a rather brilliant plan. Bella's concerns over the Volturi were completely unfounded. She was safe from them. She had no practical reason to become a vampire.

"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella stated the unspoken words, her voice even, but seething with annoyance.

I smiled. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

Did she need me to spell everything out for her? It wasn't all that complicated of a plan.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" The more I explained, the better it sounded. I was completely confident. There was no way the Volturi could come near her.

I glanced at Emmett. My brothers would appreciate this plan much more than Bella. Right on! he thought.

Bella glared fiercely at me. "But they can find you."

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett laughed at that and extended his fist toward me.

"Excellent plan, my brother," he said. We're gonna kick some Volturi butt!

I bumped his fist with mine, a huge grin on my face.

"No," Rosalie said. She was staring angrily at Emmett.

"Absolutely not," Bella said predictably.

"Nice," from Jasper. There's some solid strategy in that one.

"Idiots," Alice grumbled to herself. I swear, those boys are going to get themselves killed one day.

Everyone seemed to have something to say about it except for Carlisle. I glanced at him curiously. He was deliberating, taking into account the new option I had just placed forward. He didn't seem as enthusiastic about it as the rest of us, though perhaps not as disapproving as Bella and Esme.

My mother's thoughts were loud, blaring in my head, though she didn't speak. She was never one to criticize me out loud. But mentally, where it was just her and me, she let loose with a maternal passion. You want to take on the Volturi?! Again? No. Absolutely not. Not even an option. I can believe after all of this that you would still put yourself in danger! Forget me. Forget your family. What about Bella? Can't you imagine what this would do to her? No. No no no.

I tuned out the rest as a pang of guilt ripped through me. Esme's disapproval was something I hadn't thought about. It wouldn't stop me, but it was difficult to watch her worry.

Bella squared her shoulders and lifted her chin.

"All right, then," she said. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider." Her voice was even, trying to be fair, but her eyes flashed as she spoke. Just as she had accused me, she wanted make sure everyone knew what she thought as well. "Let's vote."

She took a deep breath and turned to me first. Her eyes betrayed her nerves, but her face was set. "Do you want me to join your family?"

I glared back. Of course she had to word it like that. Family had nothing to do with this. "Not that way," I said. "You're staying human." I left no room for argument. It wasn't a desire. It was a fact.

Bella nodded and continued on quickly.

"Alice?"

"Yes." No surprises there.

"Jasper?"

"Yes."

Bella's eyebrows rose a bit, but otherwise her face was cool. I frowned at the unexpected answer. But I suppose it did make sense. Jasper was nothing if not practical.

"Rosalie?"

There was a pause as Rosalie deliberated, and I was surprised at the tenderness in her thoughts. On the way back from the airport I had been tuning out Rosalie, with more important issues on my mind, so I hadn't noticed the new tenderness she had formed toward Bella. But it seemed that her jealousy was more deep-rooted than her more recent gratitude.

"No."

Bella began to move on, but Rosalie held up her hands.

"Let me explain," she said. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Typical Rosalie. Trying to make this about her. But I was grateful for her support, ridiculous as its foundation may have been.

Bella nodded and continued to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" he exclaimed with a huge grin. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

That stung. I had expected Emmett to side with me. If not because of fraternal loyalty then because of the potential for action it provided. I flashed him an angry look and his smile turned sheepish. Sorry, bro. Bella is as much a part of the family as you are. I can't say no.

Emmett's unexpected decision took me by surprise, and I took a moment to reevaluate. How much power did I really hold here? Sure, I had refused to make Bella a vampire, and up until now that had seemed like enough. But at this point, Rosalie was the only one who had said no. How much of an opposition was I really facing?

As if to confirm my fears Esme smiled warmly when Bella turned to her.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."

"Thank you, Esme."

As Bella turned toward Carlisle the tension in the room grew exponentially. Everyone was silent, waiting for his answer. I was struck by the significance this moment. As much as I respected the opinions of my family, Carlisle's opinion was the one we all abided by. I realized how stupid I had been to allow this. I had forgotten how much influence he had over us, and more specifically me. I trusted and respected him more than anything else in existence.

I would abide by his choice, whatever it was. I had to.

Carlisle met my eyes as his inner debate came to a close. I could feel the horror begin to form deep down in my stomach and rise up through my throat.

