"No Emme!" Milo screamed, frantically trying to save his lego tower from his little sister, "Mommy!" He wailed when one his structures toppled over, legs crashing to the floor, "She broke it!" He whined.

Milo was quickly tiring of his sister's antics, she was eighteen months old and thought her big brother walked on water. Sadly, he didn't always reciprocate her feelings, he loved her for sure but she was annoying.

Emme had her favorites, Milo and Adam stood at the top of the list followed by her Poppy and then Kim.

Kim could hear the crack in her little boy's voice, she tossed the dish towel on the counter and retreated to the living room.

Emme stood in front of her big brother thoroughly enjoying herself, she was clearly proud of her path of destruction

"Emme..you know the rule princess if you didn't build it..you mustn't break it." She scooped the toddler up and moved her to the couch, "Here, read your book." She handed her the well loved, 'No David!' board book.

A book Adam joked should've been titled, 'No Emme!'

The eighteen month old kept them on their toes, they had thought Milo was a wild child; he had nothing on Emerson.

Tears rolled down Milo's cheek, he sniveled a bit before wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, "That was my best one...I wanted to show daddy." He dumped the plastic bricks into the massive tub next to the couch. "She broke it...she's dumb. I hate her mommy."

Kim was taken aback by his tone and his words, "Milo! You don't hate Emme. You're angry with her, and that's okay. It's not okay to say you hate your sister. Not at all..not ever. You love Emme and she loves you so much. She just wants to play with you, that's all."

"She breaks everything" he was clearly exasperated.

"I know, but remember she's just a baby." Kim ran her fingers through his hair, "How 'bout once Emme is in bed I will help you build another one. Does that sound good?"

Milo nodded his head, "I can stay up until daddy comes home?" His eyes sparkled, "when the moon is out?"

Kim tapped his nose with her index finger, "Yes. When the moon is out."

"So cool!" Milo pumped his fist in excitement.

"Just a few more late nights, sweetheart. School starts in just a few weeks." Kim told him. Milo was pretty clueless as to what was awaiting him, and that was fine with Kim.

Kindergarten was on the horizon.

Six years had flown by.

Just the mere thought of school sent Kim into a panic attack, she was not ready for this. She could no longer put it off, Milo was six and he needed to be in school.

Losing Lucy had made it nearly impossible for Kim to allow her children out of her sight for even just a few hours. It had been a point of contention numerous times for her and Adam, they'd have a knock down drag out fight because of it. Kim would end up in tears and Adam would walk out.

After a few hours Adam would return, he'd apologize profusely. Navigating their grief over Lucy was hard, really fucking hard.

People claimed time would heal all wounds, those people had never buried their infant daughter.

Milo's voice broke through the fog that had settled over Kim, "When's daddy coming home? My eyes are sleepy." He rubbed his eyes as he climbed in Kim's lap, his lego tower sitting on the coffee table, "I'm tired."

Kim wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him against her, "Soon. Daddy just had to finish some paperwork. How about you rest your eyes for a little bit, and daddy will wake you up when he gets home."

"Okay, mommy." Milo got up from her lap and snuggled up in the corner of the couch, and was out cold in mere minutes.

Kim went about straightening up the living room, the kids were akin to a tornado it never ceased to amaze her. They could destroy a room in under five minutes, toys strewn all over the place.

She wouldn't complain though, she loved her life.

Adam dropped his keys in glass bowl on the sideboard, unholstered his weapon and quickly locked it up in the safe.

He could hear the television on in the living room, he laughed softly when he spotted Kim and Milo both sleeping.

He lightly shook Kim's arm, "Baby, wake up." He placed a feather light kiss on her lips.

"My husband will be home soon.." she whispered against his lips.

"You're such a comedienne babe." He lifted her legs and sat down, dropping them back down in his lap. "The boy isn't in bed..rough night?"

Kim relished the feeling of Adam's hands as he caressed the back of her legs, "No, he wanted to see you. He tried to stay up, he wanted to show you that." She pointed to the tower of legos on the table, "Emme broke the 'best one ever' so we rebuilt it as best we could. He tried so hard to stay awake."

Adam looked over at him, he was still a thumb sucker and Adam was afraid he'd be sucking his thumb in high school, "I'm sorry...I tried to get home sooner. We all got an ass chewing.."

"Over?"

