The next morning after breakfast, it was relatively easy for the girls to convince their husbands to let them go for a walk alone around the neighborhood for a while before they headed out for the day. As, you can imagine Jaenelle had not forgotten about the missed flying trip, so the afternoon was reserved for adventure above the mountains again. Daemon was less than thrilled, considering that he would be the only one flying with someone who didn't actually have wings!
As soon as the men kissed their Ladies goodbye and the door to Elizabeth's house closed, Azazeal and Lucifer started fighting.
Do you know what they're fighting about? Lucivar asked Daemon on a spear thread.
No idea, Daemon replied.
Are you sure they're not brothers?
I'm fairly certain, but they do fight like brothers, don't they?
"You give too much," Azazeal yelled.
"And you give to little," Lucifer replied.
"You let her touch you. You…" Azazeal didn't finish his thought, but he was clearly distressed by the idea.
"You knew that. Soul against soul," he smiled as if remembering the feel of it, "Doesn't it seem a bit ridiculous to maintain the barrier between flesh and spirit with your wife?"
"No!"
"What's wrong with you?"
"I'm a realist. You, apparently, are an idealist and as naive as a child on top of it. How can you…?" Azazeal stopped, frustrated.
"It's not always like that, you know," Lucifer said with a warm smile, "I'm not always capable and other times we're just a man and a woman."
"That's not the point!" Azazeal raged.
"Then what is the point," Lucifer snarled back, no longer calm.
"She's going to hurt you. It's inevitable. She's human, she's fallible, she's temporary…and she's going to do something or say something unkind or cruel or unsettling, intentionally or unintentionally, and you'll get hurt and you won't understand."
"It is no business of yours!"
"Look how easily you were reduced to groveling at her feet when Lucivar..."
"That was my fault. I shouldn't have listened to him. She has promised me that I am hers and I trust her."
"But don't you see, she can promise, and mean it, and then do the very opposite and mean it too or go against her own beliefs in frustration and stress and regret it later. SHE'S HUMAN!"
"I know!"
"And I'll have to pick up the pieces!"
"Ah, there it is then, you don't want to be inconvenienced, is that it! Well, don't you worry your pretty little head. You're just angry because I took you someplace you didn't want to go and you're frightened!"
"It's evitable, Lucifer," Azazeal said, ignoring Lucifer's accusation, "She will hurt you or confuse you and she may not mean it but you're too…too invested in her to be able to do anything but take her a face value. Will you believe her when she says it was a mistake?"
"There will be no mistakes!" Lucifer yelled.
"Tell him," Azazeal looked at Daemon and Lucivar finally and received blank stares, "Tell him that they have hurt you too."
Daemon and Lucivar looked at each other and then back at Azazeal with the same blank looks on their faces.
"Men!" he muttered, "You'd think at least amongst your own you could be honest." Azazeal was, unfortunately for him in this moment, only too keenly aware of both the male and female way of thinking. He was not limited by the male construct of thought and feeling, and so was frustrated when confronted by males who were reluctant or unfamiliar with discussing their emotions openly when the need arose.
For a moment, Azazeal looked ready to bash their heads in and the Lucivar offered up the story of his courtship with Marian and how she had rejected his initial proposal of marriage. When he finished the memory of that rejection filled him with the need to have Marian in his arms.
Then Daemon told the story of how Jaenelle had sent him to distract Dorothea and Hekatah, while she readied herself for the Purge. She had promised to marry him when he returned, knowing that the Purge would probably kill her. When he returned, he was told that she was dead and he had barely been able to stand the pain of it. This was the only time Daemon had told this story and in telling it he realized that he had never fully dealt with his anger over this deception.
"You see, we have all been hurt and we will be hurt again. That's the reality of love." Azazeal said 'we' but had not shared a story of his own.
The girls came back and the looks on the boy's faces let them know that something was not right. Daemon and Lucivar looked glum and Lucifer's face was a mask of defiance.
Azazeal looked smug.
Cassie, knowing Azazeal too well, immediately asked, "What did say to them?"
He only smiled arrogantly and said, "The truth!"
Then the ladies approached to take their men off to find out what had happened because Azazeal obviously was not going to be helpful.
"He's right, my love," Elizabeth said, after Lucifer explained, "I could say or do something in anger or frustration that might hurt you."
"It is simple," Lucifer replied with a smile, "I will make mistakes and if you are angry with me I will seek to dispel your anger, real or fleeting. If it is only exasperation you will forgive me quickly and I will not dwell on it in distress because I will feel your love for me. And if I do loose your favor, I will still be yours whether you use me or not. There is no one else and I will serve no other."
"Lucifer!" Elizabeth started, but he stopped her before she could go on.
"I made a choice long ago that somehow made me unfit for heaven and for thousands of years, I refused to take responsibility for that choice. I have come to believe, and Azazeal too, that we were sent to the abyss to work our way back to heaven, just like you, and like you we all have fears that we have to contend with. Somewhere along the way, Azazeal has forgotten that when you give yourself, you receive just as much in return. I know you and I will know if I have truly lost you. I have begged for forgiveness enough times to know that will not misunderstand you. And luckily for me you are not capable of turning away from me as thoroughly as God has done and so I know that you will let me remain with you, even if all you will allow me to be is an overqualified guardian angel."
"You will never lose me," Elizabeth said adamantly.
"I know," he smiled with amusement because he did know.
It concerned her but Elizabeth understood why he had still completely ignored Azazeal's assertion. It didn't matter to Lucifer why Elizabeth might be angry. He wouldn't exactly assume it was his fault but you couldn't keep an angel from assuming that it was their duty to act.
"What is your problem today?" Cassie started off by saying.
"I don't have a problem, it's Lucifer that's going to have a problem."
"What did you say to him?"
"The truth!"
"Yes, you've tried that already, you're going to have to be more specific."
Azazeal paused and looked away from Cassie.
He said finally, "Last night, he and I, we fell into the same…You felt him didn't you?"
Cassie's did not answer right away, "Yes, and you and Elizabeth a bit too."
Azazeal looked at her again, "Are you disappointed that I don't…that I'm not usually like I was last night?"
"No, of course not!" She paused again and then added quietly, "I didn't know there was…more."
"Cassie," he said and reached out a hand to trace a finger along her neck and down the front of her exposed chest until finally lifting it just before touching the first button of her blouse, "There are layers, upon layers, upon layers and so many different ways of expressing ourselves, so many things to show you. But I cannot give what he does."
"I don't expect you to, you're different…"
"She will hurt him because she is human and he is too bound to her, too lost in this experience," he said interrupting her, "He said that I was frightened today but he was wrong. I could give you more, give everything, but it's not realistic to do so." He finished matter-of-factly, as if no input from her was required.
Cassie stared at him, not angry, but not sure what she felt if not anger. She understood, she wouldn't ask more from him that he was willing to give, but did he have to be such a jerk about it? But she knew that in being with Azazeal part of the deal was that he was annoyingly like a real man with real issues.
What is Azazeal afraid of? Remember....
"Easier than air with air, if Spirits embrace,
Total they mix, union of pure with pure
Desiring, nor restrained conveyance need
As flesh to mix with flesh, or soul with soul."
From "Paradise Lost" by John Milton