There isn't much of a choice for me to make here, he thought. If you stay in her life then she had a decision to make. And this is Bella's decision, her life. We have no right to force her one way or the other, and quite frankly it would probably be dangerous to try. He caught the look on my face. "Edward." It was a warning.

"No," I managed to growl. Every muscle in my body was tense. I struggled not to lose control. I was acutely aware of Bella's hand in mine.

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle explained. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I let go of Bella's hand, afraid that any minute I would forget myself and give in to the urge to crush something. I couldn't risk hurting her. I needed to get away. I shoved my chair out and fled the room. I heard Carlisle's sigh behind me.

"I guess you know my vote."

I tuned out the rest, furious.

I felt betrayed and helpless. And weak. With all of my strength and speed, I still didn't have what it took to protect Bella's soul. Vampire against human, and yet somehow the human had won. I wanted to grab her, force her to live her life, but no amount of brute strength could change this. What chance did such a physical being as a vampire have in the realm of souls? I didn't even have one.

My limbs felt like they were on fire as my anger flowed through them. I grabbed one of Esme's vases off the table and hurled it at the wall.

This was my fault. I had been so stupid. I should never have allowed this horrendous vote in the first place. It was a trap and I had walked right into it. How could I keep Bella safe when I couldn't even save her from herself? She was going to damn her soul because of sheer stubbornness, and I was expected to sit by and watch? My sweet, selfless Bella was going to sacrifice everything she deserved for a monster like me, who was so selfish that I couldn't even manage to escape the thought that part of me wanted this.

I twisted down further into the anger inside me, this time directed at myself. After all this, the struggle to keep her safe and human, I still wanted this. I wanted to hold her hand and not worry that if I became too emotional I would crush it. When I kissed her I wanted to forget everything and hold her to me with all my strength. I wanted every piece of her. I wanted eternity. I was despicable.

As if she knew that it were the only thing that could break me out of my thoughts, Bella spoke from the other room. Dangerous, horrible, unexpected words.

"Well, Alice. Where do you want to do this?"

All the emotions compressed inside me came bursting outward through my lips as I stormed back into the room stopping directly in front of her. "No! No! NO!"

She wouldn't do this now. It felt like by the time I had actually grasped the reality of the situation Bella would already be a vampire. Not only was it completely irrational, crazy, it was the most dangerous thing I had ever heard her suggest. She wanted Alice to bite her, on a whim. Give herself up to a thirsty vampire in a spur of the moment decision? Forget not letting her become a vampire. I would not let her die.

"Are you insane?" I demanded. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Bella cringed back from me in fear and threw her hands over her ears. I was breathing heavily as I struggled to remain my composure. I was losing control and if I didn't calm down she was going to get hurt. I'd probably already destroyed her eardrums.

"Um, Bella," Alice squeaked. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare…."

"You promised," Bella said, determined despite the face that she was cowering away from me.

"I know, but…Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to not kill you."

"You can do it. I trust you."

I snarled. Didn't she just hear Alice? This was tantamount to a death sentence! I could hear the fear in Alice's thoughts. Not tonight. I'll prepare. This is too dangerous.

Bella turned to another avenue. "Carlisle?"

I grabbed her face and forced her to look at me. She wasn't going to let herself die tonight. Because whether she ended up a vampire or not, if this continued Bella the human would die tonight, almost her entire life left unlived. She had so much to wait for.

Carlisle ignored the palm I had held out to silence him.

"I'm able to do it," he said. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

Bella's words sounded a little awkward because of my hand, but she insisted on talking anyways. "Sounds good."

"Hold on," I argued, my face tensed with my struggle for self-control. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," she insisted.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can." I swore she was about to roll her eyes. "Now let go of me."

I did as she asked and folded my arms. Not even Bella could deny my logic here. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All there of them." Her bravado didn't fool me. She got my point. She couldn't leave her family like that, with all the pain of uncertainty. It just wasn't in her. She was too good a person. They would never know what had happened to her, if she was happy, or even alive. She would be just another missing persons flyer in the police station where Charlie worked. He would see her face every day and wonder who had taken his baby.

I allowed her a moment to let everything sink in and then continued with my argument to persuade Carlisle. I turned to him. "In the interest of remaining inconspicuous I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least"–the very least–"until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle agreed.

She frowned, reluctant to give up on her argument so easily. After a moment's consideration she pursed her lips stubbornly. "I'll consider it."