"Not important. How was your day? How's my Emme?" Adam leaned into the arm of the couch, "aside from destroying lego towers." She was a pint sized wrecking ball.

Kim repositioned herself between Adam's legs, her back against his chest. His fingers finding their way to the sliver of exposed skin between her tank top and sleep shorts, "We went to the park, blew bubbles and played on the slide. Your son has no fear, he was jumping from everything."

Adam dipped his head to kiss the crown of her head, "Emme loves bubbles doesn't she." Had she been looking at him she would've seen the twinkle in his eyes.

He felt Kim nod her head, "Most kids do."

"Did you blow bubbles as a kid?" Adam asked.

"I'm sure I did." Kim replied, instantly realizing she had given him exactly what he wanted.

Adam smirked, "He says thanks."

Kim rolled her eyes and she turned to look up at him, "You're a jerk.." she laughed, "You will never get bored with that joke..will you?"

Adam laughed, "Not when you make it so easy...you know..you blew bubbles..maybe you could..."

Kim turned on her side and brought her hand up his thigh and to the button of his jeans, "you'd like that wouldn't you.." she unbuttoned his jeans and tugged lightly on the zipper.

Adam sucked in a breath as her hand brushed against him, "Uh, Kim I fucking love you and I love where this is headed...but Milo is right there." He pointed to their sleeping son.

Kim straddled him, "Put." She kissed his neck, "Him." She moved to kiss his earlobe, "In" she kissed across his jaw, "Bed." She captured his lips in a heated kiss, "and I'll blow your mind..and.." her hand slipped inside his boxers.

Adam practically threw her off of him, "Done." He had Milo up and in bed in a flash.

Kim could hear their voices, her lips curved into a smile at the sound of it. She finally opened her eyes and was a bit shocked to see it was after ten. Rarely did she get to sleep in, and she was tempted to stay in bed.

It was the aroma of bacon wafting upstairs that convinced her to get out of bed.

"Easy.." Adam stood beside Milo as the little boy attempted to flip the pancake, "You got it..." he gripped his shoulders, Milo looking up at Adam with bright eyes and a enormous smile.

"I did it daddy! I flipped it." Milo giggled.

"You did. You're a champ." Adam helped him jump down from the counter, "can you get me a plate for mommy?"

"Yes." Milo go to it.

Kim plucked Emme from the high chair, "Wow, pancakes and bacon, today's my lucky day." She tickled Emme's neck.

"You were supposed to have breakfast in bed, babe." Adam whined, before kissing Kim, Emme turned her head towards him her mouth wide open. She too wanted a kiss, Adam happily obliged, though he could've done without her tongue licking the tip of his nose.

"I don't need breakfast in bed, just sleeping in was enough." Kim sat at the table with Emme in her lap.

"Well, I figured after last night I owed you." He teased.

"I'm pretty sure we are even, you brought your A game last night." She felt the warmth as it spread across her cheeks, she was hardly a prude but he could still make her blush, just the thought of him was enough to bring a blush to her cheeks.

"I am quite skilled." He boasted.

"Oh nuts..you're up." Milo groaned, "you were 'upposed to be in bed.." he shoved the plate in Adam's hands, "its more fun in bed, isn't it daddy?"

Adam laughed, "It certainly is son. It certainly is."

Kim cut her eyes at her husband, "I'm sorry." she grabbed Milo's hand, "but now we can all eat together. That'll be fun, right?"

"I guess."

Adam checked his cell, feeling disappointed when nothing had jumped off. He wasn't one to wish for a case on his day off but it would've been welcomed today.

The mall was his least favorite place to be, and they'd been at it for what felt like hours.

Milo had inherited Kim's love of shopping and was happily bouncing from store to store. He was currently trying on at least a dozen different pairs of sneakers. Kim insisted that he needed multiple pairs, and the sales person was delivering.

Emme was less than pleased to be in the stroller, she had made that crystal clear. Her body was still recovering from the epic temper tantrum she had thrown.

She had wanted a cookie and Adam had made the mistake of getting her out of the stroller so she could pick a cookie from the large display case. She walked alongside them for a bit a ginormous chocolate chip cookie in her hand. She had done well until the cookie crumbled and she dropped the bulk of it on the floor. From that moment on she was done, crocodile tears poured from her eyes and she refused to walk. Emme lost her shit the minute Adam scolded her and returned her to the stroller.

