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Darkness. My eyes were open. Silence. I was alone. At first, I was afraid. I had no sense of time. I slowly became accustomed to it. As far as I could see, nothing. I was on no surface. I was not falling, nor was I floating. I just... was. Grassy plains faded into existence around me. After that, a full moon surrounded by starry sky. I sat cross-legged in the grass. Then I heard it. Just beyond the the horizon, I heard a low, steady hum. A dark figure emerged from that horizon.
They approached, slowly and constantly as the moon above them. I waited, frozen in place as fear began to overwhelm me. Thirty meters... Twenty... Five... Three... Two... My heart beat thundered in my ears. The moon was directly above me when the sound stopped.
A meter in front of me stood a woman black as night. Her hair, whiter than the moon, fell to her shoulders. She was not clothed, nor was she bare. Light and shadow were one upon her body. I tried to stand, but could not. Her eyes locked with mine. All-seeing, all-knowing voids set in disks of steel ringed with silver. They were swallowed by darkness. She stomped her left foot, the earth raising a war-drum's cry. Her right, head thrown back as a pure, resounding note tore from her throat.
She began circling me, the earth's voice keeping the time of a clock as she sang. Many tongues came together. Some I recognized, others I did not. I would catch snatches of my mother tongue, but the meaning would be lost as the next word was alien to me. She slowly spiraled towards me before stopping, an arm's length from me.
She knelt before me, opening her eyes. She stared into my soul as she sang, "Auf stillen flügeln schatten, fliegen" On silent wings of shadow, fly. "Vorbei an den wolken, über den himmel" Past the clouds, above the heavens. "Komm zu mir zurück, meine liebe" Come back to me, my love. "Abk deinen schmerz, deine bitter angst." Cast off thy pain, thy bitter fear. She reached towards me.
Just before her fingers reached my forehead, she was jerked backwards by her shoulders by some unseen force. She coughed and lifted her head from her chest. Blood streamed from her eyes and the corners of her mouth. I sat helpless as her head was forced back by her hair and her arms were outstretched. She floated into the air, her body becoming one with the sky and her hair, the moon. Her strangled cry pounded in my ears as dark emptiness surrounded me once more.
. . .
The sun rose and Italy was his ever-talkative self. Mama listened patiently as she distributed the supplies between the two sleeping-sacks-turned-supply-bags and her own. Meanwhile, I cleaned where we extinguished the fire. We would leave the stones there. Italy threw the large cloth over the horse. Aysel, a fitting name. She was as pale as the moonlight for which she was named.
We lifted Germany onto her back and held him as Mama wrapped rope around their midsections. Then she tied his wrists, followed by his ankles, first wrapping them with the excess cloth hanging from Aysel. She handed Italy her staff and we were on our way. We were able to move faster since Aysel was not as burdened.
It was some time before noon. Italy was babbling away while motioning with his left hand, as in his right was Mama's staff. Mama suddenly fell on her face. I was at her side in an instant and Italy at her left. We each took an arm and lifted her to her feet. Her arm was so small. I realized just how painfully noticeable her bones were beneath her tunic. I did not remember her eating the past two days. Italy returned her staff, saying that she needed it more than he did. She took it and we continued our march.
That evening, I made sure Mama ate. She did not object, but there was much hesitance in her movement. I took first watch. I kept wondering why Mama was refusing to eat. We had more than enough to last a month, if we rationed it. My eyes swept over their sleeping forms and tried to join them. Instead, I gazed towards Aysel, whose coat reflected the high moon.
I was startled out of my thoughts. Mama's breathing hitched, shortening and shallowing. She turned over on the cloth, moving closer to the fire. Then again and again. When she got thirty centimeters from the fire, I decided to intervene. I knelt beside her and pulled her away from it.
Mama's face changed from fear to rage. She growled darkly and flipped us to where I was beneath her. Her eyes shot open as she jumped back, snatching up her staff. Cold, pupiless eyes stared into my own. She lifted her staff, preparing to strike. I felt myself weaken greatly and saw my skin become pale and wrinkled as my vision blurred. Her nose wrinkled as she bared lengthening teeth, the roar of a tiger shooting fear into my soul. The staff came towards me as I shielded my head. From behind her came a frightened whinny. I peeked around my arms and saw Aysel galloping towards us.