Relief flooded through me. That was as good as a concession and it was probably the best that I would get from her tonight.

"I should probably take you home," I said, changing the subject. It was best to put an end to all this madness and remove Bella from temptation. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early." I moved a little closer, trying to herd her toward the door, but Bella ignored me.

"After graduation?" she asked Carlisle. I rolled my eyes in frustration. That girl would stop at nothing to drive me crazy. I had suggested graduation as an absolute minimum. Even that was pushing it.

"You have my word," he answered, making a point to me as much as to Bella.

Bella took a deep breath and turned to smile at me. She seemed calm, and incredibly full of herself, now that she had gotten what she wanted. I, on the other hand, felt like my nerves might break to pieces if I didn't get her away from the house filled with vampires. There were too many unknowns here now. Too much had gone wrong tonight. It was time to count my losses and retreat. I had some real thinking to do.

As I pulled Bella onto my back and began to run through the forest, I thought about what I still had control over. What cards did I still hold? If I was going to make this situation work to my advantage I was going to have to accept some facts.

First, Bella would become a vampire. I cringed at the thought. It wasn't as though I hadn't seen it in Alice's visions since the early moments of our relationship, but I had always refused to give the images even the slightest amount of credibility. Alice would probably call it denial. I called it exhausting. Now I forced myself to face the images as truth. Though I may have bluffed it well, I couldn't imagine spending the rest of Bella's life fighting against her. If she was determined to do this, there wasn't much I could do to stop her. I wasn't willing to turn into her prison guard.

Second, I couldn't force Bella to do anything. I had learned that the hard way. How many times had I repeated this mistake with disastrous results? First James, then my abandonment, and now this business becoming a vampire. Bella did what she wanted and my best bet, my only bet really, was to work with her instead of against her.

So how was I to get Bella to do anything? I needed to change her mind, I knew that. A month or two was just not enough time. She hadn't seemed convinced that waiting was best, merely resigned, and she was already eighteen. I remembered from the memories of her birthday how much it bothered her to be physically older than me. How far would that drive her? For all I knew she would tie up all her loose ends the moment she got back. She would say goodbye, move out, and a week later her soul would be damned. It was a stretch, and I couldn't actually see Bella letting go that quickly, but the underlying issue was still a problem. She wanted this done with as quickly as possible.

I thought back to our time together, before there was a deadline on Bella's mortality. How had I managed to change her mind then? I remembered how I used to coax things out of her. It required a certain level of patience and time to allow Bella to ease out of her stubbornness, but I would feed into her desires. It was almost as though I would distract her. Show her the appeal to the alternatives. She had to want it.

That was where my power was.

I contemplated this as we neared her house. I had to give Bella something that she wanted more than just becoming a vampire. And I could trade it. For more time.

I tried to remain casual as I climbed into her room and placed her on the bed, but the look on her face was surprised, and then suspicious.

I concentrated and I paced across her room. Time was the goal here. The key. As much time as I could get. The more time I had, the more time I had to convince her of what she had as a human. Just because she couldn't see it now didn't mean that she wouldn't see it eventually. It was just like prom had been. Sure, she had kicked and screamed the whole way there. But even though she would never admit it, she had enjoyed herself. Bella didn't understand what she was missing, but the more time she had, the more I could make her see.

"Whatever you're planning," she broke into my thoughts "it's not going to work."

"Shh. I'm thinking." No use denying it now. But, what would she want in return? She hated gifts, so that narrowed things down quite a bit. I had a pretty good guess as to what she would ask for. And I would do it. I would do practically anything if it meant keeping my Bella safe, even from herself.

That was if she went for the bait.

"Ugh," she huffed as she threw herself back on the bed in defeat and tugged her quilt over her face. That wouldn't do. I didn't come back here so I could converse with a quilt. I sat down on the bed next to her and she gave an involuntarily jump and my sudden proximity. I pulled the quilt down to stare at her face. She glared back up at me, annoyed.

That made me smile and I brushed a strand of hair back off of her adorably non-threatening expression.

"If you don't mind," I said "I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand." I was getting distracted. There was a point to this conversation. "Now…tell me something."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What?"

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You."

I shook my head. I should have seen that bit of nonsense coming. "Something you don't already have."