Thirty minutes later she was still pissed, though her tears had dried up the scowl she was sporting was proof that she wasn't over it. In fact she was more than a little pissed off at Adam and she was making sure Adam knew it.

Adam was relieved when Kim and Milo finally exited the store.

"Look!" Milo proudly showed off the gray Nike sneakers, "I got five sneakers! These are so fast daddy. I tried them in the store, don't worry the man said I could. They gots a track to test out shoes." Milo plopped the lollipop back in his mouth.

"Five pairs? Really?" Adam took the bags from Kim, "I'm gonna need a second job, just to pay for his sneakers."

Kim shoved him playfully, "He needed a new pair for now. Plus, they are running a great sale."

"Sure." Adam nodded, "Are we done? I'm fucking starving."

"What will happen after the bus?" Milo asked, "then I will see you?"

Kim stroked his hair, "Yes. I will be at the bus stop waiting for you." This had been their nightly ritual for the last week or so. She was beginning to fear that Milo had picked up on her fears.

"Every day?"

"Every day. If I'm not there daddy will be. You're going to love school."

Milo turned to face her, "I don't think so mommy. School doesn't sound fun."

"It'll be fun buddy, you'll make new friends and get to learn lots of cool things." Kim explained, "you'll love it" she wasn't who she was trying to convince was it Milo? Or was it herself?

Milo yawned, "I'm not so sure mommy."

Kim chuckled, "You will. Now, it's time to close those eyes and rest baby." She kissed him, "I love you."

"Love you too mommy." Milo replied, his eyes fluttering closed.

Adam leaned on Emme's crib, her bottom up in the air clutched tightly in her hand was her big sister's 'lovie' it still was like a knife to his heart. Seeing the silky lavender fabric brought tears to his eyes. Lucy never had the chance to grow attached to the toy but Emme certainly had. She took it with her wherever she went, and unlike Milo's stuffed puppy it would never be left behind. They had taken a trip to New York to visit with some of Kim's friends and Milo's puppy had been left at the hotel. It had been a rough few nights afterwards, but he eventually got over it. A stuffed dinosaur from Platt had helped.

Losing Lucy's lovie wasn't an option, it was irreplaceable and priceless. When Milo had first mentioned giving it to Emerson, Kim refused. It belonged to Lucy and it would stay Lucy's. Though it seemed Milo wouldn't let that get in his way, he always dropped it in the bassinet or in the pack and play, eventually Kim gave up and Emme fell in love with it.

It was really sweet, and it was Emme's only connection to her big sister.

Kim rested her hand on the small of his back, "Milo is out like a light, how'd Emme do?"

"Fought the good fight." He wrapped an arm around her, "though she didn't win."

"She's a night owl, that's for sure." They stood in silence for a few minutes,they often stood beside her crib just watching her sleep. They'd do the same in Milo's room, they knew that at any moment their children could be taken from them. They made sure to soak up all they could, never letting an opportunity go to waste.

Adam looked over his shoulder at Kim, "Do you ever wonder? You know...what..what Lucy would be like?" He returned his focus on Emme, "What she would look like?"

Kim hugged his arm, "All the time, Adam."

Adam leaned his chin on the crib's railing, "I think about her all the time..sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere. I'll see a little girl, and it's like a kick in the balls. It's suffocating some days."

Kim wiped a few tears from her cheeks, "I know. KiKi is starting pre school. Lucy should be with her, that's all I can think about. Our little girl..she should be with her. They would've been so cute together.."

KiKi Atwater was precious and they loved her dearly but she was a physical reminder of what they had lost. The two girls would've been just months apart, it was hard to watch KiKi grow up.

"I think she'd be like you..she'd look like you." Adam stood up straight, "She'd drive Milo crazy.."

Kim laughed a bit, "You'd be putty in her hands. Lucy and Emerson, your girls." Kim wrapped her arms around herself, "Its still hurts..I feel like I'm drowning some days.."

Adam caught her as the grief caused her knees to buckle, "I miss her.." he mumbled as he held her.

The last week of summer flew by, Adam had caught a case and worked nearly eighteen hour days. He'd come home to grab an hour or two of sleep before jumping in the shower and be out the door again in a flash.