I heard wood fall to my right. Above me, Mama's knees trembled before she collapsed. Before me, she was curled into herself on her side, panting heavily and pulling at her hair. Aysel had slowed to a walk, seemingly afraid to approach. Mama shuddered and reached towards her staff. Using it to support her weight, she forced herself to her knees. She stared at the ground and whispered, "I... apologize. I mistook you for..." She shuddered again and stood, walking to where I was. She sat and told me to rest. She would keep watch. I hesitantly laid down, trying to calm my racing heart.
From her I felt an overwhelming fear, verging on panic. I was about to ask what was wrong, when that fear was replaced with a mind-numbing pain. I sat up immediately and stared at Mama. Her feet were stretched out in front of her, her toes pointed. I watched as she allowed cramping muscles to slowly creep up her legs. I sat dumbstruck as I wondered why Mama would hurt herself in such a way. When I voiced this, she replied through labored breathing, "If I do, nothing more will be taken from me." I puzzled over this as I waited for her to relax.
She was about to induce more when I firmly told her to stop and explain. Still panting, she hissed, "What one takes will be taken from them. When you felt your strength leave you? That was me. I was not in my right mind, but it was still me. I took from you to give me voice. I stole from you. If I do not make myself suffer, something will be stolen from me! I have already lost my voice. What will be next? My sight? My hearing? Aysel? No. I will trade my comfort, my well-being rather than lose something else permanently." Her face revealed all the emotion her whisper cold not: fear, pain, even anger. I was on the verge of asking how she lost her voice, but that was a personal matter. I did not need to know. Her expression hardened as she stared into my soul.
"My voice was stolen from me for something I cannot control, long, long before your time. It was just me, Brother Sun and Sister Moon. We were happy. They would dance merrily as I sang. That went on for millennia, until this world came to be. As soon as the surface cooled, I came here. I was in constant wonder of everything around me: Brother's warmth and Sister's beauty as they danced across the sky, the feeling of lava between my toes. I continued to sing, for my new sister as well. We all lived in harmony.
"Before long, life appeared here. It was small at first, but was constantly growing, multiplying and bettering itself. I never failed to notice how short their lives were. I went to ask Brother about this, because he is warm and wise. As gently as he could, he told me it was because of... me.
"I was heartbroken. I asked Sister and she said the same. Fearing that I would cause Brother and Sister to die, I banished myself from them. I continued to sing and they still danced across the sky. That is about the time it began. My voice faded. By the time humans became, I was silent. No longer with voice, life was still short lived. All because of me.
"My form faded into a body. I became the very thing from which I was taking. From then on, I made myself suffer. I was, and still am, afraid that if I do not, I will lose something more precious to me than my voice. I would often become depressed and try to end my existence. I have tried every way possible. I have jumped from cliffs onto jagged rocks, and walked into pools of once-benign lava. I have eaten every toxic substance there is, I have starved myself, bled myself dry, allowed wild beasts to tear me apart, and have been struck by lightning. Countless centuries, I have tried to not be. I have always woken up. I have always had to heal. Ever. So. Painfully. I am needed here. I can not die.
"Aysel found me face down in a river. My skin was charred, my hair singed and my heart heavy. She nursed me back to health. Once I was healed, she began accompanying me, despite my pleas. I did not want to grow close and lose her. Sister poured all of her and Brother's pity into her, granting her near-infinite life and turning her brown coat white. Because of this, I had to name her 'Moonlight'. Since then, I have no longer tried to kill myself, but I still make myself suffer, as to not lose her."
I took this in. It made no sense to me. After a few moments, it dawned on me. "Y-you are... Time." I whispered, awestruck. She smiled softly and nodded. Aysel was laying beside her."Please keep calling me 'Mama'. I do not want anyone else to know." I nodded.
She looked toward Italy and Germany and sighed. "This is what I live for." I followed her gaze and cocked my head slightly. Her smile widened. "Listen. Do you hear that?" I paused and shook my head. "The sound of sleeping heartbeats, the rush of air in lungs. When the world falls around me, when all I see is pain, I remind myself. This is what I live for." I emulated her smile, yawning. Her expression softened as she said, "Rest, Young One. We still have a long journey ahead of us." I nodded and obeyed, slipping beneath still waters.
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