She stared at me for a moment, analyzing my expression. She was trying to figure out both what I wanted her to say and if that was something she should admit. She was trying to keep her cards close to her chest, though not very well. I would have to play poker with her sometime. She would be terrible at it.

"I would want…" she admitted finally "Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me." I had suspected it would be something like that. There weren't too many things Bella wanted.

She was staring at me warily as I continued. She could obviously see that I was going somewhere with this, and she also knew that she wouldn't like it, so she kept her emotions as guarded as she could. I tested the waters a bit to see how much she wanted it. It was time to dangle the carrot.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

Her eyes bugged out, surprised. Out of all the answers she'd been waiting for it was clear that she didn't expect that one. Her mouth hung open. Forget terrible, she'd be atrocious at poker.

"Anything!" she blurted out, and then realized her mistake. She snapped her mouth closed and looked wary.

I did my best to control my face. I was actually pretty good at poker. But her reaction combined with her answer was too much. A victory smile escaped my lips before I fought it back. She wanted this badly. I might be able to push this farther than expected.

"Five years?" I tried out, watching her expression carefully. Her eyes were wide again, but not in excitement like before. Ok, maybe I'd pushed it too far.

"You said anything," I tried.

"Yes, but…you'll use the time to fins a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human–for me, at least. So, anything but that."

I frowned. She had seen right through my plan. Apparently my poker face was not as good as I thought. I reevaluated. How much was this worth to her? "Three years?"

"No!" Her reaction was vehement.

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

Her face froze and then she rearranged it with careful control. She was quite obviously trying to give anything away. I had a feeling this next number was going to be low. Lower than she was willing to go. I felt like I was bargaining with a market woman at a fish market.

"Six months?"

I substituted my laugh for a roll of my eyes. She didn't seriously think I would buy that? The questioning tone in her voice alone was enough to tell me that she would go higher. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she conceded. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two." She had to see what a deal that was. I had gone down by three years from my original number.

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

Oh yeah. Her irrational fear of getting older. I pondered that.

Perhaps I was taking the wrong approach here. Apparently she didn't have any desire strong enough to compel her to stay human for any extended period of time. But did she have a fear? Was there anything that I could compel her to avoid? Next to age, what was her next biggest irrational fear? What could I do that would keep her with me?

The answer was suddenly blaringly obvious because not only was it one of her biggest fears, it was one of my greatest desires. And on her part it was most definitely an irrational fear. Once it came time, she would enjoy this as much as I did.

I chose my words carefully. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one"–I laughed mentally at the double meaning–"then you'll have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" I could hear the fear in her voice. "What condition?"

"Marry me first."

The room was silent for a very long moment and if my heart could have beat it would have been pounding with nervous anticipation. My mind had been bargaining when I'd decided to ask, but now that the words had been said I was filled with dread at her answer. I hadn't felt this human in a long time. For a moment I was simply a man asking a woman for her hand. Nothing more.

It made sense that in exchange for what she wanted most, she would give me what I wanted most. There was a balance to this solution.

"Okay. What's the punch line?"

I sighed, a little sad, though not surprised. I shouldn't have expected her to take this seriously. It wasn't a conventional proposal in any sense. But I had hoped. "You're wounding my ego, Bella," I said, covering the hurt with a bantering tone. "I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious." I stared at her, hoping she'd see how serious I really meant. This had turned into much more than a bargain. I was frozen, waiting for her answer.

She, on the other hand, was freaking out. "Oh, c'mon. I'm only eighteen."

Oh, so now she was too young? Just a moment ago she wanted to stay eighteen forever. If I changed her was she planning on just never getting married? That ruffled me a bit.

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten," I said, my voice growing impatient. "It's time I settled down."

I was not known for handling rejection well, not that I'd ever really had a problem with it. Bella had been the first human to react differently from the normal fearful awe. I had spent my entire life rejecting what I was and my unnatural desires. Now, it was painful to be on the other side. Didn't she want to marry me? Was there something more to her refusal than an aversion to the institution?

Bella instinctually turned away from my anger and stared out the window. "Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renée and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words."

She turned back and glowered at me. "You know what I mean."

I did and she was being unfair. If she wanted to be with me forever, then it only made sense that she should have to make the human commitment before the vampire one. This would bind us to each other forever, and soothe whatever fears left over from my departure that she had about my own commitment.

A commitment that was a raging double standard. She was staring at me as though I had truly gone crazy. How was it fair that she could expect me to commit to taking her soul when she couldn't even commit to a ceremony so common that it was performed daily around the world?