Milo and Emme both struggled when Adam worked long hours and it wasn't fun for Kim either. Milo had become a bit of button pusher and was clearly pushing the limits a bit to see just what he could get away with. Emerson had decided to give up sleeping for more than an hour at time and a sleepy Emme wasn't pleasant.

When Kim heard the case had been closed and Adam had taken a week off, she nearly jumped for joy. She made sure Adam knew just how appreciative she was, in fact she showed him multiple times; in multiple places and ways.

Now as they stood in front of Lincoln Park Elementary Kim wanted to scoop Milo up and run for the hills.

He had been excited for school the last couple of days, only for that excitement to vanish and leave a terrified little boy in its wake.

"That's a serious playground, Milo." Adam crouched down beside his son, pointing to the large play structure and large field, a row of swings a few yards away from the play structure. "So cool."

Milo wasn't having it, he grabbed Kim's right hand with both of his burying his face in her hip, "No!" He cried.

Adam tugged on the massive blue backpack he was wearing, "Come on, kid. It'll be fun."

"I'm sick." Milo mumbled.

Kim ran her finger through his hair, "Honey, it's okay. Let's go inside." She was grateful Bob had volunteered to watch Emme for them, she wasn't sure how Milo would do with being dropped off and wrangling Emme would only add to an already trying situation.

"I don't want to!" He stood motionless, refusing to budge.

Kim tugged lightly on his hand, "Let's go baby. Come on." She moved towards the door and Milo only dug his heels in deeper, he wasn't going in.

Adam stood with his hands on his hips, "Milo let's go. You're going to school, so get moving" he pointed towards the door.

Milo folded his arms across his chest, his brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed, "No. I'm not."

"Yes you are, son." Adam nudged his shoulder, desperate to maintain his composure with his son, "We can do this two ways. You can walk in, or I can carry you...but Milo, you're going in, son."

Kim glared at Adam, "Just give him a minute Adam." She kneeled in front of her son, "I know you're scared, but it will be okay. I promise. The other kids are scared too, but you'll be fine. Let's just go on inside okay?"

Milo looked between his parents, "You'll come too? You'll stay?"

"We will come in and we can stay for a few minutes." Kim was encouraged when he slipped his hand in hers and followed her as she walked towards the door. She was a bit miffed with Adam and his gruffness with their son.

The room was bright, the walls decorated with motivational posters and various animals. It was inviting and Kim found Milo's name written on a table, "Look Buddy, here's your seat." She pointed to his name, she pulled the chair out, "Sit down."

Milo dropped his backpack at his feet and sat down, his fingers tracing the letters in his name, a little girl to the right of his seat and another boy to the left, "Daddy?"

"Yea, buds?" Adam rubbed the back of Milo's head.

"I don't want to stay here.." Milo's eyes filled with tears, "I'm scared."

Adam bit the inside of his cheek, "Man..it's okay, it's just a short day today. Remember?"

Kim knew the tears were coming and she hated it, "Milo don't cry.." everything in her was screaming at her to not pick him up but she couldn't help it. He wrapped his arms around her neck and his legs around her waist and sobbed.

Adam rubbed his back, "Milo, it's gonna be okay. You need to let go of mommy. You've got to stay."

The teacher walked over, "Milo, honey. It's time for mommy and daddy to go. We need to start our day."

Milo buried his face in the crook of Kim's neck, "No!"

Adam pried Milo's arms apart and pulled him from Kim, handing him to the teacher, "I love you buddy, you're going to be fine."

Kim stood on her toes and placed a quick kiss on Milo's cheek, "I love you baby."

She knew she had to leave, that Milo would be okay. He was safe and he would have fun, the quicker she and Adam left the quicker Milo would get over it.

Didn't mean it made it any easier.

Her heart broke, hearing Milo's cries as they walked the length of the long kindergarten hallway.

As soon as they arrived at the truck Kim lost it, Adam held on to her as she cried her eyes out.

They had stopped for breakfast and while Adam had inhaled his food, Kim had barely touched hers. Milo's cries still bouncing around in her head, she felt physically ill. Adam had tried to comfort her, but she wouldn't be okay until they picked Milo up.

Four hours had never taken so long, and Kim was anxious to pick Milo up. They were the first to arrive and waited as patiently as she could they waited for the doors to open.