I took a deep breath before I spoke, trying to hide my annoyance. She wasn't the only one who didn't like double standards. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment." She wanted to be a vampire but not a wife? Not my wife?

"That's not it exactly," she said, not sounding convincing at all. "I'm…"–I could see her wracking her mind for an excuse–"afraid of Renée. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty." It wasn't a lie, but it served the same purpose.

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married." I laughed. Bella's argument, when put in layman's terms, was ridiculously full of humor.

"You think you're joking," she scoffed. Well, I wasn't that one who had made it up.

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I shook my head, a little hurt at her reasoning. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then–"

"Well," Bella interrupted brusquely. She didn't seem to find me sincere. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

Her attempts at bravado were cute.

I smiled a huge, theatrical smile in response. It was probably even a bit over the top. But I got the point across. "Sure. I'll get my car."

"Dammit," she grumbled. "I'll give you eighteen months."

By the way she said it, it sounded like I would get quite a bit more time down my current route. "No deal," I said with a grin. "I like this condition."

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate." She didn't sound convinced.

"If that's what you really want," I said innocently with a shrug for added effect. It quite obviously wasn't what she wanted.

"You're impossible. A monster." But her words didn't carry too much threat.

"Is that why you won't marry me?" I teased with a laugh. I would have laughed a little harder if it wasn't true. She groaned in response and I sensed an opening. I leaned toward her, attempting to show her the benefits to my plan.

"Please, Bella?"

Her pulse raced and her breath hitched. She shook her head, both a denial and an attempt to clear her head.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked. That was a mistake.

"No!" she practically fell out of her bed as her voice quickly rose in volume. "No rings!"

From down the hall, I heard the break in Charlie's dreams as he was jolted awake.

"Now you've done it," I whispered, annoyed again.

"Oops."

I could hear the sounds of movement in the other room as Charlie climbed out of bed.

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave." I waited for her response, hopeful. One look at her was enough to tell that she was completely against this idea. Almost fearfully so.

"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I suggested.

She seemed to like this idea. "No. Stay. Please."

I smiled and hid myself in her closet. I listened intently as she shifted in agitation. Our conversation had affected her.

Charlie trudged down the hallway to check once again on what he thought was his sleeping daughter. He was surprised and a little chagrined when she greeted him. This meant that he was going to have to have the conversation that he had been dreading.

"Oh, hey, Bella," he said. "I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." I the sheets ruffle as Bella started to get out of bed.

"Hold on," Charlie grumbled and flipped on the light. He braced himself. "Let's talk for a minute first. You know you're in trouble."

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble." His remembered dread wracked through me. "You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when–or if–you were coming back. Do you have any idea how…how…" I cringed back and let his emotions flow through me. I deserved this. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

"Because I won't go." I gave an inaudible sigh. She had spent the entire night being stubborn with me. It seemed like now that she was in the habit, she wasn't going to stop with Charlie.

"Now just one minute, young lady–"

"Look, Dad," she interrupted. "I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too–" I felt Charlie wince. He hadn't been serious about that. "But that won't make me go to Florida."

Charlie breathed deeply, trying to control his temper. He knew Bella was stubborn but he wasn't used to punishing her. And he certainly wasn't used to her defiance.

He changed the subject, not knowing how to respond. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

Bella paused, no doubt trying to think up a suitable lie. "There was…an emergency."

When Charlie waited for more she took a deep breath and continued, a little bewildered. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand." So, she was going with an altered version of the truth. It was either very smart, or very stupid. We would only know once she had finished. She was also sacrificing herself to Charlie's wrath, but then again, that was something Bella would do. "See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…." Charlie's heart skipped a beat and his mind whirled. He didn't have the chance to ask how Alice knew. He was too busy picturing a particularly painful scenario with the empty looking Bella that I'd began to expect in everyone's memories, tears on her face. Full of pain, she flung herself off the cliff, to the rocks below. It wasn't too different from what I had pictured when Rosalie told me.

I saw Bella grimace through Charlie's mind. "I guess I didn't tell you about that. It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something." I frowned, remembering how angry I was at Rosalie. What she told be wasn't accidental. I listened to the rest Bella's explanation with guilt, knowing what she wasn't saying. I had overreacted and Bella was nearly killed because of it.