Though they weren't the only anxious parents waiting to be allowed inside the building. The crowd was fairly significant, and Kim and Adam talked with the mother of the little girl who was seated beside Milo.

"Your little boy your only child?" She asked, "Sadie is my youngest. I've got four. It gets easier."

Kim smiled nervously, "He's our oldest. I hope so. It was really hard leaving him." Kim bounced on her toes, "it took all I had to walk out without him."

Sadie's mother rubbed Kim's arm, "Trust me you'll have no problem leaving him in a few weeks. He's absolutely adorable by the way. Just the cutest little thing."

Kim grinned, "I think so too, thanks."

As the doors finally opened they moved inside, and Kim was leading the charge.

As they approached the class room, the assistant teacher stopped them, "Look!" She pointed to the block center where Milo and two other boys sat building various structures, "He's had a great day. He didn't cry for long."

Kim watched through watery eyes as Milo and the other boys giggled happily as they knocked the buildings over, "He did okay?"

The assistant nodded her head, "Okay? He did great. He actually consoled the little guy he's playing with, the one with the red hair. That's Ian. He was distraught and Milo comforted him. It was precious, they've been playing together ever since."

Milo's eyes locked on Kim, he dropped the blocks in his hands and raced towards her, "Mommy!" He jumped into her arms, nearly knocking her over, "I had fun!"

Kim kissed his head, "that's great news buddy. I knew you would." She returned him to his feet, "Go help clean up, then we can go pick Emme up."

"I gotta leave?"

Adam reached over and ruffled his hair, "We do, but you'll be back Monday. You'll have to stay all day then."

"Cool!" Milo pumped his fist in excitement.

Adam finished up the bedtime routine and grabbed two beers from the fridge and joined Kim on the back deck, the night still clinging to the heat of the day. Nights spent sitting on the back deck were numbered, and they planned on taking full advantage of the few nights that remained.

"For you.." Adam held the beer out to Kim, "They're sleeping. Milo went on and on about school." Adam sat in the lounger beside Kim, her head down as she picked at the corner of label on the bottle. He reached across and grabbed her wrist, "You okay?"

Kim shook her head from side to side, "No." she responded meekly.

Adam sat up in his chair, he tugged on her wrist "Come sit with me darlin', talk to me" he moved his legs so she could lay between them. She laid on her side with her head on his chest. Once she was settled he entwined his legs with hers, "What is it?"

Kim rested her hand over his heart, the steady pounding helped to soothe her a bit, "Today hit me hard."

Adam ran his hand through her hair, "Me too..but you heard Milo he loved it. Kinda makes me question if he's really my kid." He teased, a bit shocked when Kim didn't react to it, he scooted further up in the chair, "Kim?"

She repositioned herself so she could look him in the eye, "Lucy will never get to go to school" she looped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life.

They sat quietly for what felt like ages, neither one feeling the need to talk. They just needed each other, Adam finally spoke.

"Lucy lives on in Milo and Emme. She lives on in all of us." Adam kissed the top of her head, "Not day goes by were I don't think of our little girl, she's here." He brought their joined hands to rest above his heart, "she's in here. Always."

Kim wiped her eyes, "I miss her."

"I know."

"Then that lady from Milo's class asked about our kids and I didn't know what to say. I didn't not want to pretend Lucy never existed but I didn't want to talk about her either. I didn't want to talk about our baby.." she sobbed.

"It's alright Kim, I know." He held her, "Please don't cry.."

The weekend went way too fast for Kim's liking, and she wasn't sure she could handle drop off alone. Adam had been called into work just after midnight, Milo was going to be crushed that Adam wasn't home.

Not the way she had wanted her Monday to start.

She had already decided on a little bit of bribery to get Milo excited for school, he had been so excited when they picked him up on Friday; she was cautiously optimistic and a stop at the donut shop could only help.

"School today?" Milo asked as soon as his eyes opened.

"Yes, are you excited?"

His excitement was obvious when he jumped out of bed and stripped his pajamas off and grabbed his school uniform from the dresser, "Can we go now?"

Kim felt the weight of the world fall off her shoulders, maybe it wouldn't be such a rough go of it after all.

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this. It feels a bit disjointed and a bit all over the place. I've gone back and forth on wether or not I would post it, obviously at this moment I'm posting it..though that could change.

Please leave an honest review if you feel so inclined, this one has me doubting myself.