Charlie's thoughts weren't much better. "Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" he asked when she had come to a stop.

My body shook as realized how plausible an explanation this seemed to anyone who had seen Bella recently. For a while they had all been on one big suicide watch.

"No, of course not." Bella shrugged it off as though the idea was absurd. I tried to take comfort in that. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing." I didn't know who this Jake kid was, but he was going to have to watch his back. He had allowed her to jump of a cliff? Bella was never going down to La Push again.

I was distracted by the flare of Charlie's anger, this time directed toward me. Now that his main concern was out of the way, he was able to focus on its cause. Me. Everything that had happened was my fault. I didn't disagree on any particular point.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway? All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word–"

"Another misunderstanding," Bella interrupted, not allowing him to insult me as I deserved. Charlie heard the warning in her voice and his temper flared again.

"So is he back then?"

Bella paused and I realized that I had never stated the specifics as to how things would continue. I was back, clearly, but it wasn't as simple as that. Charlie's idea of back might differ from Bella's or mine. Was I going back to school now? Was everything back to normal? I could see how she might have difficulty explaining. "I'm not sure what the exact plan it. I think they all are."

That was not the answer Charlie wanted and his voice shook. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again." His words sounded as though he had picked them straight from my head.

"Fine." I knew enough of Bella to be wary. She wouldn't have fought so hard earlier, just to give up to Charlie now.

Charlie's observations were not quite as astute. "Oh," he said, surprised. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am. I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

Charlie's anger roared out of control as Bella chose me over him. I was certain that she didn't see it that way, but that was essentially what it was.

She continued on, concern in her voice.

"Dad, I don't want to move out. I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?" She sounded like she was reading a list of demands, and I was reminded of our most recent conversation.

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

Her voice was firm. "Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am."

Apparently Bella's stubbornness was inherited, because Charlie raged at her demand. "Not under my roof."

Bella sighed. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight–or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal." I wondered at how easily she could say that after she had just refused to marry me. It seemed like she had already made the emotional commitment necessary.

"Bella–"

"Think it over," Bella said, refusing to argue any more. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."

Charlie's anger had not subsided in the slightest, but seeing as he was past words, and was not getting anywhere, he decided on a strategic retreat to count his losses and reevaluate his battle tactic. I slammed the door and stomped away pointedly.

The moment Charlie had slammed the door was moved out of the closet into the rocking chair. Bella threw off her quilt to get ready for the proposed shower.

"Sorry about that," she whispered to me, knowing that I'd be there.

I thought of Charlie's memories. They'd been worse while he'd watched her sleep, and if anything, his anger had saved me from a much deserved insight into Bella's pain. "It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I mumbled. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please." It wasn't worth it.

"Don't worry about it," she said dismissively. She continued around her room, getting ready for her shower. "I will start exactly as much as it necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" She widened her eyes. How did that matter? It was too dangerous a thought.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

She shrugged. "That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…," she added with a grin. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

I tensed at the thought that she could be a vampire within the week. "So eager for eternal damnation." I took comfort from the fact that Charlie would never actually follow through with the threat.

"You know you don't really believe that."

That caught me by surprise. Very angry surprise. "Oh, don't I?" Was that what was making her so stubborn? She didn't take me seriously when I told that we were damned monsters. As though she had any way to know.

"No. You don't."

I glared at her fiercely. I opened my mouth to tell her exactly how much I believed it when she cut me off with a shake of her head.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't–you said 'Amazing, Carlisle was right.' There's hope in you, after all."

I simply stared at her, stunned. I had been so busy worrying about her safety while in Italy that I hadn't thought about that moment at all. It was eerily similar to the moment when Bella had first woken up here in Forks. I had been so out of it when Bella had first slammed into me in Volterra, that I didn't even consider what it had meant to me. Did I really think that I was in heaven? Was there really some part of me that had considered that?

Bella interrupted my thoughts. "So let's just be hopeful, all right?" she said. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I thought about how true that sounded. At this point, it didn't matter if she married me or not. I was never going to leave her. I would always be here, to be that heaven she saw in me. I moved over to her and held her face between my hands.

"Forever," I promised her.

"That's all I'm asking for." And she reached up to kiss me fully.

A/N: I'm still debating if I want to write the epilogue. If I do, it'll probably take me a little longer to post than the previous updates. Big thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed!